r/TIHI · i be kneading

the milkman who wants some milk thank you milkman milk if you're uncomfortable and you know it clap your hands what's going on everybody welcome back to easy peasy i'm your host david the baker and today we're going to be looking at our slash thanks i hate it i mean how bad could it be here's a helpful parenting tip children make really good seats for when you have tired legs how old is your son he's not my son i just have tired legs so whose kid is that you're sitting on if you're reading this you've been in a coma for almost 20 years we're trying a new technique we don't know where this message will end up in your dream but we hope we're getting through please wake up that's crazy i know i'm not in a simulation because you're the one who's in the simulation wake up abophobia the irrational fear of palindromes are words that spell the same forwards and backwards the guy who named the phobia i pulled a little sneaky on ya i sure do hope bob doesn't have abophobia he would totally freak out oh it's a cute little aloe vera plant oh no his arms oh and they're smearing it all over their faces i often like to think that anime mouths are actually tiny mustaches why you little now i'll never be able to unsee this oh an apple and a worm okay two worms that's cool oh that's a lot of worms geez louise that has more holes in it than my eraser did in elementary school they couldn't have made the eye holes better i mean come on even if i wanted to be ash ketchum i wouldn't wear this so i googled bad a winnie the pooh and oh my goodness why even wear a red shirt at this point it doesn't fit you winnie it's a banana otter i hate how the fur matches so well with the texture of the banana it's ugh disgusting i just feel like i'm not getting through to her you know what should i do just listen to your heart of course beat beat beat oh no not to your wife the crumbs in my bed exfoliate my skin um how about no you psycho by corner clops is the best princess says who i defy you to tell me who says that is that an ear earring and a finger ring for your ring finger god that's a tongue twister i can't wait for the nose nose ring to come out this bottled water scared me to death last night they look like evil babies get away from me evil babies so you mean to tell me you braided your dog's hair i mean it looks nice but maybe we'd all be better if you didn't do that these bears got some nice buns uh but don't tell them i said that because they might beat me up humans elephants are scared of mice don't they realize how much bigger they are also humans when they see a bug oh hell no mom made butter dogs again this house is a freaking prison can quarantine please end somebody needs to save this man now where have i seen this forehead before oh that's right it's buzz lightyear to infinity and beyond i'm telling mom good idea candace she's gonna love it i feel like phineas just ran into a plastic surgeon and was like ferb i know what we're gonna do today uh where's the skin where's the skin you know i'm gonna say it now some cartoon drawing shouldn't be realistically redrawn because it's making me feel all icky inside ah the way his head sticking out of the monitor makes it look like he's a oh oh no i didn't want this introducing mcdonald's cheeseburger oreo for a limited time only i'd eat this what you wouldn't eat this it's not chewbacca it's not aquaman it's chewbacca man but why though chicken breasts turn from pink to white before reaching a temperature of 131 degrees but aren't considered safe until 158 degrees yeah but why did you use this picture everything else was okay but the picture you've heard a boneless chicken but i present to you chickenless bones technically speaking aren't all bones that don't belong to chickens chickenless bones i mean hey i'm just saying hi welcome to chuck e cheese everything is visibly dirty and our mascot is a rat eat some pizza near a sneezing child come on down for some rat pizza at our child casino well when you say it like that it doesn't sound as fun what are you even making this pie with ectoplasm get your danny phantom looking self out of here do babies smell good because they're marinated in coochie juice for nine months no i'm pretty sure it's the baby powder dude maybe i should get up for a little bit you think you look like a retirement home's furniture having a baby is just keeping [ __ ] as a pet ugh this post makes me feel all icky inside alright i want you to pause the video and tell me everything you see that's wrong with this picture did you notice the blind man reading a newspaper or what about the skull in the coffee or what about the tentacle mom holding her child everything is cursed what's happening everything's disappearing we have been forsaken delete save file yes i had no idea i'm sorry somebody