Rebecca Lynn Pope Talks Women’s Unrealistic Expectations of Men, Healthy Romantic Standards + More

this week on a roommates tip I can nobody wants to seem shallow so they don't want to come right out and talk about what kind of car you drive what part of town do you live in what do you do for a living and but it but if you kind of take it in its entirety it is pretty shallow in some ways right because it's like it's so specific to the point that you know women and their lists they don't realize you're talking about like not even 1% of the male population kind of like I'm a real factual type of person you know I like I like stats I like research I like you know I like real what's real not imagined and so by the time I would listen to women it was like where am I gonna find this these dudes and then she's maybe a solid six and and you're talking about a man who's a 10 plus right top-shelf dude and he can date a supermodel [Music] you're always good world is your boy happy where's the star the show pays-bas yes and welcome to the roommates a worldwide community of individuals United on the values of becoming holistic health kindness togetherness and a thirst for knowledge also also also also known as best hour of your week where you are entertained like a stand up educated and enlightened like a sermon what's going on yo yo yo yo yo what's up man hey Tom when you started kicking butt you know what Chris what's up as you know people have been sending us a lot of messages well actually it's not a lot of people I want to clarify okay it's like a small minority yeah and are you the kind of person if someone if a hundred people tell you something nice and then one person to tell you something bad you think about something bad I always look at the bad comments yes same way so one of the most reoccurring negative comments is our lack of representation on the show oh of season three to clarify season one it was all with all it was all women but yeah and so man for a long time you and I have been working really hard to find some really amazing women we have and shout out to Stefan Szabo cierra la voz here however you say always always butcher it make sure you get his new book final live after heartbreak yes because I asked him what are some amazing women in the city and he told me about our new roommate who's coming on the show and listen I went on YouTube to look her up yes you did and I saw a video and if I'm telling you it's preaching to the choir I was so in love with this video in the group chat I said we are gonna have her on the show yeah there's no question it was already booked playing and in motion so after a couple of months we finally have her on the show and I'm really really excited to bring in the one the only Rebecca Lynn Poe welcome to the show Rebecca thank you guys thank you so much so Rebecca we know who you are so for our audience don't know who you are can you give us a bit of an elevator pitch in the office about who you are with all that jazz wow so I'm a former matchmaker that's where a lot of people refer to me when they think about some of my videos especially around dating and love and the whole world of relationships right so I'm a former matchmaker I became more involved in healing emotional and spiritual healing that came directly out of dating and love coaching and matchmaking because people are jacked up and so I over the years evolved into healing and spiritual work and began to help people deal with their deeper issues and then what do you know people fall in love and get married and have really great relationships when the inner stuff starts getting worked out so I was kind of an evolution but I'm really well-known for the the information and the videos I do around love and women relationships but I work with people kind of on more of that emotional and spiritual level awesome awesome and you said you were a former matchmaker former mentor so what was that like yeah I hated it for anyone who is genuine and I'm not throwing matchmakers under the bus oh my god I love people I love the most our matchmakers love them but the industry itself is one that you very quickly learn that people who hire matchmakers are looking for that dream situation and you're there they're trying to fulfil the list of requirements they're looking for and so they feel that in paying Matchmaker this is what they're buying it almost felt like like I'm supposed to be making men in a lab somewhere like creating these perfect specimens doesn't exist you wouldn't want you you know you know in vice-versa my male clients were the same way you know it was like I mean it was ridiculous and it was like do but yet you're saying women are gold diggers but then you want a woman who's so far out of your league that the only reason she'd be with you is because of your money but then women are gold diggers so it's just this vicious cycle I saw kind of in the human psyche that it was just like some things are really flawed in our modern modern society of how people approach dating and their expectations around and the video that I did that you guys were referring to is specifically I had a nightmare client and a nightmare there was about two or three of them but one in particular was a nightmare and I just was like these women are crazy okay well you want to repeat everybody I mean and I think when I did that video it was kind of a rant you guys because I mean it was that bad of an experience for me and and it was literally that flipside I think I got to see the side of some women that maybe only men get to see when they then a woman kind of loses it you know and goes off or you see that other side and the image that the prettiest we and I'm looking at these women like I couldn't understand why you were single and now I'm like you know and and install matchmaking I was very naive going in I say this all the time guys really really big hearted good-hearted women hang out with other really big hearted good-hearted women and a lot of the time we have a hard time understanding that when men are talking about how [ __ ] women can be and how conniving or manipulative or shallow or superficial women good women feel very offended by that because we're like what are you talking about and I do my best you know and I'm they're out here genuine and they don't operate that way but there's a whole other demographic that definitely operate