I (24F) and my fiancé (25M) are moving into
a small 3 bedroom house together in a couple of months. I had never had my own room growing
up and share a room with a roommate in my current living situation to save up money.
I always felt the need to share and felt guilty when I wanted to be alone in my room but couldn't
since someone else was there. The only time I had a room all to myself was when my roommate
or sibling was away. Even so, I didn't feel like I truly had a room to myself. When discussing the use for one of the spare
rooms in our soon to be house, I mentioned wanting to turn it into a bedroom for myself
when I want to be alone. My fiancé was confused and said he wanted to use the spare room for
an at home gym instead. The other spare room will be an office for when my fiancé needs
to work from home. I argued that he already has a claim over one of the spare rooms and
I should be allowed to use the other one for myself. I told him that I was looking forward
to having a space all to myself, where I can be alone when I want, and am the only person
that has access to. He argued that the point of moving in together was to share everything
with each other and not just coexist in the same space. He said he would change his mind on wanting
a gym if we agreed to turn the second room into a guest bedroom that both of us can use
when we want to be in our own space. I feel like I would still be sharing. If I have a
room to myself to use and he wants to be alone at times, I can just go into my own room,
and give him the space he wants. We would be splitting expenses 50/50 so I don't think
I am being that unreasonable. AITA for wanting to have my own room? I (45F) had my daughter,
CJ (now 28F) when I was 17 years old. Her father did not stick around and we really
struggled for a bit. Even when I graduated college, I had a bunch of student loan debt
as well as juggling rent, food and other expenses. CJ never lacked necessities, but I admit she
didn't get a lot of material possesions. I would try to save up as much as possible to
make Christmas and birthdays as fun as possible, but she didn't get much else throughout the
year and we only went on 2 vacations total in her childhood. We definitely ate a lot
of struggle meals and had to move often. We honestly teetered on the poverty line. When CJ was 17, I was finally debt free, got
a promotion at work and was doing much better. I did start to give her things throughout
the year. I used my bonus to take her to Disney World-somewhere she always wanted to go but
couldn't. It was nice that after years of struggling, I could spoil her a little. She went off to college and in this time,
I met my husband "Matthew". We got married and now have 2 kids together, "Jack" (5M)
and "Melissa" (6F). With our combined incomes, we live quite comfortably. I admit, Jack and
Melissa have gotten a lot more than CJ did at that age. I've certainly never left her
out. She's always invited on our trips (we pay), I get her random gifts throughout the
year, birthdays and Christmases are bigger. I'm trying to make it as even as I can, but
I know it realistically never will be. CJ first pointed out the discrepancy a couple
of years ago we took the kids to Disney (CJ went with us). I sat CJ down and apologized
for her childhood. I said I wish I had been in a better place when she was their age,
I know I can never truly make up for it, etc. I said I know it'll take time for her to heal
from that. I thought that was it, but since then, CJ
has constantly complained whenever her siblings get anything. I'm always super sensitive to
her feelings, validate them etc. But things came to a head recently, on Jack's birthday.
Instead of a party, he opted to see the off-broadway production of Frozen. We as always, invited
CJ to come along, as well as her fiance. The whole night, she was pouting and seemed upset.
I tried talking to her but she brushed it off. We went to dinner after the show. Jack
and Melissa were excitedly talking about it. CJ then butted in "You know what I got for
my 5th birthday, Jack? A Barbie from the dollar store." The kids didn't really see the big deal, but
the adults at the table understood. I was civil the rest of the meal but later called
CJ and told her what she did was unacceptable. I cannot continuously apologize for her upbringing
and she can't throw it in my face. I asked if she wanted me to give her siblings less,
simply because she did. She said no, but that she can bring it up whenever she wants and
she'll continue to do so. I said I was disappointed and hung up. Later, CJ sent me a very long
text, telling me I was a horrible mother. AITA? I (M22) recently suffered a TBI and
I have developed prosopagnosia (face blindness). I am able to vaguely recognize my immediate
family, but it’s near impossible for me to recognize anyone else unless I remember
other distinctive cues about their appearance (such as a unique hair color or accessory.) This has been really hard on me, and I’ve
been hospitalized for the past two weeks (for other medical reasons related to my TBI).
