Shadowlands Full Movie | Anthony Hopkins

[Music] um uh [Music] is so [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] is [Music] i never relax west benedict any news of julian i suppose he's all right julian yes he's fine i think he went down there i ordered the porsche jack jack jack what a surprise what do you mean surprise not outlining your trade you desmond what trade is that christopher i see you as a species of medieval peddler selling relics of the saints of dubious authenticity christopher jackson roman i can vouch for that i speak memorically harry jax trade is the manufacturer and supply of easy answers to difficult questions what's he saying he says jack that's true i've been meaning to ask him about your brother's books does he actually know any children jack i don't think so how on earth does he pull it off okay this isn't the champion 45. the best of my belief it is just one movement no you do not agree with marcus you disagree with marcus but marcus says he agrees with me mark marcus has no real grasp of his own thought processes also he tells the most terrible lies i'm intrigued apparently you don't know any actual children and that's balderdash i'm sure who says i don't know any children who my brother was a child once and as unlikely as it may seem so was i first is tomorrow jack the week's almost gone and i haven't done half my letters you don't have to write back you don't have to write back i know it only encourages me mr c.s lewis thanks for your letter but has nothing whatsoever to say in reply it's going to be quite a frost tonight warning too many stars confuses me nightcap i don't think so [Music] london tomorrow who are you lecturing disabled veterans association of christian teachers night jack night morning the garden enclosed by a high wall inside the garden are fountain in the fountain two crystal stones in the crystals in reflection a rose garden in the midst of the roses one perfect rosebud guyondo laurie is using the rosebud of course as an image but an image of what love what kind of love untouched unopened like a bud yes more perfect love what makes it perfect come on wake up is it the courtly ideal of love what is that what is its one essential quality and unattainability the most intense joy lies not in the having but in the desire delight that never fades bliss that is eternal is only yours when what you most desire is just out of reach what was that mr whistler nothing mr lewis if you disagree with me say so fight me i can take it even i can't fight on both sides at once you know at least i can but i'm liable to win where's the beer i have a complaint about the wardrobe complaint our children love it i will not have another blasting conversation about jack's blasted nurse no no no no listen listen in the book you describe the house as belonging to an old professor who has no wife and yet when the little girl enters the magic wardrobe she finds it full of fur coats oh very good eddie it's simple they belong to the professor's old mother simple so to reach the magic world a child must push through the mother's fur no won't have that john there's none of your hand me down flooded his mother but the imagery is christian no harry it's what it is it's just itself it's it's just magic magic let me show you the child steps into the water the coats are thick and heavy what about the fur there's not important john the child must push through they're pressing close almost suffocating at something this white light crisp cold air trees snow total contrast you see it's the gateway to a magical world what time is it good lord my train anyway well see you all tomorrow bye bye [Laughter] yesterday i received a letter that referred to an event that took place almost a year ago now december the 4th 1951 my correspondent hadn't forgotten i doubt if any of us have that was the night a number one bus drove into a column of young royal marine cadets in chatham and killed 24 of them you remember now the letter asks some simple but fundamental questions where was god on that december night why didn't he stop it isn't god supposed to be good isn't he supposed to love us and does god want us to suffer what if the answer to that question is yes so i'm not sure that god particularly wants us to be happy i think he wants us to be able to love and be loud he wants us to grow up i suggest to you that it is because god loves us that he makes us the gift of suffering or to put it in another way pain is god's megaphone to rouse a deaf world you see we are like blocks of stone out of which they sculpt our carves the forms of men the blows of his chisel which hurt us so much i would make us perfect thank you very much [Applause] a woman has had a dream about me she writes to ask if i've had a dream about her i had a strange dream last night another letter from mrs gresham can't remember any of it a jewish communist christian american you may ask me i know it was strange if i'd forgotten it can't answer that one i like a letter she can be quite sharp sometimes listen to this morning she says i can't decide whether you'd rather be the child caught in the spell or the magician casting it see her letters are rather unusual she writes as if she knows me somehow i suppose there is something with me in my books isn't there oh i expect it's just the american style americans don't understand about inhibitions ah she's coming to england now she's coming to oxford she wants to meet us well she can't come here no of course not but she does suggest tea in the hotel oh tea is safer hotel is safe no she might be mad no i don't think so she does write poems poems should be barking you won't be too agreeable will you jack don't worry one hour she would turn out to be writing a dissertation on wardrobe she asked where you can come and watch you while you create she'll say i'll sit in a corner you'll never know i'm there it's only tea warning an hour or so flight conversation then we go home and everything goes on just the way it always has should we have some sandwiches i wonder if i do toasted tea cakes excuse me i'm here to meet mr c.s lewis the writer yes well do you know what he he