that way and so good women kind of have a hard time realizing that because they don't really understand typically because good women run in packs just like barracudas do literally so I think you know there's some disconnect when you know really good-hearted spiritually grounded women and good-hearted spiritually grounded men are trying to communicate both of them have had really bad experiences with that opposite demographic that's my I know it was amazing where would you like to start like if you know you have a client like that middle male or female by how do you like dig into that I guess it started with the healing process or that's how I started my healing programs that's how I started doing healing courses because I realized I couldn't just I tried initially to take these people at face value and say okay their intentions are good they're really wanting a wife or a husband and I'm from the Midwest I'm down I'm down to earth I'm um my values are very ground right very well-balanced and my father was a pastor you know you could come from the church you know so one of the things I realized very quickly was that people weren't really looking for a wife or a husband like I say they were looking for this list of qualifications that had to do more with ego and validation it wasn't about love and it wasn't about true connection yeah they they think that's what it is but deep down that's not what a lot of people are really looking for so can you break down what was the female as opposed to male this the female list would be like a laundry list of things that came down to height income they of course nobody wants to seem shallow so they don't want to come right out and talk about what kind of car you drive what part of town do you live in what do you do for a living and but it but if you kind of take it in its entirety it is pretty shallow in some ways right because it's like it's so specific to the point that you know women and their lists they don't realize you're talking about like not even one percent of the male population kind of like I'm a real factual type of person you know I like I like stats I like research I like you know I like real what's real not imagined and so by the time I would listen to women it was like where am I gonna find this these dudes and then she's maybe a solid six and and you're talking about a man who's a 10-plus right top-shelf dude and he can date a supermodel right because that's gonna be his ideal is gonna be this some level whenever his flavor of supermodel is right vixen whatever that's gonna be his flavor and and so it's kind of like women I think a lot of the time don't realize their expectations are so ridiculous just because the average guy just your average guy is not eighty percent of those and so I put a lot of those stats in my book my love and dating book I put a lot of the stats around height income bachelor's degrees master's degrees that by the time you you know if a woman and and and part of it is also that women have just taken so many strides professionally and and from an education perspective that in some ways they're running circles around men when it comes to income and and education and it's in research shows that men and women tend to date on their level they want to date someone who looks compatible to them even on paper so if you've got a woman with a master's degree or a doctorate she wants to marry someone who's a doctoral masters or a doctor and so a lot has changed in the 21st century right so this is where we see the disconnect but a man's list is quite different than a woman's list a man's list has men haven't really changed that much it's women who have changed a man's basic needs around his emotional needs being met and needing to feel like the man when in other words how a woman makes him feel it's like so high up on that list and then sexual attraction I mean literally it's if a man is sexually attracted to a woman there's practically almost nothing he won't do for that woman yeah and I I had men a lot of men I would meet over the years what I learned about men was that I would have people I knew men I knew architects lawyers and they're dating the serial college student she didn't have an income to lose with three other girls they're dating the bank tellers they're dating the waitress you know I and I would be like yeah but you're you know making all this money here in architect they don't care if she's sexy if she's pretty if they have good conversation and she makes you feel good if they like the body you know and she's pleasant to be around and a little challenging a little spicy yeah but women that laundry list just rolls out right knit and they don't understand men don't have that they it's not as complicated for men and men or men get upset when I say men are simple and it's like I tried it I don't even say anything to people on my YouTube wouldn't anything we're not simple you make it sound like we're Neanderthals we are simple but are so very binary simple and women women it's much more complicated and so as women continue to go up their standards and expectations go up up up so when I did that video was really about women it was a very high-end woman right because those are the women who are going to be hiring matchmakers you're talking about that lawyer of that doctor or that woman who's got those degrees that money and all of that drives ego so in her mind she deserves this certain caliber of a man but then they'll continue to get their heart broken because they keep trying to make it work with those types of men that they feel are a match but those men don't really want them so thank you for sharing all that that if you guys haven't watched the video please go to YouTube now wait one thing I have to say because women get mad at me when I don't give the other side of this right okay is that because men are so physically driven sex drive driven men are jacked up because if they get one or two experiences with a really really beautiful woman this now becomes their standard they will begin to overlook a woman who's maybe a little bit more average-looking who could be perfect for a horse right but he develops his appetite for these gorgeous women who in the back to what I say maybe it's his money that's giving him access to those women it could be whatever power whatever but at the end of des men do the same thing even with their short