Teyana Taylor | Angie Martinez IRL Podcast

you need to fight this is what you want you fight for it you know what I'm saying I think that that's what gave me I fight for every role I fight for every blessing I I fight and I'm willing to do the work and I fight because I haven't really had many people here to fight for me Andrew Martinez in Real Life podcast this episode and conversation is powered by a Ducey can we please do a toaster have a nerd all right can we start with a toast to the nerd to the Future Academy award-winning Tiana Taylor [Applause] thank you oh my God I went to the screening last night what does everybody tell you after they saw a movie oh my God they're like literally crying like oh my God that'd be quiet you [ __ ] I didn't feel like that you know what you know why no I didn't feel like that because I expected that from you um I love that you know what I'm saying like I feel like and that's not to be taken for granted because sometimes you expect something from somebody and they don't deliver right right right but um first of all hi and welcome to the hey girl the podcast we're gonna have a little nerk you like nerds right I love these ones we're gonna have a little nerd and a toast I also think because you know my story and what I've been through and I know how dope you are so it's not surprising to me that you're just dope in the movie right but I don't even think necessarily I think that's a lot of people's tears but also just like the storyline and like what's happening you know what I'm saying yeah um but yeah like people that has been in my life and know me knows it's just more of a thing like why don't I have this more often these are the blue ones too no I was thinking about you on the way here because move over a little bit girl camera angles right you're such a director and I know you're such a um I want to make sure we got the shot this is amazing to have the ABC cam it's good this is my baby yeah no but that's good people that's where they missed that's where they miss it and you're trying to make it happen One camera and uh maybe even two not even enough you got three yeah we turn it into a little production house this started as a podcast I'm here for it and I'm here for it yeah thanks yeah I really wanted you know we're learning a lot because I just brought in a crew the first episode and we had a lot of problems and you know you've done this you know it is you got to learn as you go and yeah but um it's been going good I'm happy with it so far I'm happy to have you here thank you yo so to go back to my point about not being surprised that you killed this movie um I remember when I saw you you were I want to say when was Google me out 15 you were 15 16 yes I had known to you but I didn't really I saw you in the street one time I told you that story yeah I got a club and I was like who is this badass kid and then and then somebody and I didn't realize was the same person but somebody was really pressing me like you were like a big deal when you got signed and it was like come to this you got to come to this thing this showcase the Showcase yes and I went and I saw you uh you were doing Google me yeah what was that was that Marquee yes was that market do you believe you remember that I don't know why I remember oh my God I remember random facts sometimes about [ __ ] so I went into Marquee and I was like oh yeah I know her and then you started performing I remember just looking at you like oh no she's like not a badass kid she's actually dope like I I was I was trying to figure you out you know what I'm saying because the song was cute and catchy but it was young and it right I couldn't really tell but at that showcase I performed more records that I have recorded that never yeah but you you could tell you know you could tell the difference between an artist artist and somebody was up there acting like an artist you could tell the difference and I was so excited for you and to see what was happening and then so over the years we've I've watched you and we've had interviews and I've seen you be everywhere and everything like it I grew up right in front of you it's nuts it's nuts but so when I see you in a moment like this it's not surprising to me right right you know what I'm saying like of course you bodied that yeah so it was I was happy to see that moment for you because it feels like a real moment does it feel like that for you yeah it definitely feels like a real moment like it feel like the moment you know I think all the tears all the prayers you know like all the the weight that I thought was punishment uh was a big eye opener that it wasn't it was preparation you know just all the years I mean you knew me and knew what I did a lot of people knew we knew what I did I never really had a break in like relevancy throughout my whole career because you know I'm a busybody so I'm doing this I'm doing that but it's like technically um I wasn't necessarily like getting the moment yeah getting my things you know what I'm saying and um I think that that was not getting my things is what made me stronger and gave me more preparation to properly receive my things you know what I'm saying and um yeah I just don't think that I would have even given like Inez or that I've given her hadn't I been through the different you know just the different ups and downs ups and downs yeah yeah but do you believe because I always believe this we talk about this a lot here too it's like what is supposed to happen it happens and yeah and that's what I'm saying so that time all of those no's or maybe just if things wasn't happening in the timely fashion I wanted to happen um that I looked at like okay it's not happening is every time it comes to me is always something that weight that I thought was punishment was God saying No Maybe that was just preparation for what was already written for you in the palm of my hands I just I want to run through that little just real quick because it's people who might not be familiar with the history and the story it's like even from that first time I saw you doing Google me right young girl wants to get on wants to has this Talent get signed to Pharrell gets signed to Kanye has a big I mean I just remember moments where you felt like as you from the inside must have felt like this is the moment oh this is the moment oh this is the time watching you do that little Kim tribute watching you like even that was the moment you know like that's what I'm saying like every but imagine that's what it felt like it felt like getting like it seems like every time you got to the door it slammed in your face that was the feeling that I was having you get what I'm saying even all the way down to Faith to do fading like this is it Faith was fire exactly in other moments like right after fade album should have dropped you get what I'm saying like it was just it was always something so I was like what were these moments and who were these moments really for you know clearly these moments bigger than me who were they for I don't know because I I just know when fade came out um it definitely probably should have been an album of rollout it just should have been preparation yeah for something you hear what I'm saying and like even when fake him out I told you I didn't I didn't know that it was dropping I think probably like the day of I still didn't really all the way no I didn't know I wasn't