Relationships: The Beauty of Simplicity (Q&A)

welcome happy Sabbath we're very excited for another Q&A here and today we have with us Chad and Fadi a cruiser they have a ministry called anchor point films and they produce documentaries do seminars and I personally have been super blessed by their ministry and we recommend to check out their resources great resources there and today we're gonna be talking about the topic of knowing God's will for your life and specifically how that relates to relationships so we're looking forward to the insights they have to share so let's just have a word of Prayer and then we'll jump on into our discussion father in heaven we thank you for this Sabbath and we thank you for this time we have to discuss we invite you to be here with us know Jesus name we pray amen yeah and Claudia I have a question for you have you ever been struck rated or to know God will for your life yeah that's that's a good question yes I have I know - and I think part of it is I think it's actually natural it's oh it's a part of not that it's not that it's a necessity but I think even you read in the Book of Psalms you know King gave it as like God why are you so far from me from hearing the voice of my roaring and so forth I do think it is a natural experience and actually I think that if you feel frustrated with God and you want to know God's will or or even if you're not wanting to know that's what we just somehow you're frustrated with God one of the best things you could do is tell him argue with him talk to him be frustrated with him but do it to him rather than just either going to other people or shutting down you see because when we become frustrated with God there are things that you know you're doing something in life that you thought was God's will and it's not going well it's going terribly and I feel frustrated I'm thinking ma'am what on earth is going on here I thought this is God's well I thought I was doing what you wanted me to do and yet it's going terrible if you go to God with your trouble God can actually work through that and it can end up being a blessing for you in the end in virtually it always is because all trials all troubles all difficulties we are told that we receive as edgy as educators will produce to it so even the trials that are frustrating us or maybe seeking to know God's will whatever it is if in the end we continue on with God's plan and if we walk forward and what he finally ends up showing us or we persevere in the difficult thing that we already know is God's will that in the end we end up finding up the last thing with IPS we find joy and we wouldn't we would not have have had it any other way if we could see the end from the beginning maybe you want to share to that or add to that I think like for example with relationships a lot of times women you know we struggle in that area of waiting and watching and hoping and all of that right and I think sometimes things seem to be blowing in the direction that you think God wants it to and for me like with Chad we were friends for years and there's a point where it seemed like things were really going forward and and then it didn't and I was just so frustrated because it was like okay even let it happen or don't let it happen you know and then I just poured out my heart to God in frustration but also just like I'm done I am done with this I don't want to deal with this stuff anymore right and um I think that's what God couldn't work is when we're done with our trying to make things work it one more thing that I want to add to it just this morning Fadi and I were reading as part of our devotions or just this week at least or maybe it was today the disciples after the resurrection of Jesus so Jesus resurrect they're still kind of yes today it was still kind of confusing to them although that by this point they knew he had resurrected because they'd already seen him he had already met with them but now the thing because they will for their own lives were to be a part of Christ's Kingdom and to be a part of Christ's Kingdom is a little bit different in our mind than it was for theirs they were once again thinking Jesus was gonna be this conquering king he was gonna take over put Israel back in this high position instead of this Roman Empire over them he would bring all nations under their feet and these twelve guys would get to be like the you know second third and so forth in line in charge to the great king of the world and now they found out oh he is the king of the world he has all power is given to him an evident earth but we don't know what we're gonna do now we don't know what's what we're gonna do in life we thought he was gonna be this kind of king and now he's some kind of heavenly king and so they go on up they hop in a boat and they decide to go fishing because they needed some clothes they need some food as they're fishing all night they catch nothing and they're talking about Jesus they're talking about what he's done for them but then they begin to think about their future and what are they gonna do what's God's will for their life and they became to brood over it they're really struggling with it and yet Jesus was there all the time watching them while they were in the midst of this and so they they hoped they would obviously be rich have really nice houses I don't know maybe a nice chariot or something like today we'd have a nice car but in the end their life was going to be a little different thing then they had hoped and but the reality is is in the end if they follow God's will which by the grace of God they did they ended up finding the greatest joy that is possible to attain I have a quotation here from it's speaking about Abraham and listen to this this is incredible this is patriarchs and prophets page 126 it says it was no light test that was thus brought upon Abraham no small sacrifice that was required there were strong ties to bind him to his country his kindred and his home but he did not hesitate to obey the call he had no question to ask concerning the land of promise whether the soil was fertile and the climate helpful whether the country afforded agreeable surroundings and would afford opportunities for amassing wealth God had spoken and his servant must obey the happiest place on earth for him was the place where God would have him to be and I think one of the things to remember when thinking about God's and Bill for your life is that the happiest place you could possibly be is following what God's will is for you even if that means leaving all of your family behind leaving riches behind in hey some people still be wealthy Abraham ended up being wealthy but the reality is is that wherever God calls you is actually the happiest place you could ever be when you think if I follow God's will for my life if I have to break up with this guy if I have to break up with this young lady that it's gonna crush all of my happiness but I see God doesn't want me to be with them and you think no this person will bring me happiness you're actually deceived God is not trying to keep you from happiness he wants to give you the greatest happiness that you actually could possibly