looks like he doesn't know what i look like either yes any ideas anybody here called lewis this is gresham how'd you do a pleasure this is my brother major lewis now please sit down so you uh managed to find us yes i use the guide and see it's just that you don't look at all like c.s lewis well i'm sorry to disappoint you not to mention the rest of oxford so you don't like that well i'm not what you might call a public figure uh mrs gresham oh you're not i mean you write all these books and and you give all those talks and everything just so everybody will leave you alone we've only just met and already you see right through me me do you drink tea tea sure it's england right so it is a waiter actually look i i'm a little in all of you and so i'm a little tense and when i get like that i get kind of i don't know it's very childish i'm sure i'll get over it soon not too soon i hope please because i like a good fight myself you do yes you sound surprised no no that's great you like a good fight great but when's the last time you lost well i've been at moorland since 1925. just beautiful here how old is it the college was founded very nearly 500 years ago but all the buildings that old of course my room was there that's the new building new huh 1733. what does your husband do mrs gretchen oh bill bill's a writer ah and uh you too jack tell him you call him jack i never liked the name clive oh well if you're a champ huh no you look fine for a jack thank you well jewish but not jewish jewish if you can follow that i mean i'm a christian but i was brought up to be a good atheist an atheist don't sound so shocked i'm not i was an atheist once you so we're both lapsed atheists yes but i was never a communist why not what do you mean why not mrs chris well i mean back in 38 it seemed to me there was only two choices either you were fascist and you conquered the world or you were a communist and you saved it is that so ah i must have been otherwise engaged at the time ah oh there's a world worth saving dawn on the first of may every year the casters from the choir school stand up here and sing to the rising sun they said they draw quite a crowd hmm what do they say i can't say i've ever risen early enough to hear them oh why not i mean it sounds wonderful well i don't really go in for scene besides oh so what do you do just walk around with your eyes shut [Music] you know mrs gresham i almost don't know what to say to you good lord how long did you plan standing with mrs oh till the end of december are you expecting to be in oxford again uh well i hadn't planned on it what do you say morning do you think you could rise to a pot of home routine given adequate warning of course do you think i could bring my son douglas is such a big fan of your nadia books he loves to meet you yes of course i'll give you plenty of warning it was a pleasure meeting you mr lewis thanks for everything you [Music] [Applause] which comes first aristotle's solution was simple and radical he said plot is character forget psychology forget the inside of men's heads judge them by their actions for example mr whistler is asleep from that action i take it that he has no interest in what i have to say the puzzle is that being the case why is he here at all so we construct a plot from mr whistler's actions he comes he sleeps now aristotle would say that the next question is not why but what is mr whistler going to do next good morning miss whistler you know my class is not compulsory neither are my chairs very comfortable i suggest all right i'm going thank you he comes he sleeps he goes so the plot thickens it's all right warning she sailed us back to new york after christmas one can always be so much more friendly to people who can't stay long hmm i wonder what her husband thinks about gallivanting around england like this it's not the middle ages warnie she'll make you listen to one of her poems i'll bet you ten bob then she'll say to you how do you like it mr lewis and you'll be stumped and i shall say mrs gresham only you could have written that fast hello you must be douglas are you him no i'm his brother so you found us mrs griffin well the driver did come in hello sorry oh hanzo we really appreciate this mr lewis you have no idea how douglas was looking forward to today see you douglas ask him but i told him you would write in his narnia book do you mind no of course not yes to douglas yes oh he wants to know if you have an addict you can ask him these things we do what does it say him the magic never ends well if it does sue him thank you missy young thank you um i'd sure like to see the attic and you shall ah come along young man let's go find it thank you major lewis oh jack was particularly hoping that you'd introduce him to your poetry now don't worry i don't inflict my poems on innocent strangers not strangers i hope what about some of that long-promised tea yes please you take milk don't you yes no i uh i'd be interested to know about your bones what what do you want to know about them how long they are their rhyme schemes their major influences of course you take sugar sure yeah well would you be so kind as to introduce me to the poems themselves oh i'm not sure i won't be rude about them what will you do stay silent or tell lies no i shall choose when i've heard one all right you know i have won a national poetry award shared with robert frost i'm impressed well let's hope you stay that way uh let's get this out of the way i'll give you an early one that way i'm covered i wrote this when i was 22 spanish civil war it's called snow in madrid softly so casual lovely so light so light the cruel sky lets fall something one does not fight men while perishing sorry men before perishing see with unwounded eye for once a gentle thing fall from the sky oh embarrassed huh no i'm touched touched yeah touch that's good that's about its level so you may ask when was i ever in madrid the answer is never a personal experience and everything i disagree i think personal experience is everything so reading is a waste of time no it's not a waste of time but reading is safe isn't it books aren't about to hurt you why should one