The Best Gift We Can Give - Ajahn Brahm - 20200302

the next part of the agenda is a gamma talk on the best gift we can give so you're comfortable good if you want to fidget during the talk you are most welcome to you don't need to sit like this is not the the Singapore reserve army do you have to sit still in the army anyway one wonderful thing about this evening as I'm talking to people who actually do something about people who do something is that too loud for you okay bigger that people who volunteer their time for the Buddhist fellowship volunteers and that's as incredibly fortunate thing which you can do because sometimes whenever you give anything sometimes we think that we're just abandoning stuff giving things renouncing stuff but you fired you get so much back in return the first time when I started giving some social service and volunteer service was when I was a student at University and I had a couple of friends actually one very close friend we spent hours talking about the differences between Buddhism and Christianity and then he happened to mention that he was volunteering to help out the occupational therapy unit at the local hospital for those who had mental illness and he said as a sort of thing which a Christian should do and I felt very embarrassed the Buddhist weren't doing that this was in 1969 or 1970 so I thought I better go as well so I volunteered as well and I never volunteered just to be a goody-goody and to do some good work I already volunteered because I was embarrassed but other Buddhists are as good as anybody else if you do volunteer work I'm gonna do followed to your work so one afternoon every week when I was at Cambridge University I would go to a full board Hospital which is a short bus ride away from the city and spend the afternoon helping with people with Down syndrome just doing simple tasks and the weird thing was I enjoyed it so much the long time after the Christians friends stopped going I continued to come and I sometimes reflect why did I enjoy going to spend the afternoon with my friends who had Down syndrome and it was because that I enjoyed their company and learned what now we call emotional intelligence they did not have intellectual intelligence like all the people I used to hang out with in Cambridge but they had something else which was so important to me and the key example was that one day when I got off the bus and went walking through the grounds two wards the unit one of the down syndromes people they came up to me they actually ran to me and they he put his hands right around me and gave me one of the biggest hugs in my life I said why and he looked me straight in the eye says what's wrong with you and that shocked me I don't know how he'd figured this out but he knew that the I wasn't boredom I the evening for I've broken up with my girlfriend he picked it up straight away and other people didn't but he did and I thought these Down syndrome geniuses well you see I learned so much from those encounters I thought I was giving yeah I was taking I was getting so much and this is one thing which you learn every time you volunteer and give her something extra you get so much back I'm not talking about money obviously I'm talking about something much more powerful than that even when I first became a monk over the northeast of tie-dye without a chart it was a very very tough existence living with people who just basic existence needs was all that they had and so we were living it quite tough and to make our loaves to be ordained as three ropes which among needs lower lobe upper lobe or what they call the San Gotti and each one of those loaves had to be made by the monk before ajahn Chah would ordain them there was a huge amount of work you think these are simple robes these days you get them from the shops in those days all you had was white cloth which you had to cut and sew into the monks robes and you saw them on one of those old sewing machines not the electronic ones there's no electricity in that area you just know the treadle have you seen those ones so even I had to learn how to sew my lobes or the treadle and it took a long time as a lot of coughing so once you sewed your robes in white cloth that you had to dye them and to die those wrong first of all you needed to get the dye which was wood from the jackfruit tree there's many jackfruit trees over it and that part of Thailand so when one fell over they donate a few of the branches to the monasteries now we would use a machete metal machete which you had to sharpen up yourself you had to learn how to sharpen and you cut the cut the tree or the the branches or the the trunks cut them cut them to make these little chips of jackfruit and then you had to boil the dye out of them which meant that you had to get the buckets and get water from the well I'm not sure how many of you are old enough 20 to know how your parents and grandparents got water in this part of the world but once you drag the well you used to have a bamboo pole that'll hook on the end and with the bucket you could pull the bucket down and you'd with what a little movie soon learn how to do it so actually to scoop the water out and then put it up I was a theoretical physicist at Cambridge University before I started doing this every part of the water the water had to get up the world yourself you had to boil it and the body had a big bowl had to make sure that the ball never got lusty would cover it with ash and water on the underside and then he had to get the wood to boil that water which he correctly from the forest and then he had to boil the water with the the jackfruit chips in it to get the brown dye out and then you get lots and lots of dye out fill to it put it in bowls to keep and then you had to concentrate it and once you've concentrated to die you'd put the row into a big wooden bowl and then you'd made out of wood and then you put the the robing pour the the the diodes were and beat it as hard as you can to get the and with your fists you know monks who did the dyeing could always see because as was brown like the ropes Peter Peter Peter and then put it on the line to dry you couldn't leave it alone because you had to keep moving the robe every few minutes so the dye never streaked and usually needed about five or six dying's for a row before the color was strong enough so it took a lot of physical work at many days but because you only ordaining once he didn't mind doing that little bit of extra effort pageants are made it the rule because he wanted to make sure that anyone who wanted to become a monk who really wanted to be a monk it wasn't a case of just I want to be a monk and all day the next day he had to goes well a lot of hard work so anyway there was a few monks three of them were ordaining together and they were making their lives and they've been up there junior to me they've been up without sleep for two nights already if ever you've been without sleep for such a long time you know how terrible it feels and the third night they were about to be up again because it a long way before the rows were going to be finished after the evening meeting I snuck out of the meeting at the very end and never went back to my heart I went to the dyeing shed we'd call it and I said monks friends you go and take a nap I will look after the dye pots and I felt too compassionate for their suffering they never argued they were off the pitch straight away always remembered that for some reason they never said no B card is against the rules before I could even say the next line they were off and so from about 9:30 10 o'clock I looked after the dye pot myself all night and three o'clock in the morning Gong Gong Gong Gong Gong Gong Gong Gong on the morning bell went and then they came out - from their sleep just only about four five our sleep but that was they said thank you thank you thank you just getting a little bit of sleep was meant so much to them and they carried on their they looking after the dye pots and I went to the morning meeting and weird I had no slot on top of that morning I was meditating so easily my back was straight my mind was peaceful never wandered off anywhere just watching my dress so easily and afterwards