The Armando Iannucci Shows - S01E07 - "Reality"

early this morning I was involved in a very confusing incident I had a noise in the middle of the night when I checked I noticed I hadn't closed the fridge door properly and it was making the sound of a trumpet the blind hitting the window made the sound of burping I became conscious of all the troubling noises you hear at night the microwave made the sound of Gary Rhodes I went back to bed worried but the next night I was sure I could definitely hear a rat so I was actually quite relieved to find it was just an intruder but he spotted my tisha and went for me he twisted my neck and smash me in the face and as I tried to find him off I finally caught my reflection in the mirror and noticed I was getting a little bit fat very upset and I'm determined to do something about it hi I'm Amanda unity I'm booked in for the fitness induction course oh that's right you wanted a program to lose a bit of your big fat gut and bone yes alright so this is the main section at a gym all this stuff gets you working on your deltoids abs and your neck so you don't look like you do now courting night Nigel's working on these triceps biceps pecs and blips right what's coming here oh she's just working on flattening out her stomach so it's not like you holes or sticking out like a church you probably want to wear a dark kit for that one right that's a bit specialist for me I just wanted to concentrate on getting back into shape oh yeah than those no no I mean I mean right so this section area is mainly for your glutes and pups I don't think I'm ready for that I just wanted to lose some weight how many times you want to do it a week about one or two lunch times I got just the machine for you come on this is the one for you great workout for your mezzanines and your blick blacks right jump on okay just lie down yep relaxed yeah just turn around oh yeah feeling vibrations Kerri yeah fantastic workout for your chunni dancers good all raise her a little oh can you feel the heat coming through nicely now you probably find you've already lost seven or eight pounds because you've evacuated yourself through sheer terror you probably also find your front and your ribs are considerably flatter you want me to wait okay let's make a move tends to get a bit busy I soon got quite used to being shot at a wall three times a week in order to look good but it made me realize how much we judge people by their appearance if there's something not quite right about how they look it's amazing how quickly we're suspicious of them it takes just one thing to be wrong about their appearance for us to go off them I'm Peter stocks headmaster can I show you around the school follow me these everyone agrees that this part of my neighborhood looks terrible because it's full of homeless people so the council decided to help them by raising money for a theatrical designer to light them beautifully so the local underpass is now smelly but pretty and in fact quite a popular meeting place for young people and a young at heart [Music] hello you just come back from the gym all confused that happen to you when you aren't all so here could you tell me what was different about life in those days we didn't have widescreen seniors in those days this area where to make your own if die hard with the vengers was on all the neighbors would bring up their Telly's and lay them side by side to make it look white it making it look more like the cinema we turn all the streetlights down and she polished Irene Hughes got a bloody good point about how we're obsessed with film and television and video we don't believe something's happened unless it's been recorded and I'm looking for as a football video yap stam's guide to goals from the 90s that were subsequently disallowed yeah yeah there's so much to watch though that even the simplest facts have to be entertaining in a new series of walking with Nazis each Nazi could eat up to 400 kilos of meat a day clearly some of us have a big problem with reality baby Marcus was a nightmare he was always crying and he wouldn't sleep so we took him to the doctor and the doctor said that the best thing to do was to have a relaunch so we did we booked a hall and we got some PR people in and most of our friends now think Marcus is going to be a lot better we're just a giant internet which God will switch off when he decides to go back to his work well this is good this is good this is the final installment in the mapping of the human genome what they've been doing is they've been breaking down human DNA into a sequence of letters each representing human chromosomes and then sending them to me this is the last bit I've been sticking them up all over the house and now at last we can read the entire text of human life I mean it's pretty basic stuff it tells us like whether we'll grow up to have blue eyes or be allergic to flan or frightened of nuts and it's not going to explain human nature it's not really and tell us whether we will grow up to like jazz or be a [ __ ] because that's got much more to do with schooling it's not going to explain how the human spirit triumphs in adversity like at times of war where and Christmas Day they all put their weapons down and have a football match although apparently the game they had in the first world war the hooliganism was terrible and 20,000 spectators clashed and were killed but nevertheless it's thrilling area because we can read how our chromosomes work these secrets of letters hear a GCAT a a a a a next sequence G C T C a AG t GC t TG C T I'm not going to read them all that because there's 50 million letters but one thing I did notice in the whole sequence is that it starts to break down run about here when it goes T a don't piss it away a ATG and I've picked up again this sequence later on here don't piss it away and after all run the house we all go in here because