Relationships with Alters: A Partner’s Perspective

don't tell Jamie but I stole one of his rarities Shh secret between me and you I have folks for those that don't know me my name is gasps I am the husband and best friend almost a week [Music] hopefully by now some of you should know who I am if not hello and welcome so I'm here today to talk about my experiences with creating relationships with Jess and the altars and so just to give you a bit of perspective on it and hopefully see if it could shed some light on how to help others that are in a similar position to what I am first thing I'm gonna answer is how did I find out while me and Jess were friends I started to develop some really really sort of like heavy feelings for her I mean to be fit considered now we have house together we're married and we have a baby and not to mention dogs and cats and guinea pigs I mean yeah it's it says that you know I obviously was absolutely infatuated with it I really did so when Jess explained to me she said well no look you know you might not like me in a relationship you know you know might not like who I really am so I asked her to elaborate on that was like well you know explain to me so I can understand better you know I'm not gonna learn if you know if I do if I don't get told anything so she sat me down and was like oh look these people living in my head and Robyn and just going oh my god you're a crazy person bolting out the room in there the scenery again I was like okay well tell me tell me what it is and this is before you know Jess knew about the name of the condition exactly what it was or anything else isn't it she was still a teenager at this point so we both went for that journey together and did a lot of learning about what the condition was so she explained to me that there were people living inside of a head and what situation was and their names and stuff and I was just like okay cool so when do I get to meet them and that sort of yeah we've just transpired from then so the next question I have is are there any signs you bastard so the next question I have is were there any signs that I and I recognized um yeah really it's it's really simple stuff slight vocal changes now that I'm aware of how good Jake's acting ability was as acting is Jess and everything else I can now understand when he was out and when Jamie was there anyway anyone else you know now due to the fact that the action changed slightly it's not as process not as prominent or forward but if one of the boys is fronting and they try like Jess there are significant differences with the way that the talk is quite funny actually so the next question is how do they first meet each alter that ones are pretty typical ones who actually get into because I can't remember if I'm completely honest it's the difficult one I remember could tell you when I met yes um but each of the boys is difficult because as times gone on you know we were spend 11 years together now and the memory does become a bit fuzzy I can remember meeting Jamie can't really exact circumstances leading to it and but we were it's quite funny yeah so do remember a few things and we were in there chilling out and everything else I met Jamie and we snogged yeah bet you didn't see that one coming if you did you have a keen eye from what I remember about meeting and we're Saturn and of bed and we were just talking I know talking about how I wanted me add with the lights off and we had EDG of come out so I was trying to envision him like be in darkness lot of imagine what he looked like and everything else and yeah it worked out really really well the relationship just sort of went from they were both of them it was amazing and I can't remember for the life of me how I first met Jake alright that's the annoying thing is it in my head I can't remember I think I may have been at my house I have no idea the same thing with Jake like wish I could remember this honestly remembered yeah it's obviously really vividly but I can't remember me and Jake Holly I feel terrible I'm hoping that if Jake is that it in this which he should be and that he can like put in like a little like a story on somewhere on the screen or something to overlay if if he can remember at all so the next thing I'm going to answer is sort of important things about creating relationships of each alter so like do's and don'ts I would honestly say to treat them as an individual person unless they specify otherwise essentially just imagine you're meeting an important person for the first time because that's what you are doing you're meeting someone that is opening themselves up for you you know that that wants to meet you that's that's the biggest thing is just be a nice person I don't know how I can iLab on that anymore don't be an be a nice open person and respect their boundaries as well that's a big one in regards to sort of creating relationships with them be of them be a nice person that's that that's the first and foremost be understanding and be willing to give time you have altars that will not trust you because of what may have happened that's the one thing you've got to understand same as if you me a little they might be dead scared of actually meeting a grown person you know first time I met little Jake that was a big thing it took a lot of effort to prove that I was a trustworthy person that wouldn't cause him any harm this is one of the big things you've got to do it's it's not a light thing it does take dedication and effort so if you're not willing to put the effort in to meet each altar and treat you know the body and the