afterwards we went on our arms round had just so much wonderful energy and I just it was because it was weird I couldn't understand what was going on I hadn't slept all night I had really worked hard I got all this energy why and that's when I confessed to the senior monk in this monastery he said I'm terribly sorry but I helped those monks last nights because they were so tired and a senior monk in this monastery was very kind he said oh that's okay and I said but I can't understand why I've got so much energy I'm not tired at all this morning's meditation was one of my best why and he said because you helped somebody last night because you let go of your own personal needs and once and did something extra for somebody else that causes this beautiful energy the inspirational energy and I learned so much from that that when you give to others not because you want recognition not because you're trying to be the Valen the volunteer of the month for the Buddhist fellowship but simply because you just want to give and you love giving and this somebody really needs to be helped Wow you get this huge boost of energy and that meant so much to me that even yeah I was supposed to have been the only the abbot for the last 20 25 years over in Perth but a lot of time when I was training in Thailand the scene amount was always away somewhere and I was the basically the head monk and whatnot a chart for a long time and I didn't want that at all giving extra to the point that even if you're the boss sometimes I would get up early and do all the work for everybody else I enjoyed that and they said where is the work to be done today I said you were too late I did it first because it wasn't the fact whose turn it was it was the fact that you realizes how wonderful service it is to give to give selflessly and you get huge energies back you know sometimes people say hard as I want to get enlightened I want to be happier I want to get rid of my things like depression he one of the greatest antidotes to depression is to do service simple thing because sometimes that people with depression I just go to the doctor sometimes if deep depression is important but sometimes they go to the doctor and get some medication well how about volunteering coming and helping doing something number one being active you're doing it you're curing your depression rather than getting some chemical to do it you're doing it you're active your energizing yourself is hard work doing volunteer work when it's cleaning the floor or go and talking to somebody who really needs some counseling it's very good sort of energy for you and a lot of times one of the biggest problems with depression it's just your low energy so God surf volunteer do something but also when you're volunteering that's where you mean many other volunteers and a lot of times people who are depressed sometimes they get just too lonely they just get too self-absorbed well when you met it when you're serving here with so many other people it's actually not self-absorbed anymore it's like we absorbed a bigger picture more people which is one of the reasons why when you do some volunteer work you get boost of energy and happiness and sort of good energy good mental energy because of inspiration so the volunteers you are just it's not just for you it says for actually it's for you you get a big boost this also for others as well I create a beautiful beautiful world how many times have you noticed but if say in a Buddhist fellowship here if the summing needs to be done and you get a contractor to come in you have to pay them or you get some people who just want to volunteer which people do the best job I don't know what Singapore's right but I know in Australia if people really want to do that because they love the place I want to give back and I don't give with money looking for their energy they usually get the best returns the best job and I was just when I was just saying that I was just trying to think of an example and I was just looking at the floor in front of me and I was remembering just one example of giving which always brings me such inspiration and I think many of you can relate to this because many of you been to my retreat center called jhana Grove in Perth that jhana Grove retreat centre because I designed it and arguing so many people to build it the specific ways built now but even though I was a fellow in charge of building it and the builders had a higher builder because he can't do without that traitor nevertheless the the builder said it's going to be completed us I think January and February are you sure said yes we promise are you absolutely sure because we have to have an opening ceremony said yes are you doubting my competence so that okay so he organized the the opening ceremony for May on way second thought February March April make it was a few months that tidied up and of course it was not finished in February it was not finished in March there's still a lot of work to be done in April and even in May even in May the Friday before the big opening ceremony the floor of the meditation hall was only half finished there's a big meditation or 16 meters by 16 meters 256 square meters I know that cuz I designed it and half of the floor was was had not finished so that was such a wonderful way of finishing our retreat center because what happened you wouldn't get any builders to work through the night even of people in town they had their dinners and their sleep to worry about so who finished that hall they're monks there Sangha it was our gift to you because no we just teach so we've got our own place to meditate we've got our own hall it was the Sangha their gift to be able to make sure that you could have a comfortable place to meditate if that's what you want to do so the monks worked all died well no they weren't professional floor layers there were monks where they all got together and they were Thai thinked about 4 o'clock in the morning 5 o'clock in the morning to finish that and then it took an hour to sleep before the ceremony started and I always loved that story cuz it brings me inspiration to actually to see that fraud and see what a wonderful thing that was and I actually people thought I was mad and crazy I thanked the Builder for actually being late with the completion if you had done it on time like you said we wouldn't have that marvelous opportunity just to show how volunteer work can create so much joy and happiness so you're giving what I see are you giving when you do volunteer work please excuse me yeah given time that's a very good one yeah you're giving time you're giving yourself because a lot of times volunteers are not recognized I was looking around I would recognize many of your faces some of you I don't know at all and some of you you know you probably work so hard the invisible people who keep things going in an organization like this you see the bosses you see the leaders the emcees but all of you who make it happen sometimes you're invisible and that is always the best giving accepting nothing back in return they don't know who did is great things but you know you've contributed you've given something and what you give especially in a society like this in the Buddhist fellowship is far bigger than you can ever expect I'm in the forefront I teach I'm seen on YouTube and videoed but of course it is so true they cannot be done without others but one of those inspirational moments I want to share with you happened when I was in and last October November no I do try my best to be available to others it's my giving my charity not just to stay in a room like some prince or Sultan or something were to actually to be out there even though I'm quite well-known and in this occasion I decided that whenever we can we're going to go on the Underground trains or even the overground trains in London or in in England wherever we travel so to meet people and I do have what is it now the Octopus card no noise booster oyster cut yeah I don't know why you've got oysters card got opal card for Sydney octopuses Hong Kong isn't it sorry yeah anyway all these different names why can't they name them the same maybe see but anyway that I was transferring from the underground