attain and that is only found in walking in God's will our next question here you kind of in your response body you kind of mentioned a little bit so we're gonna go and deeper into your story the story of your relationship how did you two meet how did you begin your relationship how did God lead in that direction so we met at Commission College in South Dakota South Dakota at the time Chad was it was he had gone the year 2000 just become an Adventist and then you know to be to the school so everything was new and fresh for him and we had we had not met yet we'd not met well we kinda did boom on I mean when I became a doubt oh yeah what do you think when I when I came to check out the school that fall and he was there he he vaguely remembers my brother but it's just so fun like we didn't know but anyway then in in this in the spring or in January then I came in 2001 and he wasn't there you up when he came back again because they had asked him to be the Evangelist for the next meeting they were doing so this brand-new Adventist like within six months is doing his first evangelist to me I grew up Adventist and I'm just like this is crazy I would just be so nervous you know and and so there's nothing between us there we're just friends total friends we work together on different projects and things like that but not until we were doing ASI youth for Jesus in 2008 to yeah cuz then he came back again and I was taking another class in the fall anyway and then in 2002 we were working in Ohio and we got put on the same team and as we're working together then he and Nathanael were forming a team and they asked me to join the team well I had created a prick about finding their team and the Lord answered that prayer and it was really interesting because I had all these other options okay to work with other ministries and these guys are not working day-in day-out with them and so we got into little little wobble about something and it really bothered me that night I mean really bothered me and I was like Lord I'm not working with these guys I'm just like I'm not working with them and I said there's no way and the you know I mine will pray about it you know and and so I prayed I was like okay Lord if you want me to work with them chad is going to have to come back and apologize for the conversation we had and and I said if he apologizes without me prompting him but no prompting no letting him know I was upset nothing I was like I'm not gonna prompt it I'm just praying if you if you want me to work with them then you you work on his heart and he comes in next morning knock knock knock on my door and he's like can I talk to you and I'm like mama and then he said and I'm like oh no I got mark back then it's so funny like you know your reaction to your prayer you know and and I was like I gotta work with these guys and then the Lord just kind of impressed me it's like it's gonna be tough it's gonna be character building but I'll get you through it and what the prayer told me was yeah you're gonna have issues but he's always willing to work it out and be humble enough to come and talk to you about it and that characteristic really spoke to my heart and and I think that's been a characteristic that I've loved in our marriage that um you know in our friendship I had prayed this prayer you know there's nothing between us there but in our friendship and in finding my you know God's will in my life of winter work and who to work with and prayed that prayer and then God answered it and showed me a part of Chad's character that to this day I just love and and that's why I think in every little aspect of life we should always be willing to you know if you're frustrated with God just talk to him about it right and then he'll impressed your heart what to pray and then he'll bring it to pass and that that has been something that has just been a real blessing for us so that was a long explanation I guess for how we met and how we got together but there is nothing between us there we work together for six years on the team traveling around the world six years so we always saying that we got to know the good the bad and the ugly and we're still okay with it and and you know we're still okay with being each other's friends and we became best friends literally best friends as we're just seeking God's will doing his um we got to be best friends and that's what I always pray for I had I had like trust issues from from past relationships and so I just like I just can't get together with just anybody it's gotta be someone I really know well my best friend and opened my heart up to and Lord did it and it wasn't like we were trying to you know make this happen but the Lord opened up um I'm kind of cutting stuff but anyway um the Lord opened it up little by little our hearts just opened up more and more and as he's healing our hearts individually he was bringing us closer together and so that was that was an answer to prayer a long long standing answer the query terms of I wanted to marry my best friend so that was one of them which I think actually as far as relationships go I say this whenever we talk about the Latian ships is that when people become physical before becoming friends meaning they begin to touch each other sexually before they become friends they cannot generally tell if they would actually enjoy each other's friendship because this the sexual emotions that's probably not the right word but lust and the excitement of physical touch and all of those things can make someone feel like I will love this person forever I love how this relationship feels but that doesn't mean that you would enjoy there at the actual interaction with that person would you actually be friends with them and so as far as relationships go one of the most important things I believe is to become friends now we shouldn't become sexual before we marry that that's beside the point but you get the idea when people just dive right into physical relationships they don't know if they've enjoyed each other's company then they get married and then they find out oh no I don't even enjoy spending time with this individual and so that's why it's so important to actually become friends to find out do you enjoy communicating with each other if you don't if you can't keep a conversation going this is probably not the right person for you if if it's not just easy to have a conversation and there may be some people who really have to work to you know to talk with somebody but but you don't want to be the whole rest of your life where you struggle to like oh I have to try to talk to my wife or or I have to try to get her to respond or vice versa it doesn't have to be the guy that the girl could be the girl that the guy whatever but being friends is extremely and some people think like oh that sounds terrible like being best friends and marrying your best friend they think of it more as just a romantic sexual type relationship but most of life if you don't know yet it's not about sex even if you think about it all the time it's still not all about sex it's like there's a whole life out there there's work there's food there's children they have to do is sex when