r/Comedycemetery | PHONE BAD BOOK GOOD

a British B versus a USB how I get it [Music] what's up guys and welcome back to ma my name is Damian and today we're looking through our slash comedy cemetery glass coffins will they be popular remains to be seen I like that that's a cute little double entendre huge coke finding ocean now I know why that sea turtle had a plastic straw on its nose hey how about that fellas throws got a cocaine addiction that's funny you are beautiful go to hell you're really powerful go to hell you can lead the Avengers really go to hell every time I'm on the escalator I'll be like oh well free shoe cleaning service can't own desk escalator I laughed way too hard at this mango mein going man going thank God small youtuber PewDiePie just started dating an Italian girl I don't think this is a real tweet that doesn't look like the Twitter font if I've ever seen it and I'm on Twitter a lot you told me a lie here in an explorer when you drove your pie to school and put your kids in the oven relatable yeah why am i right okay so it's a coffee cup are you some sort of the you know foam cup that gives you a nose in Voldemort's just like shut up and take my money spider-man homecoming Annabelle comes home oh hell no spider-man far from home get me away from that wacky scary doll Facebook I know everybody Wikipedia I know everything Google I have everything internet without me you three on nothing electricity brah please son one day you will be man dad I'm already 24 but you still play pub G chicken dinners how driven I'll defend your answer and sir Sarge I don't know how much longer we can hold them he totally nailed it I have a 1:30 appointment witch doctor no I want the regular doctor get out of my clinic just go just get out of here so choosing male or female gender cyberpunk 2077 players will select a body type and void well that's kind of cool there better be an attack helicopter that's an old joke that's why it's the comedy cemetery I got the good stuff hit me up don't crap wrong person what is that but my science project okay hey hey lmao huh the passengers when a baby enters the plane why would you get the one smiling guy there I don't like that boobs legendary armor nein nein nein wait nein value its boobs but numbers bouncy bouncy bouncy fun fun fun fun - 50 - male intelligence look but don't touch okay hmm I say 7:03 to threes 703 to three sorry the winning numbers are 4 8 1 9 5 and he just goes absolutely destroys or with a bat and now it's prison number seven oh three two three she what if she really was a psychic my day is crap what's wrong be a frozen burnt my pizza and girlfriend's pregnant you just can't pull anything out on time can you I'll bring ya I'll bring you a baby shower - this is your captain I got some good news we are going to occupy every newspapers front page tomorrow Wow really you mean it home I love chicken why didn't you say it is when I was alive epic hey you owe me child support I'm gonna need some proof so bad it's so the they're getting pity laughs at any but they're so just disappointingly bad so a Lego plus a thumbtack put that through there oh is it cuz like you stub your toe on the table leg of the table when I ain't gonna stub your toe on the Lego on the leg of the table like look I know I'm the devil and all but chill a girl in my class asked how do you see if lion is male or female throw stone towards it if he runs it's a male if she runs it's a female that's simple simple question simple answer nobody is perfect but my crush is perfect so my crush is nobody nobody loves me my crush loves me dad tell me a joke coochie I don't get it I know you don't I me Dad bro yesterday I was with a girl and suddenly the electricity went off did you use that opportunity yeah of course I ate repeat what a fiend do you feel dominated by your wife no he doesn't I answer for him he doesn't know how to speak for himself why do humans have different blood groups so that mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors I'm going to detention okay all right mom dad what I got a girl pregnant you what just kidding I failed my chemistry test oh thank god I protect the owner with my life I think I blind people I can eliminate bad guys and find drugs my foot scared me awake and that's okay that's okay little guy she's losing a lot of soda do something dr. pepper now I have to tell them I only have a PhD in deliciousness soda truth was revealed dr. pepper only had a doctorate in theoretical physics come out for some free headphones definitely but how did you know my name is phones hmm chop chop forward backward forward tsunami oh you do that too it's my favorite thing to do in the tub bath time piss off I'm busy way too boy cocaine am I the only one that thinks this iceberg is sexy I'd hit it we know you would you don't need to tell us girls at five years old boys at five years old girls at 13 boys at 13 girls at 20 boys at 20 why is it always the PlayStation I was a Nintendo kid growing up send memes fourteen-year-old girls right intellectuals ah mess it's like speed speed and Smith's grandpa tell us to get about your fall from the third floor that's kind of cute Bruce do you think we're alone in the universe you're from outer space oh right at a restaurant would you like a table no not at all I can't eat on the floor carpet for five please you smoking weed god damn brought you high as hell dad I'm lesbian honey and lesbian - what the hell is that anyone who loves men in the house I do son free books or free Wi-Fi and everyone is cramming and scrambling for that door idiots out of the room with the free books and use the free Wi-Fi there 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash Bob Hope and Steve Jobs now we have no cash hope and no jobs please do not let Kevin Bacon die I don't want to live in a world without bacon you told me you were on the pill I am for fleas not these and now I have a whole litter of kittens to take care of Steve Jobs Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates all left school but if I love school I'm working at Mickey D's if I stay in school Mickey D's bad news Snoopy brought a dog food I've taken the liberty of bringing you some cat food instead meow that's the right idea snoop stir like when you see it I'll give you a hint there are not Family Guy double-tap if you get it get it it's the P piece three stoners looking at each other I don't like that you imply the Homer Simpson smokes weed I don't think he would do that he's a good man you know he's like he's a good he's a good non drug smoking man Peter on the other hand he's a good smoking man and me well I'm not gonna