list right they still get jacked up because now he's an average dude but he wants to be with freaking I don't know who's the vixen models who know I wouldn't go there Oh Steve Harvey's daughter she's like she's popping popping Oh is she okay so yeah you know they want that that girl who looks like a freaking supermodel but yet you're looking like clump yeah you know and and I and people are like Rebecca you know that's so mean you're judging people on how they look no we live in a society that judges by how people look right I mean it's you can't get away from the fact that attraction is the very real first obstacle to people connecting exactly no and um let me go ahead and share the but III loved your video I absolutely loved it because one of the things that I saw from your video is that it clarified for a lot of women did differences between male and female sexual attraction and I'm not gonna lie to you when I was a kid that was something I struggled with like I thought that women liked men the way men like women right and then I started realizing that our desire is different you can argue whether that's biological evolutionary whatever you can offer it's just this is real and so what I found out is a lot of women would would default like they would judge themselves the way day with judge a man right so they will say well I have a car I have a house these things why don't you want me yeah you know and I'm like well that's nice but in reality for male sexual attraction those things are not swinging the pendulum in the way the attraction will go to I love the point that you brought up about the bank teller you know guys gonna have the bank tellers and waitresses because we made a point Chris I did a couple episodes ago that if you have an average looking woman who was a seven-figure lawyer right you know and then you had a really beautiful woman who has maybe the accounting clerk you know at that wall for you know making thirty five forty thousand dollars it's right it's not even a question which one most guys are one for the clerk nine times out of ten and women don't get that especially driven alpha female type they don't get it and they and they don't get it and it's because they keep on thinking that if there was a man who was a lawyer and an accountant I would obviously choose and I'm like he's not the same way like the wiring is so different and then I mean one of the things I would so many my clients would be like you know I said what do you talk about on dates what is a conversation about you know and they're typically will lead with their business their education you know whatever it is they do professionally they're trying to impress him with their accomplishments and I said sweetie you know when you're doing that you know he's probably just looking at your booth yeah like looking at your you know your breasts your lips as your mouth is moving and he's not even listening to what you're saying because he's he's out on the date with you just because you have beautiful teeth and a beautiful smile and beautiful eyes yeah and I you know it's just the difference between how women and men are wired and so it's I believe it's one of those things right now that has brought such a huge disconnect between women and men because I tell women if you're really really wanting to just attract more men go to the gym oh my goodness gracious just go to the gym like if you're really more concerned like if that is a priority for you and you're not gonna you're not wanting to just kind of wait it out I guess or you want to really get out here you want a date because you want to be married work on your body work on your looks get a makeover right now that's and that's really simple advice I mean because at the end of the day getting another degree is not gonna attract more men making more money is not going to attract more men they don't even judge like that and I had to even learn that in my own marriage you guys I I was divorced I've only been married three years as I'm coming in after being divorced for a long time I'd been single for a long time and we are these independent women and you're used to taking care of everything and I got it and I'm good and I had to come to my marriage and realize I was like wait a minute he doesn't really care how much money I'm at the end of the day he could care less he fell in love with Rebecca yeah not the titles money any of that and it was like and when that really got that for myself personally and one of the reasons that I stopped matchmaking is when I met my husband we started dating I was still a matchmaker when we started dating so you messed yourself I mean one of the things that I realized was that most of my clients would have turned down a date with my husband hmm why is that so Rebecca because he did not meet that laundry list of requirements that his women had and I'm not saying that's all women it's not all women but a lot of the time it's it's a lot of women in different ways it's it's different you know is it their list very but they don't realize that they're being super picky but some of the things that are on those lists so my husband is just you know he was a simple guy you know he's a pastor he wasn't rich you know he's tall and cute right uh-huh but isn't he didn't come with seven figures you know automatically he didn't come you know he'd been divorced you know he already had children some of these things that eliminate men all the women's lives right off the bat right did have a Doctorate degree he was just this simple guy you know but he has a heart for God like on our first date no lie y'all I was like oh he ain't on the first date I was like he didn't know it yet but I was like oh he don't know yet but he ain't going nowhere I mean I would I think that's kind of how dudes more are you know how your men say oh that there's those wifey that's wifey right there they and they mean that they would see a woman they're like that's how I was with my husband I was like I had dated and dated when I met him I was like done done case closed but it I think a lot of the time you know when it hit me that most of the women I was working with would have never even accepted a date with my husband that was a reality check all right because I'm seeing good man I'm seeing a really really great guy that would make a great partner that we can grow together and we have so much