Transcriber: Elisabeth Buffard I would like to invite you to listen for the next few minutes, but perhaps in some ways you've never listened before. We have 4 communication skills in fact, two outputs and two inputs. And if you ask people in research which one is the most important, the vast majority of people say that the most important one is listening. If you ask a great salesperson what's more important in your sales conversation, is it speaking or listening, that's the answer they'll give you. In fact we spend up to 60 % of our communication time listening. Depending on the job we do, and what we do, in our families and so forth. And yet, we're not very good at it. Our listening comprehension is just 25%. Which means that 3 words in 4
that are spoken to us just disappear. I'm not talking about you, not this talk, but in general. So what is listening?
Have you ever thought about a definition of listening? We take it for granted. I'd like to offer you a very broad definition<br/> of the word 'listening.' And I'm not talking here just about<br/> listening to somebody speaking, I'm talking about listening <br/>to the whole world around you. My definition of listening is <br/>making meaning from sound. All the sound around us. This is the process that I'm going <br/>to describe to you now, and there are 3 stages to that process. The first stage is a physical stage: sound waves hit your body. All over, you listen with your whole body, but in particular, they go deep inside your head, and the sound waves touch your eardrums. This is a very intimate sense: deep inside your head,
you're being touched, all the time, by sound. In the second stage, that physical relationship <br/>is translated into neural activity, electrical activity in the brain, and we've just been hearing a great deal about the wonders of what goes on inside our skulls. In the third part of the process, mental activity takes place and that, I suggest, is when listening really happens. The first two parts of that process <br/>are really about hearing. So let's have a look at <br/>the mental side of the process. We use some good tricks
in order to make sense, in order to make meaning out of sound. One of the most important tricks <br/>is pattern recognition: your name is the pattern
that you’re most attuned to. But all of us have had the experience <br/>of standing in a room -- (ambient noise) where there's a cocktail party going on. And fighting to understand
exactly what's being said, trying to extract signal from noise. That gets tougher as you get older. It's called the cocktail party effect. And I don't like going to parties <br/>so much like that anymore because I do find it very hard <br/>to hear what is being said. The second trick that we use in order to <br/>extract meaning from sound, is differencing. If I were to play this sound -- (pink noise) and leave it on for a few minutes,
this is pink noise, it's a very flat-spectrum sound. If I left that on for a few minutes,<br/> you would actually cease to hear it. When there's a constant sound, <br/>our brains just suppress it and we cease to be conscious of it. That sound is used in offices all over the world to cover up bad sounds <br/>and people just aren't aware of it, until it stops of course. And the third trick that we use, or the third system that we use to extract meaning is a whole set of filters. <br/>Now these are important and I just want to give you a list of those filters so you perhaps become <br/> more conscious of them in your listening. It starts with culture: <br/> where you come from affects your listening. For example, I love the Finns, the Finns have a whole different relationship <br/>with silence to most cultures that I know. Their idea of a good night out <br/>is to go to somebody's house, sit for 3 hours in silence,
and then go home. Finland is a very quiet place. Then we have language,<br/> the language you speak changes your listening. These are filters which cut down<br/> the sound that's bombarding us and just leave us with the bit we're conscious of. So for example in Sub-Saharan Africa, some languages use just finality to distinguish present, future, past, and to distinguish even good and bad. They don't have words for that, <br/>it's just the tone of voice. The values you hold,<br/> your beliefs about what's going on around you, and then of course your expectations, <br/>your attitudes going into a relationship with somebody for example and very much your expectations<br/> will change your listening for that person. And in fact, this is something to be very conscious of, because as our expectations about a person solidify, our listening for that person ossifies, <br/>it becomes fixed. And we take away that permission to change. So we don't hear the stuff they do or say <br/> that's different from what we're expecting, we only hear what we're expecting. And that's something to be very conscious of<br/> in a relationship. When I met my wife who's sitting down there, I promised her, "I will listen to you <br/>as if for the first time, everyday." Now I fall short of that very often, but it's a good commitment. I'm trying to be conscious all the time and give her permission to be different. And your intention is crucial with sound. I'm gonna talk about that <br/>a little bit more in a moment. And just in case you still think<br/> that what you hear is what you get, I'm going to give you some examples <br/>of cross-modal effects, that is one sense affecting another. This is an illusion, a well-known illusion,<br/> called the McGurk effect, I'd like to thank Professor Arnt Maasø <br/>for this example, what I would like you to do is to look at the screen, and tell me what this guy is saying. Man: Da da da da da da Man: Da da da da da da --
JT: Da da, yes? Now I would like you to close your eyes,<br/> and tell me what he's saying. Man: Ba ba, ba ba, ba ba. JT: He's saying Ba ba. Now open your eyes again
and you'll hear "da da." You cannot counter this effect. Man: Ba Ba JT: So what you hear is not necessarily <br/>always the truth. What is the truth?
