♪♪♪
HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF
"YEAR BOOK," MR. SETH ROGEN. SETH, YOU'VE GOT YOUR -- SETH,
YOU'VE NOT YOUR NEW BOOK CALLED YEAR BOOK. THERE'S A STORY HERE THAT'S GOT
A FAIR AMOUNT OF ATTENTION, YOU AND JED A APATOW. NO ONE'S EVER TRIED TO SELL ME
ON SCIENTOLOGY AND I WOULD LIKE IT IF SOMEONE WOULD TRY. >> IT HAPPENED A FEW HOURS INTO
THE MEETING AND I WAS WORRIED THAT I WASN'T DEEMED WORTHY IN
SOME WAY, HONESTLY. AND SO IT WAS NICE WHEN THE
PITCH FINALLY CAME. BUT, YEAH, ME AND JUDD WERE
SUMMONED TO TOM CRUISE'S HOUSE TO TALK ABOUT MOVIE IDEAS
BECAUSE THIS WAS THE PEEK WHEN HE WAS VIEWED UNFAVORABLY WHEN
HE WAS JUMPING ON THE COUCH ON OPRAH --
>> Stephen: CALLING MATT LAUER GLIB. >> WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS! ( LAUGHTER )
BUT, ULTIMATELY, IT WAS A TIME I THINK THAT HE WAS SAYING HE
WANTED TO DO A COMEDY, AND, SO, HE WAS MEETING WITH COMEDIC
FILM-MAKERS TO TALK ABOUT A POTENTIAL COMEDY MOVIE. SO ME AND JUDD WENT TO MEET HIM. WE WENT TO HIS HOUSE. >> Stephen: NICE PLACE, I'M
GUESSING? >> VERY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE,
PALATIAL, ESTATE, WINDING DRIVEWAY, I MIDWEST SURI. NOBODY HAD MET HER AND WONDERED
IF SHE WAS REAL. IT WAS BELIEVABLE HE PERHAPS HAD
A FAKE BABY, WHICH IS ON THE TABLE, WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING
YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK OF YOU. BUT I WENT THERE, YEAH, WITH
JUDD, AND, AFTER A FEW HOURS, THE CONVERSATION FINALLY SHIFTED
TO HOW HE WAS PER SIEVED IN THE PRESS, AND HE WAS TALKING ABOUT
HOW, YOU KNOW, IT WAS -- A LOT OF THE STUFF WAS TAKEN OUT OF
CONTEXT AND HE FELT AS THOUGH THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY WAS
PERHAPS USING THEIR SWAY TO CONTROL -- YOU KNOW, MAKE HIM
LOOK BAD IN THE MEDIA BECAUSE SCIENTOLOGISTS DON'T BELIEVE IN
PHARMACEUTICAL DRUGS, SO HE THOUGHT HE WAS DAMAGING THE
PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY. AND, SO, THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME
SCIENTOLOGY CAME UP. IT WAS, LIKE, OH, BECAUSE OF
SCIENTOLOGY, THAT'S WHY THEY WOULD DO THAT. HE WAS, LIKE, YEAH. AND THEN HE LOOKS AT US AND HE
GOES, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT
SCIENTOLOGY, AND IF YOU LET ME TELL YOU FOR ONE HOUR WHAT
SCIENTOLOGY WAS, YOU WOULD SAY NO ( BLEEP ) WAY. AND, LIKE, I REMEMBER THINKING
LIKE -- I REMEMBER THINKING LIKE DO I SAY YES? WHAT DO I SAY? JUDD WAS THERE, I WAS LIKE IS HE
GOING TO SAY YES? WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS? >> Stephen: PLEASE TELL ME YOU
SAID YES. >> I SAID NOTHING BECAUSE I DID
NOT KNOW -- I GENUINELY FEARED I WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THE
PITCH AND NOT GO ALONG WITH IT. I'M A BIG TOM CRUISE FAN. I WOULD NOT --
>> Stephen: ME, TOO! THAT'S LIKE BEING TAUGHT ABOUT
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH BY ST. PETER. >> EXACTLY, YOU WIND UP A
CATHOLIC, THOUGH! THAT'S THE PROBLEM. HE WOULD GET YOU. THAT WAS MY FEAR. >> Stephen: YOU KNOW HOW? HE WOULD GET YOU WITH THE TECH. >> EXACTLY. HE'D CLEAR --
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO USE THE TECH BECAUSE KSW, AND I MEAN
THAT. >> CROSS THE BRIDGE, MAN. I STEPPED ON YOU A LITTLE BIT
THERE. YOU WERE RIGHT TO SAY YES AND
JUDD SAID NO. >> JUDD -- I LOOKED AT JUDD AND
JUDD ULTIMATELY SAID, HE'S, LIKE, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME, AND
TOM MOVED ON. >> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO
KNOW IF TOM'S WATCHING, I REALLY WANT TO HEAR IT. >> YOU WANT THE SHPEEL. >> Stephen: I REALLY WANT TO
HEAR IT. I'M REALLY CURIOUS. >> I'M SURE THEY WOULD BE
