Let's see what's gonna happen tonight. Will you help me welcome to Stage David Walliams and Simon Cowell Take the long way around this could be a great great career move sit there Simon For me face me Simon face me. Thank you very much David. Thank you so much The last time I'm gonna put this some trout pout on you this unmanned or ally should be very proud of this There is a little trap I got on your face Oh looks love you and you were great last time I am audition with that ballet and this time you bought your Nutcracker with it's not as well Simon I shall perform a little bit of plastic surgery needs tonight. You're gonna be spending much on this like you normally do It's lovely lovely lovely, okay now David could you turn around first, please? Thank you, thank you tonight. I'm gonna preform for you. What are going to perform David? Ventriloquism And how long have you been a ventriloquist? About 28 seconds And who did you brought along tonight David? My dolly Turn around and put your hand in his back Simon would you David to give you a snuggle Simon? Oh my gosh, please you want that's not me How long have you two been together Performing with him And David, where did you find your little puppets snuggly Simon here in a skip in escape What was he wearing? I came can dress Luckily sign there likes to do can-can dancing Would you not a celebrity audience to see okay Music come on He's refusing what did you know jitney? I don't know David We're gonna finish off by getting in the box. Oh, well you do that when they shine then something good in the box Please on the end of eventually could show you have to be your dummy into a box. Yes Oh priority shipping twos David's bedroom So then I think this time we thought came out of the closet together Hello, who do we have here, my name is Andy, my name is Daria and where are you from Belarus and you what are you called gamma knife knife So how did you meet before this activity ends together a professional dancer? Me too? Is what you're going to do dangerous very dangerous really dangerous Okay, good luck, thank you Wow, what a man How much I can't take Ah, it wasn't dangerous enough and I spin around Oh what Part of me wants to do that because I wanted to feel what it's like The one Simon you realize this is series 13 series 13 My god Finer please just don't move. Oh my god. Good luck Why I want to do that is because I want to feel it it's like it is terrifying let me give you your first yes It's a yes from me yes for me could have killed him when you had the charge but First the last one looks so close Oh Hello Hello, Alicia, how are you? I'm good. I'm really really good. I was not expecting to see you today I've known Kojo for many many years Kojo I'll let you tell my fellow judges about yourself. I'm a stand-up comedian Been doing comedy for 20 years I've spent most of those 20 years Encouraging young comedians and helping big-name comedians and opening up for them and my new fiance We've got a little boy called Roman he's here as well And she said that it was about time that I started thinking about myself and my son Who makes you laugh Simon Cowell That's funny, okay. Well, look oj, you know the show three minutes please done. Thank you very much Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a new dad for the first time But although one of these be better than my dad, right? My dad had no patience, right? Me and my best friend Michael Murphy after school every day. We'd play football only yesterday I had the parent who would ruin that game by calling me inside for something. I didn't think was necessary Only you would hear cuz I got a forget parents my my dad knew he shot like Cujo come here Now Michael always had a confrontation with my dad he was a coach coach College what's going on might the coach You're a big man. You're 11 Enough now ladies and gentlemen, there was a little part of me that believed in Michaels spirit But then I remembered he don't live in my house So I turned to my dad I said dad. What's up go to the store and get smear I be now Ladies and gentlemen, this is all I said dad how Are you get yourself? It was 1:00 p.m Ladies and gentlemen, I don't have any jokes. I've got problems. Have you ever been to a bank right? Cuz I'm not really happy with the customer services that we get our banks nowadays, right? Have you ever gone into a bank? You've seen four available windows four? But there's only one person working They didn't get the woman that works there who walks past the queue and says, don't worry. She won't be long go and help You get to the cashier because it's your turn right they've now given the cashiers microphones yeah, so everybody can hear your financial situation I'm right here. I can hear you. Right and I'm already embarrassed about the amount that I need So I was discreet right? I was like Can I get one pound fifty please That weren't enough for her she had to talk into the mic and get into my business. Sorry, sir You need a pound to keep the account open Why are you shouting I Told you I needed the rest of what was in my account. So I said to her please. Can I get that fifty pence? She said to me how do you want that? I was like in silence I Was so frustrated that I rushed out of the bank I rushed out to be greeted by the most creative homeless person I have ever met He rushed up to me said look mate. I know you're in a rush But can I please get twenty pens to get something to eat? Ladies and gentlemen, I looked at him and said, you know where to eat with 20 vents For the both of us When he window broke, right and you ain't got no money there's certain things that you can't enjoy like a cab driver You can't enjoy a black cab ride. You