even there I watched myself on a VMAs have one of the biggest moments of my career sitting on my couch in Atlanta watching the VMAs and what's happening inside is that anger is that disappointment is that you know what's crazy it wasn't even I don't even think that it was anger it may have hit a little later because I think I was also trying to still process everything you got to understand when that video came out my life literally changed overnight but it wasn't something I hadn't seen before you know I've had moments where you know it'd be a lot of static a lot of traffic but this one was of course was the biggest one um so my phone was ringing immediately is that what you credit that's what you like think is I think it's one of the biggest moments of my career absolutely I definitely I did changed my world it changed my life like what Faye did for me I guess as an artist is like what this movie is doing for me as an actress like phase show like oh you get what I'm saying like it was an eye-opener yeah you know I wasn't signed to a model agency before fate I wasn't I wasn't I didn't have none of those kind of things you know So and I've always you know done other stuff but like even as many endorsements as I have or the gym memberships going up and you know like just moments like that was another eye-opening moment for the world I wonder if this happened to you because and you've been in the game for a long time but you're still young you're still at the beginning of a new thing right now and in this moment right here but do you feel like because you know we have these dreams and we're young and we're like yo when I get that or if you're like if you're at a certain weight and you're like oh when I get to that weight I'm gonna be happy or when I get this deal I'm gonna be happy when I get a song when I you know and you've had so many of those almost like false starts and this is what I'm saying that's the part that's like getting on a roller coaster and take you up before that big drop and it gets stuck don't take me down give me off this [ __ ] take me to my destination where the hell we gotta go you know what I'm saying that's how it felt like just even just we're gonna love me look how big Gonna Love Me could have really been don't get me wrong like I'm almost double Platinum but that was something that I did you know what I'm saying so imagine like so when people say oh my God but this is that but it's like imagine if it really had that push yeah you feel what I'm saying like I dropped like great albums that just haven't had the push you know two things I'm curious about about that is number one how do how do you not lose that [ __ ] that fire that thing that still makes you want to fight for that like at any point that you feel just like [ __ ] it why are I keep doing this it's clearly not meant to be like do you ever get in your head that way yeah I have those moments but the great thing about how I handle myself is I have that moment and once I let it all out I didn't have my conversation with god and I'm like just Breathe Into Me Lord you know I'm just just yeah what is wanting him to breathe into me um just my Ministries you feel what I'm saying and having that balance and I think that's the amazing part about having a relationship with God because I think people think it's just like okay get on your knees put your hands together and say a prayer you know and I think it's really about just having real conversations with them um but also doing your studies you know I stay in my Bible I do um I have a physical Bible I have a Bible app that give you like a verse of A Day verse of the day um every day is prayers on air and there's like different topics so anxiety uh love you know Pride like literally any any and every word you can think of you click on that word and it's a prayer for you know what I'm saying um yeah so that just listening to gospel music like but records that really you know like Fred Hammond like Breathe Into Me Lord like that's my that's my [ __ ] sorry Lord I'm sorry um the Lord knows your heart I know yeah he knows my heart that's what I mean even about having real conversations with him yeah like I don't got up in a conversation with him tight you know like I may hit him with a yo like yo father like what you what's my journey like what are we doing what do you want me to do like what what's my higher calling like am I here like what what will you see for me you know what I'm saying I think that that's what make it great because he knows your heart he knows that you are um trying and it's easier to continue to build a relationship with God when you keep it real you know what I'm saying and you're not trying to it's you're not doing what you see on TV or what the church is necessarily telling you you have to do you know what I'm saying is like if you could feel like if I could feel like okay cool I can go on and do an interview with Angie because it's a safe space if I feel like you're a safe space imagine what I feel with God you feel what I'm saying like the most most vulnerable yeah you know what I'm saying like and just literally like Jesus died for our sins you know what I'm saying for us because we're not perfect you know what I'm saying so I have raw honest conversations with God nothing that that's what gets me through and I feel like I do get answers quicker rather than trying to do it the way do you feel like the answers come quick absolutely like how quick like tell me a time when I'm not trying to chop my head off you know what I'm saying like that right there like how I can go from like letting out like letting everything out or feeling like you know what I'm done with all this [ __ ] you know what I'm saying I'm like let me just take a beat step back oh God what's up what we doing because it's I'm I'm going to a place I don't want to go we'll be doing and you see it feel it feel it because then there you go I go and open up my Bible open up my app or you know Donna Yolanda you know you just you just it's little things you got to do like I'll say even all the way to Sundance like to be able to even in the moment of joy you know soaking everything in it's the same process if you can go to him when you upset and you're sad you can come to him you know when he's answering your prayers so it's the same thing I got a shower listening to my gospels and my Ministries you get what I'm saying like I'm like in hair makeup like crying because I'm like yo Life Is Life in for the for the best like you know like I'm thriving and I'm so grateful and I'm so blessed so like a lot of times I'll be crying but like yo like go like thank you like you really fire like you know what I'm saying like like if you feel him laughing like you full of say hey like you asked me you asked for it you know what I'm saying like do you ever did have you there's ever been a time you doubted him no even in another that's why I thought the weight was was punishment and there would be a lot of questions I never I would never I could never you know also have like my whole family don't play that like we're all God fearing you know what I'm saying um my grandparents is in the ministry as well um so I I it was never a time too because if I try and call my Mom or call my aunt Vincent or call my nana Vincent like call my grand Adventure all right let's stay up for him you know what I'm saying like they don't they don't