Transcriber: Danielle Schwartz
Reviewer: Walaa Mohammed Ladies and gentlemen, Karan Guggenheim. Hi, everybody. How are you? I'd like
to share the story of a bridge. The one that saved my life. But first,
I'd like to share something with you. Did you know that 50% of people in the United States will face at least one
significant negative event in their lifetime? And that was before Covid. I joined that group in March 2013,
and as a result, I decided to dedicate my life to promoting
the science behind happiness and well-being to as many
people as possible. You know, pain can be a
catalyst for change. And through our choices, that change can
be positive. I experienced that. You see, ten years ago, my life shattered. My strong, healthy husband, the love
of my life. My best friend. Caught a cold on a business trip
and he developed pneumonia. He was hospitalized, misdiagnosed. And in
a little bit over a week, he was gone. In that one moment, my world collapsed. I remember being in the ICU room, losing him and feeling like I
was falling into this void. The road that I had been on in my
life hit a sudden dead end. And a gaping hole appeared in my path.
Couldn't see the other side. I didn't know where to go, what to do.
Or really who I was anymore. Something that no one tells you is
that when you lose a loved one, your identity in reference
to that person also dies. So in that instance, I went from a
wife to a widow. No preparation. When you experienced trauma or prolonged
high levels of stress. The structure by which you define
your life can break down. And you might even question what
brings your life meaning. According to Dr. Michael Stigers work
out of Colorado State University, meaning has three elements, and
coherence is one of them. It's the feeling that life makes sense,
that the bits all fit together, and when one critical part disappears. That can be very disorienting
and frightening. That's how I felt when my husband died. And at first I didn't really want to live. I didn't want to feel the emotions
that that loss would bring. I didn't want to step into that moment. So I thought it might be
easier just to let go. And then I heard a soft
whisper in my head. Invariably my mother's voice questioning
me. What about the children? Boy. Okay. So I knew I couldn't fix this. I couldn't kiss it and make
it go away like I could so many other times in their lives. But
I could make it worse for sure. If I wasn't there. That would
be crushing to them and I would not add to their pain. So I made
a choice to live. And I did know how. I didn't know how to eat that elephant. I didn't know how to start feeling
out of control, falling. I reached out to get some footing and I
found what mattered to me, my sons. The second element of meaning
is significance. I connected with how much I valued
my children and the value that I could bring to them during
this very difficult time. Significance is about what
makes life worth living. It's a feeling that others mattered
to you and you mattered to them. Even though I was heartbroken and afraid.
I knew I had to change my thinking. So I decided to build a bridge,
a new framework for my life, to get me to the other side of pain, to a
place of growth and new opportunities. Now, the first step in building
this bridge was realizing that I could not control what had happened. But
I did have a choice in my reaction. That's the gate I had to walk through. I could cry for the rest of my life and
that would not bring Ricardo back. I had to accept that the next step
was choosing a destination. I chose happiness almost by necessity. I had to find a way to be happy again,
to be of service to my children, to serve as a role model. And surviving
wouldn't be enough. So I had to shoot for the stars. An important pillar on my
bridge was my purpose. That's the third element of meaning. Purpose is the most visible part is
the motivation behind meaning. It's what gets you to act. And you're
not going anywhere unless you move the rest of the stones paving
the way on the bridge. And the stones are what you choose
to get you across and over the turbulent waters of the challenge. Now, the first in my original
purpose that was motherhood. That was the first pillar I clung to. And my aspirational purpose, well,
that was happiness. Now, the definition of happiness
is a lot richer than we think. It's not toxic positivity, and it's not
pretending to be happy when you're not. That's not healthy and it
will not make you happy. I've learned that happiness is actually
a multidimensional concept and involves more than pleasure. It's built on a foundation of
meaning and relationships and has important elements like
achievement and engagement, mindfulness, physical and mental health and more. And in order to become happier, we need to invest time in developing those
and efforts in developing those. Research by Dr. Sonja Lieberman shows
that genetics has a big impact on our happiness level, and life
circumstances also play a role. But there's a lot that has to
do with personal choice. There's a lot that we can do something
about. I live and work in this third. Slowly through the choices I
made and actions I took. I began to be happy again, and I thought
that I was unique than we think. So sometimes, right? We're unique. It turns out, though, that
growing from challenges and even trauma is fairly common.
Let me be clear. You don't bypass the pain, you transform
through the struggle. And after a while, I realized that I had experienced positive
psychological changes. I took on new opportunities like getting an MBA at Georgetown University
and becoming a founder of the World Happiness Summit. I engaged in deeper relationships
and I connected with a greater sense of spirituality in my life
. My life began getting more enriched in. The most amazing thing is that I
found out that I was stronger than I thought I was. And I also began
to appreciate life more fully. These are the dimensions of
post-traumatic growth. I not only survived, I thrived. Now. I will always miss my husband
and sometimes it will hurt and sometimes it hurts a lot. But I had to let go of the deep
pain because in order for happiness to grow in our lives,
we need to make space for it. And holding on to bitterness,
it cannot flourish. I also had to forgive
the doctors who made the mistakes that ultimately
cost his death. And I say I had to because there are
certain conditions and these are the stones along the bridge. They create a higher probability for
happiness to take root and forgive. And forgiveness is one of them. These
stones must sit on a strong foundation. Relationships are a key part of that.
In focusing on my children. I was inadvertently taking a
big step towards happiness because it turns out that the state
of our social connections has the biggest impact on how happy we are.
It's intuitive that this is so. And also science backs the claim. In fact, professors at Harvard
University conducting the longest longitudinal study
on what makes people happy. 85 years and going found that the greatest driver of happiness
are positive relationships. And it is because of the significance of
those social connections that groups, communities and even societies can
experience. Growth post-trauma. I shared earlier that I dedicate my life
to promoting well-being around the world, and I just got back from Italy, where we were discussing the findings of
the latest World Happiness report. And there was one outcome that struck me. Altruism went up significantly
in Ukraine in 2022. How is it that benevolence could
increase in a country facing the harsh realities of war? Well, I think that points to collective
post-traumatic growth. And why does it happen? It's about people
uniting around a common cause. It's about finding meaning in
doing things for others. I connect deeply with kindness. It's
a special stone on my bridge. And gratitude is one made out of gold. I
find that I'm happier when I'm kind. And unhappiness and gratitude tend
to cancel each other out. So it's a go to for me when I'm down. Now, it doesn't mean that I don't have
challenging thoughts or emotions. I've just trained myself to let them go
and instead invest in the thoughts and behaviors that will nourish the ways
of being that I want to become. I understand that the principles
behind happiness are simple. Yet the implementation and process can
be difficult and time consuming, but it is so worthwhile. Whichever
way you build your bridge, I want to leave you with a vision that
might spark a choice in you. The bridge to happiness is meaning
cemented by positive relationships with pillars of significance,
coherence and purpose. You open the gate by making a choice, and the rest are the stones that
supports you on your way. You can choose who you become. Before I went through this trauma, I used to experience life as black or
white. Now I see it in Technicolor. And I've realized that happiness is a prism through which you choose
to experience life. And the bridge to happiness lies in
the journey, not the destination. Thank you.