to the mainline to go to a talk in Oxford which I was gonna give and walking through Paddington Station this woman ran up to me she is maybe in her mid-twenties she was afro English and she came running up towards me all excited I said ah are you the YouTube mark [Laughter] and I know I give so many talks on YouTube which I put on YouTube rather I said quite likely and of course once she heard my voice she said yes you are and that's when she started saying you saved my life and you know sometimes people can say that but when they really mean is you can see its authenticity its strength and that just really moves me it goes right inside my heart and then she told me that she had gone through a very difficult divorce and it just was so depressed so confused that she was suicidal and her GP the specialists psychologists psychiatrists Adana who she saw no one helped whatever they said whatever they did he didn't really sort of get to the heart of it by then what did happen was one of her friends said why don't you look at these monks the YouTube monk so she had nothing else to do just on a computer just YouTube no what was I think just letting go talk which is one of my most famous talks a million downloads a million is a lot and anyway that it worked for her she was so impressed so she got the next talk and the next talk and then she started telling her friends about the talk he said you saved my life and many of my friends lives as well thank you so much I just give the talks but when you see tis how much those talks can help people when you see just how much those people whose names you don't know who download those talks who actually added them to take the coughs or other interruptions the people who make sure they're put online and are available and put in the titles I never do the titles and those people also they're part of YouTube monk this means that they make so much good in this world and of course all of those talks you don't pay for them they're just for free all this amazing stuff because all the volunteers who make this happen so inspiring so you do understand though this giving it's not just putting some money and um power on putting in the box that is important to pay the bills because the government doesn't understand about the ports of what the volunteers but nevertheless you have this much more wisdom to see what you can give and how you can give because that gives a huge amount of inspiration but it goes more than that because this is one of the strange another strange part which I learnt I yeah it's in the books if you read closely it's what your teacher taught if you listen to him talk about John Chow but maybe it was because of that beginning learning to look after the Down syndrome people learning to help monks who were just so tired that needed just one day's rest and see how much energy I got back from that the later on I learned how to write in Thai language speak Thai for the purpose of helping with other monks faeces just like many countries even then the monks visas entirely were very difficult to get every year you had to reapply and then it is so much documentation and many of those monks were meditating in the forest in the caves and I thought well I'd rather be meditating in a cave myself but I will do that for you give me your passport give me all your details I can write sigh you can't and so I'll put it all down on a piece of paper and I'll take it to Bangkok myself to help you and so I was the visa monk not just YouTube monk and so all these monks could actually be free they knew I was very competent they knew that as long as the forms were put in they would get their visas so they trusted me and that meant there was one thing one big thing they never needed to worry about I would do all that for them and what happened was that visas got oh okay I kept their passports until they came back we always had to come back once a year to a big ceremony and then I get them to sign the next forms for the next year's visa that's how it works and what happened was because we were monks we gossiped we taught no is that a nice monk monastery to stay and is that a nice cave is that a nice forest and we share our information how's your meditation going and I was really surprised they even now is doing more work my meditation was better than any of this and I thought this is strange it shouldn't be this way does it doesn't make any sense for a scientist physicist how come this happens and it took a long while it was true they had many more hours to meditate not so much business to do but my meditation was developing much deeper why because their meditation was dry he didn't have the the kindness the inspiration the joy of having done something for others because I've been letting go of myself we announcing my comforts my well-being so other monks could do that meditation alone because of that that's why my meditation was taking off for those of you who ever do get into the deeper meditations you all find they all depend upon letting go I was telling somebody just earlier a very nice conversation thank you for allowing me to serve you without conversation just the half an hour before the saying that the path of meditation is built on letting go the more you let go I John Cho used to teach me this of course as a young monk I was stupid enough I didn't listen it didn't make any sense to me he said you meditate not to attain things you met it say to let go of things that's crazy you know let go enough I want something back like our girlfriends that go of CareerLink of university let go of my family I was living in Thailand they were living a long distance so I let go of all my favorite foods now I had to eat a frog on rice I'll let go so much and you want me to let go of them no trying to attain something yeah one of the nice things without judge sorry you know some of the things he said you didn't agree with at all but you knew that there was something important there so you remembered it you're meditating to let go not so gain more things in our world but actually think about it how many things have you attained already in your life how many things have you got and how free are you I told people in Bali because there's a beautiful little place we were meditating have a look in the sky did you see all these birds migrating many of those birds would migrate from body over to maybe Australia or Dorota Singapore when I see those birds traveling all these great distances I've never yet seen a bird carrying a backpack or a suitcase or anything they let go so much which is why they could fly great distances with these and why when you pick me out from the airport today what package did I have it's actually in my room you see me with my packets as well this is my mug spec that's all I have and it's wonderful which is the our president is he here today see me outside okay he helped carry my luggage for me just my bag though I try my best to also test to see how much I can let go how simple I can be those of you how many people have seen where I live in Australia we where do I live is in the sort of a multi-storied mansion is it a penthouse he's a luxury flats it's a cave three meters I know this because I didn't design it but I measured it afterwards three meter diameter like a hemisphere how do anything in it so I love that because I'm a monk I don't want much stuff too so this is one of the reasons why the more you volunteer and give the more peace and happiness you have I don't know about in Singapore but there's a big craze now it's very fashionable to have tiny houses does anyone have any tiny houses in in Singapore no tiny flats but even tiny houses they're so easy to clean if you want a garden you can go and walk on the next to the ocean you want a swimming pool just go to the public one if you want how many rooms do you have how many rooms do you have to clean so anyway just learning how to be simple it's a wonderful way of giving hey will you talk about your mum living simply is giving of course it is you're giving space to others you're giving some health to the environment big building there's a lot of wood cement iron where does that all come from imagine what we could do where we have small