THRILLED TO TELL YOU. >> Stephen: TOM CRUISE. CELEBRITIES NOT GOOD ENOUGH. AND, LISTEN, HEY, I AM A
CATHOLIC. I MAKE PLENTY OF JOKES ABOUT MY
OWN RELIGION, SO I'M READY TO HEAR ANYBODY'S IDEA OF WHAT, YOU
KNOW, WHAT THEY THINK I SHOULD BE BELIEVING. >> WELL, IT INVOLVES ALIENS AND
VOLCANOES AND HIRED JEN BOMBS, THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY. >> Stephen: NOW, YOU'VE GOT A
CHAPTER IN HERE ABOUT YOUR FIRST WRITING GIG. YOU WROTE JOKES FOR A MOIL. >> I DID. MY FIRST JOB. >> Stephen: THE OBVIOUS FIRST
QUESTION IS DID HE TAKE YOUR SCRIPTS AS IS OR DID HE HAVE
SOME CUTS? >> THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD
ONE! YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S FUNNY, IT DID
TURN INTO A BIT OF A NEGOTIATION. HE -- YEAH, HE -- HE SAW ME DO
STANDUP AND HE GAVE ME HIS CARD AND ASKED ME TO WRITE JOKES FOR
HIM. I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A
CIRCUMCISION IN MY LIFE. >> Stephen: ONE. YOU WENT TO ONE. >> WENT TO ONE. HAVE A SHADY, BAD RECOLLECTION
OF IT, TO SAY THE LEAST. AND IF I DID REMEMBER IT, I
PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WAS NOT AN OCCASION FOR JOKES, IF ANYTHING,
YOU KNOW. AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE WANTED ONE
LINERS TO WARM UP THE CROWD WITH, BASICALLY. AND, SO, HE SAID HE WOULD PAY ME
50 BUCKS A JOKE. >> Stephen: WOW, THAT'S GOOD
MONEY! >> IT'S NOT BAD. I THOUGHT I'LL WRITE TEN JOKES,
THAT'S 500 BUCKS. I WAS IN. TO ME, THAT WAS GREAT, YOU KNOW. HE PICKED ME UP FROM SCHOOL IN
HIS FERRARI. HE HAD A FERRARI. >> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND. A GUY WHOSE JOB IS TO CUT A
MILLIMETER OF SKIN OFF THE TIP OF AN INFANT'S PENIS IS DRIVING
A ( BLEEP ) FERRARI? HOW MANY BABY PENISES ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT HERE? WHAT IS THE RATE? WHAT IS THE VIG? WHAT IS THE VIG? WHAT DOES HE TAKE OFF THE TOP? >> THERE'S NOT EVEN THAT MANY
JEWS IN VANCOUVER. IF THERE WAS LIKE BROOKLYN OR
SOMETHING I WOULD TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT. THERE'S A VERY SMALL NUMBER OF
JEWISH PEOPLE IN VANCOUVER. IT'S TOTALLY CRAZY. AND, SO, HE PICKED ME UP IN HIS
FERRARI. WE GO TO A COFFEE SHOP, AND I GO
OVER THE JOKES WITH HIM, AND HE FIRST SAYS, THOUGH, HE'S, LIKE,
I ONLY WANT TO PAY YOU FOR THE JOKES I'M GOING TO USE, WHICH
WAS ( BLEEP ) I THOUGHT. I WAS, LIKE, THAT'S GOING TO A
RESTAURANT AND SAY I'M ONLY GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT I EAT
ULTIMATELY. I SAID, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, YOU
HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF IT. AND HE HAS A FERRARI. I WAS 14 YEARS OLD. SO IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE
ENTERING NEGOTIATIONS WITH A 14-YEAR-OLD OVER $500, DON'T DO
IT AFTER DRIVING TO COFFEE IN YOUR FERRARI, IS ALL I WAS GOING
TO SAY, BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE ( BLEEP ), NO, YOU'RE PAYING M
THE $500 YOU KNOW ME. HE DIDN'T HAVE IT ON HIM AND I
MADE HIM DRIVE ME TO AN A.T.M. AND GET THE MONEY HE OWED ME. >> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER
THE JOKES? >> HE'LL BE THE COOLEST KID IN
PRE-SCHOOL, NOT A LOT OF KIDS HIS AGE HAVE BEEN IN A KNIFE
FIGHT. THERE WAS ONE, IT WAS, LIKE, HE
WALKS OFFSTAGE AND HE'S LIKE I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I'VE JUST
GOT TO OIL UP THE CHAINSAW. I SAID, THAT'S NOT A GOOD ONE. HE LIKED THAT ONE. I SAID, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
PICKING THE RIGHT ONES, TO BE TOTALLY HONESTLY. WHAT'S CRAZY IS I HONESTLY
DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS SINCE I WAS 14, THE LAST 25 YEARS,
