So my mum passed away...

so on the night of Easter my mom Vanda has passed away this is of course a video announcement about that and it's probably going to be the hardest video I've ever had to make in my life but it was important for me to make it I made a post on on my Facebook a post on Twitter but most importantly I think it was right for me to turn on the camera today is the day after the funeral uh just to make a video to let you everyone every every single one of you know uh because of all the help and the support that you have provided and the constant good wishes for her health due to her cancer and also the support that you're given us I think you deserve it so that's why today I decided I'm I'm just going to do it I'm just going to turn on the camera so as you know my mom has been struggling with cancer she had stage three cancer but recently she had a an an infection which caused a a septic shock which for those who don't know is a very serious health condition that usually results in death in a large percentage even when it happens to younger people so you can imagine that that of course um worried us all and at first she she survived it I spoke to her on the phone last week uh we spoke relatively briefly um I wish I spoke for longer but to be honest when I spoke with her she sounded she sounded fine I mean as fine as someone can sound considering the situation she was on but she sounded as as usual and she asked me uh do you think of me do you think about me and I told her of course I do of course I think about you all the time and um so we we we spoke about a few things I I asked her mom you need to try and eat because I I was told that she she wasn't eating much and she was being fed through um right now I can't think of the words but you know what I mean at the hospital with them whatever and uh so I asked her mom come on do it for me uh I know you can do it just try to eat cuz I wanted her to recover I wanted to to feel better and I told her don't worry about it everything is going to be okay and so yeah so we had this phone call and then um and that was the end of the phone call I didn't know of course that that would have been the last time that I would have spoken to her if I had known I would have said a million other things but um that's what happened then um couple of days and the situation went from dangerous to final terminal uh so suddenly I honestly thought I had a lot longer I really did but this is what happened so the moment I I knew uh then I I got the first plane literally last minute for the following day jumped on a the first flight flew um from America as you know I live in the US with my wife and I flew all the way to Italy trying you know hoping that I could get there on time and as I arrived I couldn't sleep during the flight at all but as I usually can't and then the the split second we arrived my cousin came to pick me up and we drove directly to the hospital and we went to the hospital I went to see her her last day um she couldn't speak anymore she couldn't form sentences she was barely conscious in fact she was in this state of sort of semi-consciousness she was mostly sleeping occasionally she would open she couldn't move anymore um her legs were basically completely paralyzed and uh she barely moved her hand a little bit she couldn't move her head much and uh she was mostly unconscious occasionally she would open her eyes but it looked like she didn't really understand what she saw uh she wasn't really there but um I got close to her I of course I held uh her hand I told the Mom it's me uh it's son son rafaelo it's rafaelo and when she heard my name she understood it she understood I was there I could tell uh she made a noise she was like she she made know said I can't I can't really do uh but I could tell and that she knew like she did this and then she said my name I think she must have mastered every single atom of strength that she had left uh to be able to say my name she didn't say it well she was a little mumbled because again she couldn't speak but she did manage to say my name one last time and then she made like a gesture like she wanted to hug me which of of course she couldn't um but I could I could tell that she knew so at least there is I gain some comfort because you know living 6,000 miles away in a situation like this is tough um but I and I was always like afraid that I wouldn't make it in time but I I'm glad that I did I I thank the Lord that I did and uh so when I arrived uh this happened we had this Exchange and then um she went back to this sleep sleeping state if you will sorry if my my my words and my explanations today are horrible I'm not my usual self that I'm very tend to be articulate I suppose not really today but I hope you'll uh you'll excuse me for that and then after that just a few hours after that she passed away and in a way I feel that she waited uh that's what I think she did she really waited for me uh which is very [Music] um humbling uh it's something that I'm grateful for that she could find that strength to wait for me um to me that shows like the strength of a mother um anyways we had her funeral services uh of course we I could contact her she had a favorite priest so I um I I we talked to him and he he did the the service which was me for me was was nice because he knew her he knew very well and he spoke wonderful words uh that were you could tell that it was from a person that knew uh how my mom was and for this video I'd like to tell you a little bit about how my mom was and she was she was a light um she was very happy con Stant laughter uh she was very generous very kind she was a person that could listen to you whoever you were it doesn't matter if she had known you for a decade or if she had just met you she would give you the same importance the same time uh she would listen to your problems she would worry about you she would overfeed you Southern Italian mother I suppose what did you expect um but that was that was her she was selfless and I I honestly can't believe that she's gone and to me uh this world appears much darker now um and in a way my only regret which is a message that I want to share with you right now whoever you are wherever you are in the world if there is a person in your life you haven't a close person a loved one in your life that you haven't spoken with for a long time what whatever the reason whether it be a father mother son daughter grandparents whoever they are please pause this video contact them now and share your feelings tell them that you love them do that don't miss this opportunity because often times what I'm learning from this is that we often times um we take our loved ones for granted we think that they're always going to be there there is always going to be time to tell them how we feel and I I did like last time for my family it's always been awkward like I know there are families out there I noticed this particularly with Americans now that I'm like you know part of my family is American I notic this Americans tend to tell each other I love you they hug each other a lot they tell each other a lot some Italians do as well but in my family there's always been a little bit of awkwardness when it comes to uh we we usually like expressed our feelings in our actions rather than with our words but I've got to say last time I was here my wife encouraged me to share my feelings with my mom so I did I went to her room I told her that I loved her she she cried um was very emotional and uh she she told me that she loved me more than her own life which I could tell even in her last moments even when she