Romesh Ranganathan Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2013

very excited to be here i-i've been up here all month I've been away from my wife and my wife's quite glad about that she's actually told me to stop talking to the children and the reason for that is that I've got certain views and opinions and she doesn't want them soaking them up for example I'm really into my conspiracy theories one of the things that I believe quite strongly so call center workers just pretending to be Indian because they can't be asked to help you something I strongly believe I'm into my football I really like the football I'm a big fan I my issue with but what is how much it costs to go and watch the game right for the price of a single ticket to go and watch a football match I could take my whole family to a farm park we could go on the donkeys we get lunch and tea I could go on a tractor all for the price of a single ticket and that's why I go and watch the football there's no way I want to do that the problem for me being a parent is I've got a very short attention span when my wife was printing with our first son we went along for the scan they show this picture he looks like a wall not you're supposed to get emotional the nurse points of the picture says it's a boy there's his penis I looked at the picture I thought oh my god that penis looks like an arm and I don't know cuz he takes off their daddy I mean I'm looking in the picture I'm thinking oh my god what if my son has got a third arm growing out of his waist then I start thinking oh my god how cool would it be growing every way start thinking about that the nurse carries on talking she didn't brings me back into the room by saying would that be okay Ramesh now I've got no idea if that would be okay or not I've been thinking about being able to wave at someone while taking a piss I've got [Music] but I don't want to look like an idiot so I just say yes yes that would be okay and then she writes down Romesh to deliver the placenta no either you could even do that I was so confused as it's aware exactly will I be taking it tell me what you wanna be huh one of the things you know it's been exciting having exam results come out recently and it brings me back to my time as a teacher is to do examine vigil a ssin now for those of you that don't know this is where the kids are sitting in the hall doing exams you've got a walk around make sure they're not cheating and they've got enough rulers probably boring had to find a way of passing the time the way that I did this is I played battleship the house of work was I'd get a piece of pavement on write down on a piece of paper the kid that I thought was the ugliest in the room that I thought was gonna be the last one to ever have sex and then the other teacher would walk through the hall and they would stop by the kid that they thought I was talking about and if they got it correct then they sunk my battleship [Music] one of the other things I found mental about being in schools is because of political correctness which I agree with but I do think has gone a little bit bonkers all textbooks in schools have got to be multicultural which means that every single question in every single textbook has got to have a black kid and a white kid in it or a white kid and an Asian kid in it now I don't know about you but I wouldn't have wanted to hang out with a kid of another color if every time I met up with him he wanted to do bloody mass the questions you get in these books are amazing write your questions like Philip thinks that the answer is 8 dil it thinks that the answer is 10 which one is correct and then it could have put a sign up an issue I think dilip's correct and I'd say why and its Elka's Asian kids have pods n't they have to give him half marks ladies and gentlemen you genuinely have been adequate [Music]

Channel: Romesh Ranganathan

Views: 158,207

Rating: 4.8917975 out of 5

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Id: 2uCQQN0l-PI

Length: 4min 42sec (282 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 25 2013