you get the idea that it's not all about sex and so you're getting to be friends is one of the most important things so so we yes then we became more interested I'll finish it up so we became more and more interested I finally told her after six years that I was interested in long story short when I told her I was interested we thought we'd wait a year you know and but everybody said our pastor our families are most everybody said just we're even getting married do you guys know each other well enough what do you may said what are you gonna learn in a year that haven't learned in six years so we don't recommend this for everybody yeah most people don't shouldn't just in three months after I told her we got married but we have been working together keep in mind for six years so in general I don't think people should get married fast but because it wasn't really fast how well we knew each other so next so one of the other questions we had come in here was [Music] related to to occupation and knowing what you what you what the Lord wants you to do with your life before you get in a relationship or once you're in relationship those kinds of principles could you could you talk about I know you talked about some of that in your story it seems like you guys did know what the Lord wanted with your life as you when you came together but yeah can you speak a little more to that yeah sure for sure and I think when it comes to what one of the reasons one side point but it will fit together with this so seem like like I'm avoiding the question but looking right back to the question they've actually done uh they've actually done a study to look at teenagers in high school and whether they date or whether they do not date and their level of happiness and it turns out the ones who do not date in high school are actually happier now I was not of our faith in high school and I was dating in high school but that's not the point but the point is if you don't you think like oh I have to because that's you know it's gonna make me happy you actually statistically anyway be happier if you don't date in high school but think about part one of the reasons is number one you have you have quite an intellect by the time you're in high school meaning you can know all kinds of things and you think often young people think they're smarter than their parents because they're better at using an iPhone but being good at using an iPhone is no test of your you know deep intelligence in life or your ability to use a computer they they have a lot of wisdom that you don't have but beside that one of the things about being in high school is you generally don't have the ability to financially take care of each other when you're in high school right and one of the aspects of marriage is being able to provide for your household if you have to live you know in your parents basement or whatever that's not a sin it's just you really should be able to provide for yourself and so high school is a place where you generally cannot do something some high schoolers might get super very few but back to the point so for we both knew what we were doing Fadi was already doing ministry I was getting into ministry and was in ministry before we actually got together and so for us and not that everybody goes to into full-time ministry but knowing what you're doing is quite important because if a special and I always say this and I know we live in a time where this wouldn't sound like politically correct but a man should really really really know what he wants to do in his life before he connects to the point where he's ready to be married or before he's married men are only truly fulfilled when they have a purpose in life that's not an insult that's not putting somebody down it's just a reality that men are created with the desire to go out to do something and have a purpose now women are - I'm not saying they're not but there's something about a man and I've seen it and if you've heard us talk on relationships I say it regularly we've also traveled the world and it's kind of the same story on different continents different portions that line it and in throughout the United States that when you see a guy who has no Drive who has no desire to do something in life no plan no purpose no goal for his own life he's never gonna be very happy and therefore his marriage isn't gonna be very happy because there's something about a guy who is confident he has a purpose he has a plan they can even have somewhat different goals and purposes the husband may do this and the wife may do that but if the man doesn't have some kind of purpose his purpose might end up being sitting at home every day and playing video games whereas while his wife or girlfriend goes out and gets all the money for the family and we've seen that time and time again and young ladies you're never gonna be happy like that and he's never gonna be happy like that and if he's doing that all the time I mean it's just there's just no way to be fulfilled that way so finding God's purpose in your life is so very important that you do want to have that before now it could be that you know in college you're doing it that you're on your way to acquiring that that may be okay but at some point the guy should actually have his discovered his purpose in life and the girl may discover her - but if he doesn't have is it's really dangerous that's the whole point cuz she may be depending on the relationship she may be the one who's willing she would and I don't mean that all women have to stay home but if that's her if that's her desire and his desires to do whatever and he can bring home the money to do that fantastic but if yeah I'm just rambling I think you get the point okay if I can follow up on that you know kind of like you're playing about the college people are you know still in that I get to start discovery phase so if you're in a relationship with someone and you may not know all right this is what I'm about to do the rest of my life does that disqualify someone for getting into a relationship or can god we're i guess lead along the along the way even if you're in marriage I guess I'm talking about textbook verses you know some cases are not sort of textbook yeah now I wouldn't be dogmatic I mean I don't I don't have like a chapter and verse exactly specifically on that point but if you're not married I would really suggest on holding off in on getting married until you didn't figure it out I think in general that would be a wise thing to do so that means okay if you're in a relationship and things are going well I still think it would be wise in general for the guy to finally discover God's will now that is not don't take that as you know the voice of God speaking to you but that's just coming from someone who's met you know thousands and thousands of people and and just looking at relationships it's more of maybe what I perceive to be his brotherly wisdom rather than this is exactly what you have to do but I would really consider that and I would consider it even more so for the girl than for the guy for her sake more than for the guy's sake but even so it'd be better for him to to figure it