GINGER: YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE
FAMILIAR WITH RUTH GRAHAM, BUT I BET YOU KNOW HER FATHER,
EVANGELIST BILLY GRAHAM. RUTH GREW UP IN AN AMAZING
FAMILY, BUT THE EXPECTATIONS THAT OTHER PEOPLE PUT ON HER,
PEOPLE OUTSIDE THAT FAMILY, GAVE HER SOME VERY DIFFICULT
CIRCUMSTANCES IN HER LIFE. AND SITTING DOWN AND TALKING
WITH HER ABOUT IT WAS A PLEASURE. I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY HER. [MUSIC] GINGER: IT'S SO VALUABLE TO
UNDERSTAND THAT EXPECTATIONS DO NOT ALWAYS COME FROM WHERE WE
EXPECT. IT WASN'T NECESSARILY YOUR
PARENTS WHO PUT THOSE REALLY DIFFICULT EXPECTATIONS ON YOU. FOR YOU IT WAS OTHER PEOPLE,
IS THAT RIGHT? RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT. MOTHER AND DADDY WERE VERY
CAREFUL NOT TO PUT EXPECTATIONS ON US BECAUSE THEY KNEW THAT
THE WORLD WOULD, BUT THEY PUT EXPECTATIONS THAT WE WERE
GOD'S CHILDREN AND WE WERE REPRESENTING JESUS CHRIST,
AND SO-- GINGER: WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT
RIGHT THERE, YEAH. RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT. AND THAT'S THE--THOSE ARE THE
EXPECTATIONS YOU WANT TO PUT ON CHILDREN, THAT THEY BELONG TO
JESUS AND THEY REPRESENT HIM. BUT THEY DID NOT SAY, "YOU'RE
BILLY GRAHAM'S CHILDREN," OR YOU KNOW, "YOU GOT BEHAVE A CERTAIN
WAY, YOU GOT TO DRESS A CERTAIN WAY." THAT WAS NOT THE CASE AT ALL. AND WE LIVED IN A VERY SMALL
COMMUNITY THAT WAS POPULATED AT THAT TIME BY RETIRED
MISSIONARIES AND RETIRED PASTORS. SO, THEY KNEW THE PRESSURES OF
FAMILY, AND THEY ALSO KNEW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO TRAVEL
AND LEAVE FAMILY. SO, WE WERE REALLY IN A SPECIAL
AREA WHERE PEOPLE KNEW WHAT WE WERE--WHAT WE WERE BEING RAISED
IN, BUT THEY DIDN'T PUT EXPECTATIONS ON US. AND THAT WAS WONDERFUL, BUT THEN
WHEN I WENT TO BOARDING SCHOOL, MY MOTHER THOUGHT FOR US--'CAUSE
SHE WAS SENT AWAY TO BOARDING SCHOOL. SHE WAS A MISSIONARY'S DAUGHTER
IN CHINA. AND SO, SHE THOUGHT THAT
THE BEST EDUCATION WOULD BE AT A BOARDING SCHOOL. SO, WHEN I ARRIVED AT THE
BOARDING SCHOOL, EVERYBODY KNEW I WAS BILLY GRAHAM'S DAUGHTER,
AND THEY ALL THOUGHT I'LL BE SUPER SPIRITUAL, OR KNOW MORE
BIBLE, OR KNOW MORE HYMNS. AND SO, YOU TRY TO MEET THOSE
EXPECTATIONS, AND YOU'RE NEVER ABLE TO BE YOURSELF. GINGER: YEAH, THAT'S REALLY
THE KEY, ISN'T IT? BECAUSE WHEN YOU FIND THAT
PEOPLE ARE EXPECTING THINGS OF YOU THAT YOU CAN'T MATCH, OFTEN
WE TRY TO MAKE THEM THINK THAT WE CAN, YOU KNOW? TRYING TO--
RUTH: TO PRETEND. GINGER: TO HIDE WHO WE
REALLY ARE. SO, HOW DID THAT IMPACT WHO YOU
WERE AND HOW YOU SAW YOURSELF? RUTH: WELL, I PRETENDED. I HAD TO PLAY CATCH-UP, YOU
KNOW, I WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO BE WHAT THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO
BE, AND EVEN IN COLLEGE. AND SO, I GOT THERE AND
