Translator: Pascal Grierson
Reviewer: Robert Tucker How can we explain that some people dare, when others don't? How can we explain that, for example, Antoine Griezmann, who was told he was
too small to play football, was rejected by four clubs, could win the World Cup? How can you explain
that a person like Charles Aznavour - his singing teachers told him that he had neither
the height nor the voice, and that he'd do better
to change careers - could become a singing legend? How can we explain that some people are able
to overcome, to transcend, the fear there is of public speaking or the fear we have
relating to how others see us? One of the biggest fears
for the human being is the fear of being excluded
from the social circle, the fear of rejection. As a result, you'll be terrified of being judged by others,
of how others see you. It's 15 years that I've been
passionate about this issue, and it's led me to make three discoveries that have radically changed
my way of considering, looking at, what other people see in me. The reason why I'm so passionate about it is that I was a young man
ill at ease with himself, who had thoughts of suicide. I found it hard to dare
to raise my hand in class, to approach that girl that I liked, I had trouble being myself. I even managed to put in
an excellent performance of being capable, on the same night, of being precocious
and of having a breakdown. In all honesty, not everyone can do that! So I challenged myself
to do a lot of things that I didn't know, that the way others saw me
scared me to do. It started with raising my hand in class. My buddies used to say: "You think you'll be confident enough
to raise your hand in class? Everyone knows how to do that." At the time, I was
too nervous to answer yes, and that was all I had in my head. So I raised my hand in class,
approached hundreds of strangers, saw those girls I liked, spoke in public, I even challenged myself
to go to nightclubs and talk to those already there
and say hello to them. I realised that those that arrive later, they say to themselves: "But who the hell is this guy
that everyone says 'Hi' to?" What was going on, seeing that
everyone's afraid of how others see them, and everyone wants to seem important
in the eyes of others was that those already at the club
would say "Hi" when they passed me. Some people would ask: "Are you the boss's son,
a celebrity, who are you?" It fascinated me to think that little details in
how I interacted, how I breathed, could change everything. I figured I'd launch a YouTube channel. I was still stressed,
still not at my ease, but I wanted to share
with as many people as possible how to get to be more confident. So, I launched my YouTube channel. It took me several days
to dare to film myself. It took me several days to dare
to upload my video onto YouTube privately. And it took me several more days
to click on the publish button because I worried
what others would think of me. Our brain is funny because it imagines the whole planet will choose
to watch my video out of a billion there. I had three subscribers:
me, my second account, my mother. (Laughter) There was a guy who came out of nowhere - YouTube must have hired a bunch of cousins to train people who have trouble
with how others see them. There was a guy who came out
of absolutely nowhere, and he commented, "David, you don't deserve to live." (Laughs) (Applause) I joke about it today; I didn't joke about it at the time. I kept making videos,
several hundred of them. Each video aims to do
new and different things, on the subway, outside, to try and learn how to become
a better communicator. One day, a buddy calls me. He's a founder of one
of the largest incubators for start-ups in Europe. "David, I just sent one of your videos out
to all my start-ups." As a result, I'm overjoyed." I thank him: "It's amazing
how much you trust me. Which video did you choose?" He said, "One of your firsts." I say, "But why did you do that? Why one of my firsts?" "I know what I'm doing. I'm going to wait a few weeks and give them one of your latest ones." "Why are you doing that?" He said, "I want to show them
that, really, anything's possible." (Laughter) And then, just like you, I say to myself: "Is this a criticism?