that's the answer that's the answer to the to the right it's crazy because it's almost like mind over matter it's been times where like I will physically be in pain and call my nana and like just the power of prayer be like feeling better the pain might come back a little later but just in that moment just just the power and prayer and the power and and knowing that you know everything's gonna be okay you know that's so good yeah does this ever happen to you because I was doing something recently I had a partner and there was some company that was like interested to do this project and I was like oh that's cool let's see where this plays out he's so excited now we got they go they want to fund this thing that you want to do and I'm like all right cool let's that's good let's keep talking to them he was like why you don't why you don't get excited I was like yeah because I've heard this a few times oh you sound like me that's what I'm saying I wonder for you that because I'm not trying to be negative I'm just being like all right oh my God but I I I don't as good as younger me you're not easily impressed no more I said that is the first thing I said when we opened this up yeah take me to the finish line and then we'll be then I'm then I'm grateful exactly but take me to the finish line but I wonder for you then it's in that idea is like when you're having this beautiful moment and you have this beautiful performance and people are talking about Awards and and how this is going to change your career are you almost afraid to fully Embrace that or or are you all the way in on it this was the first time in my career that I was able to fully Embrace what was happening I love that for you and I've been in the industries for 15 years you get what I'm saying so I I got to that place where I just wasn't easily impressed um I would I couldn't get excited because I wanted to go to the Finish Line you know like cool I understand this is a high right now and I'm up but like let's see what this big drop is going to be on this roller coaster you know like let's see where this takes us because it's just like I need I need to know so yeah I got to a point where I just wasn't excited about things my mom be like well why are you not excited cool I'm blessed I'm thankful I'm always I'm always thinking I'm always praising but like yeah this reaction y'all looking for yeah it's probably not maybe it was a defensive mechanism was just being nervous or being afraid um you know yeah just being just being afraid but this was the first time that I've been able to really like you know take it in because it almost felt like a clean slate you know what I'm saying so for me it's I'm able to embrace it because at this point the movie could be a box office sellout or it could have you know one person in the theater but to know that I I possibly have given like an award-winning performance is enough for me you know they open up like open up a lot more yeses for me you know I went from a lot of knows and I all I ever wanted people to do was give me that one little yes that would show the world what I got and no one would give it to me did you see you hit it with the Byron they didn't see the Byron but that it's all been funny stuff like it wasn't nothing that would make people be like okay cool like I can trust her with this you get what I'm saying if I did get a lot of movie roles it was I had to be the hot girl I had to be you know what I'm saying yeah yeah it's just it was cool with all your body does yeah of course yeah I'm gonna do my job yeah all right Mama gonna do a job does it shift like what you're chasing in your life because I would imagine like young you you chase it like it's not even Fame it's right I don't want to speak for you but what I get from you is like you're chasing this like level of success in your using your talents right like even in this moment what does this moment mean and what do you hope it means moving forward um I mean the moment I'm just basking in it you know like and honestly I ain't going for like I'm so occupied and just like just being so thankful you know what I'm saying like it's hard to describe because this is something I pray for me waiting for and you know me being in energy for as long as I've been in like and being assigned to who I was assigned to I've Been Around the biggest of the biggest you know what I'm saying like I'd already worked with Beyonce when I just just got signed in Pharrell and working through working with Beyonce like her even asking me like what's your situation you know I would never forget that day what do you mean is that just signed I had just signed with Pharrell and um I had worked with her on a ring alarm video and I sung for her and um and her mom on the elevator because you know I was just I was just getting put on but I had she was nasty and not scared yes and yeah Beyonce loved that because like you know I was young but I walked in like full of life I was like hey everybody I'm Tiana like oh she loved it she loved it you know so it was just like you know after we got the work done and we kind of like just had a moment to like wind down she was like what's the situation like are you signed like you know what I'm saying I'm like yeah I'm shouting for real I just signed for real she's like it's the ink Drive and I was like yeah you know what I'm saying but it's just like honestly like you know she's been so supportive like any time I run into her like she always knew everything that I had going on you know what I'm saying and I feel like that's just like true woman empowerment because you know that was one of the main things of what really pushed me to my limit as far as like when I even went to retire because I always felt like you know we scream and yell and holla about woman empowerment but we're not really empowering one another behind closed doors at this point women empowerment is for an aesthetic you know what I'm saying so to come in the industry at 15 to a Beyonce and then also have you know all the women in my life be extremely affectionate um all I knew was that was love and affection so I had it from my family and then I had it from Beyonce you feel what I'm saying no real [ __ ] so even that I feel like Beyonce plays a big part in like what shaped me into being as like graceful as I am within the industry you feel what I'm saying because it's just like she gave me genuine love you know what I'm saying and she didn't know I was signing for bro none of that she was like what's up what are we doing you know what I'm saying like she saw something exactly so it's like going into the industry you know just doing for everybody showing up for everybody like styling for everybody choreographing for everybody you know designing for everybody you know writing for everybody half the stuff never even been credited for and I'm fine with that but when I call on you for a little bit of help and it's not reciprocated that's the part that hurts you know what I'm saying and it's just like a lot of people that I called for my albums a lot of people that I call for different things was ghosts quiet you know what I'm saying so it was hard for me to process that because like I said I'm coming from Beyonce the biggest star in the world in show genuine love and genuine woman empowerment you expected that from everybody I did yeah but that's like you know that's like if your first boss is super