Relationship Boundaries

ready for a bedtime Revolution efficas and Extreme has got you covered it has clear oil infused with the calming essence of lavender and is a refreshing cooling sensation it's like a bedtime story for your senses bringing an end to The Saga of sleepless nights turn your sleep struggles into sweet dreams and say farewell to tossing and turning with aicas and extreme because good nights shouldn't be just a dream welcome to Sky podcast watch out for a new episode every Saturday there's this misconception of relationships where you have to do everything together when I go to the bathroom Chris strikes a conversation with me I would actually tell you wait sharing passcodes share the same iCloud account profile [Music] picks today we are talking about relationship boundaries and if there should be any especially question what's your question my love um do you feel like as we grow older and and more together boundaries between yes for sure for sure like yes I wasn't going to go there but you did so okay or like earlier today you were pooping and I was getting ready right and I needed to throw something and the only trash can available was beside you and you were pooping so I just went there and threw something right beside you while you were pooping and just walked out and I'm like oh my God this is so weird ah so so what like silent bomb like dude at least give me a warning D it's the child when you're in a relationship excuse me I'll go to the bathroom and then you do your thing and then point my warning wait wait poop in the bed oh my God it's the child there is a boy in my belly okay uh so the the without warning is the the fault of the child yes because now I can't control my organs so levels of relationship bathroom oh my gosh and I do this to youning and then I'll go out of the immediate vicinity that's the second tier and then and then the last is no warning at all and then that's you that's pregnant Chris that's pregnant Chris that's Chris in general oh my God you're changing everyone's perception of me oh a deir child with Demir farts oh this is something that you never ever hear about in Chris's [Laughter] Vlogs so when you get married boundaries I actually know a couple they're married already but they never poop in front of each other ah right and then she told me her mom taught her that to keep the romance alive and I'm like oh crap sler and I are so I'm okay you passing by Chris tala strikes a conversation with me dude I would actually tell you wait effort about oh my God no but it's true you laugh because it's true when you're sitting down and you're you're pooping it's not just like you're pooping as you're sitting down it's like normal you're exciting effort and you do facial like facial things I know but like on from the PO dude that's how comfortable I am with you my love oh and it's um this has been going on for the past year when I go to the bathroom then of all the time like Why didn't it strike you when I wasn't there yet because because because I'm pregnant and I pee a lot listen listen this is way before listen listen I pee a lot right so sometimes even if I have to pee I hold my pee in but I can just pee less you know what I mean like hold it in instead of peeing five times you bee four times and then when I see you getting up to go to the bathroom and I know how long it takes you it takes him forever like 20 30 minutes cuz he's on his phone well he's pooping I'm like let me go first because within 30 minutes so fast I like two seconds I'm done and it takes you so long so I'm Justified oh okay so I think important to like set the tone relationship soaries important or red flag like for example uh like for example if a guy is constantly telling me what I can and can't wear M should guys tell girls what they should wear no but there are a few instances very very few 99% of the time they shouldn't cuz there's this girl that you're in love with and you you date and relationship and then you kind of try to change like oh don't dress up like you used to ah is the few times that I tell you it's actually like to save me from embarrassment yes okay you shouldn't be dressing up like this you should be jacket black T-shirt yeah so it's not like that so so it's all about the intention like if your intention is to save me from public humiliation or to make me fit in more or something like that that it's fine but if it's the intention of to change me because you don't like how I dress you don't like my style then it's not okay yeah you know what love I actually appreciate it your personality is very chill right you don't really mind all these small details so sometimes because you're so chill it makes me feel like for the rare times that you say oh I like what you're wearing it's such a big deal right then to me like oh it must be a really big deal to him he cares what I'm wearing and then so I find it really sweet I remember when I was in high school and I had this really controlling boyfriend and he would tell me what to wear and being a fashion girl that really annoyed me because you know know you spend a lot of time thinking about what you want to wear and then he comes in and says don't wear this it's really annoying but because you don't do it at all when you do it it's sweet so there's that also yeah yeah what about just asking permission to like go out if you want to go out with your friends and I'm not invited you have to ask me I'm not sure if you have to ask me but you let me know like you let me know cuz it' be so weird if I just come home expecting you there you're not there and you didn't even tell me why but oh yeah yeah yeah that's our relationship like we let each other know but what about what's your opinion about relationships now as in like Mommy and Daddy can I go out yes oh it's kind of like that yeah like love um I know just spend time with the guys um I don't know how that might work for some couples to me I grew up with having