*Sad piano music* *Deep voice intro narrator guy reads comments* Hannah, I don't think they like my new look. [Hannah:] I do. Aw, thank you, sis. But the rest of the world clearly does not. It looks like I'm gonna have to shave off my beard. [H:] Aw! I thought the world could see something like this and and see inspiration and see truth, and honesty, and beauty. [H:] *Giggling* Sound a little unsure about that. I thought all these things, sis, but no - I was so wrong. I was hella wrong. *laugh* Hannah, I think I've gotta shave off the beard. [H:] I don't want you to shave it off! You don't want me to shave it off? [H:] No! I don't want you to- This is your last chance to convince me otherwise. [H:] It's so good. Really? [H:] Yeah. Like, how good? [H:] It's... *Giggle* [H:] The best beard! [H:] I'm lying. [H:] It's not even a beard. [H:] It's a goatee! [H:] It's the second best goatee I've ever seen. Second best? [H:] Jafar. Oh, ok, fair The Internet has spoken, I don't think they're ready for this look. As progressive as people like to think they are, deep down, they're bigots. *both laugh* [H:] I don't think it's the beard that's the issue, I think it's the colour of the beard. So they're- they're racist? [H:] Yeah. *laugh* I thought I could be the Rosa Parks here, but I c- *Both laughing* I don't think that's worth keeping in! *both laugh* On the real though I've had this for several days while shooting this and I've had to go out in public like other than the stuff I film and it's really embarrassing *both laugh* This is a joke gone too far [H:] *groan* So, you can stop lying at this point, we can- [H:] *laugh* I like it! No you don't.
[H:] I do like it! Why?
[H:] Cause it makes you look stupid. *Erupts into laughter*
That's why you like it the whole time? [H:] Yeah.
That's why it's 10 out of 10? [H:] Yeah.
10/10 stupid? [H:] Yeah. [H:] Was that not clear?
I mean, I mean I knew it, but [H:] I thought I made that pretty clear.
But I didn't wanna hear it. *both laugh* Alright, let's go shave it off, then I'll get on with the video. *both laugh* Guess that's that then, time to shave off the beard- [Daveo:] Mate! [Boyinaband:] What the-? Daveo? Why you in my shower? [D:] Having a fooking shower mate what do ya think? Ah mate! Fooking snaps! [B:] Wait, did you grow a beard too? [D:] yeah mate and I fooking dye it all fooking red. What are the fooking chances? [B:] Look, we can't both look like this. It's been ages since you've been on my channel. they don't remember you, people are just gonna think you're me in a stupid hat. [D:] Mate, if I was just you in a hat how could I do this? [B:] *laugh* Jesus fucking Christ, why? [D:] relax mate, what are you getting mad for? Anyway, *mumbling* so you're going to shave it, aren't you? [B:] Yeah.. Wait, how did you know? [D:] I got a mate at MI6. Anyway, since you're gonna be shaving it off, may I provide a suggestion? [B:] Okay, I guess... Wait. Where'd you beard go? [D:] I just shaved it off with this! And I bet you didn't know that Dollar Shave Club (yes, that Dollar Shave Club) has all your grooming products. Toothpaste, body wash, hair styling products... everything you need to look and smell your best Not just razors. Check it out! I tried that toothpaste, and it's my favorite! Just like their razors, everything is super high-quality and left me lookin' and feelin' amaz--- [B]: Woah woah wait, are you seriously doing an ad read in the middle of my video about my depression [D]: Mate, have you seen how much they foocking pay? It's ridiculous mate Almost as ridiculous as the fact that Dollar Shave Club is basically giving away their daily essentials starter set to new members for only $5! This starter set features free trial size versions of their most popular products They'll help you stay fresh and clean, including their executive razor In your first box, you'll receive their shave butter, body wash, and one white Charlie's butt wipe [B]: Butt wipes? Really? [D]: Mate, have you tried these? They're well foocking nice smooth as a foocking whistle [B]: That doesn't make any sense. [D]: Well what does make sense is this foocking deal since you'll also receive their executive razor Which includes their premium weighty handle And a foocking set of cartridges. After your first box, replacement cartridges will be sent for just a few bucks a month, and this $5 offer is available at Dollarshaveclub.com/fookindaveo. That's dollarshaveclub.com/fookindaveo [B]: You might want to be a bit more careful reading that. Don't you mean slash daveo? [D]: Nah, mate. Slash fookin Daveo fookin Daveo [B]: Okay, wait why am I helping you? I'm not putting anything in the description This is my channel! [D]: Hey, don't be such a fookin fook all the youtubers are doing it these days booking window reproductions or fookin real engineering fookin (mumbling) The one with the fookin Birds not the fucking birds that that's a very different website. [B]: This is my channel! Why should you get the money? [D]: FINE, I'll give you fookin half just put it towards a music video or something [B]: ...That's pretty good idea. [D]: Fookin yeah, you know I think this calming body cleanse is my favorite actually Smells like coconut. You know, their products truly are amazing. Best in class for less than best-in-class prices. [B]:Are ya done? [D]: Fookin yeah. Here's the stuff, go shave now, bye! [B]: Hang on this is the second floor! [Daveo] WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I guess we're shaving Now I'm actually gonna shave it. This seems like a lot more posh than what I'm used to. Shave butter... [H]: (in background) Oooo. *Dave grunting* [H]: I checked, and this is the only stuff you need, unless you want to use the butt wipes. *stutters* I don't think I need them right now I'm very happy to see this go I was quite pleased with how many people were supportive [H]: Well, some people liked