It's interpretive. There's another well known illusion, which is that sound <br/>-- it's not an illusion, it's an effect -- which is that sound can affect <br/>other senses like taste, this is researched by Professor Charles Spence<br/> at Oxford University, who found that if you put headphones on people and boost the frequency 5 kHz, they actually relate that the crisps they're eating are 15 % crunchier in their mouth, because the sound of crunch has gone up,<br/> the feeling of crunch goes up. So the senses are affecting each other all the time. But we have a problem. The problem is we simply don't listen. And I'd like to suggest to you that <br/>that is a very significant problem. There are reasons for this problem, thousands of years ago we invented writing, before that, if you didn't listen, if you missed it, you missed it. Now, well if you want to go to sleep, in this talk, you can watch it <BR/>on the TEDx Youtube channel afterwards. The premium on being present<BR/> and listening is not as great as it used to be. That's the first reason. Secondly, I would suggest there's <br/>a cultural thing going on here as well: you may be familiar with the Chinese model<BR/> that the duality of yin and yang, where yang is heat and light <br/>and sun and male energy and much outward focused, and yin is dark, moon, female energy,<BR/> receiving, much quieter. Well if I substitute sound words for those two, I think you might agree with me that in our culture, we're much more fond of telling, <br/>than we are of listening. And that creates a world that looks like this, and sounds like this: (indistinct conversation noises) People telling, telling, telling, all the time. And it's not surprising therefore, that many people take refuge in this: (earphones displayed on the picture <br/>while music playing faintly) But there's an effect of that,
a social effect of that, on the way that we are with each other. We take a public space, <br/>imagine any big public space it could be this theater, I hope not, I hope nobody's wearing
headphones at the moment, but a train station, an airport, a train carriage, whatever space where we're with other people. We take that space, where for a long time we've been listening to each other. We might not be speaking to each other, but we're conscious of each other in our listening. but we're conscious of each other in our listening.
And we are turning that space into this. Thousands if millions of little sound bubbles. They're called personal soundscapes, and this fragmentation of public <br/>and shared soundscape into personal soundscapes <br/>has got serious consequences because in this scenario,<br/> we're not listening to each other at all. We are also becoming short of patience. We don't want to listen to oratory, we want soundbites. We don't watch TV programs,
we channel-hop. We don't listen to albums,
we listen to tracks. We don't want to have conversations, we want to tweet or text. So our patience is getting shorter and shorter. And at the same time we're becoming <br/>desensitized in our listening. Our media have to shout at us in order for us to hear. And this level of desensitization <br/>means that we're finding it harder and harder to hear the quiet, the subtle, the silence. We are losing our listening in the modern world. And I think this is a message<br/> you're going to receive several times today in one form or another.
How can we get it back? Well I'd like to give you some exercises
to take away with you, these are kind of like being in the gym, the first one of these is this: (Silence) Silence is very rare in the modern world. I urge you to seek it out, and just give yourself <br/>a few minutes of silence every day. It re-calibrates, it resets your ears, it's like a sorbet in a good meal. It allows you to hear again freshly as if for the first time. That's the first one. The second one is a process I call 'the Mixer', where you can go into <br/>any noisy modern environment like this, (Noise) Familiar? and start to think:<BR/> "How many channels of sound am I hearing?" How many separate sound sources?<BR/> How many people's voices, chairs squeaking, barristers banging? You can do this in beautiful natural surroundings<br/> like this as well (water sounds and chirping birds) How many birds can I hear?
The wind in the trees, How many separate ripples? It's a great exercise to improve <br/>the acuity of your listening. The third exercise is savoring. Like this guy savoring his cup of coffee, even the most mundane sounds around us, you can savor, if you really pay attention to them. This -- (engine noise) -- is my tumble drier, I recorded it before I came out. It's a waltz! One two three, <br/> one two three, one two three. That's quite groovy!