out at some point so seek God and yeah figure it out before in general so what are some good little principles that we can use know God's will for lives to help in decision making when it comes to relationships so there's some comes along what would you tell them if they're struggling to understand what God's will for them is right now you maybe you've heard it's the very popular quotes it's kind of it's when v testimonies page 512 and it talks about how to discover God's will for your life he said there are three ways in which the Lord reveals his will to us and to fit us to guide others how we know his voice from that of a stranger how shall we distinguish it from the voice of a false Shepherd God revealed his will to us in his word the Holy Scriptures so the first first thing is get to know the scriptures that is how you know the voice of God is speaking to your soul and then it goes on from there his voice he is also revealed in his providential workings so seeing God's providence that God you can just see events and life that is lining up leading in a particular direction while I see that God has been guiding in this particular area and then it goes on to say see Providence are working so it's revealed as providential workings and it will be recognized if we do not separate our souls from him by walking in our own ways following the promptings of an unsanctified heart until the senses have become so confused that eternal things are not discerned and the voice of Satan is so disks from disguised that is it it is accepted as the voice of God so we can get to the point where we so want our own will and don't actually want God's will that we are willing to believe that the promptings of the enemy are the voice of God to our soul so we want to truly be open to the will of God and the first point I already made earlier is be me and God's will will make you the happiest you to possibly be in life so that being said if you're deceiving yourself and you're convinced this person is not for me God's leading me away from this individual we could choose to reject the voice of the Holy Spirit so much that we end up listening to the promptings of the devil instead of the promptings of God so the Word of God is number one the guiding of Providence is number two another way in which God's voice is heard is through the appeals of his holy spirit making impressions upon the heart which will be raw out in the character if you are in doubt upon the subject on any subject you must first consult the Scriptures so these three things are the Word of God seemed Providence and the promptings of the Holy Spirit on your heart but then it repeats the first one saying but if you have any doubt always go back to the Word of God because what because our hearts are theirs like with our relationship on this brain back to that I could have gone on all these different things but ultimately it was going back to the Word of God and his promises and trust in the Lord with all your heart and we not on to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct my cat's when you really sit and think about these verses and implement them into your life you'll see like okay Lord I don't trust my own heart what can I do you know and I had told you before that that we had there is a time where I was just like really pleading with the Lord is this what you want and and Chad hadn't had like the official talk with me yet but I could see something and then it was just like is he interested or not you know and it's just like sometimes women just want to know you know and I I just couldn't wait more and and this is the funny thing he has a plan that's interesting there is a GYC coming up and the funny thing is is because we had worked together for years people thought we were together and people would always ask our friend Nathanael who was working on our team they'd always ask him here those two together he's like no we asked him they say we're just friends and so um he had gotten to the point where he just told people go ask him yourself stop asking me you know but Chad was still funny if you estimate and he just act like he didn't even hear you talking I mean it was just so bad we were having a having a Bible study with a man and and the man stops the Bible study and he looks sad straighten me in the face and he says you two need to get married and Chad's like turn to John chapter 7 like he didn't even hear him and and then and then he fell Chad would keep going and then the guy's like no really you two need to get married and I would be so embarrassed because it was like obvious everybody except Chad right well it was obvious to him too but he said he wasn't ready for marriage and so he wasn't gonna push suet so it was just it was just on and on like that and then a GYC is coming up and people are really like asking and I'm like I not I was like Lord I don't want to go to a GOI C and then everybody's like what's up what's up what's up I need to give him an answer I'm tired of just like I don't know I don't know right and so we had a talk and and cuz he started see people are just really getting into our business you know and we had a talk and he's like it's not gonna happen we're we're not gonna be an item we're done right I was like thank you Lord at least I know what it hurt you know it was it was hurtful but at least I knew so when we got to GOI see if somebody asked me is like no we're not together we'll give you that idea I just needed an answer right and so regardless of how hurtful it was I took it to the Lord in prayer and I said Lord you you you helped me you deal with this whatever and I was content and then I got to the point or I could pray for him for a spouse without any like agenda on my part I was just like Lord he didn't wait all these years just for somebody to come through and and not be the right one for him not be a blessing to this ministry I really pray with all my heart Lord not with any anything in my heart saying like I want to be nothing I'm done with that I I'm done with it but I want him to have a good wife and so I prayed that my says your will be done and whatever so then you know I was done with that but then later on as time went by all of a sudden something had happened in chance well one thing is he read this book about forgiveness and when he read the book about forgiveness he had realized that they were in the in the past before he had become an adventist some girls he did had cheated on him and it really messed him up to the point where he didn't trust girls and you'd see this like weirdness and how he would talk to some girls right I mean we had been friends for years so I I didn't feel it was that awkward but I would see with others you know it's just like this this you know awkwardness and I started to notice when he read that book he said I've never forgiven those girls for doing that and so then he just gave his heart to Lord and said Lord you take this for me and I forgive them not that he went and found them or anything he doesn't even know where they are anymore but between him and God he forgave them and then it was like this burden was lifted off and I see this changed man literally