that's where I keep the wolf but I wrote to the person who's in charge of the whole DNA mapping project and said you know what's going on and he said she really read too much in it it's probably just coincidence the tornado they all ready to go yeah he's all set ready to go whipping up a good'n he's up to speed I reckon Jerry can we go hit Andy Andy tornado for me and he doesn't want to come out he's done this before he's famous for it give him some attention tell him he's the best tornado we've ever seen and I need this tornado I need this I know what goes with this I think you're gonna come one all right so NATO comes into town look out some cars up in the air calling I'm not doing another generic tornado I can bring right this is the tidal wave and you're out mark know when we send up it's just like don't you want to go go give me five watch this now listen I'm an actor you an actor oh [ __ ] you in here wait a minute what do you mean you're the leading man whose name is above the title in this movie I returned the score that's all you are your mascaras running listen I wish you were this good in the dailies which I've seen by the way screw him you get away talk to me out there did you hear what he said to me he's got a bigger trailer than I do what's right we can shoot it give me six actors we've got one or two takes on this alright life and death okay I want to see the fear in the eyes okay so give it a better yep action I love digital tele because it means that no matter where you live in Britain you can get all the channels so never again will I have to hear that phrase that battered my childhood and that phrase is that's except for viewers in Scotland who've got their own programmes every night I have a terrible dreadful dream about that phrase and in that dream I die and go to heaven and in heaven I meet st. Peter and he says to me welcome to heaven it's a multi-channel paradise showing every programme ever made including all the ones you didn't see in Scotland come in and seen Peter points to a Clive James end-of-the-year show which viewers in Scotland didn't get because they were watching a hog when a special and over there he says is the very first to rest your showing of Terminator 2 which viewers in Scotland missed because they were watching a failed Doogie donnelly chat show up there is the first of a live interview with an alien refuse and Scotland never got to see because they were watching a Paul Koya quiz show about hills and down there is that program that showed you how to turn base metals into gold and gave you the secret of eternal youth which viewers in Scotland never saw because you were watching a six-part cartoon series about Gaelic accidents this says st. Peter is where the dead can watch the telly and then he turns to me and says that's except for the dead of Scotland who have their own heaven and he shows me Scottish heaven and Scottish heaven consists of a bald man who tells me what a great country Scotland is because it invented golf he discovered penicillin and it has the songs of run rig and outside everyone was watching some newly recorded Black Adder and guilt-free porn so I just lost it and st. Peter grows angry and casts me out of Scottish heaven and down into Scottish Hal and Scottish hail consists of a portrait of a Lima cloud a frightening tart and drummer girl and a giant computer scoreboard flashing up what Scotland's goal differences and why it means we'll go out after the first round and to one side as a man behind a desk and that man says to me Armando Iannucci you've elected to go for Paul cos he'll challenge this for 10 bonus points which Scottish Hill has the most sides the question I know I can never answer so I'm condemned to watching a thousand part documentary about the life of John Logie Baird a Scotsman who invented television but didn't realise we wouldn't be allowed to watch the ruddy thing I just had a rather liberating experience using the Internet's online banking facilities one night I logged onto my bank's website to see how much money I owned when I sudden became involved in a holdup it was an online bank robbery at first I quickly tried logging onto the police's website to tell them but I was immediately spotted and beaten up once the raid was over I carried on looking at my account details but it struck me that I found being beaten up online more frightening than the mugging I'd received the previous night from my intruder it seems the only things that make an impression are artificial things for example Madame Tussauds have just opened an exhibition of reconstructions of the world's most famous dummies using live actors trained to act as dummy like as possible the exhibition is proof we've reached the stage where there are more reconstructions in the world than things that have actually happened and yet we fail to appreciate some of the really incredible things that are already in the world around us like cups only great I bet you if man ever managed to reach a black hole in space the only thing you'd write in the visitors book is it's a bit dark look so me is the Winter Olympics Sammy's developed a syndrome which means that he's literally being bored to death it's a new shape teabag doesn't interest me but look you could pull the strings a book about Ronnie and Reggie Kray border bastards starting a new round of Champions League football matches first two tickets to see a one-man show with Timothy Dalton yeah there has the same experience twice all his internal organs will hemorrhage simultaneously they felt something release songs by John Lennon oh right oh no is his eyes are bleeding again I just put that there that's different every day I find it more and more difficult to find something that will stimulate some as imagination and stop him dying don't talk you don't like look if I put on its side pockets cost three or she'd finish this out for this one