must really like pickles they must also like to get on my nerves because i hate this when you feel lonely remember they're with you they're called demodex a skin mite that can only survive on human skin and usually lives on your face and eyes maybe it's okay to put bleach on your face as long as it gets the bugs out this is how disney princesses would look if they were submit mixers why why do you have so much time on your hands that you can do this not gonna lie though jasmine's pretty hot my neighbor's cat died so to savor the bother of bearing it i told her i would do it but to surprise her i thought i'd do some diy taxidermy to say that she is ungrateful is an understatement yeah i would be ungrateful too if you turn my cat into a caroline character love chips but hate chewing bye to drinkos they're doritos that you can drink a horse with a dog's mouth have a nice weekend everyone who knew that if you turn donald duck upside down you get the other donald this is too accurate and i don't know what to do with this information why don't girls like me hey dylan it's me girls all girls only you understand that all women share a unified consciousness dylan be one with me dylan link your mind to the hive yeah dylan what are you waiting for link your mind the eggplant is sexualized by the internet as a big wee-wee but most weebs don't come close to the size of an eggplant yeah but you can get the same color depending on your grip what are you talking about dark purple if no absolutely not this is hyper realistic to what elon musk actually looks like i'm actually impressed i love this the emoji scissors wouldn't even close in real life you know some things don't need to be discovered i will be sleeping a lot better if i didn't see this europeans breakfast is served the breakfast in question that is not the most important meal of the day so if you take these for the eyes and those for the nostrils you get a completely different face what if your teeth were naturally flaccid and got hard when you got hungry the man walked around his captive licking his teeth like a child running their fingers across a wind chime you look good enough to eat he says teeth swelling with blood he leaned in with a wide smile his sinister grin fully erect what did i just read oh well guys that's my time what do you think you're doing i'm sorry what yeah the video's not over i have to keep reading yes you have to keep reading but they're scary i know they're scary keep going ah do i have to yes you have to fine next meme good i was today years old when i found out that many stork and goldbergs can harmlessly flex their own spied forward and out of their own mouth why would they need to do that is it to scare away predators because that would definitely scare humans is that a flying turtle i thought that only happened in like mario kart or something am i dreaming your crimes are known the frog counsel sits in judgment please giveth mercy upon thine peasant self what kind of dental place will put this up it doesn't make me want to go to the dentist it makes me want to run away from the dentist gamer girl no you misunderstood i'm a gay mer girl steals your girlfriend and swims away damn you gamer girl pro tip to save time bagging pasta just add gelatin to your pasta water and let it set to cut into desired portion sizes just drop into hot water and heat to dissolve the gelatin you're welcome i may be welcome but you sir are not welcome in my house stay away from my pasta the gender changer oh boy i would not want to take a seat in that hey why is that girl turned around huh and what's coming out of her hair oh it's a horse and that's poop and this kid's is why you don't do drugs he was always going so fast because he was on that speed spider goo spider goo hot and sticky spider goo it gets made in my gut then it squirts out of my butt oh god here comes the spider goo just eat me already you freak oh cool a tom nook and gulliver latte i'm gonna slurp gulliver's [ __ ] butt up you better not these heavenly halo brows are strangely beautiful says who cosmopolitan says who hang in there you can hang in there all you want that tooth is never gonna heal mike's hard mayonnaise cold hard refreshing imagine somebody getting tipsy off of mike's hard mayonnaise oh my goodness it'd be hilarious see this is what i feel like when somebody tells me to open my eyes and smile wide for a picture i'm like is this what you want why would anybody photoshop this like the nose job looks bad voldemort did it better i bet this guy doesn't even have ears it's all emptiness just a void thanks i hate it i made a hide and seek harold face mask it looks like you're wearing someone else's face on your face is that what you wanted because that's what you got oh did the deer i seem to have spilled your dinner all over me