I could put music on top of that! Or take another simple domestic sound <br/>like boiling a kettle. (Noise) Wow! So you can really savor even the simplest sounds. The next exercise is listening positions: have you ever thought of the idea <br/>that you could take up certain positions to listen from? This can change everything. I'm going to give you 6 and I'm positioning them as ends of the spectrum -- This is arbitrary, there are lots of listening positions, and I do urge you to explore your own -- So here are the 6 I'm gonna give you, The first is active listening. This is used in the caring professions<BR/> a great deal of the time. What I hear you say is -- What you said is -- So I hear you say this. This allows the person talking to feel heard. And it's used in education, therapy, <br/>counseling and so forth. Very powerful in parenting. Second: passive listening. <br/>The other end of that scale, this would be the zen master <br/>sitting by the bank of a brook just listening to the water. No interpretation, no mental activity at all, just receiving. Two more for you. Critical listening. This is what you and I do most of the time. Is that right or wrong? Do I agree or do I disagree? You’re probably doing it now. It's a very interpretive form of listening and it's powerful in most of our modern situations, in business particularly, it's a very important form of listening. Best done consciously, though. On the other end of that scale, we have empathetic listening: this is being with a person, going on to their island, understanding their point of view, and not just letting them feel heard, but letting them feel understood. Empathetic listening. And the final two I'll give you are a slight gender stereotype, but the research does bear out that men and women listen in different ways. Men tend to listen in what I call a reductive way. That is for a point. There's an objective to <br/>a conversation between two men, he's saying to him,
"I've got this problem", he's saying, "there's a solution",
"thanks!" That's a male conversation.
(Laughter) Women on the other hand tend to enjoy the journey, the destination's not so important. It's just being with -- look at the eye contact there. Men are genetically programmed in hunting, to be looking at the horizon <br/>as they talk to each other. We don't look at each other that much. Women, very much more eye contact,
and it's expansive listening. This creates another conflict in relationships. If you're not conscious of it, men, be conscious that women
may be listening expansively, and may feel cut off. If you say, "Yep, well, what's the point?" Women on the other hand, may not understand that men want to find a solution very quickly. It's not rude, it's just the way we tend to listen. But again, if you're conscious, you can adopt different listening positions, it's very powerful. Let me give you a little acronym which you can use in listening to other people talk: the acronym is applicable in any relationship, one of these will apply to all of you: several, probably. The acronym you can use is R.A.S.A. Rasa is a sanskrit word, it means "juice." It's also used in Indian theater to indicate an emotional state. So it's quite an appropriate acronym. RASA: it stands for Receive, that is to say make eye contact with the person who's talking. Look interested, lean forward slightly, and listen. Appreciate. That means little noises like "Hmm, oh," very important on the telephone. I'm very bad at this, on telephone calls, I'm regularly having people saying: " Are you still there?" (Laughter) So very important. Hhm, really! oh! It helps the person. Summarize: the word 'so'
is very important in listening. So -- this -- So I hear that -- So -- Summarizing what I just said, and then asking questions:
What do we do next? So what does that mean? So what'll happen next? It's engaged! RASA. That's a very good way to listen to anybody. I want to finish, just for the last moment, really that's been the phenomenology of listening, it's been the process, <br/>and how we can get better at it. I just want to open a little door to you to think about the ontology of listening. What would it be to be -- listening, not the source, and not the listener, but there's a thing in between us which is listening. Think of this: listening is what places us
in space and in time. You're listening to this whole room
all the time, little micro-sounds around you are placing you in a large group <br/>of people in a big space. And you do that all day every day. It places you in space. And very much in time! Because all sound has got time embedded in it. There is no such thing as a photograph in sound. An instant of sound means nothing. Sound is always in time,
time is always in sound. The French philosopher Jean-Luc Nancy said that sonority is time and meaning. Herman Hesse said music is time
made esthetically perceptible. So if listening places us in space and time, really, listening is how we evoke the universe, how we evoke the physical world, and I should also mention the metaphysical because people tend to hear God
a lot more than they see him, and whichever spiritual path you're on, listening and meditation and prayer is a very important aspect of that connection. Sound is my life, it's my passion, it's my business; I live to listen. I'm not asking you to do that, but I think I can turn that round the other way. and suggest that we must all listen to live. To live fully, to be conscious of this fantastic world around us and most important of all, <br/>to be connected to each other. Listen to live, and thank you for listening to me today. (Applause)
