The BIGGEST "DUCK You" Moments In History - (r/AskReddit)

our slash ass credit historians have read it what is the biggest ducky moment in history a pirate known as Jean Lafitte had a bounty of $500 put on him by governor so he put a $5,000 bounty on the governor no you I'm a French Quarter tour guide I tell this story every day Napoleon invited his brother-in-law to speak with him before his coronation as Emperor to remind the brother-in-law that he objected to napoleon marrying josephine because napoleon would amount to nothing now this is the kind of petty duc you i can get behind so when france exiled napoleon bonaparte the first time they didn't think to change out military personnel so he basically rolls up to the first french outpost he gets to says sup and begins reassembling an army by the time he gets to paris he's got enough forces that france is like well welcome back he supposedly said to the first soldiers he encountered any of you who dare oppose the emperor fire the soldiers cheered and joined him this reminds me of the execution of michael knee soldiers when I give the command to fire fire straight at my heart wait for the order it will be my last to you I protest against my condemnation I have for 200 battles for France and not one against her soldiers fire the soldiers fired and killed him that's metal as dark you can't fire me I quit in AD 37 the new Roman Emperor Gaius better known by the nickname Caligula built a bridge across the sea it stretched three miles across the deep blue waters of the Bay of Naples at ancient Rome's most fashionable seaside resort of bay but Caligula's was no ordinary bridge it was a temporary floating structure built on wooden Kahn tunes a costly and impressive featuring Gulf engineering it served a single purpose before being dismantled on a day of boiling heat watched by crowds of spectators Caligula rode across the bridge his Armour glinted in the sunlight for the 24-year old Emperor had dressed himself in the golden breastplate of the legendary Greek here Alexander the Great on the following day Caligula made the journey in Reverse this time riding in a chariot followed by soldiers of his personal guard it was a pointless piece off showmanship lost on the majority of the crowd several of whom felt drunkenly to their deaths in the sea after two days partying one historian claimed Caligula pulled the stunt to disprove a prophecy that he had no more chance of becoming Emperor than of riding a horse across the Bale Bay threatening to make his horse a consul was also in the same vein it wasn't a serious consideration born out of madness but rather an insult to the Senate neither my horse can do a better job than any of you or I can make my horse consul and you can't do anything about it in the 1970s the small town of Vulcan West Virginia asked for state funding to replace a bridge into town the state legislature refused to grant Vulcan the funding they needed instead the town appealed to the Soviet Union for aid after hearing about the request the state legislature immediately granted over $1 million for the town to build a new bridge if a small town in WV asking for Soviet funding in the middle of the Cold War isn't a big middle finger to the state government then I don't know what is the funny part is that two Soviet representatives of the US Embassy actually came over to look at the broken bridge and seriously considered funding the rebuilding to piss off the Americans imagine the propaganda the Soviets could have pushed from that honestly smart move by the town win for them no matter who funds it I would say the moment that Rollo swore allegiance to the French King the Bishop's presence suggested that Rollo kissed the Kings foot as a sign of submission it was probably an idea intended to humiliate Rollo and was not taken very well after some discussion it was agreed that one of rolos men would do it however the person shows him lifted the Kings foot and without bending down brought it up to his mouth not surprisingly the King fell over and a general laughter in the court following this amusing scene the king and his men swore to honor the concession to ruler Durham world Heritage's at link that's great just ducking flip the King over instead that whole image just made me laugh that's ballsy this requires some background the Spartans were famously blunt they were trained to get to the point when speaking instead of using artsy and beautiful language that would have been common at the time by being bitten on the thumb if they became long-winded now to the meet philip ii of macedon alexander the great's father sent the spartans a letter saying would you like me to enter your land as Friend or Foe the Spartans responded with one word neither Philip was irate he then sent another long-winded message if once I enter into your territories I will destroy you all never to rise again the Spartans then sent back one word if it was like putting your head in a lion's mouth and I loved it that's where the meaning of lo conic comes from British prisoner of war in Nazi Germany stitches a quilt the Nazis put it out for show hidden in Morse code stitched in whether words duck Hitler and god save the queen' telegraph co uk link edit god save the king I think I just had the Queen song stuck in my head on the crowning of King Henry the seventh he back dated his own reign - before the date of the Battle of Bosworth meaning anyone who was loyal to him now but had shown any sign of opposition at Bosworth was now a traitor and an enemy to the realm justice served this is already one of my favorite threads in reading history Calvary no Chilean warrior who had both his hands cut off by the conquest adores for raising arms against the Spanish instead of letting himself serve as a message of helplessness in the face of the invaders the crazy bastard strapped swords to his stumps and went on the warpath may I add that when he got defeated again the Spanish were impressed and offered him to surrender but he spit in the