want to be heard that's when we learn just because something hurts it doesn't make it more true or more significant no i guess not i'm not saying the pain is purposeless or even neutral but to find meaning and pain there has to be something else and pain is a tool if you like pain as god's message megaphone to rouse a deaf world oh how embarrassing you know my writing too well don't you i have read most of it i guess i knew you pretty well before we met oh but you've not had the personal experience mr lewis i i have to stop calling you mr lewis it makes me feel like a kid did i call you jack yes of course jack i'm joy oh hello joy so jack have you ever been really hurt you don't give up you here we are uh does anybody ever come up here not anymore [Music] hey here we are that's morning's desk this is mine it's not very ordered in here i'm afraid well you keep ordering your mind right yes oh that's nice is it some place real i think so it's called the golden valley i believe somewhere in herefordshire somewhere special anyway it was on our nursery wall when i was a child i didn't know it was a real place then i thought it was a view of heaven oh the promised land yes i used to think that one day i'd come around to bend in the road or over the brow of a hill there it would be i have been really hurt you know first time is always the worst that was when my mother died how old were you nine that's old enough to hurt oh yes it was the end of my world i remember my father in tears voices all over the house doors shutting an opening it was a big house all long empty corridors i remember i had toothache and i wanted my mother to come to me i cried for her to come but she didn't come and after death did you believe you'd meet her again no i don't think i had any faith in anything when i was a child she was gone that's all and still you listen for the footsteps coming down the corridors but they don't come yes you should see the garden before it gets dark yes i'd like that you'll need a coat i have one right here there's a light bulb a wood for the lake oh good it's really a flooded taping for the old brickworks it's all yours now be careful douglas the sun's well over there does he miss home oh sure i mean he'd like to be home for christmas but well it just hasn't worked out that way what are you doing for christmas some lucky english hotel i expect so your husband will have to look after himself is that it yes he's pretty good at that the lake is much older than the house of course they say shelley used to sail paper boats here oh made out of early drafts of his poems no doubt i don't like to think of you christmasing in a hotel why didn't you come here you you're very welcome oh no you don't want a couple of yankees rampaging all over your house well i'd speak to warnie of course but um uh why didn't we go inside speaking for myself i have welcomed the company somehow christmas makes more sense when there are children around hmm i suppose we want to get a tree what i really resent is the presumption of goodwill i feel no good will toward my fellow man whatever i feel ill with it'll be different this year of course more cheerful i've no doubt what's that morning a festive season i'm afraid christmas as i remember it is rather a lost cause exactly it's because we've lost the magic oh no more blasted magic well you tell people it's about uh taking care of the poor and needy and naturally they don't even listen to them or indeed you do come into it no room at the end remember for mother and child jax invited them to stay with us oh mother and child mrs gresham and her son is spending christmas with us well jack you have succeeded in surprising me who is mrs gretchen isn't just a friend an american a writer people do have guests for christmas don't they um station oxford this is oxford station nice talking to you have a good day and a merry christmas guaranteed yeah welcome back to oxford i'm glad you can come douglas yeah enjoy uh here and bathroom here well that's nothing it's good good could we leave you to settle in great won't you come with me what do you think next morning a nice cup of tea well you can't go too far wrong with a cup of tea joy oh thank you uh by the way the college president is hosting his annual christmas party this evening and i am afraid i am more or less obliged to have put in an appearance i don't suppose you'd wish to come with me would you with douglas ah douglas you thanks you know jack that's all right uh i could use an early night you go on without us that's pretty good what you'd rather enjoy well we could always ask mrs young we won't be surveyed late i'll be okay now i'm being thoughtless you've only just arrived here it is it's very dainty cover all right keep it close to you why do you think they don't heat the house uh oh i don't know such a strange country but i think the natives are friendly mm-hmm right so you finish your chapter you say you praise okay oh evening roberts good evening come and meet the college president where on earth did he find her she wrote to him is this your first trip to england mrs gresham oh yeah it's my first but i was wanting to come for a long time what brings you to england mrs gresham i'm working on a book so i was hoping to find a publisher over here ah christopher there you are yes jack here i am please let me introduce you to mrs joy kresham professor christopher reilly professor riley how do you do uh what success have you had with your book oh well to be honest it's not ready to be seen yet oh you mustn't let that stop you mrs gresham it doesn't stop jack i'm sorry i am right in assuming you're from the united states of america yes i am then perhaps you can satisfy my curiosity on a related matter i had always understood americans to be hard writing tough talking no nonsense sort of people yet jack tells me his children's stories sell very well there who can be buying well professor riley we're not all cowboys you know have you read any of jack's children's books jack has read extracts aloud it is one of his tests of friendship well i think they're rather magical congratulations jack you seem to have found a soul mate i