SCTV - Election Central

well the polls closed as of three minutes ago good evening everybody I Merle Kenan bear along with Floyd Robertson here at election central and Floyd let's take a look at some of those returns Earl the polls closed three minutes ago there are no returns yet hey um just a little anxious I guess we did find out however that a record turnout voted today 18 percent of Mellon VLEs population cast their ballots up from 6 percent two years ago employed whoever said that Mellon Valon Ian's are apathetic can now eat their shorts well uh while we're waiting for those early returns last week s CTV televised a debate between the three candidates running for City Council for those of you who missed it here are some edited highlights of that show good evening I'm Earl cannon bear I'm sitting with three candidates running for a seat on City Council Shirley McLennan Black Jack Brown and a local favorite a man who I feel can really do the job Johnnie Larew ok let's talk Turkey that's my favorite topic girl great sense of humor Johnnie just what you need in a high-pressure job like the one you're running for all right let's start with the topic for a debate a 300 acre tract of land just outside Mellon Ville is being rezone for industrial development now as a professional journalist and a concerned citizen I want to know where you stand so women and children first let's start with shirley McLennan black oh uh could you just say the first part again please what the question the 300-acre tract of land just outside Mellon ville where do you stand on the yes of course um well Earl as an actress turned politician I would like to meld the two together and on that tract of land Errol I would like to build a political theater where the people can come to me and I can perform for them because I I work best in front of an audience hmm Jack Brown well it's not a question of zoning Earl as far as I can see I believe it's more a question of facing the ultimate global confrontation we all know what's going to happen the question is when and are we ready a lot of people say I'm a young politician with old ideas I like that that's very important whatever happened to the days when we could walk softly and carry a big stick I think we should bring those days back and bring them back to Millersville what we need basically is something to unite the people of a common enemy a war we need hatred to bring the people back together again and I think that's important and one of the ways that we might be able to do it is by taking this 300 acre tract of land and using it for military purposes I mean God knows we give enough foreign aid to countries all over the world and what we got to do now is make this a military installation perhaps a missile silo you know our own defense built right in there we can pick out our own common enemy go to an atlas flip through the back pages of the index pick a country any country at all unite the people of Mel and bill together then and only then will we be able to protect our farms our source of food from the Asian hordes that we all know are coming because after all we don't eat we get thin and who wants to be as thin as those Asians very interesting and now not to show any favoritism mmm I've saved the best for the last ladies and gentlemen Jonny LaRue thank you well you people may or may not know this but I was born right here in mellon Ville that's right my roots are here sure I left for a few years but I'm back to stay you know I think the good people of Mellon Ville they know me and they know what I stand for sure I caused a lot of scandals in the past and I apologize for them but let bygones be bygones let's move ahead on to that 300 acres of land you know what I'd like to do with them I'd like to turn it into a bird sanctuary and a gambling casino because birds are god's little creatures and I know the good people of Mellon ville love god's little creatures and craps thank you gambling tourists more money in melon Ville sounds great to me that's ridiculous to me Earl especially when viewed with the fact that you are his campaign manager and everybody knows it that makes this debate a farce I hope you lose oh come on talk about biased journalism I wish Floyd Robertson ran this debate and I think women should stay out of politics and start baking more cookies see what I'm up against Earl's you see what I'm up against here cheap slanderous remarks from these opponents are mine these so-called opponents they have nothing to do with the issues and intended solely to put a black mark on your good career and character power you are to the pants off both of them well I got to go to a Negro luncheon right now make sure those campaign posters are up at 6:00 okay Jenny touch me I don't know where you've been I'm not shaking hands with you four-eyed bozo get out of here I've gotta be objective not run someone's campaign okay it's no intense I cannot go back and these early returns from melon Ville North they can eat Indian cumin 202 votes leading both Axelrod and Melrose who are tied at 76 votes each now Axelrod Melrose have been protesting paninis strong-arm