the idea. They just thought that you should like shape it. Yeah, hmm, some people were saying dye it, some people were going for the -- saying you should go for the eyebrows as well [H]: Yeah... Next time I get severe depression, I'll go for the whole hog *both laugh* We go fellas! *dramatic voice* Goodbye... ...friend. *dramatic music* Feel like myself again I don't know who has been here for the past several months, but it wasn't Dave from boyinaband [H]: I feel... [Hannah laughs and stutters] I kind of miss it. I'm holding on to this kind of like Hm :) [both laugh] Yeah, I do feel better though I feel like I can leave the house without feeling embarrassed Like as embarrassed [H]: You feel embarrassed with the streak? No; I got well over that. Don't you hate it when those last few hairs are stuck in the plughole fellas [H]: And ladies! Fellas is a kind of a unisex term I feel. Like it's just kind of a friendly thing like buds! [H]: That's not what feminists will say. Maybe I'm a massive sexist [H]: Are you? Yes? So to clarify, this is my actual look [H]: So thoughts on - thoughts on your shaving experience with Dollar Shave Club? Yeah, it was great. Did the job. Look 100% less homeless. 90% maybe. Yeah, next step. I've got some music videos coming out. I am - I - this isn't just what I'm doing now So, I've got three songs coming out, two of which are collaborations They're good [H]: They are. Well -
[D]: They're pretty good - [H]: I - I like one of 'em Oh, thanks [H]: Well, the other one's good, it's just not my cup of tea kind of thing Yeah, yeah. Oh, well thank you. [H]: The other one's AMAZING, though. I REALLY like that. That's pretty good praise from you. [H]: Yeah. You don't like much. Feel a bit weird [H]: Do ya?
[D]: Yeah, that was such a big thing for so long. [H]: Who's messaging you?
[D]: I don't know.
[H]: Your roommate? [D]: Aw, I do - it might be a Romney (?). So, I need to think of a funny way to transition to my Discussion about my severe depression Roomy's an idiot here we go *snaps* Hi It's your boiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!1!!1!111!11!!!!!!!!1 The nicest guy in the planet Dave from boy in a band [Keemstar]: By the way, the guy that did write Idubbbz' song - that guy is like the nicest guy on the planet He's so nice! [Dave]: Thanks for that, Keemstar. And yes, the reason I've been quiet on here for about six months is because - and I do have permission from idubbbz to resurrect this meme, okay - i H a V e C r i P p L i N g D e P r E s S i O n But seriously, I was - I was brutally sad for many months. Even proving Ricegum completely wrong couldn't improve it. Alas! And when I say crippling depression, I mean it literally. In that there were some times when I couldn't bring myself to move because of what my brain was telling
itself I saw a few people wondering why I didn't say anything about it I don't understand it completely But I think part of it is that if I just said I was struggling with no other thing to follow up with it, then that would just be boring and it's better to just Wait until I have something interesting to come back with I think the best way to tell this story is probably chronologically So I'll start from the last time and discussed how I've been feeling on this channel if you didn't watch my video the happiness Experiment you should by the way. It's really good To summarize I gave my sister I bank details and made a deal with her if I don't stick to a certain routine that I laid out for myself She would donate ten thousand pounds from my bank to Scientology the worst organization I could think of I promise you I would not be doing this if I didn't have to and that worked for months I was considerably better until last summer. Don't worry. I didn't have to donate the ten grand part of the contract We'd established at the start was that if she thought there was a legitimate extenuating circumstance Or I gave one weeks notice then I could end the contract the whole point was to stop me from on the day Stopping myself from working long term I wanted to be able to be free to do whatever I wanted around July and August things got really bad I started to notice this purposelessness like a lack of connection to what I was doing. I lost kind of interest in it I wasn't excited about it anymore, and I felt stupid. I felt like an idiot I bring myself to start work on an edit, and then be thinking I'm not enjoying this. I don't need to do this to survive Wyatt why do I keep doing this why do I keep punching myself in the face I've been trying to figure out why I lost that excitement and The first clue was that back, then I felt like I wasn't making enough progress in my life And you can tell that from the journal entries I had at the time feel like I'm not making the most of my time So many other people could have made a full video by now I feel ineffective feels so inefficient no bloody idea how to organize myself feel like a failure but this was before the crazy amount of progress that happened at the end of last year if lack of progress was the issue you'd Think that having the biggest growth in my channels history would make me feel better But it didn't for any length of time so that either implies that my problem Isn't just that or my brain requires a ridiculous amount of growth Consistently just unrealistic amounts eventually it got to the point where I was just lying down over there near my laptop Just dreading working I didn't want to go to sleep because I knew I'd have to wake up and work again And I couldn't relax because I was just sitting there thinking I'm gonna have to stop relaxing soon and work again And it had never been that bad with a threat bet before it didn't have been so bad that I regularly dreaded being conscious so my sister And I stopped my contract and unfortunately that wasn't the only thing I stopped I stopped talking to friends