and that's why we need to trust God that when he's working it hurts sometimes but he's healing hearts and he needed to heal me of of this like wanting so bad I'm thinking this is it whatever and I needed to just fully trust that as a time I trusted you and this and this and this but not this portion right the relationships and I was like I need to trust you with all of it why would I trust you with my life work and all this but not relationships why is that and and the Lord just healed me for that whole process and I finally prayed that prayer of like your will be done in my life and even if that means not being with Chad I was done with it and this like burden lifted when he had prayed that prayer and the Lord like that burden of not forgiving he's gone it was like two different people and all of a sudden and then also at the same time he started realizing I think I'm ready for marriage which was one other issue I this is not how you know if you're ready to be married it was fine I was ready to get married this is not the standard by any means but after becoming in evidence I knew I had to have devotions every day and I did I still missed it once every year or something like that but in general you would never miss it in I coveted my own time having devotions and I thought I could not have devotions with my wife and I thought I'm not ready to get married and then all of a sudden after several years of being an advice I thought okay I think I'm ready to have devotions with my life and then I said okay I'm ready to get married and in that that kind of solidified it for me so different people will have different things where they realize they have whatever issue that they have to deal with and you want to learn to deal with as many issues as possible before you get married it doesn't obviously you're gonna learn you have still some issues after you get married for sure unless you've just maybe you've had the sin bred out of your family but for those of us who have not had it bred out yet I'm just being facetious here but the point is as much as possible if you know you have some very serious issues tried to deal with those before you get married because bringing in marriage hoping your spouse is gonna fix those issues and most of the time that's not gonna work so well so try to learn to deal with them beforehand and like I said you'll still find you have plenty issues to work out after marriage but but if you have some real upfront issues find answers through Christ through his word in some way as much as possible so just to finish up real quick so then what ends up happening is the Lord works on him the Lord works on me and then all of a sudden I start like Oh Chad seems interested again oh and and then I just start praying like crazy because I don't at this point I'm like Laura I don't trust my heart I don't trust his heart I really need to know your will and I just start praying specific prayers I mean completely specific prayers then prayed before and the Lord just one after the other because I needed to know was this from him and the Lord just answered them all one after the other and we got approval from our families which we had both talked about if anybody says no this is done we're not eating not meeting our families yeah if our families say no I have you know some questions whatever we're just like we're done because we're both so family-oriented we're just like there's no way I'm gonna be hanging now if his family and he with my family if there's some some issues so we were just that's it yeah so then the Lord answered all that and Wow that's a lot of good information a lot of good tips oh hey y'all have given so far I have a question though so I am thinking of this one particular Bible story of Ruth and Boaz right and in this story it seems as if Ruth initiated the relationship with Boaz what are your guys's thoughts or the biblical perspective on females initiating relationships with male or yeah females initiating relationships well first of all you're right that is a Bible story and there's no rebuke for Ruth doing that obviously she was it was suggested to her by her mother-in-law and so there was even some guidance from you know someone outside of her which that in itself was a very beneficial thing I believe for her to have her mother-in-law like program the whole thing you know like she told her exactly what to do and how to do it and did it you know so I think there is there there can be a place for women to be to show a man that they are interested in there can come a time where they you know if he's not you may have to move on obviously I mean anybody if a guy shows interest on a girl and she's not interested we we have to get to the point were willing to move on and one of the things this this sound can sound very very difficult to people because we sometimes I think believe in like a fairy tale kind of the wedding situation but often what happens when your art becomes knit to somebody even if you haven't actually been in a relationship with them but sometimes people get infatuated with somebody and they perceive that this is the only person that could ever make them happy and sometimes they even drum up the idea that it is God's will and sometimes it's not God's will I mean one of my one of our friends a young lady came up to him and she told him God has shown me that you're gonna be my husband and he said he is not showing me that and you never did show on that so the point being sometimes our emotions can make us believe that this is the one this isn't answering the issue of Ruth but I do believe simply that there can be a time that a woman can show her interest like Ruth did that is a biblical story and I think it's legitimate but you do want to get to the point where the guy does take enough initiative to go forward she showed her interest and he turned and then listened and pursued the whole process of making it right for her to marry him so she didn't like push it through to the end she showed her interest and then she has to see it reciprocated from the man and see the guiding of guiding hand of God in the situation so you want both of those things to work together rather than just kind of forcing it to happen I'm wrong but I don't think there's a problem necessarily a woman's showing her interest in a man and yeah and getting counsel from other people that was that's a part of the story also and and just just so you know I think sometimes see in the world people just often you know are you interested in a girl go tell it and if she rejects you you're like oh man I feel like you know I feel like a goober or whatever but like but you get over it because she rejected you you know but in the church you kind of know all of each other another Facebook or whatever and people put up you know they're in a relationship and I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing I'm just saying everybody knows and then you break you break it up and now I'm not in a relationship and now everybody knows and and so we just live in a strange time where it's kind of more difficult in that sense because before it was like oh I'm gonna relate I'm in a relationship and my