commander's face so they literally fed him to their dogs forgive me if I'm wrong edit damn guys thanks so much literally made my karma score nine times as big according to that link that is one theory but there are other theories as to how he died all we know for sure that once he got defeated the second time he died this is more petty but when Taft bragged to his friends via telegram about scaling a mountain on horseback that it was a few thousand feet clear weather all in all not too difficult his friend replied how his horse Taft was a chunky boy it makes me so very happy to know that ball busting between friends is an age-old tradition even better that it involved a president when Germanic tribes invaded Britain after the Romans left they named the native Celts way Liske meaning foreigner even though they themselves were the foreigners that later became the word Welsh which the English promptly adopted four phrases like Welch on a bet TL DR all of history has been one giant etymological middle finger to the Welsh yeah but the Welsh language is itself a middle finger to English speakers more like the English orthography used for Welsh as a middle finger to the Welsh people the Irish language as written has similar issues as well a bunch of phonemes and sounds that don't exist in English are instead written using weird letter combos and really subtle grammar tricks I sometimes think it was a deliberate tactic to make sure nobody could bloody we'd either Welsh or Irish the reply of the zaporozhian cossacks is the best response to a demand for surrender ever in response to requests by the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire to desist attacks and submit zaporozhian cossacks to the turkish sultan o sultan turkish devil and damned devils kith and kin secretary to Lucifer himself what the devil kind of Knight are thou that can't not slay a hedgehog with your naked ass the devil shits and your army eats thou shalt not thou son of the horse make subjects of Christian sons we have no fear of your army by land and by sea we will battle with thee duck thy mother Val Babylonians Kolya Macedonian wheelwright bringer of Jerusalem good decarava legs Andrea swineherd of greater and lesser Egypt Pig of Armenia per day in Thief catamite of tartar e hangman of Kemal mats and falafel the world and world an idiot before God grandson of the serpent and the creek and our dong pig snout mares ass slaughterhouse Curran christened brow screw thine own mother so there's a peruvians declare you lowlife you won't even be hurting pigs for the Christians now we will conclude for we don't know the date and Deltona calendar the moons in the sky the year with the Lord the days the same over here as it is over there for this kiss our ass Keshava yattaman ivan Sirko with the whole zaporozhian host edit seven years and my first gold need there's a painting of this moment with all the Cossacks laughing as they compose the letter I'll never get tired of that painting you can hear them just looking at it also Ilya wrappings an amazing painter in general and the rest of his stuffs always worth a look not the biggest probably but the first that came to mind brigadier general Anthony McAuliffe's response to the Nazi demand that Bastogne surrender nuts nuts the generals word echo clear nuts the Nazis shall hear at this point I should probably just expect this in an effing history-related should my ii defenestration of Prague the Holy Roman Emperor and King of Bohemia sends representatives to the protestant city of prague telling them to convert to Catholicism the representatives get thrown out a window and allegedly landed in a pile of manure this was the first instance of a bounced check no edit thanks reddit or rather deep ug varm the construction and use of the wall was supposedly the largest trebuchet ever built when it was disassembled this would fill up 30 wagons so anyways King Edward the first built this to siege a Scottish castle but before it was even built the Scottish people tried to surrender to which Edward responded with a prompt no in actuality he responded with you do not deserve any grace but must surrender to my will in other words I built this trebuchet over 40 days and I am most definitely going to use it and proceeded to use the trebuchet anyways 30 wagons to transport it in 40 days to assemble it and they expected him to just pack it up when they surrendered aaww hell no Big Ed gonna chuck some rocks I went to all the trouble to build this dang trebuchet and now you bet your ass him are tested and n Wikipedia old link oleg of kiev when her husband died the country that killed him assumed they'd just take over and force her into marriage she straight up killed the dignitaries that was sent to tell how she had to marry multiple times in the most intense way possible she then travelled to where her husband had been killed and basically burned the place to the ground again in the most hardcore amazing way they made her a freakin son worth the read on Wikipedia stop sending people to kill me we've already captured five of them one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle if you don't stop sending colors I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I certainly won't have to send another teto to Joseph Stalin if someone made a black comedy TV series about the Eastern Bloc this would be one of the highlights have you seen the death of Stalin so ducting good I watched it two nights in a row farik Co Lamborghini was a rich man owning his company that built tractors he talked to Ferrari about the imperfections of his car and how to improve them and they basically laughed at a young tractor mechanic trying to tell them about sport cars so he decided to start making luxury sport cars to compete with Ferrari and thus the rivalry was born so I'd say the middle finger of this guide Ferrari was pretty noticeable every time I read this story I wish Lamborghini had its own f1 team to beat Ferrari since that was Enzo's true pride and joy