to ask permission all the time so I'm kind of allergic to asking for permission what about you like you never asked me and I'm more than happy to let you go without me no but but um especially when right now you're pregnant like I always want to get your blessing first permission but it's more like just gauge how you feel about it like I just test the waters a little bit you make me sound like such a terrible Woman Like It's Only just because you are in yeah you're pregnant yeah essentially but to be honest I'm well as you know love more than willing to let you go on your own even when our friends come here later you're on your own I'm GNA sleep yeah I'm GNA sleep you never really have to ask me permission I don't think and vice versa which I appreciate in our relationship even when we started as boyfriend girlfriend I remember distinctly like we had just started dating and it was my birthday and I decided to go on a weekend in Hong Kong with some of the party people that I knew back then and it was so refreshing to me that you didn't even ask me where I was going who I was with what time I was going to go home like you were just chill about it and I was like wow this is something that I've never experienced before like this level of trust and it made me want to tell you more yeah I've been in relationships cuz when I was a lot lot younger relationship very intense so I kind of learned from these past relationships when I was with you I learned that I have to have a level of let go so that I can learn to trust the person that I'm with like if I have to manage where you are so that I can trust you might as well if you're going to cheat on me if or I'm going to find out that there's something that's wrong with our relationship now I have to know where you are at every single moment for me to be able to make this relationship work and I feel like there's a a good security when it comes to looking at it from that point of view so that it's like this relationship is it's not just about making it work it's also making it work for the long term and putting in the right foundations for the relationship I think cuz when we're younger there's this misconception of relationships where you have to do everything together you have to know everything about each other yes you become the same person kind of and if you don't if you're not together all the time there's this wrong misconception you don't love each other or like you don't love me enough because I'm not part of your life all the time but I feel like as we mature and grow older we realize that's not the case because we kind of need to grow separately as individuals and then you know to together we're much better for it than if we force ourselves on each other and then we stop growing what do you think about relationships that dictate where you go to school for for the younger relationship where you go to college or where you go to school when we were younger and also like you give up your relationship you give up your career for the relationship what do you feel about it oh interview to for Chris yeah I I was like the answer is so obvious obviously no for me obviously no but what's your take experience when it comes to like for example we talk about this from time to time and all these things I think marketing consultant and you would say don't let me like You' have like reaction but don't Don't Shoot Me In The Box when it happens it's going to happen I need to spread my wings and fly um we're just talking about what ifs why is that topic for you topic it's just when I was growing up up it's kind of like my my parents had this whole idea of how my life would turn out growing in a very traditional Filipino Chinese family and then obviously what I'm doing right now was not at all in their plan for me right YouTube that so all of the things that I wanted to do with my life and I think it goes the same with you with pursuing Showbiz I started with modeling it was always met with disapproval and kind of I had to prove my way and fight my way and and find my way through it by myself and so I feel like having to deal with that from my parents and also having to deal with that from a partner who I feel like should support me and understand me at a different level is so difficult I mean it sounds simple it sounds like an easy answer but what if we put ourselves in a situation where love there's this big business opportunity Manila and I have to be there like almost all the time and you always tell me this we play scenarios in our head what if I had to move to Manila yes like oh man but I love heru life how would that make you feel would you be willing to let me do it with me with life I feel like it's always a scale of pros and cons right like with every relationship that I have or with every career opportunity it's always Pros versus cons and if you really want to pursue something of course I want to support you as your loving wife who's perfect I want to support you and like make you grow and I know that's something that you're very hungry for growth rightjust for that but it's not like you dictating that you can't pursue YouTube because or whatever then that wouldn't be okay with me because even if I did listen to you then I'd just be miserable and then I would think it's all because of you and then I'd put my resentment on you yeah I think depend is a situation is a case to case basis and weighing the pros and cons as you said M when it comes to boundaries I I saw this thing on Tik Tok issue or discussion about passcodes and the the cell phone what's your take on that so boundaries within relationships within within relationship sharing passcodes s cell phone yeah you know I hear that's a hot topic now but I feel like it was never really an issue for the both of us I remember when we first started dating you actually changed my passcode to match yours uh okay yes okay which I thought was cute because at that time I was so in love and like oh he's