I texted my girlfriend (F21) to explain my condition to her and linked her some articles
on it. She insisted on visiting me since she hadn’t seen me since I was hospitalized. When she came into my room, I wasn’t sure
whether she was my cousin (my cousin had planned on visiting too), a nurse, or my girlfriend.
She didn’t say anything to introduce herself, so I asked her “can you tell me who you
are?” When she replied, I could hear that she was
extremely mad and I recognized her voice as my girlfriend’s. She said “are you f***ing
for real? You don’t recognize me?” I told her that I physically cannot recognize her,
and she started crying about how that means she wasn’t important enough to recognize
and a whole lot of other stuff. I was honestly hurt that she was upset with
me over a medical condition that I recently acquired and am struggling with. This has
changed the entire course of my life and caused me so much emotional pain already, not to
mention the other trauma I sustained from my accident. If she had read my explanation I texted her
or the articles I sent she would understand that my ability to recognize her has nothing
to do with my care for her. She got upset at me for not apologizing to her, but I refused
and told her to leave me alone and go home. AITA? Recently my GF moved in with me a couple
of months ago into my home due to her being on bad terms with her parents. Living with
her as been a little bit of a struggle because she's a very messy person. She leaves her
clothes everywhere on the floor & on the bed. Can't be bothered to fold or hang up her clothes
in the closet. I swear she uses our bed as a closet. She sometimes brings food into the
room & doesn't throw it away. even worse she sometimes puts the garbage under the bed so
I don't complain about it. I don't even want to get started on what the
bathroom looks like, I had to start using the guest bathroom I understand that having depression can make
it harder for someone to take care of themselves & their environment. But I feel like there
is a limit to where you're just using it as an excuse to just do whatever & not care . Especially
when you're living in someone's else home. I keep telling her to clean up after herself
& that I'm tired of cleaning up after a grown woman & she always responds with that she
has depression & ADHD. Which I don't see how that's an excuse. You have depression, sure.
How does that make you leave garbage everywhere & be a slob? I don't get it. You're an adult.
Act like it. She got angry & accused me of not giving a
f*** about what she is going through & called be an Unsympathetic moron. Apparently I'm
not being supportive & understanding of her mental health because I have a problem with
her treating my house like it's a garbage dump. Am I the a****** here? I feel like I was overly
harsh because I probably could've addressed this issue in a friendlier way, but after
many attempts of trying to get her to be more clean & pick up after herself, I just had
enough. I'm blessed to be marrying the love of my life. My engagement
party was booked at an upscale restaurant, and prior to the day I sat my sister down
and told her that I wanted the party to be focused on the wedding and to please not go
above and beyond to take photos for her social media page. I might get flack for this part, but my sister
is trying really hard to become famous online. I've never said anything to her because she's
an adult and this is her life, but for my wedding I really didn't want her to pull any
of her antics. Because she doesn't just take a few photos
to post. She's the embarrassing (IMO) caricature of the perpetually online influencer. She'll
order two dishes at a restaurant: one to take photos of because it's prettier, and the second
to actually eat. She's stopped traffic before to take outfit photos in the street. She's
also staged "fake" things to post online (one time she started crying in a Starbucks and
made a fake store up about how the barista bullied her). I want to make it clear that I did not bar
my sister from taking photos. I just didn't want her doing something that would embarrass
me. Everything was ok, until she literally stood
on top of her chair to take a top down photo of her meal. Everyone was staring and in shock,
and a waiter had to come and ask her to sit down. She refused to, and started to loudly
argue with the waiter, saying that she was the sister of the bride, and then started
to loudly sob that she was getting bullied. I was mortified and immediately had the groomsmen
escort her out of the room. She's since blasted me on social media calling me an AH for not
handling the situation with more "grace and empathy". She says that I could have given