can't enjoy it, right? I went into a black have recently me and my mate we jumped in he was getting comfortable clearly He's got more money than me. He was looking outside the window Talking to the driver. He fell asleep When you ain't got no money you only look at one thing as their meter The experience in the black cap is the most awful thing ever they charge you before you even speak to the driver You step in 250. Hold on a minute you Sit down free proud. Hey Let's discuss this ladies and gentlemen It's got to a point where I don't even have a destination when I get into a black cab When I driver says Wade you want to go as they take me to five pound? My name is cloture. Thank you very much Kojo and you came on I loved hearing about how you grafted how you've honed your act how you've now got your little family Yeah, and the act just got better and better and then by the end you were like, yeah, I'd pay money to see this man Congratulations so much I've always respected you my respect level few has just gone way out there, my friend Thank you very much thank you Well, you know when someone's really funny there is nothing much to say other than you are brilliantly funny. You made everyone laugh You've kind of got all bases covered as a comedian. You're brilliantly likable. You've got fantastic observational routines. I think you did yourself really proud What was quite amazing was I felt that you were nervous then I could see The audience wrapped in you and you reacting it to them But I'm gonna be honest with you coz you I don't really like comedians on this show But I love you Oh wow I really I know what it is. You are so funny and so unpredictable. You just learn the most amazing energy This is the grade you'd be waiting for thank you, so I could not be happier. You enjoy this Hi, what's your name? I'm Jimmy Tammy. I'm from Devon. I'm 64 years old. You look amazing Jimmy did you bring anyone with you? I've got eight children. I've got five the partners got three and She's here with two of my kids Jimmy what do you do for a living? I'm a Professional ventriloquist of invention of crystal over 40 years. I've done pub sink labs even children's birthday parties Okay, the stage is yours Jimmy good. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, I need help from a couple of people and any volunteers Will be please help me. Welcome to stage David and Amanda Hey mango, thank you. You just face this way guys and I just stick this around your chops Amanda. What's that? Oh, wow, just a beautiful fit. Would you both like to turn around? And then there you are George dropping Some Tiffany hobbies are these you've got obvious over? Yeah, what didn't I like skipping? So there's no skipping here tonight David, I'd love to Actually fat man that we got some skipping music really good Another hobby what other hobby David I like ballet dancing I love to go Dali dancing or lovey We like to belly dance tonight I'd love to Thank you, I just run then that was not David I got another hobby You know what it is I try to think I don't know his other I'll be asking sure the rocky David striptease Music here we go. Nice and sexy Yes Sorry Yeah Good luck What do you reckon baby yes from me Very much Hello hello Nice place. Can we Improvement welcome to our game of mysteries with me Yeah, that's a sharp sword the game is soo T of the world of four boxes will be Masood Not knowing where the sword is Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho her yet. Get out that Listen and please approach under one of the boxes We can see which box you choose all those are in your hands As its series 13 Sorry, you will decide which boxes Yeah, this one thought would vengeful see which boxes silent hips Silent these four elements did say numbers that correspond to each box You make different boxes for each of us to fold As one of the boxes that central sword your choice will determine our friends Go share that not bad Above Sure have now chosen our facts It's best you don't watch this and you first start that yeah, yes. I mean, don't try this at all Oh God Oh god a nanny died With jumping deck Is that a foot massage? Yes Wow I Am just gonna let you get on with it. We like surprises. Good luck Now we all think our dogs are magical but Finn truly is and for more than one reason David I'd like you to think of an object and write that word down Don't show me Have you done that hold out to your chest you come and join us at the front of the stage In a minute, I'm gonna close my eyes and when I do I want you to show Finn the word Show him the word And you please return to your seat There David, there's no possible way I could know what word you've picked no thin. What was that word? David the word is Table hold that up high - everyone can see Yeah, everybody thinks so their dog is amazing the thing truly is Just few Simon can you come and join us on stage? Yes, the big round of applause please for Simon I want you to kneel down and face fear For the last two weeks The last two weeks we've been asking friends to think of a word that best describes thin we've got companion brave Amazing incredible Fast Simon. Can you hold your left hand like that? Now I want you to look into Finn's eyes Keep looking into thin dive and with your right thumb. I want you to open a page Have a peek at that word and remember it Assignment for the first time could you tell us what that word was heroic? Now there's no possible way. I could know what word you were going to pick no but Finn did Because before we came here this evening Finn had a word engraved on the tag on his collar now Simon Please have a look at the tag on things collar and read out loud the words there Heroic heroic