disclose anything but Peter and I had a lot in common Peter stopping into the room I hate everything Tony what I went to a spider-man look like contest and they lost to Deadpool's Doctor Strange because he spits out his T husband complained why his wife was not losing weight even after going to the gym for six months so the manager sent him this picture yeah she's going to the gym but is she going to the gym nah love is in the air false nitrogen oxygen argon and carbon dioxide are in the air I hate it when those memes were things like the party pooper meme dude to see her husband's reaction a woman wrote on the paper to see her husband's reaction a woman wrote on a paper I left I'm not coming back hidden under the bed the woman waited for her husband to arrive he walked into the room saw the paper wrote something on the paper and put himself to sing all satisfied five minutes later he took his cell phone and called someone I'm going now the other nuts gun I'm on my way remember I love you so much he took the car and left mad in anger the woman comes out under the bed and reads what he wrote I can see your feet and went for bread stop being stupid and make dinner lol true love let's declare August 23rd is the official nice day 69 days till spook Tober 2019 and 420 days till xmas eve 2020 you know I'm something of a mathematician myself nice we wanted to try this new method of execution 30 FPS gameplay they used to play on 30 fps now I play on 144 and that's a game-changer wait wait 3.14 is PI but that flipped around and mirrored is PI mind blown I can tell someone about this your wiener is probably the size of a tic tac well no wonder your mom's breath smells so fresh god oh the number after you upvote is which Morty you are well I don't know are you a planet Morty parent Morty mentally disabled Morty not amused Morty suspicious Morty evil Morty shocked Morty unsure Morty really mad Morty or harassed Morty the last number of your like will tell you it's like this is a call to action like the video epic the story of mr. bean versus Einstein I would give you a question and you'll give me a question as well if you can't answer my question you'll give me one dollar and if I can't answer your question we'll give you $1,000 okay wait Einstein gives mister being a hard question mr. bean gives a dollar to Einstein okay your turn what is the animal that has four legs that when he crosses the street he only has two legs and when he goes back he has five legs Einstein thinking very hard I give up I can't answer that Einstein gives mister being $1,000 animals that mr. beam mr. beam gives $1 dance done get outplayed Einstein good morning class I'm your substitute teacher mr. Borst sir the sub and substitute doesn't stand for the sandwich sub should have been attention teaches school I can't even return the coaster because I'm painting it too much oh my god is this what it's like to have a crush on a teacher heck if I know wow so we got a bunny we got something oh that's bunny bunny poop is round are you suggesting Nesquik cereals bunny poop Oh like that if girls were pilots hello control tower this is flight 365 we have a problem now what's the problem nothing please tell us what's the problem nah leave it tell us please I'm fine you wouldn't understand a hue maniac mad girl there's a hundred and eighty passengers aboard and plane yeah nobody cares for me you also only care for those 180 passengers I don't want to talk to you no why are you sleeping in class your voice is so sweet ma'am that's why I fall asleep then why aren't other sleeping because they're not listening to you but I am and you love me right to beddy-bye if olive oil is made from olives what is baby oil made of oh my god I gotta tell someone about this someone we know is possessed by an owl who no imaginative trees gave off Wi-Fi signals we'd be planting so many trees we'd probably save the planet too bad they only produce the oxygen we breathe useless nine-year-olds the play fortnight real men that played Minecraft like for Minecraft ignore for fortnight you heard the man push if that doesn't work pool if that doesn't work we must be closed savage how does it savage hits blunt first you learn to read then you read to learn damn now I'm not saying that us was right but I understand and this is California traffic indignant yeah I remember California traffic was god-awful I don't blame them and the most savage selfie award goes to ha look at all these ducks in chickens look at him again oh crap I dropped my phone dog crap got the dinosaurs I have three sides the quiet sweet side the funning crazy side and the side you never want to see a wife asks her husband could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados get six a short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk the wife asks why don't you buy six cartons of milk he said they had avocados way he did what he was asked dad guy at school he was calling me gay plug him in the face son but dad he's so cute son hey want to hear a joke yeah sure spider-man trilogy we don't get it exactly are you ready doing makeup wait you don't need makeup honey oh really yeah you mean plastic surgery in that savage turned me over you just took orders from a rock are you stoned yeah little 2015 how did drugs feel like 21 30 why are unicorns and like Chinn oh my god are dumb humans are Navy again oh my god she has only two nipples pads nothing he's got his tail on the wrong way so weird don't talk when I'm teaching don't teach what I'm talking like a boss oh you writing me up for that one okay all right grandma said in her day she did three times the work you do today in grandma's day that he had cocaine in the sodas so I would not be surprised who's your favorite celebrity Tom Holland favorite actor Tom Holland favorite meme Tom Holland favorite person who's not Tom Holland Peter Parker who's that Tom Holland I'm obsessed I'm what you call a Stan and that brings us the end of our slash comedy cemetery and if you like the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from m'kay and as always I'll be seeing ya [Music]

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Views: 4,807,536

Rating: 4.9314747 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/comedycemetery best posts, r/comedycemetery top posts, comedy cemetery, reddit comedy cemetery, comedy heaven, reddit comedy heaven, comedy heaven emkay, r/comedyheaven emkay, comedy heaven top posts, comedy heaven best posts, r/comedycemetery emkay, reddit funny, emkay, comedy cemetery emkay

Id: E_GGBxRT-9s

Length: 14min 20sec (860 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 10 2019