in common we have so much fun but a lot of women that I was working with wouldn't have been able to see that they wouldn't I mean they would turn down dates with with the people we've matched them with the men they would turn down they won't even go have a drink they wouldn't even meet him for a coffee they would just take a one look at a picture and be like no where'd you find him no I literally was like I give up no I'm done I can't do this anymore this is not working this is not a viable business model right because we're doing all this work to find all these great people and they wouldn't even need them yeah so how can you know or how can you you know say someone is not right for you you haven't even met them I just don't understand that psychology mmm do you do you think it's uh at the disconnect is more of women having too high of a modulus or men not being accomplished enough that the average man is much more I think that women put men on too much of a pedestal yeah no I know guys hold on sure because what has happened it because we live in a patriarchal society where the laws and rules that have governed since ID for so long have been created by men you guys have a set of expectations you put on yourself right and literally you've done a really great job of convincing women that you guys are like Superman you got it covered you don't even have feelings you know I have I asked women I said you believe that men have the same feelings that you have do you believe that men go through all the same feelings and range of emotions that you go through and they're like no not really not exactly I'm like do you believe that men deal with rejection or low self-esteem or that some men have been abused in situations where their kindness has been taken for weakness and they've been taken advantage of how do you think that affects them because if if we know women are so verbal we're so vocal right so we know how women feel about these things because they're so verbal yeah men go through the exact same things but they're not allowed to have those feelings they're not allowed to be human because Society says men are like this in a real man has got to be abcdefg right so you guys are at this huge disadvantage because it's like you've created an expectation that women have of men I'm guilty of it I would look at my husband like he's got it all together he's got it all figured out and when my husband and I started getting really transparent and vulnerable with each other in our marriage I'm like you mean you cry you mean you're struggling with things sometimes or you you know and I'm like it was an eye-opener guys I was like men are just human just like women and there's no s on your chest there's no you know you're just you you guys are Academy award-winning actors men are trained to from the time they're young to suck it up never cry right I mean hide your truest emotions your deepest truest truest emotions you do not share typically the only time men are very you know get vulnerable or even show their truest feelings or thoughts is with a woman if not always a love interest a mother a sister right an then they're the love of their life they will become vulnerable with but beyond that it's like so women drank the kool-aid and believe that men have it all you're supposed to be like this you're supposed to be Superman you're supposed to make everything better you're supposed to solve my problems you're suppose because that's kind of what we've been sold on since we were little girls is that is the knight in shining armor right it's the fairy tale and the guy and in the meantime you guys are just like us you're just trying to figure things out you know and so to answer Chris's question its twofold right is it it's the flip side of the coin do women have too high of expectations or have we been programmed to have those expectations and men continue along that that line because they bolster that right by how you guys act and how you guys handle things so both is my answer women have too high of expectations but men also are just not exactly who we think they are but this is how these situations develop right where she's gonna get in her feelings hurt because she didn't listen to what you said and when you said I'm not really looking for anything serious right now men mean that yeah when they say if that comes out of a man's mouth he means it women kind of ignore that communication right they'll say well he would he led me on he was lying no think back on some of the things he said and he was saying it but he's trying to also gauge it to where you don't cut him off you know when a woman won't just stop dealing with you because you come right out she thinks you're just really not available so men are always kind of walking this thin line trying to monitor and manage women's emotions but at the end of the day time do not over promise a really good friend of mine who used to be a big-time player he told me that he told me less is more stop he said where people mess up is talking too much sharing too much talking too much over-promising giving too much access too many details in other words a lot of the time men and women are guilty of that of kind of like Oh sharing stuff that's not pertinent if you know that you're dating three people right and you there's a couple people you're interested in you're kind of vetting and qualifying don't be talking about future plans with someone when you know you're dating someone else that it could develop into something with her but you really like her too and you're still in that process of vetting and qualifying don't be talking about taking vacations together don't talk about anything futuristic women take that as he's really planning his life with me or planning things with me they learned that from these magazine or like he's planning he talks about our future together no I just wanted to go to cabo and I didn't want to go alone but they don't see it that way right so it really comes down to keeping it light and casual and just having fun you know which means that it's not sexual because the minute I tell you all the time I'll have women do like oh we're just friends I'm like no you are just friends because you're screwing yeah yeah so how how there's nothing more intimate than sex so how in the world is this just your friend but you guys are having sex those two don't go together right