tactics during the campaign citing blackmail and physical threats to their wives and children well it should be an interesting campaign to follow Earl Floyd you've heard the old Gene Pitney tune the night has a thousand eyes will those thousand eyes tonight or on the melon Ville West Riding where Jack Brown holds the lead what sorry Jack Brown holds the lead with 171 votes followed closely by cherlene I don't believe this 165 people voted for Shirley McLennan black woman who's now in second place followed closely by Johnny LaRue who trails with well he seems to be closing that gap rather quickly and how many votes well it doesn't say here Floyd it does five votes well it's a good thing for LaRue he got you to manage his campaign huh could have been worse Lloyd - Tobias you know nothing about political strategy or the way I managed Johnny's campaign was that we start slow and we gradually die out completely we'll be back with more election coverage as soon as more results come in 1 2 3 who are we Johnny Johnny Johnny Ruth Nana Lou this season on SCTV welcome back this is election central in these late returns just in Joe Pig Anini has taken the seat for melon Ville north with 515 votes that's 200 more than his closest rival Michael Axelrod and Earl you have some late returns there haven't you I sure do Floyd um Harry Truman was defeated by Dwight the Eisenhower get it Floyd lately fairness will you get on with it seriously Floyd speaking of late returns did you know that in the last municipal election 66% of the voters which would be 52 percent of the population voted between the hours of 3:00 and 5:00 a sharp contrast to the 72 municipal election when 61% of the eligible voters which at that time composed only 48% of the population voted between the hours of 11:00 and 2:00 now you'll remember that was the year of the big baby boom and a lot of eligible women were breastfeeding their babies generally 9 and 11 which allowed 33% of these nursing mothers are all the Pearl what is your point my point Floyd is that according to voter profile projections 59% of the voters are expected today to vote between the hours of 4:15 and 535 pot is your point Floyd my point is that 40% of today's voters under the age of 25 voted before 12:30 which means if we draw from the past which is what I was getting at the 30 to 50 age group who previously were voting between 9:30 and 1:10 silence yourself we'll be back with more election results in a few moments hello again from collection central this is Lloyd Robertson and in case you haven't already heard Mellon Bill West was the hot district in today's election surely McLennan black just overtaking Jack Brown for that all-important seat Johnny LaRue's showing was a disappointment to say the least oh I understand Johnny's going over to his campaign headquarters Earl Conibear should be there to get a reaction from the rule on his defeat early there don't forget to hand in your buttons and your hats before you go everybody listen please don't take them home we can still get some money back for them enough here comes Johnny everybody's coming in now so let's have some applause and cheers or he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow for didn't shut up my culture me I did everything I could I'll deal with you later I guess you expect me to say it was a good clean race and at the best man won broad is the case maybe we're not gonna hear that for me nope not bitter I'm a real bitter I learned something from all of this I learned that the good people of Mellon ville are all idiots you people are nothing more than dirt farmers you don't know a good thing when you see it now get out of here clean out truck pack it up move on great speech Johnny not in the roof big man in defeat good well congratulations once again to Shirley McLennan black Oh an earl Shirley's reporting you by the way to the national election campaign committee the FCC and the National Association of broadcast journalism conflict of interest breach of journalistic integrity and other illegal endeavors during the campaign let them eat cake well-put well the controversial baby seal hunt is started army armed early I read that already I did that I looks like the unique method of launching the Space Shuttle is well on a girl I did that one too it was a good item I took it these were my news items would

Channel: SCTV

Views: 123,626

Rating: 4.8946619 out of 5

Keywords: SCTV, The Second City, Second City Television, Network 90, Election, Voting, Johnny LaRue, John Candy, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty, Andrea Martin, Catherine O'Hara, Dave Thomas, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Election 2016, Democrats, Republicans, Politcal Comedy, Political Satire

Id: PbhmHiUejUE

Length: 12min 50sec (770 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 03 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/cellis12]

Great post!!! This is one of my all time favorite shows, me and my brother would sit up late on the weekends and watch this. This show gave the original SNL a run for its money.

[u/Woodyville06]

God, they were young there!