thought you believed we didn't have souls christopher well yes now i regard the soul as an essentially feminine accessory an imam quite different from animus the male variant this is how i explain the otherwise puzzling difference between the sexes where men have intellect women have soul as you say professor riley uh i'm from the united states and different cultures have different modes of discourse i need a little guidance here are you trying to be offensive or just merely stupid let me introduce you to some friends of mine excuse me [Music] uh [Music] stars [Music] [Music] um [Music] oh [Music] hello it stood in our nursery when we were children if you don't need anymore you should throw it away well i'm not very good at throwing things away as you can see we don't have an etiquette home no you wish you would at home don't you we always have a turkey for christmas at home well we'll have turkey here too it's cranberry sauce ah my dad loves cranberry sauce does he and snow who'd you look like most douglas your mother or your father this is my mom and this is my dad but my dad's kind of noisy no i'm not naughty in which way like shouting i hate shouting me too i knew it was just a little wardrobe [Music] mrs young we wouldn't happen to have any uh cranberry sauce would we cranberry sauce yes what's that well my guess is it's a sauce made from cranberries well mr lewis if you can find me some cranberries i'll source them well i think mrs young has done as proud warnie happy christmas happy christmas go to raise a glass to your husband joy sure here's to bill bill can we telephone to america yes i believe so do you want to that's all right we'll be home before long you're very welcome if you want i do want it's very expensive douglas oh come on i don't mind he's just excited by the novelty of it i am not i want to talk to dad well you can't and that's that beastly things telephones ring ring ring stop what you're doing get up hurry hurry ring ring ring no manners at all oh oh well oh well douglas never makes a fuss about going to bed it appears he never makes a pass about anything except telephones perhaps right may i yes ago warner is taking himself off to bed too sometimes he overdoes it a little i expect you noticed yes i know the signs well there are signs other poor old warning you know don't you know what well you must not think i'm much of a mother not letting your son call his father on christmas day i want that but it's none of my it just doesn't it's not it isn't what it looks like that's all i see thank you for not asking not asking what what's this woman doing chasing all over england without her husband ah that uh i ran away it's always a mistake isn't it and you have to face things in the end i left home because bill fell in love with another woman he takes the romantic view if you love someone you marry them i'm number two he wants me to give him a divorce so he can marry number three i see phil's an alcoholic he's compulsively unfaithful and he's sometimes violent and i guess i haven't loved him for years he's violent only when he's drunk and he doesn't really know what he's doing it's just that he's worn me out it's the truth of it joy look if there's anything i can do if there is i'll be my friend i hope i'm met already [Music] thanks for putting up with us not at all we shall miss you goodbye jack [Music] so they sail back tomorrow yes i'm not sure that god particularly wants us to be happy i think he wants us to be able to love be loved he wants us to grow up we think our childish toys bring us all the happiness there is and our nursery is the whole wide world something something must drive us out of the nursery to the world of others and that something is suffering [Music] you miss her don't you well things are quiet now aren't they one of your many virtues warning is he coming back no no james yes i've always found this a trying time of the year trying to do what jack the leaves not yet out mud everywhere you go frosty morning is gone sunday morning has not yet come give me blizzards and frozen pipes but not this nothing time not this waiting room of the world tell me something christopher how should i put this would you say you were content i am as i am the world is as it is my contempt or otherwise has very little to do with it don't you ever feel a sense of waste of course um i hope you don't mind now come in i happen to be in blackwell's the other day and i saw you borrow a book uh steal i stole it most of these books are stolen why not they're written to be read at least i read them which is more than most people do so you read differently to the rest of us yeah yes i do i read at night so nothing breaks me concentration all night sometimes when i start a new book my hands are shaking my eyes are jumping ahead does he does he feel the way i felt does he see what i've seen you know uh my father used to say he's a teacher like you no well not like you he's only a village school master but what was it your father used to say we read to no one not alone would it help if i made you a small loan yes i expected what if i wanted to be helped you see we are like blocks of stone out of which the sculptor carves the forms of men the blows of his chisel which hurt us so much are what make us perfect thank you very much [Applause] [Music] yes thank you thank you so much jack what are you doing here oh i came to hear your talk oh yes oh what am i doing in london well douglas and i live here now really what did i do with bill we're divorced but it's going to work out better for all of us yes why didn't you write what for to ask permission no no do you mind me no why should that mind oh so it's all all right then yes yes but um really i'm very very surprised to see you you know well i wasn't dead i was just in america well of course yes yes but um you see i i've been thinking about you yes i've been thinking about you can i have any no it's all right i'm just talking to my friend yes i was i was thinking about you and suddenly there you were no here i am it's present tense present and tense i'm very sorry but the committee is waiting to entertain mr lewis it's all right