if you guys are messing around and that's the number one thing with me and this is where it was so hard for you guys because you're so real talk I'm gonna have a real transparent moment for a second okay so I'm like premenopausal I hit my 40s and like my hormones started going crazy and I started going to this doctor she gave me these natural like a testosterone supplement like to boost my testosterone because my testosterone level was too low that's what was off with me which is not normal but it was off this testosterone hit me y'all y'all my levels were soup not this was not on a man's level like an average man has twenty ten to twenty times the amount of testosterone in their bloodstream than a woman yeah so the level I was at was just kind of like extra healthy woman right imagine me back in my twenties you know and I was like I will jump you right yeah where are the kids anyway but 10 to 20 times yeah and I told my girlfriend's I was like y'all I have a whole different level of sympathy for men right now because I would like be scrolling across Facebook and I would see some fine dude now be like you're literally like super sexually charged up right and so what's difficult with you guys is what attracts you to someone is gonna be the physical to even initially talk to them but then the one thing that gets you in trouble is that you're sexually attracted them and you want to have sex in trying to be casual and not lead someone on and not get too deep into something that doesn't go together right so the very thing you're driven to do driven biologically I don't care what your faith is I don't care who you are biologically men are driven to have sex and that little testosterone test I'm telling you guys about right now driven it is part of your makeup God made you this way right and there's just no way around it and so you guys have it is is rough if you're really not wanting to go there this is why you have men that will be sleeping with one woman but they're dating they're women but they keep that one woman they're sleeping with and women don't understand that like wait but but so one of the things I've learned over time is that a lot of the time men will still be sleeping with somebody all the way up while they're dating some when they're very serious with but if they're abstinent and the women were celibate and abstinent don't want to hear that right because that is like what's wrong with these men they're not built like us no I mean at the end of the day sometimes women get that the knowledge that oh he was still sleeping with his ex are still sleeping with him all the way up till we got engaged or all this is really common and it's the kind of stuff that breaks women's hearts because they're like how could he love me how could he be we be you know ready to be getting married and he was still you know and it I I look at any man that abstains based on my feelings from when I was hopped up on okay any man that abstains I I feel like you you're on a whole nother level you're just on a whole nother level it yours gonna have to be spiritually mentally emotionally you're gonna have to be so deeply committed in to that thing you know what I'm saying it's gonna have to be is spiritual it's gonna have to come from something real deep to overcome that natural drive that God puts in you to have sex so that's why there's just not a whole lot of men that are abstinent puri yeah that's a I think what you keep on going back to that thing is it so powerful is to be able to understand the uniquenesses of each gender I feel like that's just that's all as an education that a lot of people really really lack especially because you have like romance novels and movies and TV shows that create these false caricatures of these individuals and which these are not what who they really are in real life so for let's say a young woman right now and she says you know okay my expectations might be a little unrealistic like what would you say are some healthy realistic expectations that she should have for men in general I would say that women need to date a little bit more like in women need to date a little bit more like men lead a little bit more towards being attracted to someone initially right because when you're married or when you're in a committed relationship you are going to hit hurdles you're going to hit you're gonna go through really difficult times and if you're not really attracted to your partner I'm talking about on a sexual level of physical level if you're not attracted to them you'll want to walk away but they're that sexual physical element is so crucial in a relationship because it keeps you connected keeps you bonded to someone so if women would lean a little more towards the physical and say you know he's cute he's got I I called the kissable test right it's not that he has to be like Boris coding right but if you're saying across the table from him at a date and you look at him in his energy and his vibe and his look is that would be enough that you could say I could see myself kissing them see myself kiss him right yeah don't go there with sex in the whole shebang and just don't imagine him without his clothes on you don't do all that I'm saying just kissable because that's for a woman the act that initial kind of Lytton is to say is there an initial attraction that could be built on because women truthfully fall in love with what they hear and how a man makes them feel it's not it's not mostly physical it's really how a man makes a woman feel the problem is a lot of the time that a man doesn't even get that chance to kind of win a woman over because he does it she does she's so closed off because he's not my type yeah so now he can't get in her ear and get in her head to eat to where she you always know you start looking real cute you know when you get in when you start talking to him you start you give me a chance because when I was single I had a couple dating experiences where I oh there was one guy I dated and initial looks-wise I was like you know I but he was smart he was a businessman anything with business for me is like we we go together you know I love talking about business and so our conversations just he would get me with this conversation I kept dating him and dating him and next thing you know he's looking cuter and cuter to me because his whole energy and his spirit was so beautiful and