whole system as individual people it's not gonna work another one is find out what they're interested in and do it okay so that that's it's like do making new friends cuz that's what you are doing you're making a new family and making new friends we wouldn't find out what their interests are what they're not interested in what they like doing and do those things with them create a bond with them try and do what you can and no one's expecting you to be able to you know to water into wine in a scenario like that you can't perform miracles but that's just the nature of it they their own individual people with their own unique personalities and that's the one thing you've got to understand but I think like so summarizing it down is the dues loom to learn who each altar is give them your time learn what they like play with what they like you know play on the strengths of it dumb if they enjoy going out for food to take them out food if you can forward it and just sort of find out what their interests are and go with it treat them as their own person but have a willingness to want to learn about each of them I always say the don'ts don't expect every one of them to love you instantly don't expect them all to sleep with you don't be an so the next question I've received is do you react to any new fragments or past that may pop up the thing with the condition is it's a journey that you don't know which way you're going down your your your honor cross country trip and you have no map you're literally just going down roads as when you see fit and you don't know what's gonna be around the next corner just go into it with an open mind if there's a accent you don't recognize if there's a style changing clothing if there's a posture or a mannerism change that you don't immediately recognize as being from one of the authors that you've known for a long time bring it up gently in question it and still hey how are you doing and I might is this anyone that I've met before it's you you've obviously got to adapt that to how you see fit and your situation so but again you've just gonna have patience in time you might need someone who might be around for the rest of his life so the last question I have is were there or are there any challenges in creating and maintaining different relationships with different alters I mean simple answer is being it's I think a big difficulty that I had when I was younger um was accepting having know what I understood with Ollie because all he's you know easy was like he's a teenager nobody was a kid but with Jake for example Jake's a straight man and he took a little bit of getting used to from my parts of getting used to not having any romantic contact with with Jess when Jake was out or near or anything that there did take some getting used to you know I'm willing to admit that and say that you know for a little while although that did I did find that difficult and because it was a big shock you know going from being in regular relationships to being in such a unique one it is a big paradigm shift it's not just a straight path again cross-country trip and see this is just me taking to making another allergy and allergy like jess is car trip one when you're passengers we would code the whole cocon thing but that's what it is you've got to be willing to take deviations and detours and stuff and don't get frustrated with it just get used to it and accept it because that's a big part of this is acceptance and learning and don't be to be scared to make mistakes you not know you know no one's perfect I'm certainly not bloody perfect just be willing to accept change be willing to learn and be willing to want to know more you know I've learned a lot more about mental health in general from being with Jess the last decade then I would have on my own otherwise guaranteed you know I've learned to accept my own mental health in a lot of ways all I can say is just be willing to accept change be a nice person don't be a jackass and just be happy and willing to learn that's a big thing to take away from this and just understand every single person is unique and individual you can't expect every single person to be the same or the way that you want them to be their own person just accept them for who they are so I've been talking about my experiences who are maintaining and creating relationships with my wife and altars if it's helped you fantastic if you do have any more questions that you would like to ask please leave it in the comments below I do read as much as I can pretty much every single comment on each video is as best as I can Jess does it as well so if you have anything you'd like me to specifically answer she leave it down in the comment section below don't forget to leave a like don't forget a favorite video if that's still a thing and don't forget to subscribe to the channel if you're already not thank you all very much I've been gasps and we will see you in the next video thank you [Music] you

Channel: MultiplicityAndMe

Views: 1,177,364

Keywords: dissociative identity disorder, did, jess, multiplicityandme, caught, on, camera, documentary, interview, alters, case study, switching, meet the alters, meet my alters, multiple personality, multiple personalities, cases, brain, abnormal psychology, medical, science, vlogs, bbc, diaries of a broken mind, real, united states of tara, mental health, mental illness, youtube, diagnosis, personalities, alter, ego, patient, proof, glass, split, movie, dissociadid, psycho

Id: dPffqPlxQk4

Length: 10min 54sec (654 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 01 2019