i'll be with you in a moment so do let me know where you are sure good i do i did the right thing we're just through here so she settled here for good has she for the foreseeable future with the boy yes will you be seeing much of her not much i shouldn't think i may look in again when i'm next in london i think it's very sweet of you to come and see me again jack i know how busy you are no not at all i look forward to my outings to london yeah you must come and visit us in oxford would you like some sherry oh yes yes maybe as soon as douglas's school term ends there you go thank you cheers i would like to see warning again oh you can just move douglas's puzzle out of the way all right do remember me to warning yes tell him i promise i won't turn into a nuisance why should you turn into a nuisance well jack i don't have to explain explain what and why did you look at me like that like what as if i'm lying to you why should i lie to you i mean what i say no i know it's just that you don't say it all do you well one can't take over don't take too long did you finish your chapter almost not yet all right just a little bit longer just till your hair dries okay night jack nine times wait i want a kiss night night mom sweet dreams i'm gonna check this out what sort of things you want me to say well jack i i want to remain friends with you so i need to know if there's anything that makes that hard for you i see we might as well know where we are never can really tell what's going on between people can you and people jump to conclusions sometimes it makes me quite angry the way people aren't allowed to be well you're just friends you're like us to me like us i don't mean to say that friendship is a small thing as a matter of fact i rate it as one of this life's most precious gifts but but it shouldn't be turned into a watered-down version of something that is not such as such as ah well to give you one example uh romantic love that's not to say that um friendship isn't in its way a kind of love kind of love seeing knew you'd understand oh i understand more than that jack could you open this yeah you're a bachelor and i'm a divorced woman now some people would imagine that you have romantic attentions towards me you have no such intentions and you want that out in the open because you care about me and you don't want me to be hurt have i understood you correctly i don't know what to say don't have to say anything i just said it wasn't so hard was it i'm just not used to this whatever it is naming names that's all yes now you don't have to be afraid of me anymore do you the lord i was never afraid of you you why are you looking i was never afraid of you jack i really am very thankful for everything you've done for me i'm sure there are far more ways i sometimes suppose i can make up you know telling me about i don't want to exhaust your goodwill well there's no fear of that well there is something which would help me enormously i find it oh jack this is very hard for me if it's too much for you you would just say no wouldn't you just no i mean no guilt no evasion no running away yes i think i can just manage that so something i ought to tell you warning um i've agreed to marry joy you have seemed the right thing to do you did yes there's nothing to worry about uh see what i've agreed to do is extend my british citizenship to her so that she can go on living in england by marrying yet only technically you're marrying joy technically the true marriage is a declaration before god not before some government official and joy will keep her own name and we'll all go on living exactly as before before you are joined in matrimony i have to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make mr lewis you repeat after me i call upon these persons here present i call upon these persons here present witness that i clive staples lewis the witness that i clive's table is lewis you take thee helen joy gresham take the helen joy gresham be my lawful wedded wife to be my lawful wedded wife joy gresham if you'll repeat after me i call upon these persons here present i call upon these persons here present witness that i have enjoy gresham to witness that i hell enjoy gresham you take thee clyde's staples lewis to take the clive staples lewis be my lawful wedded husband to be my lawful wedded husband do we have a ring no no no oh that's that all right well we got you both a drink sorry joy i simply have to catch the 12 22. well we'll knock you guys bye morty fine track bye joy i'd be most grateful for that drink joy oh that's awfully kind of your warning i think i sort of popped just down the road should we risk it all right all right yeah go here we go well that was quite an unusual experience yes you uh you must forgive jack oh i'm getting to know him a little by now i i think i understand him better anyway i'm very grateful to him no need to know he tells me well actually what he said was it will be as if it never happened a great mistake jack you'll have to regret it regret one chris steve this got a second place all summer day after end senior i'm off oh we're crazy tuscany camping jumping i think i'll bring a guest this year dude by all means when daughter was alive we once took the grandchildren capping bring a guest jack yes and senior take my tip roof and sleep outside the tent and smoke a cigar whatever form mosquitoes you've met her um joy gresham yes yes not the american yes the american is she back in oxford thank you you know no she's in london she wants to see the pageant of learning [Music] [Music] oh [Music] i feel distinctly underdressed well this is just a sort of unicorn maybe jack's party frog jack come here lord let me hear your heart she's living in london no yes with her husband divorced why did i have a feeling you were going to say that hello hello you all right just a little exhausted would it be all right if we sat there yes you haven't seen my room is that i wish i could retire would you like coffee yes nice cafe sure mommy oh there that's bad i guess you should change those shoes i won't talk about that i'm not going to stay long either for all i know i'm not even allowed to be here