Reasons to Remain Single

Anyone who lives alone and manifests no longing to be in a relationship is in our times, almost automatically, more or less secretly viewed as both pitiable and deeply troubled. It's simply not thought possible to be at once, alone and normal. This sets up for collective catastrophe, because it means that a huge number of people, who have no innate wish to live with anyone else, and are thought deeply ill-suited to doing so are every year press ganged and shamed into conjugal life with disastrous results for all involved. Only once singlehood has completely equal prestige with its alternative can we ensure that people will be free in their choices and hence join couples for the right reasons; because they love another person, rather than because they are terrified of remaining single. Here, then, are a few of the many good reasons to spend your life alone: 1. Because romantic love is a dangerous illusion. We should recognize that romantic love the idea of being deeply enamored of one special partner over a whole lifetime, is a very new, ambitious and really pretty odd concept, at best 250 years old. From close-up, over long periods of time, almost everyone is condemned to be pretty dispiriting and difficult A good Romantic marriage is evidently theoretically possible, but it's also be extremely unlikely in practice, which should make any failure feel a good deal less shameful. 2. No one thinks their partner is terrific - After a while. Those among us who chose to stay single should not be thought un-Romantic. Indeed, we may be among the very most Romantic of all, because it is in the end the fervent Romantics who should be especially careful of ending up in mediocre relationships: relationships best suit the kind of people who don’t actually expect too much from them. 3. We aren't sane enough to be in relationships. Though it is a sign of some maturity to know how to love and live alongside someone, it it is actually a sign of even greater maturity to recognise that this is something one isn’t in the end going to be psychologically capable of – as a good portion of us simply are not. Retiring oneself voluntarily, in order to save others (and oneself) from the consequences of one’s own inner emotional turmoil is the true sign of a great and kind soul. 4. Being alone means not inflicting yourself on others. It spares you from constant reminders of how difficult and strange you are. No one is there to hold a mirror up – record your antics and constantly make you accountable for them. If you’re lucky, you will be able to tolerate and even like yourself if you are on your own. 5. Relationships spoil love. It may be better to feel alone and be denied sex outside of a relationship than inside one. One thing the single are never denied, is hope. All this isn’t to say that being alone is without problems. There are of course drawbacks to both states, being single and being in a couple: loneliness in the one; suffocation, anger and frustration in the other. The truth is, we’re simply not terribly good at being happy whatever our relationship status. Which is ultimately an argument for neither rushing too fast into a couple, or rushing too fast out of one.

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Views: 3,434,870

Rating: 4.8136721 out of 5

Keywords: dating, interest, wonder, single, mood, girlfriend, sermon, the school of life, learning, marriage, alone, think, boyfriend, lecture, happiness, alain de botton, relationships, couples, education, school of life, reasons to remain single, relationship, school of life single, single life, reasons to stay single, reasons to be single, advice, guys, stay single, why you should stay single, love, romance, philosophy, staying single, why it's better to be single, Relacionamentos, des relations, Relaciones

Id: 350qUmbcAZU

Length: 3min 58sec (238 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 21 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/daddytorgo]

I always summarize it thusly:

• My time is my own.
• My money is my own.

That just about covers it.

[u/nibble25]

The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. No big laboratory is needed in which to think. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born. That is why many of the earthly miracles have had their genesis in humble surroundings." Tesla

For science!

[u/Raey42]

Reoson number one is that I don't have any women in my life to change it. There is not much of a choice, but I try to make the best of it.

[u/venkiro]

Aside from the intro this seems to have little to do with introversion and everything to do with justifying why relationships are bad.

The first point saying romantic love is a "new concept" over the last 200 years seems baseless with romeo and juliet being published at the end of the 16th century and with the renaissance during the 14 and 15th century.

The second point has merit as you shouldn't force yourself to be in a bad or one sided relationship.

The third and fourth points seem like justifications for looking down on yourself for possible quirks or allowing mental instabilities to thrive. You aren't inflicting yourself on others and if you are you should be seeking therapy not harming yourself and others.

It's perfectly ok to be single but some of these views are setting you up for failure if you ever decide to try out a relationship. I'm pretty cynical but this seems over the top.

[u/[deleted]]

[removed]

[u/Becquerine]

Oh bullshit. What a horribly pessimistic self-degrading impression of long-lasting relationships.