Terminal Hospital

Miss okay we got a big show for you tonight D away we'll be right back terminal hospital where the sick and ailing find Hope where the ill and infirm become well where the doctors and nurses horse around that is terminal Hospital hello my name is Head Nurse Higgins it took me a long time to get to the top it was a lot of hard work a lot of drudgery and a lot of people had to be stepped on but now I'm up here in the years of struggling have made me hard but what they don't know is there's a soft side of me just dying to get out you don't know me head nurse Higgins my name is Mrs Marshall and I move to lyen Park 4 years ago pretending to be a society girl actually I'm a murderess I shot my father in the head 17 times by accident what have I done I moved to lynen park and I married quite well and now my husband is in this hospital about to be operated on oh had no s what am I going to do if he does who's that that's Dr Martin Mitchell terminal Hospital Society doctor he specializes in skin blemishes and emergency nose jobs oh doctor doctor please you must tell me what are you doing New Year's Eve I'll probably be in the Bahamas unless one of my patients needs her ears pierced oh uh by the way nurse if the patient in 302 gets a pimple I'll be under the dryer what did I do if my husband doesn't pull out of this my whole life will be ruined who's that and what's he doing New Year's Eve oh that's male nurse Peterson male [Laughter] nurse I heard you snickering at me just because I'm a male nurse everyone Snickers that's just not so well I must be going there's a depressed patient in 209 that I want to visit fine he could use a good snicker snicker snicker Florence Nightingale do you see this what am I do if my husband doesn't live I have to go back to my old life murdering fathers your husband will live do you hear me he will live and do you know why he will live because the nurses and the doctors of this Hospital are dedicated to saving lives now shut up or I'll kill you that'll certainly take care of New Year's Eve I'm afraid I must leave you now Mrs Marshall soon Dr goldenstein will be arriving the world's greatest healer with reasonable rates thank you thank you head nurse Higgins for that wonderful introduction oh and thank you doctor for coming to our humble hospital to heal our sick cure our ills and make the lame walk I can't do all that of course you can you can't go doctor you have to operate on This Woman's husband oh doctor doctor please tell me everything is going to be all right and if it's not going to be all right please please tell me you're single I'm sorry madam I'm married but I'm free on New Year's Eve OS Higgins I must speak to you alone in private step into my office is this private it is now yes I cannot operate why not look look at my hands they tring I've I've lost my nerve and my last 50 patients stop that I can't I can't doctor stop it put your hand keep your head no do here doctor put the butt doctor every doctor has a streak of bad luck but losing that last patience shattered me no doctor doctor please doctor stop doctor doctor your last patient was a transplant your last patient was a transplant and that's a very difficult operation a hair transplant I see what you mean you won't you won't you won't tell anyone about my hands will you trust me will mail doctor will mail nurse Peterson please come in hi kids put on your mask I recognize you you're not male nurse Peterson you're male doctor Peterson the famous surgeon who disappeared mysteriously 15 years ago back on Doctor you can't disguise yourself now do you want to hear my story yes 15 years ago I operated on a famous surgeon with a nervous disorder I botched the job and ruined his career wait a minute I was the doctor you operated on and the surgery was a success you call that a success oh yes you should have seen me before I used to shake like him oh that's wonderful this yes your confidence is back my confidence is back rather I'm sorry I'll put this back on my confidence is back I can operate again you have been an inspiration to me doctor you getting your confidence back is giving me my confidence back look it's back I can operate again let me doct my confidence is back let me operate boys boys fair is fair he got his confidence back first he should have first whack all right yes but I tell you what let me help you can be the nurse I want to be the nurse I want to be the nurse you must be the nurse no yes all right ready somebody must have started on this one all right nurse the sharp thing oh fantastic what a technique look at those moves we're watching medical history be made today doctor yes I want to be some small part of this all right thank uhoh doctor please tell me how is my husband he's dead because of these hands I killed him oh good now we can be married oh that massaging it feels good I didn't think I could pull through you see I have a weak heart he's alive tomorrow when terminal Hospital tries to answer the question who cares [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Carol Burnett show skits

Views: 113,653

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Id: Dp7Y0SE3wn0

Length: 7min 59sec (479 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 26 2016