female guests between 10 a.m and 8 p.m we're legal jack don't you sometimes just bust to share the joke what joke well here's your friends thinking we're unmarried and up to all sorts of wickedness when all along we're married and up to nothing at all which friends god you really can be hard work sometimes so what do you do here think great thoughts teach me what do they do sit at your feet and gaze up at you and all no not at all i bet they do uh we have some uh final battles in here i can tell you that which you win must be quite a boost for you being older and wiser than all of them not to mention your readers what your readers oh the gang of friends of yours all very well trained not to play out of bounds of course there's warning not much competition there that's nonsense and what about uh christopher riley he never lets me get away with anything you know that except doubt and fear and pain and terror where did all that come from no i've only now just seen it how you've arranged a life for yourself when no one can touch you everyone that's close to you is either younger than you or weaker than you or under your control why are you why are you getting at me i thought we were friends i don't know that we are friends not the way you have friends anyway sorry jack i don't understand oh i think you do you just don't like it nor do i [Music] [Music] oh go go where london but why is it money not really one more year and you'd have your degree yeah then one teach like you i wonder what it is everyone wants from me you know that's the first question i've ever heard you ask it sounds like you don't know the answer oh is that good is that what you want ignorance confusion look i just don't think i've seen my way ahead quite as clearly as you do shadows what it's one of my stories we live in the shadow lands sun is always shining somewhere else around the bend in the road over the brow of the hill hello a london number please oh yesterday a friend of mine a very brave good woman collapsed in terrible pain one minute she was fit well next minute she was in agony she's now in hospital and this morning i was told she's suffering from cancer why see if you love someone you don't want them to suffer you can't bet you want to take their suffering onto yourself if even i feel like that doesn't god irish not good i'm so sorry jack i just wanted to be well again you see of course you do we all do what a dangerous world we live in if you've been up all night why don't you get some sleep no i can't sleep ah it's all too soon you see i just hadn't had time at all time for what i don't know the talk say things it doesn't take long no i suppose not whatever it is i should just say yes you must be right warning but it is difficult you see yes i do see that yes dr craig this is my brother how do you do your wife how is she any change we've made her as comfortable as we can otherwise there's nothing further to report how much she's been told she's been told that the cancer has eaten away her left femur oh no she knows it's serious the fiber and snapped like a frozen twig i see can anything be done she's dying warning that's putting it more starkly than i would choose mr lewis no but it's true isn't it the cancer is very advanced joy jack don't talk if it hurts where's douglas you're staying with us for the moment i'll bring him over to see when when you're up to it thank you is there any water you're here to visit me before a couple of times i thought sorry jack i didn't mean to cause you all this bad don't talk nonsense you're the one that's having the water what i mean is you don't have to take care of me oh well who do you expect to take care of you you know what i'm trying to say but who else should take care of you but me you're my wife technically and i should look after you jack i have to know how bad it is they won't tell me well that's because they're not sure themselves please jack i didn't know any more than they do before douglas gets here i need to know they say you're going to die yes thank you what do you say jack i i'm a jew i'm divorced i'm broke dying of cancer do you think i get a discount oh joy do you know something jack you seem different you look at me properly now didn't die before not properly i don't want to lose you joy i don't want to be lost all right nurse oh this is pain really necessary i'll fetch the doctor here we are we'll uh we'll make another one tomorrow now what um lights out no i really did got your book how long are you allowed to read one chapter one chapter then i want to be awake when jack gets back well that shouldn't be long now he will say late morty of course not night [Music] [Music] no change i promised douglas you'd say good night so she's in hospital in london apparently he goes up there every day he must have hit him very hard in completely off balance sad business um has he said anything to you [Music] no nothing oh no jack i'm so sorry about all this yes yes christopher thank you it's all come too soon you see the affairs aren't in order and uh what's going to happen to douglas for example i suppose his father no no she wouldn't want that she drinks you know and he's an alcoholic he must be other relatives i mean it's not as if it's not as if what harry well she's your friend of course but well she's not family she's not my wife no also of course not it's impossible it's unthinkable how could joy be my wife i'd have to love her wouldn't i i'd have to care more for her than for anyone else in this world i'd have to be suffering the torments of the damned the prospect of losing her i'm sorry jack i didn't know no to die harry remember got to take him home i'll stay a little longer i'll catch the 840. right maybe come in have i had toasted tea cakes douglas the sequins in the butter you can have so much that it runs down your finger should we go find some okay see you soon come on secrets in the body lots of matter see you later yes are you staying yes i want to marry you joy i want to marry you before god and the world make an honest woman out of me no not you it's me who hasn't been honest look what it takes to make me see sense think i've overdone it