Lamborghini didn't want to race though that's his original complaints to Ferrari in the first place the car was just too hard for road use and it's clutch looked like a race car so he started a pretty successful sports car brand for the road not for the track French surrender in World War two Hitler dictates that the French capitulation take place at competing a forest north of Paris this is the same spot where 22 years earlier the Germans had signed the Armistice ending World War I Hitler intends to disgrace the French and avenge the German defeat to further deepen the humiliation he orders that the signing ceremony take place in the same railroad car that hosted the earlier surrender the armistice is signed on the 22nd of June under its terms two thirds of France is to be occupied by the Germans the French army is to be disbanded in addition France must bear the cost of the German invasion I was hoping someone would post this Hitler later destroyed the railroad carriage when things started going south for the axis because how hilariously shitty would it have been to make them sign the next treaty in the same ducting railroad car they'd probably keep it going and over here you can see the looser box this railroad car is kept in storage until a nation gets stomped in warfare at which point it is prepared for the signing of treaties a century's long tradition there you lose caboose the miscarriage Julius Caesar's death at least he died surrounded by friends the first recorded incident of a group project where most of the group doesn't do the ducking work I love it because there are several levels there were about 40 conspirators Caesar received 23 stab wounds so right off the bat and not even accounting for people managing to stab him multiple times about half the folks involved did jack-shit but then later his body was examined and the doctor concluded that only one of those was properly fatal on its own even of the people that actually did any work at all just one got it right and didn't half-ass things that's a group project not the biggest but definitely one to note in 1966 Charles the NGO Lord at all US troops out of France as he said the country was leaving NATO LBJ's first words were to his Secretary of State Dean Rusk ask him about the cemeteries Dean when dean rusk mentioned whether or not the six mm plus US soldiers buried in France were to be removed de Gaulle simply stood up and left the room embarrassed the Battle of Alesia Julius Caesar's attacking some goals in modern-day France and they go hide in a castle on top of a hill Caesar's army isn't big enough to take them all at once and the goals have reinforcements coming so a siege is impossible so Caesar just builds a bigger castle around the one he's attacking he literally just built two walls back-to-back on a ring around the castle the first goal army was already too small to defeat Caesar and his fortifications only gave him a greater advantage the reinforcements were also unable to defeat Caesar's army now that he was behind several layers of spike pits and both earthen and wooden walls plus the goals inside had no way to communicate with the reinforcements outside so they couldn't co-ordinate attacks both Gallic armies were defeated as they attacked Caesars newly built fortifications and Caesar emerged victorious it's probably my favorite battle of all time operation paul bunyan here's the TLDR if you don't want to read the Wikipedia article it's 1976 some Americans at the Korean DMZ are cutting down a tree that obscures their vision to the North Korean side a couple of North Koreans come out and kill a few Americans with their own axe the Americans and South Koreans come back with such a massive show of force it's not even funny bombers jet planes 27 helicopters a full aircraft carrier move off the coast thousands of troops troop carriers commandos all just to send in a squad of Army engineers with chain saws to cut down that goddamn tree I would highly recommend giving the forces used part of the Wikipedia article a read it's riveting and hilarious edit thanks for the Silva fellow appreciator of american awesomeness who knew my top comment would be about the most expensive tree cutting of all time Genghis Khan Tushar Allah read in after the queer as maids plundered one of Genghis Khan's caravans killed his people and took his [ __ ] he thought to take the diplomatic approach and sent to amboy's and an interpreter Shara Lara didn't decided to be a dumb bus about it he shaved the heads of the M voice to shame them and sent them back with the head of the interpreter mr. Khan was kinda pissed so he marched 200,000 of his boys and ducting annihilated their town with only one stroke four of that number are even able to fight back he was so pissed at the Shah that he had the rivers keeping the surrounding villages a life fully diverted so that he would literally wipe a lurid dins birthplace off the map and make it so that it was likely never existed no one would settle there or live there ever again no one would be there to remember his enemy who had disrespected him not even the dogs or cats would be spared said jenga's calm you can still go see the ruins of the once great cities of the Klara's mid Empire they are huge and the wind glass sand through the bleached bones of a civilization the gang has can't reduced to a wasteland for having disrespected in one time twice once for robbing his Caravan and once for the diplomats they didn't play baseball back then so the three-strike rule didn't apply throw you made it to the end you're ducking beasts thanks for watching mate make sure to smash that like button and subscribe for more high quality content

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Keywords: reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, reddit ama, ask me anything, reddit ask me anything, r/IAmA, reddit murder, f*ck, history, nazi, history moments

Id: lU0uC5PU86M

Length: 18min 49sec (1129 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 05 2019