it was just like we just vibe and I'm sure people would look at us and be like how did did he you know I mean real talk right like that's how you see when you see people that aren't really you know they're mismatched or not really that looking that compatible physically or like how did that happen but I really liked him right but it taught me a lot about the female brain to understand that when we emotionally connect with someone they immediately begin to become more physically attractive to us so my husband's like the most beautiful man on earth but so if a woman would kind of lean a little bit more towards physical Wow while lowering some of those expectations around education and finances to say you know I think easing up a little bit on such strict expectations around exactly how much money makes or exactly how tall he has to be or exactly how much education he has I mean I've met so many men over the years that didn't even have high school degrees or a bachelor's degree but they had five times as much money as me right because nowadays with entrepreneurs and everything else I mean it's not even really about education but there's a lot of young women or in women period who will just cut a man off this soon we don't have a bachelor's degree I can't day in but what does that have to do with us connecting and being able to have a great life together it has nothing to do none of that stuff matters yeah but this also goes to my point why I think a lot of the time women and men are now getting more into their 40s before you find this like my I was 39 when I met my husband and I've been married previously but i I've never loved a man the way I love my husband and and it this is like the greatest love of our lives right like that that real life love soul may love and but we we both have agreed we wouldn't have been ready for this in our 20s you know we wouldn't we wouldn't have been able to connect your priorities are so different when you're younger so you're you're trying to fit your ideal model of what you how you want things to be and so but as you get older what you want changes what's really important changes and so now it's like well you don't really need that have to have a booty like JLo you know maybe if it's just a little bump you know it because she's sweet and she's cool and she's flying and she's smart and maybe a little bump is good I could deal with a little bone you know I mean but real talk though right because a lot of the time then get those little things that they say is does it for them and like they gotta have that I had one client I had a male client you guys he was big he liked big booty Judy I mean big booty Judy he could in he you know it was like he had this out right yet right literally it was like his thing and there was just no getting by it he couldn't get over it but yet he would back pass up so many really great women and the big booty Judy's weren't good for him like date they aren't because of the bodies they get a lot of attention from men they get so now there's a level of entitlement there's a level of expectation and high maintenance there that hasn't been earned it's just about body it's just about looks I mean real talk we know this is real you guys and so it's real so then you could be like this really nice great guy but big booty Judy's used to date athletes and she's used to dating men money and they're tricking off and you know and throwing money at her that almost happened to me in Atlanta when I I've been here for 15 16 years in my 30s you know I started dating after I got divorced and men do the absolute most yeah for the female I understand it's like I started dating no line and the men I mean when they were really trying to get you like really get you they were they will do the most they've trying to fly you here wine and dine you trips I mean clothes shopping this is back before you never went emailing money first came out remember like like how you can quick pay is back before the ABS you guys this is when like with Chase Bank you can email send money right I get this email it's like three Jesus hmm and I'm like ladies if you want to see me through to you know literally no life and I mean we'd only been talking like a week but he had flown back in town he was out of town on business he flew back in time just to have our first date with each other he was crazy about me on the first date and he literally sends me an email and sent me like three g's like a few days later and was like I want you to just spend this on you never happened to me you guys right I've been married most my life I I didn't know about this single life you know I was like green you know you know and of course I really start trying to give him a chance and start trying to date him because you know you get it it's hard to explain but it's almost like like an expectation yes so I date him that doesn't end up working out I dated another guy's ex-athlete every kind of imaginable luxury-car multiple properties so we don't exactly you know flying around right yeah so that wasn't my lifestyle but yet hanging out with him and so now you're in these houses you're in these cars you're on these flights you're doing and and and then the part of me that's the god right Spirit inside of me I was really liking him I was really digging him right but then I'm like wait a minute you know I because they shining you on so quick you kind of can lose focus on what's real or what's important and I start asking questions right I'm like so do it you know where's this going what he did it and I didn't like it this is not what I'm looking for and I broke it off with you not that we were together like boyfriend and girlfriend even though that's definitely how it felt what I really began to realize is there's probably nine other women just like me that he's doing this with and this little bit of money or whatever easily means nothing to him when people have money and sure enough you got it it exactly like the $3,000 from the $30.00 that was nothing to him do you know what I'm saying so sometimes it as women when you're not used to that guys can you imagine being a young lady and then start doing treating you this way and doing these kind of things you you now start to have these levels of expectation I'll never forget after the the athlete got I I was on the phone with my guy friend the player determined I got my best guy