houses how many of you maybe when you grow up you grew up in a small house maybe with many people in the same room maybe you slept in the same bed with a few of your the sisters you know that when you share a room or a sister's sharing a bed brothers sharing a bed together because that's all you have you don't get so much sleep but you certainly learn a lot of love you really do go out with people and sometimes when you have your own room you don't need to learn how to compromise and have harmony and peace you're upset with your brother your sister you could just go to your old man but we have to is no place to hide there's no place to escape you learn when you're growing up how to get on with somebody and that's one of the reasons that you know I have somebody just asked me to date is when I go to England just how many family do I have the only real family the close family I have is my brother my I became a monk my brother became a banker almost like opposites and we love each other to bits weird isn't it why we used to fight when we grew up he was bigger than me so I had to be fast we shared the same room growing up and I think that's one of the reasons why though you know there is a connection there very strong connection so sometimes you wonder just why do people have these huge houses which separate the family instead of small houses which keep the family together and it's a way of life volunteering giving up so others can have all the problems and difficulties so little by little we give and of course I know that they say the greatest gift they have this saying in Buddhism that dhamma donna is the biggest gift giving teachings is the greatest gift but those teachings are not just given by words you know that there is I've heard many monks nuns laypeople they can give very inspiring Dhamma talks but you look how they live and it's a big difference between the way they live and the way they talk so the real teaching of Dharma is you and give talks you can write books but it's how you live that is the biggest teaching and of course volunteering it means I'm not doing this for money I'm not being paid I don't know what was it this this woman rang me one evening just Friday afternoon in Perth you know you see gives a Friday evening talks in Perth obviously not last week because I was in yeah I was in Indonesia yeah just trying to think where and in Surabaya but next Friday I probably will but anyway that I received this call somebody wanted to talk to me and she asked me the conversation when are you giving the talk tonight and I said yes he said how much do you charge I said nothing no you misunderstand me she said how many dollars do I have to give to get into the talk said madam you don't have to give any dollars to get into this talk you don't have to take pay any dollars to get out we won't take your name we won't sort of harass you for gifts or anything you just come in if you like it you can stay if you don't like he can leave at any time and I always remember she paused and then she asked the most important question said what do you she called us guys what do you guys get out of this why the monks give talks why do you volunteer why does the people help one another he said for happiness oh I understand she said there's some real happiness joy goodness which you get when when you give just as a volunteer expecting nothing back in return you do the extra especially when you really give more than you and he should know I don't know why but somebody just they emailed me because my next trip is next week to go to Canberra to give some talks I will be there for a while and he's a disciple there who has a very bad cancer so it's nice I've known her for such a long time so it's nice to be able to just see each other with her husband and give her a bit of a boost that's my sort of way of giving stuff but anyway that I shouldn't really be doing that I've been well I usually work 24/7 seven days a week just people say well you don't get any rest at home from somebody they email me said I hope you enjoyed your holiday in Bali holiday it was teaching a retreat about 150 people that I have any talks when I wasn't giving a talk I was citing books and having photograph taken and then when they go back to my room his emails about stuff happening in Australia and other parts of the world it's really a lot of work being a senior monk but it wasn't a holiday it's a beautiful place I had this retreat some sort of resorts in some way or other well I order all I ever did was work so I am a volunteer - I do much more and those people who you see me how I work what I do how I operate why do I do that I mind trying to impress anybody I don't need to impress anybody I'm impressed enough people already do you know the last year was last year party tankers fast last September I was presented with an award from Queen Elizabeth the queen of Australia she's also queen of Australia it's another title so it was a similar to the the OBE from my work you know trying is actually mostly the thing which pushed me into accepting it was actually please excuse me if you don't agree with this but it was for for giving equity opportunities for women toward anus Buddhism as fully ordained Buddhist women you know I got it to be trouble for that but like kept on going is very positive outcomes and of course even they eventually the big authorities they suggested you should give this mark this am as I am is called not over you and now because I can officially put that those letters by my name am I've also got an MA that is from Cambridge so I put them together and now my title is a John mam bra oh my god take things so seriously but nevertheless I accepted that because it's not just honoring my service it was as I also said you take that you take that you take that because there's so many of us gave so much to get bhikkhunis real nuns just like in the time of the Buddha that's inspiring so just wanted to know that you know the let me and their people know there is some is depriving volunteer work being done so that is a type of giving and of course that creates so much happiness huge happiness for me because I realized is when I see somebody and they can become a fully ordained Buddhist nun and women don't feel like they're treated as second-class citizens in our world especially in our Buddhist world when he can take people who have was suicidal and he obviously as many other people do this but just take a few and you can give them something that you can create a place where people can listen to the Dharma they can come they can be welcomed that people can feel that they're part of something bigger than themselves where they learn all these amazing teachings which they're not my teachings I learned my teaching so much and cha-hee learned here so much young man he learned his for much of my boy alpha Matt eventually to the Buddha this is just sharing all the incredible stuff which you've learnt but not just the words the actions actually doing things being kind being gentle let it go those are the things which are the great givings it's cause I've focused mostly about my own life because I'm closest to my own life but still each one of you how much know have you given for something greater than you you know Eileen you've never got married but you've given so much of your life to Buddhism it's a Buddhist fellowship putting you out of Singapore Bob said I don't know what you're involved in I don't when you care I don't know why there are so many different Buddhist groups so may I go and give a talk here go it's all the same people but anyway that's a history but it's nice to be able to volunteer and give like that because that is where you get so much happiness and joy and at the end of your life I don't know that when you you write out your will and you look at how much you've earned in your life what will you remember what I always call this the bottom life bottom line of a person's life because when you do it counts profit and loss what is your bottom line and they will never ever be measured in any money any property which you have what people will remember you by is what you've given to this world to one another to society how much you served and a