so cute he wants us to match stuff like that but deep down inside just matter of controlling Chris yeah which I didn't realize so girls just kidding no you know what I have friends that take it one step farther now sometimes they have they share the same iCloud account or yeah yes I know the story some things happen because of that yeah it's get tricky when you share this whole system the clouds because then photos the photos and the messages yes if you have something to hide right like this weird thing happened between us and our telegram where your contact synced with mine yeah and then so now like I get alerted every time somebody joins telegram I don't know who this person is but it's from your phone I'm like who is this woman just kidding then I have to be careful he has to be careful yes no but the that that's a good thing I appreciate with between us because whenever I get your phone you don't like cringe and like and vice versa I like that relationship but I know of couples then sharing of the phone or even just the passcode is very very taboo M so I have this friend every time you hold his phone when you show someone a photo on your phone and then they it like naturally swipe yeah so yeah I think with the two of us like there it was never really an issue between each other to share passcodes because we really didn't have anything to hide from each other but I feel like it's not an issue because there was also a really need to know each other's passcode you know what I mean so even if you know my passcode you've never kind of went into my DMs or like as far as I know searched my history and all these things and vice versa like I never really went to your phone to do other things aside from like use a calculator like the camera stuff like that so there's nothing that we're hiding from each other that we're scared of but also there's a level of kind of trust and respect that we don't have to go through each other's phones in that level yes I think so I feel like a healthy relationship has to get to kind of like that level wherein you don't feel like you have to check up on what the other party is doing there there has to be that level of trust to maintain a healthy relationship you're in a relationship but you're always like looking behind your back you cannot trust that person completely yes there may be reasons and at least you still trust that person completely now there may be awkward things there you know what for me it would be really strange if you didn't share your password with me to be honest because it would make me think that he's hiding something there's this letter from the sky that I read and then they are a couple that's having a longdistance relationship and it's fine it's great they're getting along fine she knows his passwords on social media checks it from time to time but then suddenly she tried to check it and B you password so now she's thinking like what's happening is he hiding something from me because he just changed it all of a sudden sometimes it happens Al your password was leak change for me boyfriend hey did you change your password ask you've been checking I was just about to get there Nick if you change your password it to take me a few weeks before I know that you don't know my password I don't even know my password no not not a social media but like for your computer or I know it's because I only use your computer really need to use a computer I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal because the ldr makes it there's this level of insecurity because ldr yeah you don't really know what's happening yes but first question would be how do you know micromanage like you should trust me for who I am and without even like having to check so let's say the rules were reversed right let's say you are the one at home and I am in the abroad somewhere we're having a long dist relationship and let's say it was you who discovered that my password had changed yeah so what would you do cuz like at this point you're confused you're insecure you want to ask me but you also don't know how right so based on the the comment okay M so because if okay I can easily say love did you change your password uh I can't access it per the context behind why is this a big deal to you yeah and I would ask you like yeah I changed it but how do you know were you checking it's kind of creepy why is it important to you yeah unless you have a I have a particularly good reason I feel like it's a tricky situation tricky situation and I think that's why she posted it as a question because I feel like if that were me if we're in a good place I would give my partner the benefit of the doubt right maybe I won't ask until something comes up if something ever comes up that would prompt me to ask maybe it's also a good lesson for me not to keep checking and if there's nothing in his behavior that would make me question anyway yeah then maybe it's fine right you think I think so let's say I'm thinking right now password cell phone and I'll get it and I say B I just ask you love B cuz that's phone I mean it's F like we use it all we're married we use our phone all the time but if it's social media it's kind of like EMS like it's really stalker Vibes like why would you access my email that's weird you know what I mean right it's kind of tricky I'd let it be and just give him the benefit of the doubt and then when a particular good reason comes along hey did you change your password I tried to access it months ago because blah blah blah yes you just stole my answer what if I required you [Music] requ you know what this thing about profile pick it's so subtle but it's so so important it really dictates a lot not just about relationships but also par there's a first impression that is before the first impression yes so let's say for example I got this message from a person okay bus and then profile is chicken chicken which happened like trust this person yeah so it dictates a lot