nice you're gonna think like oh no this is how it it is it's not you feel what I'm saying yeah and it's not and I had and I had to learn that and I'm and I'm okay with it that's why you you'll ever see me on Instagram rans Twitter friends I keep to myself and I stay to my family you know what I'm saying like I'm on my business I I love being unproblematic I stay I don't get in nobody's business how has been a um how is Family Life wife mom how has it all changed in terms of I don't know what your drive was what you were trying to accomplish I feel like it made me go harder really I mean you know when you got kids and the family you're not complaining about that because now you playing with my time time I don't have I got PTA meetings and you know like you know it's Junior she's at that age where you know she wants to go to ballet or you know uh in just all types of stuff there's things that she want to do it's time to be a mommy so I want to make sure that my my time is being well utilized if I'm gonna step away from being Mom that I mean really is there fire outside they're aggressive today with the horns sorry baby what's on your mind I feel like something's on your mind right now you okay yeah you just went somewhere yeah no no I'm good you went somewhere on me just now no I'm just thinking that's something I do we have like random moments of the day where I really just I hate how cliche it sounds but like I really just be thinking about everything like I'm so thankful you know what I'm saying like I I do be having them times where I just will zone out and just really think about life and like just where I am you know tell me that though like break that down like what is that what does that mean I've been dealing with a lot of [ __ ] that I really cannot explain it's it's a feeling more than it is something that is expressible you know like it's just yeah I will have these random times I'll just stop and just like thank God you know what I'm saying so sometimes when I just be getting stuck I'll be like damn I'm really even just sitting here and just like talking about life you know when you talk about life you start to think back the different times and you know to think about a lot of people that have been defeated by their demons you know what I'm saying because you got people that are defeated you got people that defeat and I've been lucky enough to be able to defeat rather than be defeated you know what I'm saying with all the distractions and all the things that the enemy um try and grow your way during your faithful so just even think about that like just how many times God has shielded me you know um protected me because he knew that he was preparing me for something so don't go [ __ ] up your [ __ ] you know what I'm saying like with the out of off of impulse you know what I'm saying and in temporary anger don't go making no permanent decisions uh with temporary anger and temporary feelings and you know temporary thoughts or because that's that's the enemy that's the enemy's job to distract you and sometimes they'll send people closest to you to do that you know so becoming a mom um has taught me patience [Music] um and gave me literally the purest most genuine love ever you know what I'm saying like I do literally is the purest they come out of you to give you nothing but love it changes you right like it does because for a long time I didn't even feel like beautiful you know what I'm saying it didn't matter really it didn't matter how many even as the time you got to your the time you were a mom you were you were already like Tiana Taylor all right but that's what I'm saying everybody fight their own little quiet um battles you know what I'm saying and granted I may be Teyana Taylor but I I may not have been what they felt like the standard of beauty was when I was in the industry you know what I'm saying so I didn't know but it's just like having a kid tell you beautiful just hit different you know what I'm saying because one kids are very honest so I was like you know being a mom is like really built my self-esteem in a lot of ways talking about that time though because I think people looking at you could probably think they can't even imagine that like think about it too when I was younger um I got teased by having a deep voice or my lips being big you feel what I'm saying like I got t's for all that so coming into the industry and you know people know voicemail you know what I'm saying like I If you if you dealing with kind of some of the same stuff you was dealing with coming up then to you it seems to be true you know what I'm saying like I don't know it's a weird thing that's something I feel like we're talking about a lot of [ __ ] that I never really talk about you know I kind of just I Chuck it up and I keep it pushing I've done it all of my life literally all 32 years of my life I've literally kept pushing so I was like that's why I'm like it's really hard to get into a lot of things or even just try and break down what I'm trying to say because it's all within is all feelings whether it's good or bad you know what I'm saying like it's a hard thing because I don't really um well I think about it I think those are the things that connect us right because I think like I went to dinner the other night with a friend that I've been in the business with he's been in the game as long as me and we see each other we show love you probably have mad people like this you and I are kind of probably like that like we always show love you always felt like I got love for you right but we never really sat like so it's just a friend like that somebody I knew in America we had dinner and he's in the middle of going through something real like super real and like some of the [ __ ] that's going on in our real lives and I just was like I know this dude for 30 years I never realized that we have like some of the same challenges and my man has someone in the same job like sometimes I think we all see each other we cross each other and pass in the streets even family members yeah oh that's my cousin he loves all down here but they don't know when you wake up in your low moment like what what your demons are or when you talk about having demons but like I think of people watching this or people sit at home that are in the trenches of that type of [ __ ] like and need to feel like it's not they're not by themselves yeah definitely not by themselves I think that's why our Nest is important but also why it is important to share it because you know there's there's demons all around there's demons in human form there's demons that's that's the enemy that is the distraction so a demon can just be something as small as a distraction you know what I'm saying so we're all fighting a battle we're all fighting demons that's why I said it's about who is being defeated versus who is defeating I defeat I defeat the [ __ ] I'm not playing with y'all you know what I'm saying because my God is stronger what do you think has been your real life biggest demon or distraction that you've had to like constantly check I know that's a heavy one but yeah [Music] I guess like how I let things affect me you know because I go into everything with just so genuine and like with so much love so I ain't gonna front like at a point in time where I would get in my feelings about everything or whoever you're gonna know how I feel I'm Gonna Keep it a