And I stopped talking to even my closest friends who I would normally talk to regularly I was alternating between playing these stupid Mindless clicker games where your number of gems just goes up exponentially and it's like it wasn't even good graphics You don't even see the gems I just had to trust it I was alternating between playing those games and just desperately trying to finish the collaborations I'd started and I was only able to finish those because I was afraid to let my friends down And I'm aware that it's easy to hear that and think oh yeah. He managed to motivate himself, but like you it was Excruciating it felt like I was having to fight against every fiber of my being to do Ridiculously small things, I don't think I felt guilty about it fortunately. I think I've internalized that this isn't something that the average person experiences to that extent But I felt like I had nothing to talk about with people because I was making such slow progress And it was brutally lonely I can reach out to literally hundreds of thousands of people But I don't want to try a single one There are several people I would enjoy talking to but I'm sitting here doing nothing feeling sad when I'm sufficiently hungry I can't help but get up to eat when I'm sufficiently lonely I seem to do the opposite what terrible Evolutionary trait is that I am painfully sad. I don't want to do anything I want to be unconscious, so I don't feel sad anymore I want to end this I want to have a different brain so I can enjoy my life and look forward to things That's a cheer you wanted to try and counteract this. I went to Arizona to meet some friends I met at VidCon and that was around the time when the district dropped and my channel started blowing up And hi to you new guys by the way sorry to come back with such a downer of a video I just think it's important and I was largely Distracted by that growth at the time probably because it was even bigger than don't stay in school was for me For a little while there my brain was feeling like finally I'm making some progress and I was addicted to looking the numbers the comments and Reaction videos and the friends I visited and I started to work on videos together Hence why I appeared in a bunch of their videos some little cameos and one with something else YT There was a little more of a chill-out, and I didn't tell you about those because I was feeling too depressed So I'm telling you now link in the description if you want to see those and we started on some bigger Projects as well and the process of making those was a hell of a lot of fun And that's one of the main reasons I still do this I love making things with friends the problem came when I had to sit and work on them alone after All the fun parts were done. Just weird bird that keeps sitting on my chimney and yelling excuse me excuse me Thank you. I say too much. I don't do enough I found this picture of a bodybuilder historically who doesn't look much different to a normal gym goer now Makes me think about how society pressures everyone to be so much better than humans have ever been in the past so no bloody wonder We stress so much. I'm not trying any of the new things. I have available to me now. I'm more successful I came back to England with the intention to finish three music videos in one I started writing back in 2016 and I heard a friend to help me book a video shoot Hoping that if I got a professional company to do it I would feel less stressed And this is when I posted the last image on Instagram at the time, but I wasn't happy with the shoot and I couldn't even bring myself to look through the footage for four months and I know how ridiculous, that sounds particularly to someone who hasn't experienced mental health issues and it felt ridiculous it's just sitting there looking through footage and yet I Felt sick at the thought of double-clicking to open a video file I wanted to hurt myself more than I wanted to look through that footage and at that point I just stopped taking care of myself I wasn't brushing my hair And I wasn't shaving hence the monstrosity at the start of this video and the worst part was that I couldn't even motivate myself out of fear of letting my friends down anymore So I was just sitting there with all this stuff that had worked on really hard with them Doing nothing so I started to feel guilty on top of everything else And I don't know why that source of motivation stopped it could have been Too much satisfaction from the recent success it could have been having worked too hard for my brain who bloody nose But despite feeling disconnected. I felt myself starting to approach the problem more constructively when I thought about it I was getting bored of this idle game until it introduced other areas which interlinked with the main one Maybe I need more areas of my life that are interesting than just relationships and making videos And I need to make clear Connections between them that might motivate me just have the thought that maybe part of the reason I hadn't made merch yet is because I'm not proud of what boyinaband stands for why are tiny tasks? Which take almost no time at all so overwhelming, maybe it's as soon as the expectation is there to do work I struggle with doing it I saw some comments on Reddit talking about how depression makes you illogical I? Don't think it does all of what we call logic is how we interpret an irrational core directive we want like I want to be productive or I want to be part of society or whatever and depression removes that core directive It makes you like a computer program Where you remove one variable which breaks the whole thing all the code the logic is still there But without that variable it doesn't do anything I'm not sure why I was feeling more constructive it might have been just needed time or maybe it was the sense of progress or The good luck of having