please don't leave me joy you know jack back where i come from they have this quaint old custom well when a guy makes up his mind to marry a girl he asks her it's called proposing it's the same here did i miss it will you marry this foolish frightened old man who needs you more than he can bear to say who loves you even though he hardly knows how just this once you don't seem to have had much time to talk we were right where we were i'm told mom she wouldn't listen does my dad know she's sick does anybody tell him yes he's been told sinking now i don't care i know your mother's talked to you about um yep would that be alright with you yep would make me happy and i think it would make her happy too okay i joy take thee jack to have and to hold from this day forward to have and to hold from this day forward for better for worse for better for worse for richer for poorer for richer for poorer in sickness and in health in sickness and in health to love cherish and obey to love cherish and obey till death us do part until death has to part the ring with this ring i the wed with this ring with my body i thee worship my body i the worship and all my worldly goods i the endow and all my worldly goods are the inner those whom god has joined together let no man [Music] [Music] hmm [Music] hmm [Applause] [Music] so mr lewis yes [ __ ] whistling of course yes how are you thank you funny the way things work out isn't it i've not noticed that they do you're probably right yes [Music] in fact i can take it what fight i can take it did i say that so what are you doing these days teaching feel free to give a hollow laugh no i suspect you're a born teacher i do turn out to be quite good at it your father's a teacher isn't he yes he died a few months ago i'm sorry i loved him very much did he know that i think so thanking you yeah one has to say things the moment passes and then you're alone again yes read to know we're not alone that's what he said wasn't it your father i haven't forgotten well okay what news uh good news i think harry yes good news very glad jack thank you christopher thank you christopher can scoff but i know how hard you've been praying now god is answering your prayer that's not why i pray harry i pray because i can't help myself i pray because i'm helpless i pray i pray because the need flows out of me all the time breaking and sleeping doesn't change god it changes me he's got vaguely hi doctor how was you well i uh i think you better see for yourself i'll catch you up sister watch wow can you do more all right come on close [Laughter] [Music] hey oh they do it's not bad that's wonderful it's wonderful so does she have to stay here i see no reason why so long as the remission continues how long is that come on you can speak openly it could be months could be weeks why not years in such an advanced case that would be unusual well we take what we can get right how would you like to come home hmm between where's home oxford my house our house we're married don't you remember so i can take it home good now there's no need to worry about me jack i'll sort myself out sort yourself out what do you mean new digs no problem you want it it's as you wish jack i don't practice except douglas [Music] ready jack here we are take it slowly that's it right can we just sit down i need a lot of pauses thank you my love and for for all of it good good yes as i look at this room strikes me it is a bit on the spartan side how long has it been your room 25 years more i suppose have you ever shared it with anyone nope feel strange well i'm not entirely sure of the procedure well what do you usually do when you go to bed yet very much what you'd expect no no tell me see you come in the door hmm then i draw the curtains can i get out my pajamas from where and then what and i hung my clothes over the chair i cleaned my teeth wash kneaded by the bed first i turned back the bed clothes and i knew by the bed pray i get into bed like a little boy we're next then i go to sleep on your back or on your side on my side show me you do everything just the way you always do it jack when you get to the last bit i'll be here too the procedure [Music] [Music] what is the time to see six o'clock any minute now well is somebody gonna ring a bell or something yes i believe a lot of people drink a lot of bells first busy [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] boys what's up [Applause] high spirits [Applause] admit you're glad i brought you it's pagan it's vaga it's all faintly silly but it works sunrise always works [Music] you have to hold it there so how'd you want it to look like that right yeah so describe that well it's got like a little light and type it hi douglas jack where did you say the golden valley was someone had a fragility all right all right okay so remember what we talked about because it's important we'll finish this later okay all right hello hello where did you say it was uh header for javanese and do you think it still looks the same oh i very much got it you thought it was heaven didn't you i'd only a child let's go and look for it jack hmm we never had a honeymoon are you up to traveling it's not so far is it uh i don't really know where would we stay i don't know small country hotel you happy yes what kind of happy just happy no my kind of happy i'm stupid i always forget when you ask a question it means you have the answer waiting so go ahead tell me no come on no i'm not telling you now what do i have to do i have to go to the lecture yes buy the book well it's a hotel it's in the country so thank you oh it's beautiful jack you seem to have survived the journey yes but i could use a drink yeah do they have room service room service i used to think the room service was saying your prayers in bed well you can order some prayers if you want i will take a gin and tonic what now sure why not oh all right honey you can use a telephone where is it oh yes phone moon service hello yes this is mr lewis in room number i'm sorry i've forgotten the number of the room and i'm already in the room you see oh you do good um yes gin and tonic um gin and tonic yes uh two gin and tonics or two gins