“That one is in despair is not a rarity;
no, it is rare, very rare, that one is…not in despair.” Is it possible to believe that we are leading
a good life, but in actuality to be in a critical state of despair? Can conformity and the pursuit of social status
be a strategy used to hide this despair, not just from others, but from ourselves? And what is an effective antidote to the despair
that plagues so many in the modern world? In this video, drawing from the insights of
the 19th century philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, a self-proclaimed “physician of the soul”,
we are going to explore these questions. “The common view, which assumes that everyone
who does not think or feel he is in despair is not or that only he who says he is in despair
is, is totally false.” Traditionally despair has been defined as
the absence of hope, yet according to Kierkegaard a more encompassing definition of despair
is that it is a developmental failure of the self. An individual is in despair when he or she
is not moving in the direction of the person they potentially could be, or in Kierkegaard’s
words, despair is the consequence of: “…not willing to be the self which one truly is.” The philosopher Stephen Evans in his book
on Kierkegaard expands on this conception of despair: “Kierkegaard, like Nietzsche a half-century
later, sees the human self not simply as a finished product, a kind of entity, but as
a developing process. A self is not simply something I am but something
I must become…To be a self is to embark on a process in which one becomes something…Essentially,
a person is in despair if they fail to be fully a self. An awareness of the emptiness of self results
in that feeling we normally call despair….” To become the self one truly is entails the
actualization of all our latent potentials and the full realization of all the elements
of our personality that exist in embryonic form. In the brevity of a human life we can only
ever approach this ideal of full selfhood but according to Kierkegaard to move towards
such a state is the greatest and most rewarding of tasks, or as Rollo May explained: “To will to be himself is man’s true vocation…blockages
in self-awareness [occur] because the individual [is] unable to move through accumulations
of anxiety at various points in his growth. Kierkegaard makes it clear that selfhood depends
upon the individual’s capacity to confront anxiety and move ahead despite it.” Some people make great strides in the direction
of full selfhood. These are the individuals of great character
and a radiant personality. Most people, however, become stunted in their
development and instead of progressing toward the ideal of the “self which one truly is”
they regress away from it. Bad influences, bad luck, or just plain laziness
and fear are the most common culprits of this failure. Of those who are stunted in their development
some are conscious of their predicament and so aware of their despair which according
to Kierkegaard is a prognostically positive sign. For the more we feel our despair, the more
we will be motivated to search for ways to overcome it, or as the philosopher Michael
Watts writes: “…it would be accurate to say that despair
is the most precious sickness known to man, and so there is no reason to despair…if
you are suffering from ‘existential despair’, since this is potentially your ‘ticket’
to freedom.” But not all whose way of life is inhibiting
the cultivation of a true self are aware of the pit of despair into which they are descending. Some individuals, for whom full consciousness
of their situation would flood them with despair, actually believe the life path they are on
is right and proper and will lead to fulfillment. But according to Kierkegaard these unfortunate
souls are like the consumptive, or the man or woman who is afflicted with an as-yet undetected
degenerative disease, or as he wrote: “…the [unconscious] despairer is in the
same situation as the consumptive; he feels best, considers himself to be healthiest,
can appear to others to be in the pink of condition, just when the illness is at its
most critical.” Two forces are pushing many in our day to
this critical state: the corrupted state of a modern conformist lifestyle and the human
proclivity toward self-deception. Conformity is neither good nor bad, rather
its value is dependent on the way of life it promotes. If it promotes the healthy functioning of
body and mind, conformity is good, if it stunts an individual’s development then conformity
is bad. In the modern world conformity is more likely
to cause us to regress from the ideal of full selfhood than to promote its flowering and
this is due to the excessive focus that our society places on external values. Wealth, social status, popularity, good looks,
and power over others are the dominant values for the modern conformist and this is creating
psychologically crippled individuals. For the world within must be mastered just
as surely as the world outside of us and this means that to experience the cultivation of
full selfhood we must also focus on inner values such as emotional intelligence, psychological
resilience, courage, integrity, tolerance and the ability to think for ourselves. The modern conformist with his outward focus
neglects these inner values and so struggles to move in the direction of full selfhood
and thus finds himself in despair, or as Kierkegaard wrote: “By seeing the multitude of people around,
by being busied with all sorts of worldly affairs, by being wise to the ways of the
world, such a person forgets himself…dares not believe in himself, finds being himself
too risky, finds it much easier and safer to be like the others, to become a copy, a
number, a mass-man. Now this form of despair goes practically
unnoticed in the world. Precisely by losing himself in this way, such
a person gains all that is required for a flawless performance in everyday life, yes,