been able to collaborate with KC nice - yeah The way that came about was pretty funny incidentally I'll have to tell that story at some point then the New Year rolled around and normally that's my favorite time of year I love planning what I'm gonna do in the future, but I didn't feel excited this year now I don't even want any goals I have leftover goals from when I used to want things, but I don't feel any excitement about anything. I'm scared This is my life now that at best. I'll be inconsistent at worst I'll never want anything and I'll just be chasing a dream I used to have because I don't know what else to do I miss being excited enough to want to do things I felt horrible all the footage from my music video is sitting there unwatched and Uncertain and I was just wasting my life away playing clicker games, and I felt hopeless But somehow I felt the drive to record a video the experiment I'm doing isn't the thing that will or will not fix me that has already happened Whatever has made me decide to do a new experiment Decided to brush my hair and set up the camera and decide to plan a new video that is the real fix But I don't know what that is and I'm unsure what caused that change And it could have been a few things funnily enough Logan Paul might have been one of them. He released his Spectacularly well thought-out suicide forest video, and that was so obnoxious that I couldn't help But say something on Twitter and perhaps that got me past some barrier of releasing things Maybe finding something that angered me enough to say something was a catalyst I stumbled across an article talking about this book with loads of Scientifically backed research on depression that was new and coming out may be the hope from having some new ideas scientifically backed ideas helped I also met some new people who I talked to quite regularly around that time so that could be a factor whatever the course was I finally got excited about a new idea again It was an experiment like the last time, but instead of forcing myself to do things I was forcing myself not to do things I was forcing myself not to waste time so for 30 days I blocked everything distracting from my life for 22 hours a day I made a video about it which will show exactly how intense that was hopefully I'll be able to put that out not too long After this one it felt like the first real step. I took towards fixing my motivation, and I started to look after my again I finally brushed my hair which had become Disgusting it was like a nest it took four hours to get through it all that was not fun now I'm back on another routine which is part of the one I just mentioned and part of the more conventional commitment contract not with Scientology this time I'm trying something slightly different the stakes are a bit smaller to see whether it works. Just as effectively it's been working pretty Well so far, and I'm also forcing myself to take weekends off to see if that prevents me from burning out long term I got to be honest. I felt kind of weird Making a video just talking to the camera just another unsurprising video about our youtuber struggling with their mental health watch I'm depressed How did this happen I wasn't just worried about the people who've already clicked off because they find this video Boring more than over time if someone repeatedly uploads uninteresting content people will Understandably lose respect for that person, and I don't want people to lose respect for me And this could be a small Contribution to that for some people though to other people it might increase respect because it's honest even if it's not groundbreaking I think another thing which might seem really stupid since I'm describing my own brain. I don't want to say something That's incorrect I find it hard to be sure what I say is true because My feelings and thoughts are so irrational and the sources aren't clear. This is why I am Reading this off my phone in part because I had to write it out and look it over God knows how many times to be as sure as possible that what I'm saying is relatively accurate and I mentioned this last time I came back from a significant depression The true that's when I had the idea for these videos to at least make the whole thing Slightly more entertaining so ridiculous as it sounds the whole beard thing dying It was kind of symbolic because it was a very real representation of my depression And it was a way to turn that that symbol into something positive the whole when life gives you lemons make lemonade Kind of deal as cheesy as it sounds they yeah. I am very glad it's gone I'm I missed being above a four I came to a conclusion after all this Throughout this whole thing one of the things I did most consistently was play these stupid Incremental games, and I was wondering why I kept playing these stupid little games all the time They're so clearly pointless, but I played them obsessively And it made me realize that when it comes to making myself want to do something at least for a part of my brain There is no deep connection to what I'm doing that motivates me It's just finding things that are interesting if my brain gets curious about oh, what can help me increase this number That's what drives it It made me think that Something as simple as finding different ways to Interpret the numbers in my life might make me enjoy my life again like if I start touring for instance then suddenly that subscriber number Translates into a number of people in front of me in a crowd and if my brain does work that way then maybe that will Make me happier, so that's my next experiment once. I've finished all the videos have already started I want to try something new thanks for sitting through all this. Hopefully the next video will be a little bit more exciting Cheers for watching and have a nice day *the END CARDS*
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