being deemy is difficult I don't care you know what I'm saying is you're not gonna play me because that cause people hurt your feelings or because yeah you know like I've gotten my feelings hurt but I think also like just also having a bit of like abandonment issues you know what I'm saying and just want to feel protected and want to feel safe and I think that that's what hurt um with them being in the industry and being signing certain people that I looked at look to for protection and kind of like a loud whoever else do whatever with me you know what I'm saying so it's just like I don't know this is a lot what is the abandonment issues from because your family is around yeah but my mom was a single parent my uh biological pops was um in jail like 13 14. use my life 13. maybe something like that and um so even with that you know before uh my mom found true love and happiness which is about Love Boat money my pops thank God not everybody has a good yeah step dad Story That's my boy that's another one with one of my dogs if I say you my dog like I [ __ ] with forever you know what I'm saying and and that's that's who Bo is but like before you know vote really came around and we got super duper close you gotta think about it like coming from that not really having a dad and then um you know another figure in my life wound up getting murdered you know the closest thing how old were you when that happened I had to be about and that's why my pops my pops are still locked up so I had to be a party about like 11 to 12 my mom's um uh fiance at the time was murdered and actually just took me down you know what I'm saying so um my biological pops coming out of jail I was trying to build away [ __ ] we just kept clashing we just were clashing because like you got out thinking you was about to like tell me how this [ __ ] run and it's like Bro you've been like for damn long you don't even know how to work the steering wheel like you you go to say yo even know how to work the captain chair what the [ __ ] you talking about were you calling him dad or were you not no first name but the the crazy part about it is I wanted that figure so bad that yes when he first got out I was excited to say Dad until he got me [ __ ] up a little bit you feel me so then it was just like being signed getting signed two two a man you know I was like a figure to me you know what I'm saying like oh my God like you know I looked at these people like figures you know what I'm saying whether it was as a as a dad or as a a brother it didn't matter so it was like you didn't see me when you didn't hear me you didn't protect me you just kind of just like fed me to the Wolves type [ __ ] without even probably even knowing you know what I'm saying and those are those were you know some of those conversations still need to be um had I was going to say well you personally I mean you share whatever you want to share today or not share but will you at some point in your life because you don't want to hold on to nothing like that's I don't know if you've have already with some of those figures have had these like honest conversations about how it's affected you and and how it hurt you or got a really really really really deep and honest conversation with Pharrell because you know that he was the first person to sign me in you know he was skateboard p i was skateboard T you know what I'm saying like that was you could not tell me that wasn't my pops you feel me like and I really like did he know that though yeah you know what's crazy he didn't have he didn't have kids at the time and he wanted like he wanted kids and he would be like yo she called me her pops like he was really proud of that you know what I'm saying like but he could he really understand what that meant though like knowing what you've been through with your pops and how triggering yeah he didn't he didn't know any of those things you got to think about it like for me walking and I was really like his baby twin you know what I'm saying like we both from the day we met had on damn near the same fit you know what I'm saying it's always just like oh yeah she really little me you know what I'm saying last it's really my little [ __ ] you know what I'm saying like and that's and that's what it was and he he was you know um like a figure to me in some sort you know so it was just like to hold you at such a pedestal and you know at the same time you know he's not confrontational at all he's literally one of these people in just the whole wide world you know what I'm saying so it wasn't that he didn't protect me I just think a lot of hands started going into the cookie jar you feel what I'm saying and he didn't you know like it's p like he's not about to be like no y'all [ __ ] back up you feel me like you know maybe he was heard about some things maybe you know what I'm saying you just you don't know maybe it could have been a thing of Pride and ego at the time we don't know to me as a 15 year old was you didn't protect me you you let everybody miss mishandle me you know what I'm saying when I signed to you you know what I'm saying like and you let everybody get in the way you let everybody break us apart you didn't protect me you know so you understand that that's like probably so hard for him to hear that um it it took me a long time to express like I said you think about even though I'm I'm saying all of this this is not things that like I showed you get what I'm saying I had the tough exterior of any young girl I've been hurt I'm gonna get my job done that's why I [ __ ] more than holler to my personal friends my mom or whatever but I'm gonna get the job done you know and um I just recently shared that with him and I want to say it might have been like right after fade came out that was made it even Doper because for me I was at the top top top when that [ __ ] came out you know and I love that I was able to just like share that with him during a a high you know what I'm saying and not like hitting somebody up while you're angry and sitting around somewhere bitter nah I wasn't that so I was like in a super like just poised graceful place it's just kind of like let him notice how proud it was of just us you know what I'm saying like how how far we've come so it was never a thing of like y'all I feel away it was really like yo I wouldn't let you know I really love you and I appreciate you know every that's what it was you know I be basking in my blessings I do and I'll be having a moments where I just thinking I'm like damn like no matter how I felt when I was younger like none of these doors would ever open if it wasn't for for Pete so one thing about me is I just know how to give thanks you know what I'm saying to the people who has blessed me so it's like yeah with him is still because I didn't I didn't have a dad you know what I'm saying and um he enjoyed me bragging about him like you know calling him dad because it probably hurt maybe something that he wanted you know what I'm saying he wanted he wanted kids at the time really bad and maybe he was in whatever space he was in but it was clearly an emotional space for the both of us and um it's just I don't know my mom always told me to be grounded to just be thankful for people that that are blessings to me so it's just like even it doesn't matter if I was hurt I was a mom so I had learned patience I learned Grace I learned you know so it's just like I was