service that you find is such an important part of the meaning of your life it's not how much you've attained how big your house is how new your car is how smart your clothes I look at me I have no money in the bank I've got my house got a house a cave but I was quite well-known and famous why because all the service that giving the opportunity to help others and what that's led to such an important part of virtuous conduct giving service which means your meditation takes off your wisdom great strong your compassion and it's I think in the blurb your forgiveness becomes so easy I don't know why people can't forgive one another or forgive yourself why not I'd God forgive him for what he did to me why not sometimes please excuse me these stories just keep coming up and if you think that how I jump on why do you keep telling the same stories I've heard of many times I've heard these stories more times than you have I listen to them as I speak them for this was one of those inspiring stories which gives me such joy you can actually do things like this that I was just passing through Brisbane on the way from visiting one person and getting to study did a lunch before I kept the afternoon flight back to Perth and well I visited this gentleman in his house he gave me a lovely Donna we're just talking I said no no just how many children have you got and he went quiet I said I've got two boys I only see one here where's the other he went quiet again and his I think wife or son I forget who told me he said the father and the son had this big argument they haven't seen each other for 70 imagine that you know father and son being separated from some argument and I asked the youngest son was about 18 or 19 said do you see your elder brother said oh yeah he doesn't live that far away have you got his telephone number I said yes call him now there was real and cons and the Sri Lankans they're quite afraid of upsetting me I think I've got powers and so the youngest son called the older son you know oldest oh yeah brother what do you want said give me the phone now I said this is our job farm you know who I am mom yeah of course what do you want I'm at your father's house come over straight away and I hung up that's pretty much how it happened and about 10 or 15 minutes later he came into his father's house they would not look at each other but I ordered them to come in the room and sit next to each other imagine the father and the son sitting there together but while looking that way the other one looking other way was crazy the first time they've been in the same room together for seven years as I I said to the the son what happened why have you kept apart from your father for seven years and this is no exaggeration what he's heading next cuz I think he was so stupid I think he'll probably believe it he said I don't know I've forgotten [Laughter] they're so weird so asked his father can you actually tell me what happened he said no I forgotten to and father and son of it separated all this time and they didn't really know the reason why they were both too proud to actually reconcile I said okay it said of how to face each other say sorry to your dad for what for just no foot for being away for seven years that's enough so he said sorry - as far as father said so he back and the family came together again and they're still together I think he got married about a year or two later and so his father just attended to see the wedding ceremony everything was really fine and that's those are the sorts of things which I don't know why you could do these things other people can't the actual volunteer all I really need to do is our modulus of sim and meditate but nevertheless these other things which you give you volunteer for - that little bit extra wow that service gives meaning and inspiration and hope to life why not I don't know if there's any one that you haven't forgiven you think about forgiving them it doesn't mean they were harm or hurt you again it just means that you're free of the heavy weight of unfinished business and if you can do that Wow amazing just personally become and peaceful as well and also forgive yourself really harm would you've done to others I've had lots of harm to others as well you know when I wasn't really hard right a good intention you know what are the things which I did to others recently about year or two years ago it was that time when I was mentioning this in in Indonesia people like the stories I'm telling you again I was called to the hospital because there was a Chinese Buddhist who was dying he was in the intensive care units and he only had a few hours to go and his whole family had come over from Taiwan mainland China Hong Kong I forget where they traveled a long distance to be with a relation elderly relation before he passed away and so I act a really rush to get to the hospital straight into the ICU and then I did my sort of charting and meditating I do have some very strong chance when I'm on on Sark and we really give so I gave this lvj he was in a coma know about to die I get really strong chanting really powerful and it's amazing that he opened his eyes came out of the coma and he was not gonna survive and I thought wow yes you know he felt so good that you volunteered and actually helped so anyway I walked out of the ICU and just told the relations that you know their father was going to survive and that is when they got very angry at me there is when they got so upset because they had already arranged a funeral service that I'd have been been settled and fixed they'd all come over from overseas as you do when your family members are close to death stopping their business stopping all their other commitments playing a lot of money for a quick flight which I had to get a moment's notice and they said now now we have to cancel the funeral service we have to go back to our countries a great expense to ourselves and eventually come back maybe six months or a year later when he dies properly they were so angry at me for saving his life we didn't want youth to do they get better charge we want you to do the to the die piece for each other my god it work so that there never got any um power at all No all that way well I I learned a very good lesson there I forgave myself they should forgive me now when I give her blessing which I'm supposed to do later on I'll make sure I give the correct blessing okay that's about Q&A so it's just past nine thirty five so it's 933 or something 833 yeah so any questions or comments anyone has any questions who's gonna last for I got some on that piece of paper who's going to volunteer the first question your volunteers what happens if you have fallen your volunteer you work really hard and no one appreciates you how does that feel to me wonderful I'm giving expecting nothing back in return that's what giving is what I was in Berkeley with that global conference not reliving never the one of the people who was presenting there was they usually call him met her and he was he was the one who was really promoting the pay it forward method which is if you give anything to somebody and they say thank you thank you so much what you did to me you tell them don't talk like that I John Chow taught me similar he said if anything which I have taught you helps you in your life never think you need to say thank you back to me is that John Charles words if I've helped you said attention are you are in debt but not to me the only way you can pay off that debt to your teacher is the girl help somebody else when you've helped somebody else and they come to you and say thank you so much they know you have to go and help somebody else never pay it back only pay afford I love that idea and seriously it's got a English name now pay it forward it means that the gift of kindness volunteer giving whatever you wish to call it will never stop if I help you and you say thank you very much and help me back it's ended if I helped you and then you have to help somebody else he goes on and on and on this beautiful acts of kindness giving generosity which makes this world a beautiful place which is a strength which I think of the Buddhist fellowship this is not the most magnificent temple as a