winnie the pooh was about to invent the first honey roasted ham oh no not piglet animals that should have human feet the horse yeah you put some nikes on those boys and boom you got a racehorse what are some horrifying things to consider when thinking about aliens they might be sexy and they might be horny there are hot aliens in your area if there were hot aliens in my area why would i think they're gonna go after me there's channing tatum around come on top layer pure hot dog water jello middle layer hot dog water jello with chunks of hot dog suspended in it bottom layer hot dog jello oh i see you think you're tough you think you're a big man eat it i bet you won't i love my instant pot makes cooking a breeze just toss in an apple and a cup of water and in 25 minutes i had a really hot apple oh yeah well your instant pot is stupid how do you like them apples so you take your jesus lamp add a light and now you have a very creepy man staring at you at night sweet dreams what's wrong with this he looks great i'd let him host my bar mitzvah nothing like a cup of joe in the morning hey tom it's me your old pal joe put me inside you tom you know i never understood why we call it joe but now i never want to drink coffee again karen sits on a disabled kid to make a phone call i'm sorry what no come on now karen's are going too far hello i'm kermit the hedgefrog he's out to kermit revenge he looks like a mixture of shadow and kermit i'd watch this show kiwi egg this is what new zealand people are born from mom can you pick me up i want to go home some freaking kid on war zone just yelled kobe and then crashed the helicopter we were in edit we all freaking died too soon man too soon y'all still getting lasik surgery lmao gee would you just staple your eyes does that even is that better that looks like it hurts no no no i said slay the dragon not lay the dragon papa hey if donkey from shrek can do it then why can't he i meet someone we talk i explain that lego people live in a house that's made of their own flesh they leave and the game begins again why do golden retrievers look like lesbians because they're beautiful and they make me think of rainbows where do you work out at the library yeah you gotta get that workout in man it's big brain time my dog just got surgery because he tore a ligament in his knee so they had to shave him and now he can see his little butt crack oh no it looks like a 40 year old man's butt crack not that i know what a 40 year old man's butt crack looks like behold the long dog the karen said they wanted to see our faces wearing masks so this is what you get are you happy now satisfying video which helps you fall asleep with meditation music you think that thumbnail's gonna help me go to sleep now i'm never gonna go to sleep which means i'm left with no other option but to watch your videos ah that's clever do you think medusa's pubes were snakes as well oh absolutely she goes to the bathroom you hear you didn't know if that was p or if it was a snake you are alone on an uninhabited island which of these would you choose as your companion a the mermaid with the top half human or b the reverse mermaid with the bottom half human oh i'm going with b i've always wanted to kiss a fish i'm always watching mike wazowski always watching nobody the guy who discovered milk dis stuff good oh i like to think that this is not how it happened mold fish bacteria blasted extra germs the snack that smiles back moldfish alright jokes aside i'm actually afraid of mold and this is scaring me i don't even want to say thank you i hate it i just hate it oh we i've been shot seriously though who did this cam harper art shame on you it's so good it's bad seriously google which one of these are muffins i'd probably fail this test a new threat reaches the united states a massive hornet with mandibles that rip bees to shred and a stinger so potent that one unfortunate victim likened it to having red hot thumbtacks driven into your flesh oh murder hornets let's all band together and kill them all fellas do not sit naked in plastic lawn chairs wait a second are those his oh no why did my 75 year old nanny post this on facebook man why are women taking abuse during quarantine poison your husband and say he had flu-like symptoms ain't nobody doing autopsies uh grandma are you feeling okay what a nice snowman oh oh okay yeah maybe summer isn't that bad having your nipples pierced is a good idea until you think about the fact that if you ever die and need to be shocked by a defibrillator the chances of your nipples frying off are pretty high you're welcome but wouldn't that be an awesome hardcore way to lose your nipples like come on one day this will all be yours oh it was much nicer before the nuclear fallout but it's still our kingdom oh no he's like yes papa i've come