You know when you order things online late
at night and then you forget and then they arrive in the post? Well I did that the other night. This just arrived, this is a wig which I ordered
online and a couple of wig caps. Now I tried wearing wigs a couple of years
ago when I started getting alopecia, I just wanted to experiment and play around a little
bit and wigs I don't think suit me but I also don't think I knew what I was doing (I still
don't know what I'm doing at all and I've watched a lot of RuPaulâs drag race and
if you want advice on how to wear wigs you should always speak to drag queens because
they know best), and also because I have external dysplasia I overheat, my body can't control
its own temperature, so if my body temperature rises I cook on the inside and then I pass
out, so wigs are not the best for that. Anyway plus I still have about half of my
hair I think, I've definitely lost more than half of it, and I like styling my hair with
hats to cover the baldness and stuff so I just haven't really experimented with wigs
very much but apparently the other night I felt the urge to purchase a wig, so let's
try this wig on and see if it's ridiculous. I think the thing with wigs is that you need
to style them, you often need to cut them to fit your your face shape and as I said
(sorry that's probably a lot of rustling) I'm not very good with that but let's give
it a go. Wig caps have to be one of the least flattering things in the
history of the world. Something that I think people don't realize
as well is that wigs are quite uncomfortable to wear, you know, but they're fun to play
around with. Wigs often come with names but this one doesn't
I'm not sure what we should call her⌠I'm I don't know, suggestions welcome in the
comments section down below. See this is what I mean by needing to style
them, so the bangs are really, really, really long so you can cut them to whatever length
you want them to be and then you can work out how to make them work with the hairline
because you want the hairline to look as natural as possible. I don't think this particularly suits me,
actually, going very blonde which is hilarious because I used to be very blonde when I was
young. Iâm also not sure that I suit bangs at all. I mean also the thing with wigs is that they
look more natural if you're wearing a hat, this is also not a high quality wig, this
is a synthetic wig, so human hair wigs definitely look more believable but this would be fun
I suppose more for just dressing up purposes, having a bit of a laugh, not something that
I would wear on an everyday basis but as I said I probably wouldn't wear a wig on an
everyday basis anyway, and given that they look more realistic if you're wearing a hat
and I wear hats anyway then⌠I don't know âŚwhy did I buy this wig? I'm not sure. Also because now this is so much hair I feel
like I don't look like me at all not just because of the colour but because I am not
used to having loads of hair anymore; this is how much hair I used to have, Hermione
levels of hair, and now I have very obviously very thin hair because I've lost most of it
but yeah I don't think I'm convinced about this but I'll keep it in my wardrobe for a
rainy day. I cut the fringe but now I feel like I should
be in Wayneâs World so I don't think that made any better. Or maybe with a woolly hat, is that better? I think that might be better, perhaps one
to keep for the winter months giving that we're moving into summer but I think it can
be rectified. It's a few days later. I've thought some more about the wig which
actually you can see up there it looks like a quite flat cat, I need to find somewhere
safe to put it. I think when I was experimenting with wigs
last time I really wanted something that would make me pass as someone who didn't have hair
or something that didn't look like a wig and I just don't really care about that anymore,
you can spend a lot of money on human hair wigs that look like human hair and they're
amazing and I know that so many people, especially with total alopecia, who really value that
and I completely get that but I think for me I think I just want them to be a bit of
fun and therefore having a blonde wig which is⌠I know I'm not that blonde anymore but I used
to be really blonde⌠it's perhaps too close to what I may have looked like if I hadn't
lost my hair and I think that is the dis association that I'm getting with myself when I look at
it and I'm like âwell, it's just it's trying to pretend that it's my hair but I know it's
not and I don't like thatâ so instead I thought if I would like to use wigs in the
future and again just occasionally because I can't be bothered to do it every day I think
I need outrageous wigs, I think I need bright green wigs, I think I need blue wigs, rainbow
wigs, things that are very obviously not my hair and are therefore just a bit of fun,
something that I can play around with in a fashion accessory sense like I do with my
hats, so I have ordered this pinkish purple hair and this green bob and I'm quite excited
to try those on so if those arrive before I finish filming this vlog then I will include
them and if not I'll show you in another video soon. Anyway that's wig chat. I don't even think that I introduced this
video this is a reading vlog hi we just started talking about wigs, we're about five minutes
into it, I haven't talked about books yet it's going to be a bookish video. Yesterday I finished reading Gargoyles by
Harriet Mercer which is this book here bright orange and this I was reading for disability
readathon Harriet refers to her herself as a as a tourist into the world of illness and
disability. She had a life-threatening condition that
struck her six weeks after her 40th birthday and meant that she spent several months in
hospital, so she's talking about the distance between âŚ.where do you sit in the realm
of illness from that point of view? Because she still has this condition. which is monitored, but it doesn't really
affect her as much on a day-to-day basis anymore, anyway, I thought this book was fantastic,
I'll talk about it in my wrap-up but I finished reading it yesterday because last night I