building you don't even own it but the people are pretty cool you're the beautiful part of this Buddhist fellowship northing infrastructure for their people who make use of it that is more important to me so anyway that's how you pay afford so have I helped you or now you gotta pay it forward by asking a question Q&A it's school in any time you know what happens the same thing happens when I give public talks you give questions and answer everyone is quiet and then after the thing is finished it all lined up with emphasis you can write on a piece of paper can you write okay so join me to keep on talking about giving then okay so soon it will come amazingly fast to the end of people's lives so any lying in your bed there on your deathbed thinking you're gonna die and you can't get out your unprompted to his magic chanting for you it's a pretty of life because you all your family say no I jump I'll do the die peaceful chart for her please always remember just what you've given in your life no way you've got no you've achieved or what you've let go of how you've served not what you've attained because those sorts of thoughts really start teaching about the meaning of your life realizing that you may have given so much and that don't just mean money I mean given so much to the community and all the volunteer work you've done giving that extra to others what that means is he you die of really really peacefully don't be like that story in one of my books of the very rich Sri Lankan Buddhist who was so into business he'd only go to the temple on waste that day he was a waist up Buddhist and he went to the temple on way so today because all the shops were closed anyway he couldn't do any business and he heard the monk talk that when you die your last thoughts are so important they will define where you'll get reborn in your next life and said the monk giving the sermon the some of the best thoughts to think about when you die our thoughts of the Buddha the Dhamma and the Sangha if you can think right that you're about to go to heaven and this whole Sri Lankan man started thinking is that all I need to do just think of the Buddha Dhamma Sangha then I'll go to heaven despite how mean I've been in my business and how nasty I've been to other competitors and so what I need to do yeah Wow he said so from that day on he never went to the temple again not even a way second but what he did to make sure he go to heaven he had three children you remember this now three sons he paid a lawyer to officially legally change their name to Buddha Dhamma and Sangha because you know when you die your children have to be there with you so where when he did get old and on his deathbed he had his three sons next to him Buddha Dhamma Sangha I'm going to heaven but Dhamma Sangha because that's what he was thinking about his three sons right in front of him Buddha Dhamma saying I'm going to heaven it's what but then he thought just a flash thought if my three sons are by my bedside who's looking after my shops and that's when he died so you can't beat the system okay I got my first adjourn how can we give back our parents kindness when we are not staying near them you don't give it back you give it forward my father has you all know died when I was only 16 I could not give back my gratitude to him but I always remember him that was over when I would know 16 a mile on a 69 how 68 52 years ago I think raised my eyes I can still remember him visualize him and all the stuff which he taught to a young boy a young teenager growing up he was the one who took me aside in a beat-up old car and told me that story son whatever you do in your life however you turn out the door of my house will always be open to you his house was a tiny flat council housing he was really poor but obviously I knew what he meant was a door of his heart it took me years to understand that it was so important he was giving me unconditional love that was his gift to me had no some inheritance does his gift was that wisdom of other kindness I remember that that's how I just going through stories now I was 11 years of age and I got a place in the school soccer team right wing number seven if any of you know soccer anyway I was so proud I had my school Jersey I was gonna play a next Saturday and I asked my father daddy daddy I'm gonna play for the school soccer team will you come and watch me my dad looked at me said I'm working on Saturday you had to go to work you may think that's a small thing but for me that was huge my dad couldn't come or watch me my first game so disappointed I still turned out for the game was started playing soccer and after a few minutes I heard this guy shouting and no encouraging me here's my dad's voice that's around my dad was watching me he came to my first game of soccer and I was so inspired they waited and scored a goal that game there's only so 11-year olds it's not sort of high class soccer but Howard's are so energized and after the game said daddy you're supposed to be at work how come you made it to the game he said son don't tell anybody of course I told his stories for thousands of people now [Music] he said that I told my boss he knew I was sick he said I told him I had to have a series of injections every Saturday morning so he gave me a couple of hours off work so my father he he was so kind he wasn't good at the fourth precept he'd sold lies sometimes though well the nice thing was that he loved his son so much he was willing willing to risk his job to see his son play soccer but imagine just how much that means to a little son so those are the things which I inherited from my father i will introduce my job how'd that how I could lose my job only trying to plant it as much off for a long time and retire and not be night and stop being a monk he stopped being a teacher 69 68 69 now it's time I retire we let me retire no perfect but he would actually do that out of kindness enough it's beautiful things to do so that's actually with your parents pay it forward what they've taught you you serve others even my mother she was in England I did ask her because as a month you have to get your parental permission ask your parents if you can become a monk one of the rules so obviously my father was dead but I asked my mother cannot be a monk that she looked at me he said of course she didn't become a monk but can you become a monk next door she did mommy being a monk what she really did like I was becoming a monk in Thailand so far away we said yes I have to let you go there's a wonderful just having parents like that that is how I respect them not just being next to them but remembering all the wonderful things they taught and every time off we've got many questions knowing okay this last year my 68th birthday it's in August the 7th and I've been having all of these birthday parties for me over in Perth and this this last year on is key simple don't have a birthday party as I could does have a nice peaceful time it's doing the rains retreat but no marks are supposed to be meditating so this time I decided not to have a birthday party but what happened anyway like I can't stop it so this year I just what should we do and I thought the birthdays it's not about the person that's been born there was another person there it was intimately involved with my birth and that was my mother I said I often talk about my father but I haven't really thought much about my mother and all the wonderful things he did for me and I said this year I am going to dedicate all the merits of whatever we raised which was for a monastery over in Melbourne which I was looking after I just put in so many monasteries these days because it's so many people want to become monks and nuns waiting lists but honestly so anyway that said this dedicate any money raised for the nuns and what a stream opening no no it's monks and nuns Newbery Buddhist monastic nuber yeah and we raised because I mentioned this was dedicated to my mother he raised over $800,000 I couldn't believe it even I say it now how did that happen there's a huge amount of money in Australia 800 831 huge boost of good karma in whatever life she's in as a result of that so there's some things which really inspires me so