- Thanks to Indochino for
keeping Legal Eagle in the air and helping me look fly.
(eagle caws) (bird caws loudly)
(Benton screams) - Dr. Quest, a pleasure. - Please, call me Benton. (chuckles) And may I call you...
(typewriter keys clicking) - Mr. Birdman.
- Mr. Birdman. - Okay, is it Harvey Bird-man,
or is it Harvey Birdman? I always thought it
was Bird-man growing up like the superhero, but, upon reflection, I thought it was a play on
words like a person's last name. It seems like they're using both here, and I have no idea which one it is. As you can tell, bird
law is not my specialty. (bright, plucky instrumental music) Hey, Legal Eagles, it's
time think like a lawyer. And today, I am excited to be covering Harvey
Birdman, Attorney at Law. Highly requested, and I used
to watch this all the time as a kid, so I'm really excited to see how this holds up as a practicing lawyer. This is actually going to be the first in a couple of cartoon trials
that I'm going to cover. Let me know what you think
the next one is going to be because I am really
excited about the next one; it's one of my absolute favorites. As always, be sure to comment in the form of an objection, which I will
either sustain or overrule, and stick around until
the end of the video, where I give Harvey Birdman
a grade for legal realism. So, without further ado, let's
dig into the first episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. (bright, jaunty instrumental music) Okay, so the setup for this episode is that the two father figures
in, I think it's Jonny Quest, are having a dispute, and the person who is not Jonny Quest's father is taking off with the two boys and wants paternity of the two of them, much to the chagrin of
their scientist father. - I don't know, Benton. I guess I think of the boys as my own. (oven timer dings) - Of course you do, Race; you're like a second father to them. - What if that's not good enough, (swallows loudly) being a second father? - I'm afraid I don't catch your meaning. - I want the boys, Benton, full time! I've raised them, and
I think it's only fair! - Race, you're tired. The adventure of the yeti
snow princess took a lot out of both of us. Take a couple of days. (grunts loudly) Ow, ow, ow.
(bones crack) - I'm taking the boys, Benton, and there's not a damn
thing you can do about it! - That's definitely assault and battery. (Benton whimpers)
- I forgot my keys. - Oh.
(keys jingle) - Potential theft of a car. - Harvey Birdman, attorney at law, dictating August 14th, 2:34 PM. Dictating...
(typewriter keys clicking) Hmm, dictating.
- Dictating, Harvey Birdman. (laughs)
(Harvey clicking tongue) (Harvey blows raspberries) Okay, so this is actually hilarious because it has a kernel of truth. Back in the day, really,
just a couple of years before I started practicing,
it was fairly common for attorneys to take dictation. So they would record their
thoughts onto some sort of reel-to-reel tape or a
little micro cassette or, if you were really fancy,
directly onto a computer. And then you would have your
legal secretary transcribe all of that, and, if they were a
really good legal secretary, then they would turn that into the basis for a pleading or a letter
to opposing counsel. And this is exactly
what it would look like, and often you would have
these large gaps in the tape where you were waiting
to think of what else to say for this particular thing. Sadly, using dictaphones
has gone out of favor, and now we just type everything 'cause most lawyers, I
think, can type faster than they can actually talk. So you really would not
save any time doing this, but this is totally
accurate to what it used to be back in the day. - It. - [Secretary] A Dr. Quest
to see you, Mr. Birdman. - Send him in. (bird caws loudly)
(Benton screams) - Dr. Quest, a pleasure. - Please, call me Benton. (chuckle) And may I call you...
(typewriter keys clicking) - Mr. Birdman.
- Mr. Birdman. - Okay, is it Harvey Bird-man,
or is it Harvey Birdman? I always thought it was
Bird-man growing up, like the superhero, but upon reflection, I thought it was a play on
words, like a person's last name. It seems like they're using both here, and I have no idea which one it is. As you can tell, bird
law is not my specialty. - Bye bye birdie. - What makes Mr. Bannon
believe he has any claim on your children? - Well, I hired him to
look after the boys, but, as time went on, he became
more a second father to them. I'd say I'm a good father. - Hello, Dr. Quest.