really hitting him up to just like say thank you you know what I'm saying for everything because also knowing him as well as I know him it wasn't the thing that you did on purpose you didn't purposely not protect me you know what I'm saying it might have been a thing where like you like you know he's so gentle you know and just kind of just like let everybody push him out the way and I guess for me that 15 year old that girl just needed you to fight a little harder you know what I'm saying needed you to maybe push even if you didn't have the strength to I just needed you to push for me more you know what I'm saying so that being my first experience and then going on with life and just constantly receiving disappointments or just a lack of protection um a lack of Fight You Know which maybe even like run over into why I'm able to have a healthy communication with why it's certain things I don't play about you feel what I'm saying like you need to fight this is what you want you fight for it you know what I'm saying I think that that's what gave me strength I fight for every role I fight for every blessing I I fight and I'm willing to do the work and I fight because I haven't really had many people here to fight for me you know what I'm saying like of course I got my mom that was in a fight for me but we both learned in the industry as we go and because she's a woman in the industry she's considered a problem for knowing too much you know what I'm saying so it's like that's what I think that the abandonment issues are showing up for everybody you know what I'm saying and people not really isn't it crazy how like a moment like that could even and you probably even in the time you were probably angry because things didn't go the way you wanted but like when you realize how much it like affected the young girl and why it wasn't just because you were disappointed in the business but this is why I also don't do a lot of interviews yeah because it's just like I don't you know I I don't like to have people in the group chat yeah I get it you know I I love staying in myself and I don't want to ruffle any feathers like I don't like this kind of stuff you know what I'm saying yeah I don't want to push you too far I I don't but but I do want to give him his flowers because even at that time when I finally expressed to him the things that I have felt it was so genuine and it was so sweet like I wasn't even angry like I said I was in a moment of like because at that time I did for like once fate came out like it did feel like a moment for me I was basking and all of my blessings and I knew that I could not continue to bask in that without reaching out to the person who made everything all possible you know what I'm saying so I'll hit him up and want some like thankful [ __ ] and I just didn't expect for it to hit him the way that it hit him you know there's apologies and it was you know what I'm saying it was accountability and you know it it's no need to get into detail about the conversation but it was accountability most importantly and I think that that is the part um that's just like you know like for you huh did it free you of like it did it freed me to to actually hear his side it freed me to not judge him based on maybe without judging him at 15 that's what I'm saying like becoming a mom and becoming a wife and learning communication and learning that you know the same way you're going through something and dealing with things it's another side you know it's not just you did that conversation help you I know things are sensitive so I want to be careful how I asked this but did that help you in as the grown-up having grown up disappointment in your career you know I mean did you take it as hard when things maybe didn't work out the next time as you did with with that time or um I I I must say that you know when I decided to depart from good music I mean not good music decided to part from Star Trek um you know it was a hard conversation he didn't want me to go but I just felt like I needed to explore myself just that's just I needed to find myself you know I signed him when I was 15. I got out of the contract and I was like what 20 20 22 maybe like 21 22. you feel what I'm saying so I was like you don't understand that's a that's a long time you know what I'm saying and you trying to like figure out life and you're just like I'm I'm coming of age you know I'm becoming a young woman it's like I gotta figure this out you know like I gotta figure it out and it was hard because it was also one of the last conversations that I had with uh Jay ice pick you know so that was a tough one that was my boy yeah um so you know leaving that and then going to a session because uh me and gay were like kind of like fashion buddies or whatever I remember coming into the session so we could just kind of just talk about clothes and um that's all and I was singing he was like oh [ __ ] you know how to sing for real for real like can you go and do something that's how I got the opportunity to get on that song and I remember um him asking like yo what's your what's your situation like what's up like let's get it popping you know and I thought and then once again this is he's a genius you know I'm like okay cool like maybe this is like the new age Star Trek because that's what it was at the time you know what I'm saying and it was just like okay like I'll I'll figure it out music yeah let's get music now so now I'm like stepping into another situation after I just got out of something very difficult so it's like relationships you know sort of stepping out of one thing and going into another but me I've always respected the people that's come before me I've always respected you know just creative people so I'm not looking at it like I was like well I'm looking at it like you know like he's a [ __ ] genius he's like you know what I'm saying like and it's crazy because the first day I met Pharrell to sing to Pharrell him and Kanye was in town to do um their record number one um on like Good Day New York and something like that but um so that's crazy how that was a full circle moment but you know yeah to to sign to to yay once again I think I was looking for you know the protection and I thought that maybe still he would get it right not no not no no no no like oh yeah Kanye you my dad nah [ __ ] we ain't doing it wasn't giving I was gonna say from 15 Tiana to that age 22 23. Yeah Yeah but it was it when I say protection I don't I don't mean just like like on some father figure [ __ ] you want to just protection within the industry this is a dirty game it's an industry full of [ __ ] wolves you feel what I'm saying and I'm leaving one thing to go into another you know like no matter where you go when you go into a train station you go into a radio interview everybody wants to feel safe they want the surroundings to to feel safe you feel what I'm saying so it's like to jump into another situation where was it even just the faith thing hurt more because it's like well who was fate really for and even by the time Faith came out I had been signed a good music for a lot of years you know and one thing about me is I'm a workaholic I work my ass off so it ain't like like you know when people like yeah because you know that person never got ahead because oh they had a bad attitude that's not you that's not me even your work ethic it's like yeah you know what I'm