I've volunteered to do that and so I don't get anything back for myself just something which I can give in memory of someone who passed away long time ago that's how you respect your parents pay it forward don't panic thanks Arjun my brother was pronounced brain dead in ICU do they have last thoughts is it okay to give him his last wish of course you give him his last wish but with brain death there's more to you than just your brain because there is something which even in medicine I get one one of those talks which I gave at the renci Hospital about end-of-life and to mention that it was a story I first read written by Leo Tolstoy but a long time ago before all the medications we have to basically put people in a coma when they're hurting so much close to close to death before that time it was well known that people may be screaming in pain maybe having such discomfort but before they die they're peaceful and happy and then they die it's stories like when I mentioned this in Perth couple years ago one of the doctors came up and said yeah but I was caught a patient's bedside they were dying much more quickly than I expected I checked him they were in a coma they were in the dying process and I knew that I had to try and get their family to the hospital as soon as possible they had their family telephone numbers in a little book next to their bedside so I got on a mobile phone and called each one of them know this is your husband is dying right now come as soon as you can remember the daughter's name Julie said the doctor your father's dying please come as soon as possible and the doctor told me he was just stunned that the patient who was dying opened his eyes he was in a deep coma he was dying whatever had opened his eyes and expected to open his eyes for a long time and then the man said tell my daughter Julie how much I love her and then he died it's called terminal lucidity that's the name for it these days look it up in the Google if you want terminal lucidity it's very common which means that even though your brain may be dead may be damaged they have brain cancer whatever sometimes a person just before they die they wake up just for a few seconds sometimes minutes and they're clear they using their mind rather than their brain the mind is just generating those thoughts and feelings and actions rather than the brain the brain is dead it's not working there's more to life than just the brain there's a mind as well that's one of the reasons why when kids are young I mean babies for six or seven years some of you can remember your previous wives when you're that young but get to six or seven and it all vanishes it's like the the brain the new brain takes over first of all you use the mind what is amazing weird stories of children who can speak when they're one or two weeks old shouldn't happen what they do and tell the story of pizza thing try and keep the names anonymous well that Peter and Saint Jim I changed the names around all the time Peter and Jimmy one was about two or three years old the other one had just come from hospital from the maternity ward mother and father they weren't Buddhists but they lived in Perth and they told us of what happened that they are say eldest son say Peter Peter please say good night to your baby brother Jimmy so he went over to the place where Jimmy was resting I said good night Jimmy that's two or three year old and Jimmy who was only maybe a week or two old said good night pizza in a very clear voice the parents said it's like an adult voice it was weird it's not like baby Tong and then the two parents were just so shocked did we really hear this and then without any prompting Peter asked his baby brother again good night Jimmy and Jimmy said again with both parents really watching mindfully good night Peter and her parents were so shocked they came and saw the Buddhist monks they weren't Buddhist but they thought you know you're the sort of people who might understand say we did yeah so what's happening said it's his past life their mind was trained before and now they they can remember how to speak sometimes that does happen anyway some more questions now so I don't need to one another question hiya John could you give us some practical advice on how to learn to let go do you remember this simile it's one of my favorites how and this is in Harvard Business School you know sometimes I give all these all these methods but I teach them widely at conferences and all over and this this particular one he goes round and round and round and this one I was at a big ceremony it was one for the Thai community in Perth on the full moon day of November they have this ceremony of floating these flower boats in the river it's called lloyd cotton so the Thai community wanted have a big ceremony and they invited the the MP for Perth to open the ceremony and the MP for Perth she said I heard this from a very wise man I was sitting right in front of her she didn't realize this came from me he said reason why people are so stressed out in life it's because when they're holding out a cup when it gets really heavy they don't know how to put it out they keep carrying it and carrying and carrying carrying it said that's where you get stressful and I thought well that's my sympathy I made that up music I don't mind it goes round and round but that is the reason for stress I have so much business to do my work is when I go back to Perth tomorrow got a look after the monks there all sorts of stuff going on or more fishes and then we're building another monastery down in Albany to the south of Perth on the coast which is beautiful place right next to the ocean you watch whales just dive in and out for the water it's a gorgeous place so we're I'm building that one for some more places where monks and nuns can stay and also we were developing a place between Perth and putting the arno monastery that's another monastery on building and still got some work to do it new people this monastery and all these other places in the world like Anna camp bikini projects in London or in England rather so much work to be done but still have time to come to Singapore I just spent evening with you sometimes people think I'm mad crazy you should just take an evening off at your private just relax but when I arrived today people said oh you must be tired us I don't know how come because I've been teaching all the way over Singapore so now all over Indonesia and they were it's only the last week 10 days I haven't slept in the same bed for two consecutive nights except once different bed every night are we travelling to too many different places you must be tired no because you're giving and secondly you know when it's time to relax a on the aircraft how to X so the story is how heavy is the cup of water the longer I hold it the heavier it feels after one meeting my arm aches two minutes I'm in pain three minutes I'm in agony and a stupid muck what should I do when it gets too heavy to hold comfortably you put it down and relax and after maybe 30 seconds over a minute you pick it up again and it feels easier to hold more comfortable that's your work don't know what work you do in your life there's no need to get stressed out when you start feeling stressed your brain is not working properly you can't remember things you try and write a sentence or a paragraph and the words don't come out you struggle because your brain needs a break so that's when you learn how to put put down the cup the 15 minutes 20 minutes half an hour don't know how long you are not producing anything for your company for your office for your boss but as Harvard Business School calls it is an investment of time half an hour you're not doing anything you rested and afterwards you fire because your brain is energized it can produce and as I often saying it three hours work that into of high quality that should be pretty obvious to you and the reason is because your brain needs a rest as well they keep pushing pushing pushing pushing it you get stressed out and a lot of anger comes from a tired plate pushing too much and also you're not producing so you know your bosses get even more angry at you so what to do is find a letting go room in your work