food right and I was like I had gone out on a date that night with a guy who was like an engineer and professor I like smart and so you know he was like oh half the day go dude you know it's okay and he was like why was what what you don't sound too excited you didn't like him I said well you know he tries a Ford Explorer you know seems like a nice guy but I'm just not really feeling it and he was like what did you say turn I said you know he seems like a nice that she he said no no before that what did you say about what he drives yeah I said he drives a Ford Explorer and he was like Rebecca that's not you hmm he's like I don't want he was like he stopped me dead in my tracks and was like no no no no and he checked me so hard and was like that is not you that I've never heard you talk like that before you've never been like that I don't want you to be like one of those women you know it was like that big brother almost kind of checking him for a second and if and if he hadn't done that in that moment I wouldn't even have realized that I was slipping over that slope you know I mean real talk we get corrupted you know when it's because the men come on so strong and next thing you know that level of treatment or that level of lifestyle was becoming an entitled expectation that I was putting in place I mean I see it a lot with men because of money mm-hmm because you've got the guys who have been nerds who were you know not popular in high school in college who didn't get the girls but they were smart right now they're coming into their late 20s and 30 that tectum popped off that company's popped off the endeavor whatever right or they're their corporate you know aspirations have come to fruition you know and they're doing really well and now they don't have the social skills right to be able to navigate women it's not like they learn really how to do that but the success and the money is there and that attracts certain types of women and so now they get corrupted because now this money now gives them access to women that would never even give them a second look if it wasn't for status and they get messed up too and they get hurt because you know now they say I just want to a real woman it's gonna love me but yet now you want someone who looks like a fitness model yeah but who and I and I would always ask me that if it wasn't for status or money who would genuinely like you for you to wear if tomorrow everything was gone who's gonna be in that studio or one-bedroom apartment with you and waking up looking at you loving you for you and grateful for you but there's often times truthfully that's someone who is very much on your same level and men and women don't really like that they everyone's reaching higher then where who they are or where they are currently how do you know your level I would say it takes a lot of brutal honesty right look at your own financial status look at your own credit score look at your own looks my husband and I when we met each other it was very comparable we fell in love you know in the middle of recovering from the bad divorces he was probably about 10 15 pounds overweight I used to only be about right like we were very comparable I mean very much on the same general level right and we fell in love and in spite of things not being perfect in each of our lives and saying okay we really but we genuinely love each other for who we are now of course more money comes and more everything comes and you're great but you you love the person you're with because it wasn't built on status and money and you know image and all of that stuff so truth be told you know I think men need to be needed like you know at the end of the day I think that what works for most men and this is why things are so difficult now is that men still need to be in a position where they are provider protector priest they they're covering men are built to lead they're built to to be to be dependent upon there's an innate need you guys feel you never feel better than when you are needed and you're helping in some capacity for those that you love that you are doing for them and they rely on you and I believe after this next book I write I'm probably going to end up writing a book that's about marriage because like I've mentioned it's been an adjustment for me right my husband pays 90% of the bills in the money I make we use as investments and goes into savings but there's I believe that that's kind of difficult for women nowadays you guys right like most women are going to struggle to say we're gonna really live on your income which means our lifestyle is on your level of your income but that innately makes a man feel like a man right yes my husband is like the man and and then it also in it I have an innate need to be protected women have an innate need to be provided for and so there's an innate need that's met for me but I but if I'm acting like superwoman and independent like I don't need him then my needs not getting met and his not getting so what's difficult nowadays is that women are making so much money that now they expect the average man I think with a bachelor's degree makes like $50,000 a year average which means these expectations that women have that men should be making six figures yeah maybe if he's like 45 yeah yeah but in your 20s and 30s no it's not even your average 45 year old guy it's so it's it it becomes difficult in these scenarios for men to be able to be men and women to be women because even though our society and culture has changed so much the needs we have innately as men and women haven't changed so much chris is just sure that's good I mean I know feeling like this not a knowledge a lot of things to think about I don't know I mean just like being around certain events that we've been over just looking at a roomful women that's just like they just want to be loved you know they do and if sometimes I see what some of the speakers be saying and I see their reactions and breaks my heart I sometimes just like dang like that is true I do do that or yes this guy has hurt me and vice versa and it's just like man like the need for love is so real and just like you know I'm trying to like and we're trying to get like people as much knowledge as they can possibly get because we need it you know and I don't like I don't like seeing that roomful of women just like well I think the majority of time men