saying so it's like talking about this before like you show up on time for stuff yeah like you take work ethics yeah I take it very serious like my time management is impeccable even during concerts I will curse my whole staff I don't like being late for my shows I don't like being late anywhere you know what I'm saying so it was never a thing where I was like oh her attitude or this has held her back I did everything I did my own move boards I I styled myself I dressed myself you know what I'm saying I was doing like I was really saving the label a lot of money yeah so it was like the little that I'm asking for it really should not be um a problem you know so it's like when Faye came out I was like yo like who was this really for you know what I'm saying like when do I get my moment you have to be thinking like when do I get my moment yeah you know what I'm saying and you know like I said I'm very grateful for everyone that's been put into my life Kanye is still you know um provided life-changing opportunities and you know I'm I'm so grateful you know what I'm saying but I I still feel like you know that is probably that is the conversation that definitely um needs to be had you know but that's another reason why I don't like I don't like interviews because people would try and like bring up my frustrations with my rollout or whatever to try and like use it as a let's hate Kanye train you feel what I'm saying do you feel like you're at a point now because you were looking for Pharrell to protect you a Kanye to protector but I'm wondering if you have changed your perspective about who is here to protect you after the Pharrell and Kanye thing is when I had to take accountability and really continue to build an even stronger relationship with God I feel like that I feel like um I don't know just I see you know what I'm saying I'm sorry I don't know why I feel emotional about that no it's just you know it's a it's a lot of things that's happened talked about and I think also another thing about it is my family and I have done so well for ourselves that it's almost a thing of like oh yeah Tiana's good like I don't think anybody ever really got the opportunity to dive into me because everybody's just genuinely so happy for me and that's what I do love like the the industry like well the people like the world has been so supportive of like me and my family and they love all me and my family so much that I think that has never really been a real looking you know so it's like I said like is she okay yeah it's just always been like so overwhelmed and like just being great that is never really I don't talk about much you know what I'm saying like I I do keep a lot of things bottled up so it's like just this whole press run for Inez has been like heavy for me because really yeah because I know it's been therapeutic for me you know it was the first time I was able to like put my cake to the side like put my mom Cape to the side put my super strong woman came to the side and just really have a moment of I hate that we have to you know what I'm saying yeah because majority of the time you know us being strong woman um is is not by choice you know what I'm saying so it's just like to go to set 12 hours a day and be able to just like pour out and cry out loud every single emotion you've seen in the movie was real you know what I'm saying it was you could feel so when they yell cut I knew that it was time to go back home and put the cape back on and be okay and be perfect and be you know what I'm saying and into the world you know you everybody's just like you know yeah they they show so much love and of course you want to inspire people in different things like that so it's like a lot of these things my mind and life has been so occupied even just with my love for my husband and you know my family my babies I've been so occupied I never really had the time to really dive into maybe things that have been traumatizing you know I guess I never visited those those traumas and I think promoting this movie is only like it's been stirring up even just childhood trauma has been stirring up a lot of things that I just been able to so Welly like keep to the back burn and it's all kind of coming to them also you're a tough girl yeah so whenever you probably feel intimidated or you feel like vulnerable you probably kick into like Harlem you know saying some people that but that's another thing that I do kind of feel like is is maybe a little bit misunderstood I'm I'm actually just really an egg I look hard and you just kind of tap me on the table a few times I'm just yoke you know like that it's me you know and I I love that about you so but when I tell you I see you today I see that yeah it doesn't make you song I say that I'm very it's beautiful yeah I've been judged of like people just thinking like she aggressive she hard so I know she probably over there and it's just like I've been judged off that where people probably think that I was doing I probably think I said what was easy to believe and it's like I'm actually like a [ __ ] ball of marshmallows you know what I'm saying like I'm most people are about you know what I'm saying I'm supposed to be in uh survival mode you know what I'm saying just just being a black woman uh navigating life and then this world in this industry too yes I'm seeing the world the industry is dirty you know it's it's a lot and I do want to just clear one more thing like I'm very very grateful for um Kanye you know and Pharrell you know I'm really happy that me for I was able to have a conversation and hopefully the next thing is you know Kanye because it's definitely a talk that needs to be had in an accountability that needs to be taken just from some brother to sister [ __ ] you know what I'm saying like by the way uh I don't feel like you um acknowledging that something hurt you or disappointed you equals you got beef with somebody I just don't I know the world is and unfortunately I just don't like to kick people down while they're down and I'm not saying that yay is down but like he got so much going on you know what I'm saying I don't need this to be another thing that's like you know and I want to be there for you you know what I'm saying I want to I'm going to protect you so I was I'm a warrior and that's that's what it was I've been a soldier on every single label the most loyal you know what I'm saying like one of the most loyal [ __ ] on a squad and that's one thing that I could proudfully rightfully write like when I was cursed yeah I'm like [ __ ] I'm the most loyal [ __ ] on the team you playing with me you feel me but he really gotta respect it because I am you feel me and don't get me wrong like you know everybody got they but I'm definitely one one of them ones you feel me so I was like when I'm when I'm looking for that like out of you how do you reciprocate that to your soldiers how do you reward your soldiers for you know what I'm saying like holding this [ __ ] down holding this [ __ ] together gracefully you know what I'm saying so I do feel like I deserve you know a conversation and and you know accountability needs to be taken so we could just like move past it but it is a lot of questions that I have I love that you want to get to it too yeah yeah but that's what I learned from marriage and being a mother and you have to have the patience to be willing to have that conversation and say