so you can just sit there and be quiet that's why I prefer the American system to the English system because they call their toilets rest rooms so if you are really stressed out go sit in the restroom the quarter of an hour the city and they don't come out until you're relaxed sit on that comfortable comfortable little stool yeah and just close your eyes cross your hands and just relax and meditate for 15 minutes 20 minutes we can and you'll see the benefits you get more work done afterwards and if your boss asked where have you been so what I was constipated mentally okay you learn letting go in a place like this for this fellowship where you can pour things down how can I help someone who has Al's Imus keen to help as this person had taken care of me when I was young if you are keen to help there was because my mother had Alzheimer's at the very end and that I remember reading about Alzheimer's and is this one fellow would always go and visit his elderly mum every day and the people and she had Alzheimer's and she didn't recognize that he had been there yesterday or the day before sometimes they even know him and the nurses on the unit looking after Alzheimer's said sir you don't need to go every day she doesn't even know who you are and he replied that is true but I know who she is that's why I go every day that's such a beautiful answer so you don't need to try and help her you need to give to help you she served you look after you so just go just go don't try and cure her care for her remember that story about not curing but caring it's so much more important than trying ready to take him away from that degenerative brain States how do you deal with family relatives who are overtly superstitious to the point that they may get obsessive with Feng shooey and black magic etc how should we live with them harmoniously and encourage them to let go of their superstitious thinking you need superstition to get rid of superstition [Laughter] so our John Brown is a very powerful monk so sometimes you can come to me and I say to you that you're the person you're caring about I will tell you if they don't get rid of that particular superstition soon something to happen what happened to them that story I always stay with my mother in memory my mother's in the front of my mind that so she was cooking my lunch which is very important for a monk somebody rang the doorbell when I answered us our answering mommy don't spoil my lunch when I answered it it was a lady middle-aged to elderly lady many of them exist over Eid London they caught him gypsies I don't if you've heard of them but anyway they said would you like to buy a gypsy lucky charm good for luck his only piece of Heather I said very politely no thank you and she replied at me she screwed up her eyes and said if you don't buy a piece of this heaven it will be I'll put a gypsy curse on you there was her marketing campaign I was wearing my Buddhist ropes so I stood up straight and said I have a four year old a Buddhist monk my curses are much stronger than yours I'm really overdid it I must admit because her face went into utter fear she turned around and ran away as fast as she could of course I don't have any Buddhist curses I won't curse anybody but sometimes you know sometimes you can use superstition to overcome superstition I I told her people that this afternoon over in Bali I asked you this morning before I left that there was one occasion I was again stay with my mom and I was going to give a talk of this relation sample which is walking distance away maybe an hour good exercise but I went past his housing estate down Acton lane and it was well known to be a hotbed of crime youth who had nothing else to do and when really sort of violence at criminal and as I was walking down the road I realized they were meeting just on the road outside the entrance to this housing estate I had a choice walk onto the other side of the road or turn back oh go straight ahead and I of course decided to go straight ahead and as I started walking towards them and they notice that I was a Buddhist monk they started chanting wood wood wood wood but trying to scare me and I carried on walking towards that there's about a dozen or 15 of the big young men tattooed scarred as I came closer buh duh buh duh buh duh buh duh buh duh buh duh buh duh and as I came closer I lifted out my arms I know nothing about kungfu I was totally making it up as I went along absolutely true but as I put on my so-called kung-fu pros they parted and let me right through without harming me at all there was such a cool experience if any one of the mid shadows where they could just hit me not for I was straight away but they did believe that they thought I was a kung-fu master so I so superstition this use a superstition to overcome superstition you carry on like that I know this my black people ask me if I believe in black magic I do I used to buy it for my girlfriend chocolate you ever have black magic chocolate I think can you please elaborate the difference between brain mind and consciousness okay you know the brain because you've seen the brain in in big jam jars in hospital but the mind now the best explanation of what the mind is came from this one of my friends daughters in grade one in a school in UK teacher asked the question what's the biggest thing in the world some of you heard this story before but as I said earlier you haven't heard it as many times as I have my daddy my daddy's the biggest thing in the world said one girl no an elephant is much bigger than her daddy no a mountain is much bigger and then the daughter of my one of my old university friends put up her hand and said my eye is the biggest thing in the world they once stopped their eyes only a tiny thing what do you mean your eye is the biggest thing in the world and a little genius replied well my I can see her daddy my eye can see an elephant and a mountain and so much more if all of that could fit into my eye my eye must be the biggest thing in the world that's the lovely thing with children they think in a different way they're innovative and sometimes some of the things they come up with it's just amazing just like I was telling about somebody told me this story a kid in United States great too much me about 4 or 5 was asked to write a little essay what you want to be when you grow up and she wrote when I grow up I want to be an iPhone why well she said every time I want to talk with my daddy he's always on his iPhone say with my mummy she's also doing something on her iPhone and my elder brother he's on his iPhone if I become an iPhone when I grow up then I'll spend more time with the people I love Alice brilliant sometimes we spend more time with her iPhone than we do with people and really important to us in any way so my friend sent that little anecdote to me that biggest thing in the world is the eye because everything can fit into it and then of course I lab related on that take that further because your mind can see everything which I can see and it could even imagine things you'll never see in the real world your mind can hear real and imaginary sounds because barely can taste it could feel sensations real and imaginary and it can know so much everything which can ever be experienced can fit into your mind so the mind is the biggest thing not in the world because you can know the world the world can fit in to your mind it's a different way of looking and far more accurate and useful your mind is a biggest thing everything to fit into it that the first verse of the Dhammapada by the Buddha - the chief - a forerunner so big it's much bigger than the brain and the consciousness is just one of the theaters which the mind does the mind knows and that's called mind consciousness so I love that everything can never be known gonna fit into your mind yeah it's much bigger than the Buddhist fellowship much bigger than Singapore much bigger than the cosmos okay that's like c3 saddles side to side do side next one is we

Channel: Buddhist Fellowship

Views: 11,934

Rating: 4.9272728 out of 5

Keywords: buddhist followship, dhamma

Id: G52wpAHwVuU

Length: 101min 15sec (6075 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 02 2020