EVERYBODY ON CAMPUS KNEW I WAS BILLY GRAHAM'S DAUGHTER, AND I
HAD TO--I WAS DOING TWO YEARS IN ONE. I HAD TO DO MY SENIOR YEAR IN
HIGH SCHOOL AND MY FRESHMAN YEAR IN COLLEGE AT THE SAME TIME,
AND I WAS STUDYING LIKE MAD. I WAS UP IN MY ROOM JUST REALLY
HITTING THE BOOKS. EVERYBODY THOUGHT I WAS UPSTAIRS
PRAYING AND MEDITATING. THEY THOUGHT I WAS THE SUPER
SPIRITUAL PERSON. WELL, THE BOYS STAYED AWAY FROM
ME IN DROVES, SO IT WAS A REALLY DOWNSIDE TO THAT. BUT I, AGAIN, TRIED TO MEET
EXPECTATIONS. AND MY PROFESSORS WOULD CALL ON
ME, "MS. GRAHAM, YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT." WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THE ANSWER,
AND IT WAS UNFAIR. IT WAS REALLY HARD TO DO. AND ALL ALONG, I NEVER WAS ABLE
TO OWN UP TO, "I DON'T KNOW THIS." YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T WANT TO FAIL. IT WASN'T UNTIL YEARS LATER WHEN
I DID FAIL AND I REALIZED I HAVEN'T MET EXPECTATIONS THAT I
THOUGHT, "YOU KNOW, I HAVE AN AUDIENCE OF ONE, AND THAT'S
THE ONLY PERSON THAT MATTERS." AND SO THAT'S REALLY--AND LATER
IN LIFE, THAT'S WHAT I CAME TO. GINGER: WHAT WAS THAT
BREAKING POINT? BECAUSE THAT WAS MORE
AS AN ADULT, CORRECT? RUTH: YES, I WAS DEFINITELY
AN ADULT. IT WAS AFTER MY FIRST DIVORCE. AND I WAS--I REALIZED THAT THAT
TIME BACK IN THE EARLY '90S, LATE '80S, EARLY '90S,
IN THE CHRISTIAN WORLD, YOU JUST DIDN'T GET DIVORCED. AND I WAS, MATTER OF FACT, TOLD
TO BUILD AN EXTRA BEDROOM ON MY HOUSE AND JUST LET HIM LIVE
THERE SO IT WOULD LOOK NICE. AND I SAID,
"NO, THAT'S NOT HONEST." AND I HAD TO BE HONEST, AND I
BEGAN TO BECOME HONEST TO SAY, "NO, I'M NOT THIS WAY. I'VE GOT TO DO THIS. I'VE GOT TO DO--I'VE GOT TO DO
WHAT GOD'S CALLED ME TO DO." AND, BUT IT WAS NOT EASY. AND SO I JUST SAID, "NO, I'M
JUST NOT GOING TO DO THAT." AND I BECAME AWARE IN A NEW WAY
OF GOD'S TOTAL LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE OF ME. YES, MY HUSBAND HAD BEEN
UNFAITHFUL, AND THAT WAS VERY DIFFICULT ON ITS OWN SELF,
BUT--AND WE TRIED TO MAKE IT WORK, BUT IT DIDN'T. AND SO, WE DIVORCED AFTER
21 YEARS. AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS, OR
WHAT I WAS ABOUT, OR ANYTHING. BUT I MARRIED QUICKLY IN
A REBOUND MARRIAGE, AND THAT LASTED FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS,
AND HE DIVORCED ME. AND I THOUGHT,
"I HAVE REALLY BLOWN THIS." YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS HAD SAID,
"DON'T DO THIS. WHY DON'T YOU WAIT? SLOW DOWN." BUT I WAS BOUND AND DETERMINED
THAT I NEEDED TO BE, YOU KNOW, TAKEN CARE OF, AND THAT I
COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF BECAUSE I'D ALWAYS HAD SOMEBODY
TAKING CARE OF ME. AND FINALLY I REALIZED REALLY
WITHIN 24 HOURS THAT I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. GINGER: WELL, HERE'S THE HARD
THING IS WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, AND THEN WE ALL HAVE TO FACE HOW
