Ranty vlog 1 - Feeling isolated and on my own

when I did the London Marathon a couple of months ago a month ago whenever it was the thing that got me most of all was the crowd everyone everyone was together you know every sort of um age race everyone to sit together supporting and cheering and on the same team and uh that was really overwhelming and all these people cheering for you everyone everyone who was on your team hmm what really got me was did the kids these kids would what they were cheering your name and everyone everyone was was was willing you to to come on and like the last few miles remember they were really hard but everyone was strangers strangers were looking at you and really really wanting you to succeed and I was just extraordinary and I just can understand why it can't be like that all the time now when you experience something in it you know it's so good they the Collins I can't be there all the time do you know I mean is it I can't stop thinking about and then since the marathon living in London there's been all these just constant stabbings and killings constant every day in the news there's a spate at the moment of killing and you look at the pictures of these these people and and and the people that did it and the same people that you know what I mean this stood there up on the same team and then suddenly what I just I just I just don't understand I mean maybe it's just me but I've never felt the worlds so [ __ ] fragmented as it is right now I look in the you know the moment we've got the election coming up and how understand I mean again at the understand the current government [Music] just has to go on the street walk the streets of London to see how many people are on the streets or not well maybe it's my job you know I visit mental health services I see what the men how many people being failed and you're just like why not because today I saw I mean it's gonna be a sort of well looks like it's gonna be an overwhelming majority you're gonna vote for the government to stay in and it's like what and look at the media and the media though I'm not using the things like Twitter and I'll check in the news as much I don't care that Donald Trump I'm sad the tapes his tie I remember ever seeing that come up on Twitter one day and I was like and I was started looking through that the news I was oh why am I looking at pictures of Donald [ __ ] Tom drums tie being sanitized that the media constantly dividing people and and tearing I don't know why can't I can't Norma he sent I'm ABC missus me that feels more separate than ever before to the world first the world and beep around I'm coming more and more it's just me I'm becoming more more an island maybe we all know maybe I am and I have to be okay with that he's getting harder and harder to be around you I maybe is mine my head but people I feel like people are looking at me nice I mean when when we so you know I have meetings and I have events and people people will look at other people like in conversation I'll be there with someone else and they'll always look at that person maybe there's something in me maybe there's something on me that people I'm feeling more separate to people and maybe people are feeling more separate to me and as I said maybe I just after being island and it really been Island because anything making sense either I just see I just know it contained I could change hit by car I want hi tonight hi this is really it's going on too long it's been difficult yeah losing my uncle and my grandma and having my relapse and there I'm not feeling lost I've got this thing of my own where I'm I'm obsessed with words happens and all the switches in my house so doesn't matter how many times I look at them and I stare at him when I play with them so the taps and the switches are switched off doesn't matter how many times it's something where something in my head when I leave the room it's like you've got to go back in check and I've had that before but never to this extent it's driving me mad so I'm taking a break I'm taking a break I'm going away taking it away trying to figure it all out and don't hate anyone I just want everyone to hear beings I found these you know when when you are there are moments when I found peace when I touched peace of mind and when you find peace of mind and you find love you want everyone to find peace of mind and you want everyone to find love I just see so much suffering so much people lashing out at each other so much fighting when it's all about what's within and I'm rambling yeah I'm not I'm gonna try to figure out it never ends it never ends the way the we found and then there's a another meander in it uh-huh another challenge or something you have to overcome it never ends but I can and I will I just want to be able to I really love myself I just accept myself and not need to be not but other than accepted by others and just trust myself and just and that's the journey that I'm on more than anything else and this has been a real ramble and I'm really I'm really gonna stop now and thank you thank you

Channel: Jonny Benjamin 1

Views: 2,296

Keywords: isolated, isolation, lonely

Id: WZ065rUcln8

Length: 13min 59sec (839 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 10 2017