lot about who we are and the use case of your social media profile so there are social media profiles that scatered towards family and like okay my Facebook is all about family and everything but there are people also now okay attorney so I'm dressed as a suit my suit and everything so I feel like it depends it really depends but you shouldn't be ashamed to post your significant other whether it's a profile pick or just a normal post uh unless you're trying to like celebrity couple okay privac privacy but other than that I shouldn't ask you love but you know what we know couples also and I know this shouldn't be a thing because when my mom and my dad they're just getting into social media now and when it's their birthday or it's Mother's Day or Father's Day and I don't post a photo with them they feel hurt right it's so weird they're senior citizens but they feel bad that I don't post but but for me I'm posting every day like I still love you I'll bu you flowers let's go out but please don't make me post get where the other side is coming from because I also know someone she was never posted by her boyfriend at all and they've been together for a few years so putting myself in her shoes how would that make me feel celebrityy just a normal guy he posts his friends all the time he's him going out and all these things better never with her right so then that makes me think is there something wrong with me why won't he post me is he ashamed of me something like that so I get it like it's annoying that it's a thing and it has to be done what if I never posted you let's just say I'm like a superstar and then you're a normal non-s Superstar like how would you feel if I never posted you to be honest I would totally understand let's say let's say my private let's say my private account my private account for friends only suspicious so celebrity or not since we're talking about boundaries how do you feel now whenever we're there's really no privacy I went there yeah yeah think sometimes like couples feel like Time by themselves and I need my own space yeah like so how do you feel about like having your own space like for example do you sneak out I'll just shut off the entire family cuz I need my own space I need to breath whatever yeah definitely for sure 100% And this is something that I keep telling you because when we made the skypod I had zero input as I'm very proud to say Slater is very amazing he built the house designed it all by himself and the architect so he had a vision for a house that was different from the house where he grew up in the house that you grew up in you didn't really know who came in and who came out because everybody had their own personal private space but here Slater's idea and concept was if I'm in the kitchen I know like I can see the rooms I can see who's inside the room there's a window all of these things so in the family we we kind of always know where everybody is yes and it's the space is open it's for community and I also didn't grow up with that kind of environment cuz my house was also very separate yeah I think with most houses as long as you're not in the room if you're in the Sal you're in the kitchen you're in the gym you're in the hallway people can see you all the time yes which I had no clue what I was getting into when for like interactions and everything it's great yeah but also we didn't take into consideration that sometimes we do need privacy like for example especially with kids when I'm trying to do yoga in the gym it's virtually impossible because the gym is right in the hallway and everybody passes by so while I'm trying to focus on my chakras and like my hard poses you know trying to meditate and it's so noisy the kids are running around around and you know a dog is pulling my leg and all these things like it's so hard and and sometimes you know as a mom who works from home it can get overwhelming because every single day it's like I'm balancing all of these emotions so it's not just a husband and wife thing it's kind of like as a person I kind of need to be alone also just to figure out my own stuff or just for silence right and it's very rare for me to have that space in this house because it is so open so what I do is I really lock myself in the closet but sometimes you know they still know where I am I know if I turn on the lights they know that I'm in there because you know in the hallway so sometimes you don't turn sometimes I just really yeah yeah see renovate I just literally turn off all the lights and sit down and not do anything and I remember on my last work trip I went to Manila and I didn't have a plus one at that time and remember um the client left me and said like are you okay like do you need anything I'm like no please do you need somebody to have dinner with you do all of these things then I said no please like I'm very very happy to be here here by myself alone not have music not have alone I'm okay leave me alone basically and and I feel like that's something I discovered as a mom living in this house so yes you do need your private spaces and I don't think it's a disservice to you or like I don't want to spend time with you I don't want to spend time with my kids of course not I love everyone in this family but just as a person you need to collect yourself from time to time cuz say sometimes in relationships why do you like spending time by yourself I I can imagine it being issue from time to time why don't you want to spend time with me especially foring relationships which I've been a part of so parang I can imagine it getting an know interpreted that way yes you know what I've been doing bathroom yeah this exactly what we talking about earlier yeah soang the bathroom is kind of like that's why I spend my time there like parang it's like kind of like my quiet space when I'm feeling overwhelmed yes I need to use a bathroom but I take my time m yeah I think it's healthy for having time to not worry about anything