DO WE MOVE FORWARD? WHAT DO WE DO IN THE FACE
OF THOSE MISTAKES? WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU TOOK THAT
TO YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER? RUTH: WELL, I HAD TO GO
SEE THEM. IT WAS A 2-DAY DRIVE, AND FEARS
MULTIPLIED WITH EVERY MILE, AND QUESTIONS SWIRLED IN MY MIND. WHAT WERE THEY GOING TO SAY
TO ME? WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY TO THEM? WHAT ABOUT MY CHILDREN? IF I HAD MADE SUCH A TERRIBLE
MISTAKE, HOW COULD I EVER TRUST MYSELF AGAIN? I WAS JUST MISERABLE. AND MY PARENTS LIVE ON THE SIDE
OF A MOUNTAIN, AND I WOUND MY CAR UP THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN. AND AS I PULLED IN THE PLACE
TO PARK THE CAR, MY FATHER WAS STANDING THERE. AND WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE CAR,
HE WRAPPED HIS ARMS AROUND ME AND HE SAID, "WELCOME HOME." THAT CHANGED MY LIFE. AND THE GRACE THAT HE SHOWED
AND THE FORGIVENESS WAS JUST SO COMPLETE. AND I HAD ALWAYS KNOWN THAT MY
FATHER LOVED ME, THAT WAS NOT AN ISSUE. BUT THAT WAS JUST SO EVIDENT
TO ME THAT HE WAS GIVING HIS DAUGHTER GRACE. AND I HAD BLOWN IT, HE COULD'VE
SAID, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS?" NONE OF THAT. HE WAS JUST SO LOVING AND KIND. AND SO I, AT THAT POINT,
REALIZED THAT I WANTED TO PASS THAT GRACE ON TO OTHER PEOPLE. YOU KNOW, THAT GOD HAD CALLED ME
TO PASS THAT GRACE ON TO OTHER WOUNDED PEOPLE. AND SO, THAT'S WHAT I'M HAPPY
TO DO. GINGER: SO, THOSE
EXPECTATIONS WERE PROVEN TO BE VERY DIFFERENT. HE DIDN'T PUT THAT GUILT ON YOU. DID THAT HELP LIFT THE GUILT
FROM YOURSELF AT THE SAME TIME? RUTH: NOT AT THAT TIME. I MEAN, I FELT WELCOMED
AND, YOU KNOW, EMBRACED, BUT IT WASN'T UNTIL LATER WHEN I WAS IN
CHURCH. AND I REALIZED THAT I NEEDED TO
GO AND TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD. AND I WAS--BUT I WAS AFRAID
BECAUSE I WAS BILLY GRAHAM'S DAUGHTER, AND EVERYBODY WOULD
SEE ME, AND THEY'D THINK SOMETHING WAS WRONG. GINGER: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE
WE ALL FELT LIKE THAT? I CAN'T GO FORWARD IN CHURCH
BECAUSE WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO THINK I'M PRAYING ABOUT,
YOU KNOW? RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT. SO, BUT I DID, I STEPPED OUT
AND I WENT FORWARD, AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT WENT FORWARD. THEY ALL SAW ME. AND AT THAT POINT,
I DIDN'T CARE. BUT IT WAS A TIME FOR ME TO JUST
HIT BOTTOM AND SAY, "GOD, YOU TAKE THIS MESS." AND HE DID. IT WAS LIKE HE WAS LIFTING
EVERYTHING OFF OF MY SHOULDERS BIT BY BIT, THE GUILT,
THE SHAME, THE HURT. AND THAT CHANGED MY LIFE TOO. YOU KNOW, IT WAS A COMBINATION
OF MY FATHER'S GRACE, BUT THEN MY HEAVENLY FATHER'S GRACE. AND LATER, I'D HAVE TO SHOW
MY CHILDREN GRACE, SO. GINGER: SO, WHAT WOULD YOU