was chairing an event with Harriet with Portobello books in Edinburgh, obviously not inp-person
because Edinburgh is very far away from where I am and the times that we live in but it
was really fun to share and it was online and they are going to be uploading that q&a
to YouTube, I'm not sure if it will be available by the time this video goes up but I will
link their channel in the description box down below and you can go and have a look
if you would like to check that out. Now, because I've been reading lots of books
for disability readathon and as a disabled person that is, as Nicole over at Books from
Bed said, âemotionally expensiveâ, I really love I love that phrase; I would have probably
said âemotionally exhaustingâ but I think emotionally expensive is more accurate. I need something as a bit of a break from
the intensity of reading about disabled experiences which I love doing and is really important
but as a disabled person it's a lot to live that, advocate (which I do in my job as well)
and then also consume to advocate more, so I need a little bit of a break and I'm going
to be reading Beneath the Skin by Nicci French, a Nicci French book that I haven't read yet,
slightly disappointed to see the size of the text, the text is so small but I have read
the first 30 pages this morning and I'm already sucked in, already really enjoying, it's written
in quite a conversational way, it's split between three different characters, we're
reading the point of view of Zoe at the moment and it's set during the summer in London on
Holloway Road which is not that far from where I live and thinking about London in the sweltering
heat when you're getting on transport, oh the memories of those times, it says âit
was hot but that might give the wrong impression. It may make you think of the Mediterranean
and deserted beaches and long drinks with colourful paper parasols dangling out of them. It's nothing like that. The heat was like a big, fat, old, smelly,
mangy, greasy, farty, dying dog that had settled down on london at the beginning of June and
hadn't moved for three horrible weeks.â I feel that, I feel it in my soul. Also yesterday a pre-order of mine arrived
which I am quite excited about so this is Lonely Castle in the Mirror, I mean this cover
is stunning this is by Mizuki Tsujimura and it's translated from the Japanese by Philip
Gabriel and the blurb says âwould you share your deepest secrets to save a friend? In a tranquil neighbourhood of Tokyo, seven
teenagers wake to find their bedroom mirrors are shining. At a single touch, they are pulled from their
lonely lives to a wondrous castle filled with winding stairways, watchful portraits and
twinkling chandeliers. In this new sanctuary, they are confronted
with a set of clues leading to a hidden room where one of them will be granted a wish. But there's a catch: if they don't leave the
castle by five o'clock, they will be punished. As time passes, a devastating truth emerges:
only those brave enough to share their stories will be saved. I just think that sounds really, really intriguing
today. In work I'm going to film a video, my editor
is taking my new children's books into an acquisition meeting next week and me being
the over-pleasing over-achieving disabled child that I am still inside, she asked if
I would write a few paragraphs so that she could present it to the rest of the team but
I think if I film a video about it and talk about it then that may be more useful in general
and then I can read it out and they can listen to the text. It's always exciting when new books are potentially
happening (touchwood), there is an illustrator that we would love to work with and that may
be happening and if everything goes ahead then it will be out autumn next year, so fingers
crossed. I'm going to do that and then I am going to
go to Mr M's mum's garden, she lives very close to us, right next to us and she's asked
if I will take some photos of her garden because her garden is looking really beautiful at
the moment, all of the tulips are out and it's lovely, so I thought as I'm taking my
camera to her garden to take some photos. I'll do a little montage showing you her lovely
garden because don't we love seeing spring images? I will check back in with you with bookish
things after I've done all of those things. The green wig arrived and I feel like a marvel
character so I need suggestions below what my superpower should be please, this is fun,
I quite like it. Lola has been very diligently âŚwhat are
you doing? Very diligently watching me make a lemon meringue
pie which you can't really see because of the oven door. What? Are you cross because I haven't given you
any of it? You can't have lemon meringue pie. I don't even think you would like it, Lola. [Lola snorts] Sorry was that snort to disagree with me? so wig number three, secretly a unicorn. I finished listening to the Dead Ground by
Claire McGowan last night which is the second in the Paula McGuire series and I still don't
know how I feel about it. With the first two when I started listening
to them I thought these are really good, they're compelling, I'm enjoying the plot, I like
the characters because there are reoccurring characters throughout this series but there's
a bit of drama between them that there are too many misunderstandings. I know you have to have misunderstandings
in books but when characters could really sort something out very quickly and they don't
and that miscommunication stretches across two books that's just really, really infuriating
and in both cases the result of the mystery hasn't been entirely satisfying, it relies
on putting the main character, a woman, in danger both instances that has happened and
I find that a little bit boring and then she has to be rescued feels a little bit tropey
but I still also get swept up in it and each of them ends on a cliff-hanger and I think
well, maybe, I should try the next one then? And it reminds me of when I was watching the
tv show the Stranger, which let's face it we all watched because it has Richard Armitage