BASICALLY. LAST YEAR, MY MOTHER WAS AT A
WEDDING SITTING NEXT TO THIS GUY AT THE WEDDING BY COMPLETE
COINCIDENCE, THE MOIL, AND IT CAME UP, AND HE WAS, LIKE, DO
YOU STILL TELL THE JOKES? HE'S, LIKE, I STILL USE ALL THE
JOKES IN EVERY SINGLE CIRCUMCISION I DO. SO 500 BUCKS FOR 25 YEARS WORTH
OF JOKES IS PRETTY GOOD. >> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD
DEAL. WELL, THOSE STORIES AND MORE IN
"YEAR BOOK" ON SALE NOW. THE AUTHOR THE SETH ROGEN,
EVERYBODY: THANKS, SETH. BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY JACK
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Hi Sis! (Sister)
You're late! (Brother)
Fashionably late. (Sister)
We can not be late. (Brother)
There's a road right there. (Brother)
That's a cat. Wait, just hold
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EVERYBODY. PERFORMING "IN HIS ARMS" FROM
THEIR ALBUM, "THE MARFA TAPES," JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT AND
JON RANDALL. ♪ ♪ ♪
(ACOUSTIC GUITAR) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I'VE SEEN EL PASO
WHEN THE SKY WAS ON FIRE ♪ LOST A NIGHT IN JUAREZ
A COUPLE OF TIMES ♪ DANCED WITH A COWBOY
ON A STRAIGHT TEQUILA HIGH ♪ I WISH I WAS IN HIS ARMS
TONIGHT ♪ I'VE BEEN A ROLLING STONE,
A TUMBLEWEED ♪ WAITING FOR THE RIGHT ONE
TO COME FIND ME ♪ BUT THE WRONG ONE ALWAYS
SET ME FREE ♪ I WISH I WAS IN HIS ARMS
TONIGHT IS HE
♪ PLAYING IN SOME HOUSE BAND IN DALLAS? ♪ IS HE BREAKING HORSES
IN SAN ANTONE? ♪ IS HE ALL ALONE
IN THE NEON LIGHT? ♪ I WISH I WAS IN HIS ARMS
TONIGHT ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ IS HE PRAYING FOR RAIN
♪ OUT IN WEST TEXAS? IS HE LOST IN THE MARFA LIGHTS? IS HE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR ME? ♪ WISHING
I WAS IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT I WISH I WAS IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> STEPHEN: JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT, AND JON RANDALL,
EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. (VETERAN) When COVID-19 hit, I lost my housing and
didn't know what to do. Without help from VA,
I might be homeless. (NARRATOR) If you or a member
of your household served in the military and are
facing financial hardship caused by COVID-19, VA has resources that can help
you stay in or obtain housing. Call the National Call Center
for Homeless Veterans. Due to COVID-19,
calling is the best and fastest way to get help. Veterans without
access to a phone should visit their closest
VA Medical Center. James Brown and Bill Cowher
welcoming you back to the midnight snack run. This is one tricky obstacle
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cookies... He blows right by 'em Oh the fridge looks like he's headed
for the soda. Wait! He jukes left! Grabs the
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there. Look what dropped from the sky! Don't do it Dennis. That's the way you execute a
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want you to reduce your risk for cancer, Go to TakeAHealthyStand.org. [caregiver 1]
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with my son for 18 months. [caregiver 2]
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These Veterans and families
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"A LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR A NEW
FRIDAY LATE SHOW WHEN MY GUESTS MORGAN FREEMAN. STAY STRONG. <font color="#FFFF00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by</font> <font color="#00FFFF"> Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org</font>