friends know my family knows but not my 3000 friends on Facebook now you know so there is some weirdness associative at the time that wouldn't live in them so I don't know my point with that my point with that is this this is the point so sometimes because in the church I think people can be so nervous and if you feel like as a girl maybe you really need to show that you're interested because you think I think he is but he's just too afraid of like letting me know then there may be a time to just go and let him know say hey or any show you don't know said I have to just say Mike but you may be able to show it enough that everybody knows and then everybody knows and then you work from there sometimes there are guys who are a little more shy than others and there are other guys who are they like toms you know they like that and and different people for different things so um I would say though like if you show interest that's one thing but if you try to pursue as women we carry a burden of regret when we feel like we did something that we shouldn't have done that that is really hard to take guys seem to let stuff roll off their back a little easier but for women we just like it can like you eat harborin what I mean by that is let's say you pursued and then troubles come in your marriage or something and then you think I did this was it God's will or wasn't not I made it happen I did it oh no if I would have known that he was really did I make him do it you know that's that's the mind of woman and God knows that and that's why Allah the responsibility roll up on his shoulders he can handle that and stuff whereas me it's just like I know how I don't want that decision to be on my you know back and that's why even with our relationship it was like I was just willing to just sit back and wait and and whatever you know and even it it took six years for us you know I mean it was just like that's where I was at and I said because troubles will come in and you want to know that your foundation is solid so that when the storms of life come it won't just Rumble because your foundation was kind of rocky and questionable and so you always want to know for sure was this God's will even if even if you did show-entry eventually when you said okay I need to know for sure I'm not gonna make this go forward so I don't know if that helps at all but uh for example with Ruth Boaz clean been interested but didn't know she was available because of the whole family situation right and so Naomi and her wisdom realized he needs to know that she's available she's okay to you know and and Naomi like Boaz she saw virtue in him so she's like go for it you know she had wisdom that that move didn't move didn't understand that culture didn't understand all these things and that's why we need to seek older people in these situations because they've been there they understand characters they understand how relationships work and so if you really open up your heart to some older person that you really trust and think is godly it'd be nice to open up and let them see who do you think about you know and you'll see you just feel so much more comfortable in your decisions when you have somebody else other than just yourself to trust right and so um and and I think that's why it's so important to have a community to work with because you don't want something so important to be just on your shoulders so on that on that kind of on that thought of of help people have asked this is a cop I'm in question that comes up and I think yeah Bailey go ahead the question of like dating sites is it a lack of faith one person asked it like this is it wrong or lack of faith to join a dating site some examples there or other forms of like you've talked about Ruth but the general principle of seeking something is it or versus what waiting for something a question I don't I don't see anything directly walk long and we there's nothing I don't think they're inherently evil i there are some dangers there in these dangers in all situations I think for someone who's really looking to Amanda you can't find anybody maybe they live way out in the country or or maybe they're just not finding anybody in their local church or their local area that's of their faith in in the church and believes as they do and so they're basically looking afar so but there are some of the some of the dangers that I think are more they're more specific to the time that we live in for instance they did a they looked at people in New York City it's not specifically dating sites but the same principle can carry over in New York City you have tons of good-looking super successful financially well-off people in the business world they're all working together and many of them actually do want to get married sometimes we think all because there's so many single ones or non married ones that they just actually want that but many of them actually do want to get married but struggle to actually find somebody and part of the reason is because there's so many options and so many options can make it actually more difficult because even about 150 years ago you basically probably grew up in a relatively small town I know there were people in cities but by and large the world is much more rural so you grew up in a small town and you had like three to five options probably and so it just so happened that you married one of those it wasn't that great of a field whereas now you may have hundreds or thousands of friends on the internet and then you go on dating websites and there's thousands of options and so that can make it more difficult I don't know if I want to cling to Joe because there's John or what about Tony or what about there's so many other options so some of the time I think it's the you know the difficulty of what he said yeah multiple choices can actually shut you down to the point where so I don't think it's decision decision fatigue there you go that's a that's a way of saying so I I don't mean that you can't do it it's just don't get caught up in the excitement of the social media or the or the dating website scene of the excitement of oh I don't want to connect too much with one person cuz I could lose out on another that is it can become an unhealthy thing where you just enjoy the excitement of the new person responding to your you know I don't even know cuz I've never been on I've never been on dating sites how it exactly works but I get the idea in general you look at somebody no and or or they give you some options and then but just don't get too caught up in the options there does come a time in life I don't need just just accept somebody or just pick somebody but but don't just live a life of the excitement of the new I can't wait for somebody new oh there's another guys excited oh there's another girl is it's a whatever no I don't think it's inherently wrong but you know and one more thing you want to get to know some of the people who knew them because somebody from afar off could be super Shady and I don't mean that inherently they are because they're far off what I'm saying is you just get to know somebody over the internet or over the phone and they can really put