Sucks Being Old I Marty Ross Comedy

so I've been dating Shaun of the three years I'm 75 years old I'm sure you're thrilled you're not anybody here my age for smoke my friends would have been here but they're dead so there's a stool I can't possibly climb on the reason I'm in the best of the fest as I was the best of my age group it sucks to be you have any idea what it's like to be 75 and you don't want to do you this my question any ladies interested in petrified wood I'm not even the oldest member of my family my mother is a hundred and one you went to visit her in the nursing home you know there's a problem when you go to a nursing home and you look like me they wouldn't let me out did the only thing I could think of I moved in with my mom you people know what goes on in these places all these old ladies just looking for a guy whose equipment still works I found the sound I'm walking down the hall one day an arm comes out of a dorm room this woman grabs me she pulls me into room the next thing I know I'm crocheted to the bed then she showed me her boobs who's there in a patio around the rankles it's gravity people I got droopy parts every now when I sit on the toilet my equipment hits the water using as a flotation device somebody was talking about terrorism performed at least that's what I heard you know it's going on a long time nobody seems to have a solution I figured it out you're gonna kill myself and when I get that heaven I'm gonna knock up all their virgins how do you think they're gonna feel when they find out an elderly Jewish man got there first people come up to me all the time they say Marty you're 75 how come you're dead not dead simple I treat the Angel of Death the same way if you're homeless witness comes to my daughter in the sprinklers one that a sperm count checked the mole they know that I was curious doctor gave me the result he said you know on a 20 year old man they have a hundred and seven million sperm in a 50 year old man they had between five and six million he said you're more in the three to four I said million he said no three or four doctor that's awful is there anything I can do he said well you've got so few you can name them [Music] [Music]

Channel: Marty Ross Comedy

Views: 1,763

Keywords: marty ross, marty ross comedy, being old, sucks being old, agt marty ross, standup comedy marty ross

Id: F4hX6GZH5c0

Length: 4min 47sec (287 seconds)

Published: Wed May 20 2020