- Hey, Dad. - But maybe I should've made more (explosion booms)
time for the boys. (liquid bubbling in beaker)
Hmm. - The cat's in the cradle
and the silver ball. I'll take the case! But first, I need to speak to the boys. What are their names? - Oh, of course, their names, certainly. Well, uh, yes, um, well
there's a blond one. Um, the blond one, whose name is... Oh dear. Come on, Benton. (boom)
(briefcase latches click) - (chuckles) Oh God. There are certain
procedures that you can do to remove custody of children away from their biological parent. It's very, very difficult to do. But you can imagine if the father did not actually know the
names of the children, that would be probably
prima facie evidence that he should not have
custody over these children or putting them in very
dangerous situations, like playing with explosives. So (clicks tongue and laughs) yeah, they're gonna have an
uphill battle on this one. - One minute I'm a penniless orphan stuck in a street-sweeping caste. The next, I'm on this
really cool needly plane that goes very, very fast,
drinking cold American beverages! I owe Dr. Quest very much big time. - And you? - Hey, you know, he's my dad. (intercom beeps)
- Yes. - [Secretary] That was the ornithologist. The results were negative. - Thank you. - So this is really good. Harvey Bird-man, or
Birdman, whichever it is in this particular episode,
is doing a good job of interviewing the prospective witnesses. That would be very important
when you're dealing with a custody suit like this, and it would be important for any trial. So you actually really
don't see witness prep going on very often in dramas,
so good job to this cartoon for actually getting
one of the mundane parts of legal practice correctly. (doors squeak open)
(tense music) - Oh, man. - Birdman! At last, we meet again. - Yeah, I think it probably
goes without saying that, obviously, you can't walk into court wearing a bird suit and a mask. - [Whispering Voice] Indochino. - And fun fact, wearing a mask in public is considered loitering
under New York law. - Vulturo, it was last week. - I was in Zurich last week, you nit! - Avenger, my personal digital assistant. - Um, how do you make a T again? Do you push that and then
leave it down, or do, I-- - I said I'd live on to defeat you, and that happens this very day! - Get ready to feel the power
(sharp whooshes) of attorney! (birds cawing)
(laughs) (laser noises) (judge bangs weapon on desk)
- Order, order in the courtroom! - Oh my God, the power of attorney. The power of attorney!
(pulsating electronic noises) So, superpowers notwithstanding, it's actually pretty common for attorneys in specific niches like family law to know each other very, very well. Even in big cities, there aren't that many
well-known family law attorneys, so if you dabble in that
area with some frequency, you're gonna get to know everyone else in the family law bar. And so it makes total
sense that Harvey Birdman knows this other person,
even if he, I think, in the background, is a
super villain as well. And also, true story,
when you pass the bar, you gain the power of attorney, which allows you to shoot electricity and energy out of your
briefcase and hands. (pulsating electronic noises)
The power of attorney! - You should not do that
in front of the judge. - Because someone is the
genetic parent of the child, does that make him one most
fit to raise said child? Ladies and gentlemen and the judge, (muttering rapidly and
incoherently) Quest family (muttering rapidly and incoherently) parents of these two adorable young boys. - Okay, so a couple of
things going on here. Obviously, the attorney
should not be that close to the jury. You can't enter the
well without permission, or the bailiff will tackle you, especially in a court surrounded by super villains and superheroes. Other than that, though, (chuckles) I will say that sometimes,
the attorneys' accents can make it very, very
difficult to understand them. And I will say that when I was practicing in a very, very rural part of Virginia, there were times when
I could not understand what the opposing attorney was saying. So sometimes that happens, and
the attorney might not know that he or she is losing the jury because what he or she is saying is totally incomprehensible. That definitely happens. - State your first name, your
last name, and occupation. - Lizard Man, Lizard Man, and Lizard Man. - (mutters incoherently) witness. - Uh, sure. From what I saw during
Mystery of the Lizard Men. It's Mystery Lizard Men, right? (suits squeaking) Right. Yeah, from what I saw, it was Mr. Bannon who was with the children the most. - Thank you. - Hey, good going, Bill. (men clapping)
- Nice job, Bill. - Next witness. - Now would you mind telling us in your opinion who the best parent is? - Sure, Quest was there physically. - Ah, but it was clear to me that Bannon was the primary caregiver. - Best parent? - Bannon! - (mutters incoherently) - Bannon. - Now normally, this kind of parade of ridiculous witnesses is