on a show from you but if you get to know people at their church you know we've had situations like this it wasn't a dating situation dating sites but where this girl talked to the pastor and he's not that the guy's own pastors like do not marry this guy the elders do not marry this guy she married the guy in the living nightmare so my point is getting to know people that know them is generally a safe thing before but if you're open to hearing it because maybe she didn't listen no she no longer so you may not be willing to but if everybody tells you that you better be super super careful I have a quick follow-up question to this and I've seen this question come up multiple times is you know some of our churches that are small and you want to marry an Adventist person but there's nobody around they're all the way at school or you know not near you and you don't have any young people in your church what are some ways or quick ways that you could meet other people your age who have like views as you do great question you know I think one of them there's this conference every year called GYC and I know sometimes speakers will say things like you don't come here to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend but I think what better place to find a girlfriend or a boyfriend meaning what like the mall I mean where where are you gonna find a better place I mean yes there's people at the mall or whatever except for right now they're shutting this state anyway but the point is having these kind of church venues and functions are actually I think one of the best places to go now we should be seeking God first for sure but one of the great blessings of life if done correctly is a marriage and so I think these places are actually a good place and I'm not trying to judge any other speaker if they choose to believe you should come and just be act like you don't see people of the opposite sex like they don't exist or just be friends the reality is most people are looking for a spouse and so mission trips you wouldn't believe how many people until just recently somebody wrote us and said hey I just want to let you know I'm in a relationship with so-and-so you know both of them you know like it just opened up like we went on a mission trip together and our eyes were open you know and now we're in a relationship it's just like wow how awesome another so I think there's nothing wrong with I mean Chad and I met doing ministry you know I mean I think there's nothing wrong as you're doing these spiritual things these are the things you're interested in hopefully somebody else's there's the f5 challenge I've seen people have already gotten together through that they're scanning chant meanings and I think this is a tough one because so many young people don't want to take time off or can't meaning from work right so many young adults and we've seen that will sometimes speak at a young adult camp you know for the can't be a young adult tent and there's just hardly any there and it's because they don't see the priority to go to camp meaning for that reason right I mean what better thing to go camping all week have spiritual food and then down time to sit and properly people need to know somebody like that's a perfect opportunity you know like it's so much fun we love the young adult entities we get to do stuff like that with elder young adults and we may know them a little bit but then during camp meeting we really get to know each other why not for a relationship you know I don't see anything wrong taking advantage of these types of venues to meet people and then and then have it grow after that one additional point is that often people of the world where or who are not spiritual this often I think this happens more often with girls it can happen it can have it just much of guys too but often young ladies guys in the church are not as excited because a guy in the world he'll come up to you he'll hit on you he'll say things that's how beautiful you are you'll feel incredible because this guy is interested in you being because of that the guys in the church kind of seem like I don't know like a peanut butter sandwich versus like a chocolate cake you know they're chocolate cakes just more exciting even though man I love peanut butter sandwiches but the point is there's just something exciting about somebody who's like you know the hunter or whatever and so but here's the thing often that guy who's so exciting it is very exciting to be in a relationship with him prior to marriage but once you're married typically it's not nearly as good actually often it's a nightmare whereas the guy who was just kind of like a really nice guy at church super friendly very caring very loving he wasn't exciting because he wasn't a hunter I've never used the term hunter in this phrase but I keep using it this time but but it's not as exciting but the reality is the nice guy actually often makes the better husband but often he's the one who struggles I always say nice guys are they just struggle to get married they struggled and I don't mean that they struggled themselves with the desire to get married they struggle with the girls because the girls aren't his interest in them so young ladies or young man I mean but if the guys are attracted to worldly girls I mean shame on them hopefully they'll be converted and but same with the young ladies if you're attracted to guys of the world you need to be converted to I mean the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were fair and they went into the women of the world and so it's always been this way since the beginning of time and it's that way today but sometimes the people are poor not as exciting will actually give you a happier marriage for the rest of your life you've just like more quar things and we're ending the end of our segment so then I ask if we can keep the answers for this a little bit more brief so the question here is is there a correct sequence from liking someone and getting married I know that you had a more not common scenario we have to do okay 2.2 to 2.5 years after that's a sweet spot or is it more fluid than that well one sequence is before any of it is but seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you Matthew 6:33 if you seek God first truly seek him first he can work out the rest but then the sequence from liking them to getting married we always say it's good to meet people in groups because you get to feel out people's personalities what personality works well with you characters and even as friends you it's like there's certain people that you like to hang out with more than others because what have you so that that's really important and then trying to figure out a little bit more in the group setting about them before you jump the gun and then you realize oh I don't like that aspect you know and then you hurt them especially for the girls it's just very hurtful except to tell the guys um it's very hurtful when when you jump around like that quickly and then you move and then especially in an Avenue setting it's very important because we're all so close to each other that um if you start getting a name especially for the guys