in it, that was the reason that we kept watching, but I would like the time back that I spent
watching that series because I've never seen Lost but it felt like Lost from what I've
heard people say about it in that's itâs so fascinating in the beginning so many loose
ends that you hope are going to get tied up and then there is no satisfying resolution
and you just think âwhy have I invested my life into this?â so I'm worried that
this crime series is going to feel like that the longer on that it goes. I may try the third one but I have had a recommendation
of a crime series from someone who says it really reminds them of Frieda Klein so I've
started listening to the first one of that let me grab my phone so I can tell you what
it is okay⌠it is Someone Else's Skin by Sarah Hillary and I really love the narrator
I think that she's great I mean I've only listened to half an hour of it but so far
so good and I will I will let you know as I read more. I find it rather funny that I started this
vlog 10 days ago having bought a blonde wig online half-asleep at midnight and not knowing
if I wanted to keep it, not that you can really return wigs but you know what I mean. I wasnât sure that Iâd made a good decision
and it is, as I said, ten days later and I now own five wigs and Iâm having a great
time. Iâm not going to wear them every day but
itâs been fun to play around with them, fun to accessorise, to think about, just play,
itâs been fun to play. This is not as I said about passing for someone
who doesnât have her loss itâs just about playing around with stuff and having a bit
of fun which I kind of feel like I havenât had an awhile, so thatâs been nice. Iâve also found them more comfortable/less
uncomfortable to wear than last time I tried; probably because I have much less hair now. It was probably very uncomfortable before
because I felt a lot of pressure cramming my hair under it. Even though it is more comfortable than then,
the overheating things still stands but itâs not hot in the UK yet so itâs fine. I was looking up there because I thought someone
might shout at me and tell me to take care of the wigs, because I left one up there another
clip, donât worry, I have packaged them away safely, Iâm taking care of my hairy
children, especially this hairy child, she is the most important child, sheâs been
sitting in the sun over there, I donât think sheâs that happy that Iâve just pulled
her out of the sunshine, do you want to go back to the patch of sun? Sheâs like a cat. I havenât finished any more books since
I last talk to you but I have read 2/3 of this Nicci French book. I donât think that I wouldâve bought this
book is it wasnât by Nicci French just going by the blurb, I bought it because I love them
and I trust him, the back says that itâs about three women who are being stalked by
one man, the women donât know each other, this man is sending them threatening letters
saying he wants to kill them and male violence against women is hard to escape in crime books
which I completely get because itâs life, but itâs the way that itâs written about
often in crime books, it feels gratuitous, often romanticised even, sometimes you donât
hear from the women very often, often a woman is killed, a detective comes in then youâre
with the police trying to solve the the crime. In this book you are with these women, youâre
inside the heads, its first person, you spend time with these women one at a time. Firstly Zoe, second one is Jenny, I havenât
read Nadiaâs section yet and these women are written so complexly and I loved all of
their interactions they had with people that they know. Nicci French (husband and wife writing duo)
are so good at writing friendships but also just groups of people, social dynamics, dinner
parties is one of their specialities, they are so great at setting the scene and making
people feel really believable. And what this book does is really examine
patriarchy, itâs looking at all of the relationships with these women have with men in their lives,
not just the man whoâs writing them these letters, but the way the men in general treat
them and how toxic that is in some cases, how dismissive it is (which is also toxic),
some of the men in their lives are very dismissive of the fact that they getting these horrible
letters, they think itâs not a big deal they donât understand how unsafe these women
feel walking around London at night, they donât understand the things that these women
are thinking about on a daily basis, they trivialise the violence and I think that makes
this book⌠it takes his book to another level, itâs not a crime book where⌠it
doesnât feel like, to me, like theyâre exploiting peopleâs experiences for a good
plot. I appreciate theyâre also trying to write
a good plot but they are saying so much more than that. I am really enjoying this and I will speak
about it more in my wrap-up as obviously I donât know the ending of this book yet and
crime thrillers often do heavily rely on ending is whether or not I would recommend it but
so far 2/3 of the way through I would very much recommend it. I am going to disappear now. Iâm going to edit this vlog and upload it. I am going to be making a video this week
which kind of ties in a little bit with my discussion of wigs but I want to talk about
disfigurement and disability and the world right now and going back out into the world
a little bit and what that feels like. I got my second vaccination 10 days ago now,
so in a few daysâ time once that vaccinations kicks in, it takes a couple of weeks to be
at the highest amount of immunity that you can get from the vaccinations, Iâm going
to my hospital appointment in person again which Iâm really thankful for and very much
looking forward to that. It does mean getting on the tube et cetera
which I havenât done for over a year. Anyway I just have general thoughts about
the way disability is being viewed at the moment and I would like to have a sit down
and a chat later this week about that, so thatâs what Iâm going to do then but Iâm
going to stop talking for now and I hope that you all are doing well, I will speak to you
very soon. I love you very much. Bye!