else to be with your thoughts and like Pace just by having your own space I completely agree I feel like sometimes the world can be so overwhelming and we need that quiet I know this couple friend of ours every time the girl feels overwhelmed Hotel quiet time wow so I know that's like oh shocks that's really so intense but she must really need it and I don't judge her for it as a mom she I get it how about love having to know about your current partner's past we never had this conversation we were dating like I never particularly asked you how many exes did you have you just kind of like told me yes because you didn't care and you didn't want to know I didn't want to know yeah so I knew it would overwhelm me just no really doesn't matter the person you you're with right now I mean the important highlights of the past that made them who they are is is important to understand at least like I knew more about you by knowing about your family about your friends the people that are close to you that's why Chris talks a certain way because her family talks this certain way so put two and two together but I don't really need to dive deep into the past of these things that you're not comfortable in Sharing also but you know some couples they really ask and remember when I was younger like I needed to know I need to know how many have you been with like who the ex was how how was your relationship with together to like kind of Benchmark yourself I mean in the past huh not now like when I was in college or whatever having dated were you like that also when it was you and me I was in the phase of my life where I didn't care I will let you know right away who I have been and what are we don't move forward with you having a different perspective of you know what to be honest it was so weird when you told me because I didn't ask and then I was bombarded with information so I was like ah okay what do I do with this information we weren't even dating yet we were just like talking yeah talking at least like it's easier to be open about it sometimes when we are we like someone we put our best foot forward and sometimes I can backfire they have this different expectation of who you are so I'd rather show the worst parts of me aside from the nice Parts but atast it's more of like no when you're talking to someone like it doesn't have to be a relationship but the positive things about them and like they seem like they're faultless m and there's a level of mistrust that might happen because you know that there's no such thing there are parts of me that are not so pretty there are parts of me that like hey I'm just another normal guy and I kind of like you so I didn't want to start off this relationship and then you like me for the things that I presented and then we'll have this conversation 6 months from now so but yeah it's more of the filter now if you can't accept me for who I am right nows now Chris when you lie eventually these lies tend to like surface yeah so that was kind of my thinking behind it so in the past you were never curious about like your ex's exes and all of these things you were not that type of person no cuz I remember when I was younger I was I mean I wasn't like obsessed with it but I would say I wanted to know who I was up against you know I know it's so funny right like that was my thinking back then in hindsight now it's funny because it doesn't really matter like who your exes were back then you thinking when we were younger also when you've dated this person and this person is quote unquote a loser devalue status you dated that person ah yeah I remember my sister would always tell me that yeah be careful who you date because it matters who your exes are I me T as you get older these things don't matter anymore ask about our relationship sometimes I get home at night and I don't feel like talking about it like there's something on my mind but I don't want to talk about it I think with you and me it's it's different it's a little bit cheating with you and me because so if it's something that you don't want to share I'm sure the reason is because you don't want to stress yourself about it even more you know I mean it's not like you're hiding something from me I feel like it's like that so there's a level of trust now if you don't want to share it you will eventually yes when you're ready something like that sometimes and then when when you share something that is sometimes it's good to share so that instances where just sharing about a stressful day kind of makes you relive the day soala oh I get that I get that a lot so when ask hey how was your day I don't want to talk about it it doesn't like I know no I get it I'm like oh if it's stressing you out that much don't stress me out yeah I've been in relationships also why you never talk about this you never talk about that you overshare so I'm just kidding no you always tell me cuz I'm very thankful for that in our relationship that we're open to each other so I never feel like there's a lack of communication yeah like topics I feel like what would bother me is if there's something that is bothering you about us or about me or about our relationship that you won't share because at this point I will really pick like I I think the overarching thing we were talking about the boundaries the whole time like the overarching theme of it is really the context and the intent and the trust behind it like these boundaries are are kind of like flexible per relationship different boundaries for different types of relationship different different types of people but as long as the trust is there it's easy to like navigate through it at the end of the day love I think it's really about trust and respect and if you have both then you can kind of seear M yeah

Channel: skypodcast

Views: 72,997

Keywords: skypodcast, podcast, philippines, skyfam

Id: sU2l3bhtBNE

Length: 35min 26sec (2126 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 09 2024