to inform you all that the ancient greek spell thoth the egyptian deity as oo-woo hey thanks now die thoth was the god of knowledge so it wouldn't be inappropriate to ask ooh what's this and with that i'm going home so this is a song i wrote about this meme what the hell am i looking at whoa oh that's a cool looking pigeon oh no he's part of the militia i spoke too soon remember the pixar lamp this is him now feel old yet he used to only trample eyes now he's coming after you you've heard of how dogs pick up sticks but you've never heard of dog's legs being sticks and let me just say it's very creepy hey bro i think somebody clogged your toilet the idea that the ideal beachbody just means being thin or buff is so unimaginative surely the ideal beachbody would have a powerful lobster claw arm flaps that act as a windbreaker and a sand repellent anus you lost me at lobster craw but brought me back with sand repellent anus screwing in a screw right next to an outlet doesn't that seem dangerous to you i mean it seems dangerous to me handsome gorilla turning heads in japanese zoo shibani the gorilla is so handsome women visit the zoo just for him i don't know man what can i say harambe was cuter buff siren noises i'm sorry what what would that even sound like i lift weights every day if you feel uncomfortable at night please understand that this is just your skeleton's inherent need for freedom soon my friend one day you will be free spiders spiders everywhere run when i try to make food at 3 a.m without waking my parents but i drop a spoon on the ground we all know that pain ah get your dog it don't bite yes you do i'm gonna stop you right there it would be perfect if his head wasn't so tiny is this supposed to be what stormtroopers look like without their helmet on in that case keep it on please how's your summer body going me well technically speaking the chances of that fixing your body are low but it's not zero i'm just saying is this supposed to be a mascot it looks like a clansman either that or a sperm cell i'm so confused alright i'm man enough to say it maybe we shouldn't have let dad use face swap rick and morty nah thick and shorty these better not be crocs i i don't want to look at this anymore get it out of my face please pray for my sister there's nothing wrong with her but i just keep finding stuff like this in her room she should probably see a therapist oh she should probably see a therapist toddler skull x-rays are terrifying that is all you can't just drop something so horrifying and leave when your children ask how the tooth fairy looks show them this photo counter offer don't don't do that please don't do that twitter brand guidelines don't anthropomorphize our logo that should be rule number one and you just broke it shame on you ufos have always been real ufo stands for unidentified flying object if i throw a dildo into the air and it hits you in the face before you know what it is you just got hit by a ufo this is a vulture bee they act like bees have a queen live in hives and so on but they don't get nectar to make honey vulture bees get the meat from dead rotting animals hence the vulture part of their names and they make honey with it they make meat honey worriana grande i wouldn't have smashed ariana grande before but now i'm finna act up oh i gotta pee i gotta pee so bad yep and then you put that into your mouth i hope you feel good i often have a nightmare where i find a wound on my arm and i see that my whole body is just full of grainy wet rice you can't have nightmares if you don't sleep oh no ronald mcdonald is wanted okay so he takes off his vest wipes off his makeup put the glasses and hat on and oh boom he's waldo y'all eat your coke with or without the shell oh me i take mine as a suppository finally they got wolverbean up in here he should be added into the mcu hey babe there's something i wanted to tell you for a really long time will i uv mar you me i hope she says yes isn't food just young poop it would have cost you zero bucks to say that custom zelda design for my switch i would criticize you for destroying your switch but it's the triforce so it's okay with me well everybody that's my time i hope you enjoyed the video and if you did make sure to hit that like button down below and if you're new to the channel press that subscribe button and hit the notification bell i'm your host david the baker and i'll see you guys in the next one peace out and three thumbs up

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Views: 235,988

Rating: 4.9321656 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, r/tihi, r/tihi top posts, r/tihi best posts, tihi, reddit thanks i hate it, thanks i hate it, emkay, ezpz, ez pz

Id: 9KFDeeCDt2Q

Length: 17min 11sec (1031 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 30 2020