and tonic i i should say oh i'm sorry good thank you bye you don't like gin ah i'm afraid i panicked come here the golden valley runs along the river door here let me show you on the map runs from here to here why gold it's a mistake really the welsh for water is durr which sounds like dora the french for golden it isn't golden at all it's wet where can one get a view of the valley i should go along here down to the junction here and turn left up this little road that'll take you up into the hills no i don't know why we did yes you do probably won't be the same it'll all be changed or spoiled thank you thank you oh no i'm wrong the valley runs east-west doesn't it no idea nowhere there already of course where there oh there yes me so that's it [Music] [Music] we almost made it oh no i don't want to be someone else anymore not waiting for anything new to happen not looking around the next corner no next hill here now that's enough that's your kind of happy isn't it yes yes it's not going to last jack you shouldn't think about that now let's not spoil the time we have together it doesn't spoil it it makes it real let me just say it before this rain stops and we go back what is that to say that i'm going to die and i want to be with you then too the only way i can do that is if i'm able to talk to you about it now i manage somehow don't worry about me no i think it can be better than that i think it can be better than just managing what i'm what i'm trying to say is that the pain then is part of the happiness now that's the deal [Music] so yeah that's good douglas come in and get warm for a while [Music] do i'm sorry jack [Music] should be better here no stairs to climb can't you do something i'm afraid not douglas you couldn't go and fetch the other pillow could you thank you thanks for coming in yeah a lot of silly fuss huh get over here come on get mad okay remember what we talked about because it's important okay okay good great night go straight to sleep last like this keeps me quiet when it gets close you find out whether you believe it or not yes don't you always say real life hasn't begun yet jack you better be right still here still here go to bed get some sleep soon i'm tired yeah i'll rest i just don't want to leave you i don't want you to go too much pain i know i don't know what to do joy you'll have to tell me what to do you have to let me go i'm not sure that i can of course it pretends not to am i i know i like you no more pretending not anymore don't talk my love just rest i love just just huh i love you joy i love you so much you've made me so happy i didn't know i could be so happy you're the truest person i've ever known sweet jesus be with my beloved wife joy forgive me if i love her too much have mercy on us bone we therefore commit the body of thy servant joy to the elements earth to earth ashes to ashes dust to dust this waiter thank god for your faith jack is only faith makes any sense of times like this i know what's happening to me warning i can't see her anymore i can't remember her face i expected shock i'm so afraid never seeing her again of thinking that suffering is just suffering after all no cause no purpose no pattern i don't know what to tell you jack hmm nothing there's nothing to say i know that now i've just come up against a bit of experience warning experience is a brutal teacher but you'll learn my god you'll learn i really do think one or two of us was gone certainly not we hardly knew the woman i haven't even seen him for a couple of weeks i wouldn't say this to jack but in the circumstances better sooner than later is he taking it very hard together yes yeah i wasn't going to come but then i thought i would life must go on i don't know that it must harry but it certainly does i'm sorry jack thank you christopher we're all redeemed thank you president anything i can do because uh just don't tell me it's all for the best that's all only god knows why these things have to happen god knows but does god care of course we see so little here we are not the creator no no we're the creatures aren't we were they with the rats and the cosmic laboratory i've no doubt the experiment is for our own good but uh it still makes god the vivisection doesn't it jack no this is bloody awfulness and that's all there is to it i'm sorry harry i'm sorry christopher this is not for company tonight jack yes your grief is your own business maybe you feel life is a mess maybe it is but there's douglas what about douglas talk to him i don't know what to say to him just talk to him hi hi when my mother died i was your age i thought that if i prayed for her to get better and if i really believed she'd get better then she wouldn't die but she did it doesn't work no it doesn't work i don't care i loved your mother very much perhaps i loved it too much she knew that she said to me is it worth it she knew what it would be like later it doesn't seem fair does it i don't see why she had to get sick no no me but uh you can't hold on to things douglas you have to let them go jack do you believe in heaven yes i do i don't believe in heaven that's okay i sure would like to see her again [Laughter] me too hello who are you chadwick sir you're my tutor this time am i chadwick right come on chad you say yes sir sit down we read no we're not alone do you think that is so well i hadn't thought of it before like that sir no not a die i suppose some people would say we love to know we're not alone would you well if you mean falling in love well i haven't really i mean i probably know more about love from books than from personal experience go on i'm listening well i don't think any of us want to be alone why love if losing hurts so much i have no answers anymore only the life i've lived twice in that life i've been given the choice as a boy and as a man the boy chose safety the man chooses suffering the pain now is part of the happiness then that's the deal [Music] [Music] [Music] yes [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Paul Ross

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Length: 131min 25sec (7885 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 14 2020