and women friendzone they're perfect the person that'd be practically perfect for them the person that loves you and loves you for you and a lot of the time that person gets kind of friend-zoned and because they don't look good enough because the physical yeah maybe it doesn't fit exactly what you imagined for yourself physically or for women it's the finances and you know kind of the status and all that stuff plays into it but your best partner in life and who's gonna love you is gonna be your best friend no have you balanced that with him sorry for cutting you off like how do you balance that with like sexual attraction because it's like obviously like I have Chris is one of my best friends but I'm not sexually attracted to Chris you know like John marks one of my best friend but so like you said like a part of is a sexual attraction so dude if there is a woman who's like yeah she can't be your best friend but there's just nothing there's like looking at a man yeah you need chemistry I do but a lot of the time what people do psychologically is close something off in their mind and not even give it a chance especially when it comes to women a lot of the time they have this guy that's like their best guy friend and they're just so closed off to it no he's not my type but the moment you kind of crack that door open it's they start to see him differently and see him in a different light I can't tell you how many women working over the years who end up marrying the hmm and they're so happy because this guy is really perfect for them you know but I said I when it come like when I met my husband like I tell you guys on the first date I'm white and that goes a long way so guess what I'm not gonna be quite as picky about finances I'm not gonna be quite as picking you about baby mama and and his credit score or because at the end of the day I like who I wake up to every morning I wake up look at Ron's when I wake up to every day we really vive in me up we have fun doing nothing we have you know our first dates were like picnics and like ice creams and you know me like we just had fun together and if you've been dating a lot you know I had dated a lot this I became a relationship expert I just went on dates I listen to men right and that is so precious it is so I mean you can't put it's priceless if you just can if you just genuinely like someone you like their energy you like their smile you like being around them that's the kind of foundation you can build with somebody like at the end of the day I mean you can get money together right you can build your credit together all those things are you can do whatever you set your mind to do especially as a couple to are more powerful together you can do whatever you want to do it's more important that the chemistry the love the connection the likeability the fun factor is there because the life is hard enough you're on you're trying to make this money working you know your parents getting older I mean you're gonna deal with a lot of stuff as you get older and it's like your partner needs to be someone who makes that a little easier as you're going forward man there's been so much and so much so much great now that you provided for us so we want to be respectful for your time so if there's a message and closing that you would like to give men and women that you've learned from your years of not only coaching and encouragement but also from your relationships and your marriages what would be some of you your best tips of being able to find the right person to spend your life with I would say work on yourself be the happiest version of you that you can be do what you love be fulfilled personally then as you vet and qualify and meet people you're entertaining people through dating determine whether that's a fit for who you are and where you're going if you can see yours enjoying life with this person give it a chance right but give each person a chance as you get to know them instead of feeling like it has to meet so many different expectations based on things that are not real at the end of the day my husband and I wake up to each other every day we go to sleep with each other every day and the outside world doesn't really matter because it's just us because at the end of the day you only have each other it's us against the world and that's the kind of writer I love the type of connection commitment that you want is to be able to go through life with somebody that you know genuinely gets you understands you and loves you which means that there's an element of friendship and love unconditional love that comes into that in the same way you have for your friends and and family right not just friends but family we don't just write people off when we love them there especially when their blood you don't you know you don't just walk away right you are there for the long haul you're there to make it work and if we can approach love and relationships and from that perspective to open ourselves up to love on that greater level I believe that our romantic relationships would be you know much deeper much more fulfilling that's awesome so we're Becca where can they find you at where can they reach out to you and connect with you i am rebecca lynn pope on everything i mean just google it and you can go from there YouTube Instagram everything just Rebecca limpo second thank you so much for coming on the show there's so much wisdom guys remember how we get down to podcast guys make sure you go to Instagram Twitter wherever you can access Rebecca Center message letter no what about the podcast stood out to you guys as always leave a review on iTunes to let us know how you really enjoying the podcast and Chris I enjoyed myself today no it was really good she was amazing so as I said to begin the packets is your boy not Beezus to start a show babe and we are joined by and we had a roommate guys as always guys don't forget to reach out we love you we love you love you will see you on Thursday on patreon and I do [Music]

Channel: The Roommates

Views: 731,886

Keywords: the roommates, the roommates podcast, podcast, black podcast, new podcast, rebecca lynn, rebecca lynn pope, womens expectations, unrealistic expectations, womens unrealistic expectations, succesful men, the truth about men

Id: SfQDhqUbvLY

Length: 60min 52sec (3652 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 22 2019