for making a great success out of life.…Far from anyone thinking him to be in despair,
he is just what a human being ought to be. Naturally the world has generally no understanding
of what is truly horrifying. The despair that not only does not cause any
inconvenience in life, but makes life convenient and comfortable, is naturally enough in no
way regarded as despair.” Conformity, however, both promotes despair
and offers a way for a man or woman to deny his or her despair through self-deception. “Nothing is so difficult as not deceiving
oneself,” wrote Wittgenstein and one of the forms of deception used by the conformist
is to claim that there is nothing wrong with his way of life, rather there is merely something
wrong with the external conditions of it. “I have not climbed enough rungs on the
ladder of social-success and attained enough wealth and status,” the conformist claims. Or the conformist blames friends or family
members for his unhappiness and as a result of these rationalizations and the belief that
the good life is a product of attaining certain external values he doubles down on his commitment
to conformity and in the process moves ever further away from recognizing that his despair
is rooted in his one-sided preoccupation with externals. If these self-deceptions fail to push his
feelings of despair outside the periphery of awareness then the conformist turns to
alcohol, drugs, or the distracting pull of screens to help him remain oblivious as to
the true nature and depths of his despair. “At one moment it has almost become clear
to him that he is in despair; but then at another moment it appears to him after all
as though his indisposition might have another ground…something outside of himself, and
if this were to be changed, he would not be in despair. Or perhaps, by diversions, or in other ways,
e.g., by work and busy occupations as means of distraction, he seeks by his own effort
to preserve an obscurity about his condition.” To avoid the dangerous state of the conformist,
Kierkegaard urged we develop the courage to accept that there may be errors in our ways
and to realize that feelings of despair should be embraced and examined rather than denied: “The despairing man who is unconscious of
being in despair is, in comparison with him who is conscious of it, merely a negative
step further from the truth and from salvation.” But becoming conscious of despair is only
the first step as action must also be taken if change is to be realized. Kierkegaard, therefore, recommends choosing
a personalized ideal to shape the course of our life, one that promotes inner development
and mastery of the outer world, as both are necessary to move towards full selfhood. We need, in other words, something to aim
at that forces us to realize our potentials and this is best provided by discovering a
purpose or what Kierkegaard calls a passion. “…existing cannot be done without passion.”,
wrote Kierkegaard. A passion is an idea, goal, or a way of life
that is meaningful, enduring, and which by using it to structure our life produces an
authentic expression of who we really are. With a passion our life has direction; without
a passion we are but a passive drifter and thus susceptible to mindless conformity and
the stunted development that lies at the root of despair. Concerning the importance of discovering a
passion, Kierkegaard wrote in his Journal: “To be clear in my mind what I am to do,
not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain understanding must precede every
action. The thing is to understand myself…the thing
is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die.” The passion, or idea, which holds the flux
of our self together and helps us grow towards full selfhood can be a value or set of values;
we may live and die for adventure, love, creativity, beauty, freedom, or truth. It can be something we cherish such as family,
personal and spiritual growth, or a vocation. Or it can be lofty and meaningful goals that
form our life’s purpose and which we are determined to achieve at all costs, for as
Kierkegaard’s philosophical brother in arms Friedrich Nietzsche wrote in an unpublished
note: “For what purpose humanity is there should
not even concern us: why you are there, that you should ask yourself: and if you have no
ready answer, then set for yourself goals, high and noble goals, and perish in pursuit
of them! I know of no better life purpose than to perish
in attempting the great and the impossible.” Many individuals today are more concerned
with keeping up with the latest fashion and technology, looking good on social media,
attaining wealth and social status and in general conforming to whatever is deemed socially
desirable, than they are with the state of their soul and the value of their life. And so, Kierkegaard’s insights serve a much-needed
antidote to the hollowness of our age. His philosophy is a reminder of the need to
reflect on who we are and why we are doing what we are doing. His sharp acumen helps pierce the lies we
tell ourselves and grasp the motivations that can deceptively lie behind our decisions and
behavior. And his psychological analysis of the mass-man
hammers home the importance of periodically reflecting on whether the life we are leading
is one that we will be truly be proud of as the end nears or whether we are succumbing
to self-deception and denying our despair and setting ourselves up for profound regret. “For what will it profit a man if he gains
the world, but loses his soul?” Or as John Mullen wrote: “Søren Kierkegaard was a philosopher of
the human spirit. To come to understand what he is saying is
to be challenged as a person, the challenge is in the form of an interrogation, the topic
of which is very simple: you are an existing person, a human being; do you treat this fact
with the seriousness and respect it demands? Or would you rather avoid the question?”