okay cool let's just lay it all out you know because that time that you that I may have thought you [ __ ] on me you may have been really going through some [ __ ] you know what I'm saying but I want to know that so I can take accountability as well and say okay cool maybe I should have handled that differently one thing I don't run away from is accountability I don't I'm quick with it you know what I'm saying like I don't mind that I have no if the I'm prideless I'm egoless when it comes to the people that I love you know what I'm saying and that's why I think it's hurtful because it's like you know these people have real life bonds and relationships with so it's like have compassion and give me the things that I need you know what I'm saying because then when I'm ready to go everybody want to work it out but it's like we don't get to work it out and act like this didn't happen before we can move forward we have to yeah you know we gotta we gotta iron this [ __ ] out we can't go into the room with a regular shirt I like that in real life what are you most proud of about yourself um in real life I'm most proud of motherhood I'm proud of my babies it was the first decision first real heavy decision that I made for myself like I remember feeling like how Lauren felt in her record Zion you know like look at that song yeah you know what I'm saying like use your head with you what are you doing like this could possibly disco and I remember not letting anybody back me into a corner um and I I followed my heart and it was the best decision I ever made and my second uh favorite um was once again following my heart when I was when I decided to retire and I remember I got knocked into a corner do you know what this could do for you you know what can happen as we sit here talking about Oscar bus you know why the being the best I've really I've realized what I'm most proud of is like following my heart you feel what I'm saying and making the decision that I feel like is best for me because it hasn't stirred me wrong yet so that's what I'm most I'm definitely most proud of and then so like from your real life in real life what do you what do you hope people um like even this conversation or just how you've chose to live your life and the art you've just you've made what do you hope that people take away from that for their own lives I mean I I hope um able to show people what real patients look like and uh you know for me you know being on the front end of things from 15 nobody ever really got to see my struggle you know what I'm saying like it was always just me on the TV screen so it just looked like life was handed to me you know what I'm saying like things happened overnight and it wasn't that and I think that I'm a true Testament to you know the fact that I never gave up um always remained a hustler always remain hungry always remain humble hopefully or people can take away from this in my careers patience and to and to keep going and knowing that you know something I make you sad doesn't mean it it's the end of the world you know and and also just going into it knowing that in this life just be willing and ready to accept apologies that you've never gotten you know and I think that that's where I am and like even just down with the conversation like I know I want to have the conversation but I I've accepted the apology a long time ago before you even get it yes yes and that's why I'm able to uh Blossom and I'm able to continue to move gracefully and I'm able to be blessed and have a great relationship with God you know what I'm saying continue to have a great heart and to continue to walk on my path and just understand and take things for what it is and continue to use your gift because clearly no matter what happens you're not going nowhere exactly and now I'm in a space where I'm like I'm I'm like you know working with a lot of the new girls coming up and they're just like it's great because I'm catching them early so now I can instill in them you know what what was necessarily instilled in me something I had to like learn myself like I said learn from like the a little bit of it from you know Beyonce like I what I do is I choose to hold on to the positive rather than hold on to the negative so even though it was way more way more just like fake woman empowerment it's just a little tiny bit of Beyonce always just carry that little tiny bit of Beyond nothing about Beyonce is a little bit you got the great you got like what I'm saying is not one person one female showing you love versus a thousand females showing fake woman empowerment that anybody will fold and anybody will get caught up in that so what I'm saying is I took my Beyonce chunk rather than taking this big ass Mountain you know what I'm saying like I took this one rock with me does she know how much that you she means this is my first time this is my first time really expressing it you know what I'm saying like and every time me and Beyonce like see one another like it's always like when we're out but like Beyonce will have her security reasons hey Beyonce wants you like it she always makes sure I have like my private time and really just kind of like chop it up but because I'm an artist myself angle for I'm the person where like I don't overstay my welcome so I know sometimes it might come across as like well damn [ __ ] you leaving already but for me I don't you you know like yeah I do know actually why I want to be treated on top of the fact that [ __ ] you are still be honest like I'm about to be talking your ear off like I I'm so shy and I'm I'm not a pessimist person like I would think any little thing is being like a pest you feel what I'm saying so it's just like she asked me how I'm doing and like and and we and we really chopped it up and she she knows everything you know what I'm saying I I love that every time I see it she's embracing me about something else that I did that I'm like well girl it's just a little commercial you see what I'm saying but for her it's a big thing to her she watched me grow up you feel what I'm saying so to go from this 15 year old girl she met to a mother or wife and you know like she's really proud of that so like I said carrying that one that one rock with me is is played a big part beside my mom and you know the other woman in my life played a big part in my grace and how I move within the industry like she taught me to invest in myself like when I went to her concert she had a whole bunch of meet and greets to do but she really took out the time and was just like guilty like I see how you perform you know what I'm saying like it's okay to invest in yourself and I I take up my own money and from there you couldn't tell me nothing about my performances I put whatever I needed to put into my performances and even just like whatever you need call me I'm never gonna call you told me like I'm just not gonna do that you feel me and I hope she knows the rock that she has yeah she's been a rock yeah um throughout my career Oscars who would come back after the Oscars an egot yes why not if not you then who I need all the trophies but I'm just I'm grateful for even a nomination I just love that she hasn't lost any of that thank you love

Channel: Angie Martinez

Views: 598,094

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Id: 3Ib0GacxRPk

Length: 59min 29sec (3569 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 21 2023