SAY TO SOMEONE WATCHING RIGHT NOW WHO HAS FELT THE WEIGHT OF
EXPECTATIONS IN THEIR LIFE? NO MATTER WHO PUT THOSE
EXPECTATIONS ON THEM, THEY FELT THAT WEIGHT AS YOU HAVE. HOW WOULD YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT
LETTING THOSE GO AND BEING AUTHENTIC? RUTH: WELL, FOR ME, IT WAS
COMING TO UNDERSTAND WHO I WAS IN CHRIST. AND MY SCREENSAVER ON MY
COMPUTER LISTS, "YOU BELONG. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE VALUED." BECAUSE WE HAVE TO RENEW
OUR MINDS. YOU KNOW, THE BIBLE SAYS TAKE
EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE TO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST,
AND WE DO. AND THAT'S A BATTLE. YOU HAVE TO TAKE EVERY THOUGHT
CAPTIVE 'CAUSE THE ENEMY, WE HAVE AN ENEMY, AND HE IS ALWAYS
PLANTING THOUGHTS IN OUR MINDS. "YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING. YOU DIDN'T DO THAT RIGHT. YOU BLEW IT. WHY'D YOU DO IT THAT WAY?"
WE HAVE TO COUNTERACT THAT WITH THE SCRIPTURES, THE TRUTH OF
GOD'S WORD, AND DO IT OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER AGAIN. AND LIKE I SAID, IT'S A BATTLE
AND IT'S A PROCESS, AND I DON'T THINK WE EVER ARRIVE UNTIL
WE GET TO HEAVEN. AND THEN WE WILL HAVE, YOU KNOW,
THE LORD WELCOME US, AND THAT WILL BE SO EXCITING. BUT I THINK IT'S RENEWING
YOUR MIND. DOING THINGS THAT ARE HEALTHY
FOR YOURSELF. AND REMEMBERING YOU HAVE
AN AUDIENCE OF ONE. DON'T TRY TO PLEASE--YOU CAN'T
PLEASE EVERYBODY. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK,
YOU'LL WEAR YOURSELF OUT. AND JUST GET IN THE SCRIPTURES. AND MY MOTHER GAVE ME A GREAT
EXAMPLE, SHE ALWAYS HAD HER BIBLE OPEN ON HER DESK. AND SO, DURING THE DAY, SHE
WOULD RUN BACK TO THE BIBLE, JUST MAYBE IT WAS A WORD, MAYBE
IT WAS A PHRASE, BUT SHE SATURATED HERSELF IN
THE SCRIPTURES. GINGER: YEAH. THAT'S LIFE-CHANGING TO YOU,
ISN'T IT? THANK YOU SO MUCH. THAT IS JUST VERY ENCOURAGING
FOR ALL OF US TO UNDERSTAND THAT OUR HEAVENLY FATHER ISN'T
LOOKING DOWN AND SHAKING HIS HEAD AND SAYING,
"YOU'VE LET ME DOWN. THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED." BECAUSE HE KNEW ALL ALONG WHAT
WAS GOING TO HAPPEN IN OUR LIVES, AND HE NEVER STOPS
LOVING US. RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT. HE'S ALL LOVE, TOTAL LOVE. GINGER: WELL, RUTH IS GOING
TO BE JOINING US AT WOMEN'S CONFERENCE THIS YEAR. CANNOT WAIT, SO EXCITED. YOU MADE ME CRY TODAY. SO, WE'LL--WELL, I'M SURE
IT'LL BE A LOT OF LAUGHTER, A LOT OF TEARS. IT'LL BE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND FOR
ALL OF YOU LADIES WHO ATTEND. SO, WE CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE
YOU THERE. RUTH: THANK YOU, I'M LOOKING
FORWARD TO IT. GINGER: WELL, WE HOPE YOU'RE
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT TOO. YOU CAN GO ONLINE AND YOU CAN
STILL REGISTER. IT IS NOT TOO LATE. MAKE PLANS TO BE THERE WITH US.