that you jump around the girls talk I'll tell you the girls will talk and you get a bad name for yourself so you're better off being a little reserved and how you show your affections so that you don't draw her out before the time is right right so this is not talking about being awkward and weird it's just trying to get to know people and figure out you know what you like a bottom what you don't like the bottom can I live with that and then move forward so for example um there's some things that you really that are very important to you we we've said this before but like for us it was very very important that whoever got together we really liked the outdoors because there's a guy before that is interested in and you just be spooked about every little thing when you're outdoors and that just like made my skin crawl I'm just like there's no way I could be with the guy forever that is freaked out over every little thing out here you know and and that was a priority for me somebody else they don't care but you need to know that you know like that's why I said figure out what kinds of things you like to do and then find somebody that's doing the same thing and then you can do that together for the rest of your life and so we like the outdoors but we don't like extreme outdoor stuff so you don't fit that you know we we like hiking and things like that it worked out great for us um we have another friend who's in ministry and he oh yeah sorry this is supposed to be quick okay real quick he he put his future wife into some craziness just to figure out if she could handle the type of ministry he did and there together with children happy great ministry together I mean if I had the time to tell you the things he made her go through in this camping trip and like no tents overnight stuff craziness and he found her just like driving it he's like she he told us she's good people you know that was to him super important and so why not figure these things but none of these things have to be you not everybody is you know whatever you have to find out what's important to you so before you jump the gun figure these things out that are important to you and then you can jump the gun and then and then maybe there's something else that you find out well you did everything you could before you right and then we're told that the courtship should be long but what should be short the engagement okay the engagement should be short he's once you open your hearts up to each other you know things could happen so it's better to have a short engagement get married but the courtship should be long why because you need to figure these things out you need a time we had one last question here and we we have a lot of really good questions coming in through Facebook so don't worry we're gonna continue this topic of relationships and future live streams so stay tuned for that but this last question came in I think it's a really practical one to end on to sum everything up it says I'm a young person waiting for the right person to come however it is often hard to wait for God to lead before you start in a relationship is it true you have to be content with being single what does waiting look like waiting looks like this you go to the temple at the age of 12 and you find out your life's mission you realize that you have a burden on your shoulders you came to save the world and now you go home and you faithfully serve your family for another eight years working in a carpenter shop knowing that you're the Messiah at the age of twelve and you wait 18 years until you're 30 I mean he gives me chills just thinking about it talk about waiting if anybody understands waiting it's Jesus right he waited and he faithfully served think Joseph's carpenter shop you know and and like he'd sing his sweet music and he was in Nazareth just a nasty place and yet he waited until God called him he knew God had called him but when he told him to like go forward and and I think if anybody knows how to wait it's Jesus right and now he's waiting for his bride to prepare herself Wow another another analogy of Jesus just like being long-suffering right and he's waiting for his bride to prepare herself some people know I have heard of one lady she knew this one guy was the one that she was supposed to be with she waited 12 years I'm not telling you to wait this long she waited 12 years until he was ready when I first heard that I got angry I could you know I was like well is she crazy you know like what on earth but she said I knew God had put it on my heart and he was gonna work it out and I just gonna wait so we don't know you know like what waiting looks like and I'm not saying everybody's gotta wait 12 years or six years or whatever or 18 years like Jesus or or how a many 2000 years like Jesus has been waiting for his bride to prepare herself you know some guys are waiting for their bride to prepare herself we had to wait until we were prepared for marriage right and I think that's key always go back to Jesus look at his life and see where you can connect with him and it'll resolve that that anxiety that you get from waiting when you really focus it is like Jesus why did you wait oh to be my example you know I can look at him and say like he's mine's people I can I can he can relate to me he knows what it's like to wait and for a long time and what one more point on that just the short one is many of us know Colossians chapter 2 verses 8 to 10 that tells us tell us that you are complete on him and so become complete in Jesus it is the most important thing while you're waiting seek to become more like Christ come be content in him if we're not content in Christ we will never be content you won't you won't find it anywhere not a marriage not anymore well thank you so much I think you answered a lot of practical questions that a lot of people are wondering so we appreciate you coming on that answering a lot of those questions amazed me so yeah as as we close of our segment dad would you be able to close this knot in prayer yeah let's pray together Heavenly Father thank you so much for your love Lord I pray that you would be with each person who is not married that you would guide them Lord that if it is your well for them to get married that you would prepare them spiritually emotionally in every way for that time and the any other person that would marry them and Lord for all all those who are married already Lord those who may be in struggling marriages we pray that you draw them nearer to you that you help them to become the people that you called them to be to have a peace in the midst of the marriage that they are already in and regardless Lord I pray that there are some people that are maybe never called to be married they'll be like Jesus and I pray that you would give them strength and peace and joy to be what you have called them to be you say to you guide each one of us in Jesus name thank you again 10 Fatiha and thank you everyone come true online and we'll see you all next week LS

Channel: GYC

Views: 1,861

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Id: IzqEYZsqdzc

Length: 64min 28sec (3868 seconds)

Published: Sat May 23 2020