totally, totally illegitimate. See, for example, the Seinfeld trial, where they just bring in character witness after character witness;
totally ridiculous. - [Man] He was a communist. - No. - She exposed her nipple. - Mm-mm. But here, these witnesses actually are not testifying to the character per se but to the parenting ability
of the two adults in question. I think all this testimony
probably would come in and is probative, in other words relevant, to the crucial question
of whether the children are in danger and whether custody should be given over to the other person. So there should be some
cross examination going on. Harvey Birdman should be up and
cross examining these people but, all in all, the regular
testimony's pretty good. (siren beeping in distance) - Boy, that went well today. I'd say a celebration's in order. - Scotch, scotch, scotch, scotch. - Stan, they're 11. - Right. (plunk, plunk) - Okay, of course it's
ridiculous to have the children in a bar, although that
does feed into the idea that their father is not a good caretaker. I will say that after a day of trial, the place you are most likely
to find a lawyer is at a bar, probably the one that's
closest to the courthouse. Yeah. (laughs) - You're up, Mr. Buttermilk. - I'd like to call to the
stand Dr. Benton Quest. (people murmuring) Dr. Quest, tell us a little
about your relationship with-- - Well-- - Way too close, way too
close to the witness. - Race and I met one night. - With your boys. - Oh, (laughs) right. I treasure them. I love them dearly. (hums) - (chuckles) That's technically improper. You're not allowed to
lead the witness that way, and it's really damning for his case. - And when I'm not working on my projects, like a way of accelerating particles to subsonic speed using
just magnets, for instance, - Thank you, Dr. Quest.
- to create aberrent waveforms constant rate,
- Nothing further! - resulting in the sum which
surprisingly equals the mass of the atom.
(Harvey clearing throat) And separating them by
weight, we should see (harp plays)
(dove wings flap) magic!
(laughs) - Sometimes, it is so
hard to control a witness, and they think they're doing a good job, or they just get lost in whatever point that they're trying to make, whether it's good for the trial or not. (sighs) Yeah, I feel
for Harvey Birdman here. It's hard to control a witness sometimes. - Mr. Vulturo, your witness. - (mutters incoherently) spend
enough time with your boys? - Why, yes, I think I have. - (mutters incoherently) doing what? - Things that a father does with his sons. - (mutters incoherently) would include? - Well-- - Hmm, would you mind telling me if Jonny and Hadji know
how to play baseball? - Why, uh, I'm not sure. - So here you might think that the policy of never asking a question
of cross examination that you don't already know
the answer to is sacrosanct. But this is actually a good example of when you should deviate from that rule because there's really no answer that Dr. Quest can give
here that will be good. Obviously, the attorney
knows that this guy doesn't know his children very well, and if he answers the
question correctly, well, that he knows whether his children know how to play baseball or not, well, he can just move on to the next question without really any damage being done. However, if the doctor
fails to answer the question in the way that he is
clearly failing to do here, then he will have played into the hands, and that testimony will be
devastating to Dr. Quest's case. So this is actually a good
example of asking a question that you might not
necessarily know the answer to ahead of time, but it
can lead to some really, really good and damning testimony. - Look, I don't know why basesball means so much to everyone. There's important work to be done to make things more decent! - More decent than baseball? Dun dun dun! - (chuckles) That would be argumentative. - [Vulturo] How long
have you known the boys? - Why, four years,
almost half their lives. - And how would you describe
your relationship with them? - I'm their bodyguard and tutor. - This would also be improper
because this attorney has already called all of his witnesses and then turned it over to the Quests, presumably the respondent
or the defendant. So you don't then get
to call new witnesses. You'd be allowed to
call rebuttal witnesses, but this is your main witness, so he's not a rebuttal witness. So the order of the
witnesses is totally wrong. But you see this in a lot of legal shows where they call witnesses out of order to make it more dramatic. Harvey Birdman is no exception. - This doesn't seem like Race. - Hmm? - [Vulturo] Well, what
do the boys mean to you? - [Race] They mean, they
mean everything to me. - Excuse me.