she's never been in the middle okay well why don't we put her in the middle of fresh air no but that looks like a completely different time it's better yeah I like that good would you like to come and see the new Steve Martin film we don't have to go we're desperately trying to invent as many completely new experiences as we can Sammy we reformed these seventeen for you without an Shearer's to the Brian Harvey Oh God I'm not feeling well I've been on this route before but we've paid for everyone on the routes make it look like the war in Vietnam how are we gonna get home I don't know I don't know it's just another wall I don't know something look Sammy it's a documentary about the International Space Station [Music] in those days we all got called up independent on Sunday you couldn't get out of it so I turned up on the Monday by Wednesday morning of so what's the point oh man oh I I thought if he caught me I'd be shot then they just got somebody else in what if we just complicated hand puppets manipulated by tiny bang with her arms uppers I know if I told you but I used to cut the hair of a man who was in the bootleg Beatles oh the the Beatles tribute band yeah yeah he was say he was to look like John Lennon right yeah and I heard that the other day yes she got shot by the look-alike Mark Chapman oh no yeah it was the saddest one of them all long was the look-alike Pete best he was very bitter you know it's very jealous towards the the local I Ringo Starr you know I look like Ringo Starr he was actually he was actually quite happy because he used to do all the voiceovers for the bootleg Thomas the Tank Engine you know so he was he was quids in really hearing what my barber has to say I realize it's now impossible to tell what's real anymore [Music] but I feel sorry all the same you know a little bit for Ringo Starr don't you the real one the real one year in the bootleg one all of them really because he's sort of like he's like the fourth know very good Beatle you know what I mean it's a little bit like the Marx Brothers you know they had a fourth not very good Mouse brother was it they had their Chico Harpo Groucho and Ringo I'm reading a book at the moment that has completely changed my life it's called Erich von Daniken's hidden Holy Bible code from space and it unlocks all the secret Bible revelations that have lain hidden for millennia that the one that's done it for me is this thing here about the phrase Jesus uses in the New Testament blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth now apparently the word meek is actually a mistranslation from the ancient Aramaic it should translate as giant radioactive cockroach so what Jesus actually said was blessed are the giant radioactive cockroaches for they shall inherit the earth thanks listen I've got an icon Tina Turner Graham for a bloke next door right reasoning yet right as we know if you could look after it when it comes back right and thanking Tina Turner grep I continue turning it okay fine okay the rain all right you want a cup of tea or something yeah no no no we're fine thanks yeah we don't want to be any trouble so you do I can Tina Turner yeah yeah yeah Judy did you say all the songs you sing all yeah Reza deep Mountain River deep boat did I like push say they missed a lot great great it's right why did you when did you get into that why did you why did you decide to do it I think just cuz everybody said we look too much like them you know so it was obviously missing good I'm just measuring up all the house thank you just leave you to it as I can Tina practiced recreating domestic violence from the 60s I realized we all want to live in a big line maybe because we wouldn't cope if we heard the truth all the time the disabled group later yeah I'm taken over to the coffee shop for a lunch here Bobby I don't know how you doing Martin and Maria the happiest couple in my neighborhood if anyone can cope with seeing their true inner selves it's them later Oh No have you seen Jeff again oh oh but got a letter from the TV company they want to go ahead and do that documentary that they were talking about about married couples film us right my best behavior yeah Martin Marie show typical dysfunctional behavior it's just cuz you have a fight they just picked me yeah they're just being really selective about what they show yeah I'm going to rob for more lager get me some wine ow Martin has lost control prey Malaga they've taken the second context completely yeah yeah just that crucifix of bacon I made it ages ago just we were just clowning around we're just making us look rather ridiculous you know by just picking certain moments that I've just injected traumas ease in my leg and the veins have gone all solid next week Marie and Martin are caught trapping squirrels to make house okay you busy it's being a container very busy there is there is wait quick quick go there he goes have a good one thank you very alright are you going to do the one oh yes can I [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: faxedbuckets1

Views: 13,820

Rating: 4.9223299 out of 5

Keywords: Kevin Cecil, Channel 4, 2001, Armando Iannucci, Andy Riley, HD, 50fps

Id: QNQfBTy-Flg

Length: 24min 24sec (1464 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 28 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/NoPlatesNoDates]

He changed his name to Sammy after being referred to as Glenn twice in one hour and crying 4 pints of water

[u/VinceyG123]

"That was the worst thing I've ever seen, and I was in 'Nam!"

Finally, we have found the origins!

[u/benXP]

He has a good breakdown in Grandma’s house (which also has Rebecca Front in) - very good lol

[u/Larmeh]

This looks funny, might have to watch some of it! Also continue watching Avenue 5

[u/LazyPeon616]

The Hitler part of the breakdown confuses me, is it a reference to something or just the ramblings of an oddball?