was mostly a husk uh I could still tell that was a defining feature and characteristic of her so I did tell her that and I thank my wife for for pushing me out of my comfort zone if you will the one thing I regret is that in my last phone call with her I felt the after I told her that of course I was constantly thinking of her and all that I tried to encourage her but I did feel the prompt on telling her that I loved her and I didn't um why did I not do it because I was imagining that it would have upset her like not not upset her in a in a bad way in a good way but it would make her cry and she was already crying anyways because of her condition so I didn't want that to kind of make a cry more and so I didn't do it but now I wish I did so that's why I'm telling you you just pause this video and do this for me just contact whoever it is you haven't spoken with doesn't matter the reason doesn't matter who was right who was wrong um just tell them but I do ultimately feel comfort in my faith in my um Christian faith in my belief of eternal life she was a woman of God she was a great example so Mom if you're listening I love you so much I want to thank each and every single one of you for your support for you you were asking me constantly how is your mom how's she doing all the prayers have you sent for the the religious ones among you and um for the best wishes for the people that are not religious but still I I I appreciate so much and uh you know that you cared for my mother and for me of course and one of the last thing that she did say my cousin told me when she could still speak uh last week was the she said tell everyone goodbye tell everyone thank you and that includes you as well so this is a message from her to all of you anyways I'm going to um I'm going to go now but I won't be gone for long because that's what I do I mean we all grieve in different ways um I know some people particularly YouTubers take time off um I'm not going to do that because to me creativeness cre uh helps me uh because I get distracted I get something I can focus on and uh I've been playing games I've been playing a few retro games I've got an Amiga 500 in the back and I've been replaying the games I used to play When I was a teenager uh I've got a whole setup it's great it's an 80s setup it looks great I'm sure you'd love it I might show it on my third Channel soon um but in general thank you so much for everyone who has supported us through the crowdfunding um of course I use that to pay for the funeral expenses and everything everything else that she to make her life as comfortable as possible so far and anything that is left will be used to help my dad I'm already changing um all the uh so I will be the recipient my account will be the recipient of every payment every uh rent light bill medical my dad is going to have surgery this month so any medical bill anything uh that has to do with my dad my dad will now be I'll take care of that until for the rest of his life I'll do that as as I was going to do for my mom and I did did thanks to you so thank you so much for that and sorry for having been great with the updates but it's been a little difficult sometimes been trying to take keep receipts of every Euro and dollar spend because I wanted everyone to know this is where the money is going this is where everything is going and Friends of my mom have done a donation for cancer research in her name and I want to make that something that we'll do on a yearly basis so I've already donated to St judee's hospital this year and I I want to continue to do that and um every every year maybe it could organize something like that so that you know families can be helped through this period and because it's it's tough and any if any of you have gone through anything like this both when it comes to the personal loss but also when it comes to you know battling cancer and you know all the diff difficulties that that that has to do with I think it's nice to be able to have help whether it be um emotional emotional support whether it be financial support anything helps right because you already got so much in your mind that not having to think about bills really really helps and so I I thank you for that and um know that uh we are grateful as a family uh for everything you've done and so as I was saying I will continue to produce I have a video that I'm producing on it's a video that's been planned in a while it's already it's ready to to fil to be filmed the research has been done uh together with um one of my main researchers who was and excellent excellent researcher and we've been doing This research on the Eternal Flame so the sacred flame of flame of Rome conect in connection with the uh Temple of Vesta and the Vestal virgins and all that and it's a it's because it it is about you know a deep exploration of the um not only the concept of the Eternal Flame and what it meant in ancient Roman uh culture but also in ancient Greek culture and we we went into really the depth even all the way back to prehistorical times and when originally the concept of an eternal flame that needed to be rekindled began and I want to keep making this video I want to make it I want to produce it so my production on the channel will continue and I know I I know I already know what you're typing you're typing no Metatron if you need just take time off but I I don't want to take time off I love making content for my channel and particularly this video now um has a stronger meaning and I want to make it as I was going to make it and then dedicate it to my mom as uh you know in the hopes of eternal life even though it's not a religious video it's a historical and cultural video but I still like the idea of being able to dedicate it to my late mom um so I'll be making that video and production will continue on the channel on all my channels because again I love doing it I I have a whole series of videos on Retro Gaming for my third Channel I have a series of videos on language content and linguistic learning uh on my second Channel and I will I I I'll will put links to all the channels by the way in the in the description box if you maybe perhaps you weren't aware that I have these other channels and then I will I have so many nice videos uh fun videos planned for this Channel that I will continue I might be a little slower also because right now I'm in Italy I'm going to stay here I don't have everything I need in fact I'm sorry for the you should see the light set up you should see it it's a mess but I hope it's it's still okay and uh so I'll be I'll be continuing making my videos and then the rest of the time I'll just spend it with family and then um I'll enjoy Pizza Pasta over here as we always do and then I'll play my video games because that's my form of I I suppose escapism is there even such a word I don't even know usually I check my words before I make my videos but today I haven't checked anything little rambly I would imagine and uh uh but I've got a few a few consoles here that I enjoy playing and um you know playing video games helps me out as well so this is what's going to happen no change in my uh upload schedule and thank you so much again for your support and uh thank you for everything you've done for us thank you so much Noble once and I will see you very soon

Channel: Metatron

Views: 93,356

Keywords: loss, passed away, my mum, died, death, losing a loved one, faith, Christ, Jesus Christ, love, youtuber, my mother died, cancer, cancer research, discussion, talk

Id: uwe-nNnokLQ

Length: 16min 40sec (1000 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 05 2024