What does he mean by that?" It led me to make three discoveries
that transformed my vision. Well, here's a frame from my early videos. I had tried the T-shirts
and figured that that outfit didn't work. I put on a suit and a guy
from nowhere says to me, "Stop wearing your father's suit." It wasn't my father's suit. I don't know why he said it. But thanks to him, I changed my outfit. (Laughter) And I realised that the value I was putting
on the criticism was enormous. There were always people saying: "You're too young", "You won't make it", "You don’t express yourself well enough". I was putting too much energy into it, giving too much weight
to what others thought of me. So, I carried on and wondered
what challenge would really freak me out. And being timid since always, the most stressful for me
was to rent a hall. So I rented a hall for 1,400 people. And I figured I had a month
to do a one-man show, knowing that, asking around, I'd been told that one month,
then do a one-man show, wasn't possible. Here's the hall, this is it! 1,400 people. I was terrified. Honestly, before going on stage - I've never been to the toilet
so many times in 20 minutes [as] before I went on stage. It allowed me to gain my first discovery: Training. Training yourself every day
to do things you don't know, pushing yourself, questioning yourself, and, why not, learn from criticism
since some of it is interesting. I realised that training
renders criticism obsolete. A lot of people said a lot of things
to the extent of how I wouldn't make it. But when you're not focused on them, but on learning and doing things
you don't know about, by the time they're done talking,
you've made progress. I'd like to share this idea
and this invitation to go and do things
that are a challenge to you. To each his own. Today, I'm privileged, I'm lucky, to rub shoulders with, to meet,
to interview, to hang out with, people who excel in their field: film producers, Olympic sportsmen and women,
world champions, entrepreneurs who generate
tens of millions of euros, no matter where they are. For all of us, there's something
that makes us fear how people see us. My invitation is to say what it is that I can do
that will make me really freaked out and that perhaps will also allow me
to be proud of myself. Being here with you allows me
to think back to that young man I once was and to say to myself, "Wow!" It seemed impossible to me
and was beyond what I imagined because it started
with my buddies mocking me - raise your hand in class. I continued on with these challenges
and said to myself: "OK, what would freak me out
even more than the show? I'll go to the United States, and I'll tell everyone, on my YouTube channel
and everywhere I can, that I'm going to interview 30 Americans
considered to be inaccessible, knowing that when I announce this,
I'll have no idea of how to do it." So I end up in New York. First time in New York. I don't know how I'm going to do it, and I get an interview with Seth Godin, a marketing legend in the United States, someone who was part of Yahoo. At the end of the interview,
he says to me: "When's your train?" In other words, get out of here. (Laughter) I'm on the train platform, this is the first interview of my life in New York City, United States, and it's coming to me
that I'd just messed up one of the most important
interviews in my life. The reason I messed up that interview
is that my English is really terrible. (Laughter) And so, Seth Godin
appears on TED in the US, the biggest TED, on TV, on radio, and he's used to telling jokes. When he tells a joke,
he's used to people laughing. But given my bad English, when he tells a joke,
I don't realise it's a joke, or I get it two minutes later. That's why [in] my subsequent interviews, when you look at them
on my American YouTube channel, you'll see uncertainty in my laughter. (Laughter) Sometimes, I laugh
when there's nothing to laugh about, and that's why I have some comments
on my American channel like this: [Great interview, on the speaker side!] Not bad, eh? [But if I hear Frenchie boy
giggling like a little girl ...] Dot, dot, dot. I have hundreds of these. Some people tell me it's better
I stop speaking English as it hurts their ears. (Laughter) People really tell me that my crap English
insults the people I interview. So, I embarked on another challenge: to speak, for example, before 200 people who were the heads of companies
found in the S&P500 - it's like the CAC40. At the end of my speech,
someone goes up to see the host, and says to him, "Why him?" (Laughter) Really, why him, there are
others who are excellent? Another says to the host, "You know, among all the speakers,
there's only one I'll remember. I didn't understand
everything he spoke about, but on the other hand, I think our company
needs a little more of the spirit he had. Travels over 6,000 miles; goes and speaks
in a language he doesn't know, before people who impress him; I think if we did a little more
of that in our company, the things that could happen." So I started asking myself some questions: Am I the only one to receive criticism? So I went onto a website
called "AlloCiné", to see what people thought
of my favourite movie - five Oscars, second best film at box office worldwide
the year it was released. When you look at the worst
comments on "AlloCiné", there are people there who are sincere. I've selected three of them
for you I saw today. I thought they were magnificent. The first one: "It's definitely one of the worst films
in the history of cinema, (Laughter) in short, masterful crap." It's my favourite movie. (Laughter) "The movie's so lame, it becomes a parody, the actors are terrible with no charisma." And the last one I found very effective: "Unbearable." That was a relief! I was relieved as I thought if people can say that about "Gladiator",
frankly, anything's possible for me now. It reassured me and provided
my second discovery: that, in fact, no matter what you do - you can be the best athlete in the world, you can be Michael Jordan, you can be Kobe Bryant, be no matter who, you can excel, spend your whole life
excelling at something, art, science, entrepreneurship - you will always have people that say
what you're doing is rubbish. And the worst part
is that they're being genuine. (Laughter) It was a second important
discovery for me, which is supported by scientific studies. Geraint Rees, Professor at the University of London, realised that every human being
has a different brain, and, therefore, each person's
perception of the world is different. It’s why what's important to you
can be rubbish to others. It's good news, actually. We can free ourselves from the fact