- I've taught them how to drive a hover boat, - Shh.
- how to tie a tourniquet, but they've taught me so much more. They've taught me to care, (poignant music)
to nurture, and I don't see why a simple thing like biology should get in the way of what I know in my heart to be true. - Thank you. Your witness. - That was really good direct testimony and really good open-ended questions from the lawyer, eliciting
a great narrative and some great sound
bytes from the witness. So great job with direct examination. - Bootylicious! - Yes, your Honor? - Your witness. - Yes, your Honor. Mr. Bannon, how long
have you known the boys? - Why, four years, almost half their-- - Fascinating. Tell me, Mr. Bannon, what do
you have to say about this? Sorry. - Yeah, you're not allowed in the well. - Hm, let's see. No, I tried that one already. What do you have to say about this? (electric zap)
(cries out) (sizzle) - Order, order!
(weapon bangs against desk) Mr. Birdman, you better
have a damn good explanation for this.
- I do, your Honor. A few months ago, during the Adventure of the
Sunken Safe Deposit Box, Race mysteriously became left handed, and his shoes suddenly had laces when, up till then, they'd always been slip-ons. See, the bartender that gave Race a drugged
frozen lime daiquiri during the House of Tasteful Men was the same man who, Judge,
later dinged your Lexus and drove off without exchanging
insurance information. This man created a robot Race Bannon and programmed it to get the boys. And that man, your Honor, is in this very courtroom. - Okay, putting aside the theatrics of a robot taking the
stand, that information should have come out in discovery
and not in trial itself. So if Harvey Birdman was a good lawyer, he would've discovered all
of this information months ahead of the trial itself;
that's what litigation is for. - Stenographer, read
back what I just said. - [Stenographer] Yes, um,
something about a Lexus and slip-on shoes and... - And that is totally accurate, that he could ask the stenographer, the court reporter, to read back part of the transcript in those
particular circumstances. That's really funny. - Oh, drat! This confounded machine
doesn't make any sense! - Doctor, Doctor-- - Zin. - Why was Dr. Zin the
stenographer, though? - Quickly to the Vulturecraft! - If the lawyer was complicit with the super villain's attempts
to get custody of the boys and suborned perjury and this false witness, that guy could get disbarred. God, it's so good! I love Harvey Birdman. I hope you guys like this 'cause I'd love to do another episode of this. (bright, jaunty instrumental music) It is time to give Harvey
Birdman, Attorney at Law a grade for legal realism. (gavel bangs repeatedly) So on the one hand, you have
some pretty good trial tactics: good direct examination, reasonable cross examination tactics, and some testimony that
was actually relevant to the question at hand, which you actually don't
see all that often. On the other hand, you have
an abbreviated time frame that is totally unrealistic,
you've got superheroes and superpowers going
off in the courtroom, and some totally ridiculous
nonsense with some robots and testimony. But all in all, I have to say this is one of the more accurate cartoons
when you give it a discount for trying to be a
comedy and a kid's show. So I will give Harvey Birdman,
Attorney at Law a B plus for legal accuracy. You can really feel the power of attorney. (pulsating electronic noises)
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