that other people may criticise us and just accept this second discovery: criticism is inevitable.d I already knew this - I've met scientists
who've shared it with me, and living this experience
has set me free. So, since it's inevitable,
I might as well go and do what I love. If it's art that thrills me, I might as well go and do art. If it's travel, then travel, if it's to learn a language, learn it. Take a round-the-world trip,
travel into space, set up a business. How many people do not dare
to do things that are important to them, just because someone close to them, a friend, a child, a parent, a co-worker, told them, "Forget it." After that ... I went on further with another challenge:
to interview people who excel. I was able to interview someone
who is one of the biggest French actors, a comedian who also does theatre. And ... in private, he told me
an anecdote from his life. He's to be on stage,
in an auditorium like this - I mean, it's really awesome
to walk into a place like this - it's 7:30, the show starts at 8:00. He's freaked out, he's not feeling well, he's used to stress
but this is something else. 7:45. Still in the dressing room, he's stressed, not managing
to remember his lines. 8 o'clock, time for the show to start, he's still in the dressing room. What do you think is going on? 08:15. Still in the dressing room, panicked,
sweaty hands, he's not well. The more time passes,
the more he says to himself: "With the fame that I enjoy,
it's a real shame to go on stage if I babble, if I don't know my lines." 08:30. Still in the dressing room. The audience have been
waiting for 30 minutes. His director is as lost as he is and says: "Do something, get on stage,
take your script, go on!" "I'm not going on stage
with my script, that's ridiculous." 08:45. He decides to take his script
and go on stage. What do you think happens next? He'll spend the rest of the play with the script in his hand, unable to remember his lines. That's a long time: an entire play, while you are
stressed out, panicked, and you have your script in your hand. And at the end,
he gets a standing ovation, the longest, the biggest,
he's ever had in his entire career. Three years later, he's in another city, and someone comes up to him
and says, "I was there!" "You were where?" "I was there!" "You were where?" "I was there that night. The night you had your script." Maybe it wasn’t the best show
of your life, for you, but for me, it's the one that's had
the greatest impact on my life. That night changed my life. You've no idea how many things
I didn't dare to do for fear of criticism, because I thought
it wasn't perfect enough, because I was waiting to become perfect
to start my business, to speak in public. That night you set me free, I permitted myself to go
and make my dreams come true. Thank you. Thank you." His story has had a huge impact on me, as I realise that I am extremely committed
to the way others see me. Actually, we're extremely addicted
to being valued by others. I realise that the moment you break free
of the need to be valued by others, you also free yourself, in the process,
from the criticism of others. Still more important than that, I made a third discovery,
utterly important for me. The fact is, the only thing you risk,
on taking the risk of being criticised, is to inspire someone. If someone sees you,
hears you, looks at you, and says to themself,
"If he or she can do it, so can I", Is it not a great thing to inspire your mother,
your father, your children, a stranger? Is that not worth
taking a little criticism, someone who's just going to tell you
that what you're doing sucks? I've told you about a lot
of greater and greater things for me, but there was one thing I didn't dare do, that for a lot of people
is extremely simple, but that I passed over every year,
telling myself I'd do it later. It terrorised me a lot more
than going out on stage in English. It was to say "I love you" to my dad. My father was abandoned by his father, then by his mother, then by his grandmother. He had a hard time understanding
what it was like to feel loved. This underlay the fact
that during my adolescence I got very angry with him and held him responsible
for my lack of esteem. Telling my dad "I love you"
was highly stressful for me, far more so than anything
I've ever done in my life up to today. Again, it's that fear
of how others see you; the fear that my father wouldn’t answer; the fear that he would reject me,
since I felt rejected by him as a child. And one day, I pick up my phone
and I write to my father: "Dad, I love you." Doing this, this act of courage, for me, was more important than
so many things I've managed to accomplish. The next day, no answer from my father. The day after, no answer from my father. The third day, I forget about
the text message. Forgetting about the SMS was one
of the greatest victories of my life, since, for the first time in my life, it wasn't so important anymore
that my father or whoever would value me. It wasn't so important anymore
to get an answer from him: I had done what was important to me. Two weeks go by. My father, meanwhile, must have wondered
how to answer a text like that. Because nobody had told him how to. After two weeks, he found a formula
that I found interesting: "Likewise." (Laughter) (Applause) Had I received that text when I was 15,
I would have hated him for it. But when I got this text,
tears came to my eyes, because I realised, with all
this experience, that my father, who stiffens as I embrace him, that my father, actually always loved me, except I couldn't see it because we've had
two different brains and childhoods. My father gave me
everything he didn't get: a roof, food, education. When I thought he didn't love me,
he was actually saying to me, "Be careful, continue your studies
because I know what it's like not to eat." I understood that my father
had always loved me. It changed our relationship, and I'm very grateful for him today because he contributes
to the success of my enterprise: I've dared to get over
what others think of me, and ready myself to be rejected by them. I'd like to end with an invitation, the invitation to do at least one thing
that you don't feel comfortable doing. It might be small in the eyes
of others, or big for you; it might be something huge
in the eyes of others, or just raising your hand in class. I imagine a world, and dare to imagine a world with you, where we, together, dare to do
things that inspire us. Maybe together, we can see a world
where young people, children, and adults, dare to live a vibrant life, no matter what anyone else thinks. I'd like to end with this sentence from Steve Jobs, that I love, that's greatly
influenced my life: "Your time is limited, don't ruin it by leading
an existence that isn't yours." Thank you. (Applause)