her a warning instead of kicking her immediately out. I was kind of panicking so I wonder if
I could have handled it better. My (27F) older brother and SIL (both mid 30's) just welcomed
their first child a year and a half ago, after YEARS of trying. After many failed attempts,
SIL was told that she wouldn't be able to conceive due to a medical condition she has,
they finally got pregnant. Since having my niece, the baby has been the
center of attention at EVERY family even we've had since she was born. Birthday's, wedding's,
family get togethers, you name it. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE my niece, but it can get
to be a little too much when my SIL goes on and on about how long they tried to conceive,
complications they've had, miscarriages they've had etc. Like a little TOO much info. Many
family members have commented on how it's a little bit excessive, but no one has said
anything because they don't want to sound like an AH. Anyway I'm getting married in the spring and
my brother and SIL approached me last weekend about having my niece be the flower girl. Now my fiancé (35M) has two children (10M
and 6F) from his previous marriage. His son is one of his groomsmen while his daughter
had asked to be our flower girl when we told them the news that we were getting married
a year ago, as it's something she always wanted to do, so of course we said yes. So I explained this to my SIL when she asked
me about my niece. She asked if my step daughter can just carry my niece with her? I said I
don't think she'd be comfortable with that considering she's 6. She then asked why I can't give that role
to my niece, and allow herself to carry my niece down as the flower girl? I said no because
I already promised my step daughter. She then starting going off about how my lack
of effort to incorporate my niece is disgusting to her. I should "honor her" in some way since
I know how long and hard they tried for my niece. Now I may sound like an AH for this but I
kind of got fed up and snapped and said "Incorporate my niece how? By the time the
wedding comes around she'll be 2 years old. The ENTIRE family already knows your story
about how long and hard you guys tried for her. What more do you expect me to do to honor
her?" She started crying and said that clearly I
don't love my one and only niece and I'm "letting her down". I said of course I love my niece,
and obviously she's going to be involved in pictures and stuff. But I'm not going to let
my step daughter down by giving my niece a role she's too young to remember anyway. Well now SIL and my brother are p***** off
with me for not letting my niece be flower girl, and are running around telling the rest
of the family I don't love my niece. My mom had been trying to stay neutral but thinks
my step daughter would understand if I explained to her I need to give that role to my niece. I'm firm in my decision though, and my fiancé
is thankful that I didn't let his daughter down. AITA for not allowing my niece to be
the flower girl? Typing this out sounds insane and I really don’t think I’m in the wrong
but I need to know. A friend invited me to a dinner party at her house a few weeks ago,
the actual dinner party was last night. I asked if I should bring anything, but she
said no, it’s not a potluck, she’ll be making dinner for everyone. There were 7 of
us total and the food was good. During the mea we were all laughing and called our friend
(dinner host) a chef cause she made a big dinner for all of us and we al said how much
we appreciated it because it’s hard to get everyone together at the same time. At the end of dinner we all help clean, was
the dishes, then have some wine. It started getting late so people started to head out,
and on our way out the dinner host said don’t forget to Venmo/cash app/ zelle her. Some
of us were confused because we had no idea what we had to send her. So I ask her “what
am I sending you money for” and she said for cooking dinner. Me: I don’t understand why we should pay? Her: because I spent my money and hosted the
dinner and cooked. Me: None of us asked you to, you volunteered
to do it and you never mentioned paying until now. Her: I didn’t do this for free Me: you should’ve told us before you hosted
that you expected this. I don’t think it’s fair to just bring this up and expect people
to pay. She called me an a****** and said again that
she didn’t spend hours to cook, grocery shop for free. I have never heard of this.
Like ever. We kept arguing and after a while I just Venmo’d her the $40 she asked for. I don’t think I’m the a****** at all and
some of my friends agree with me. Some have said it’s normal to pay for dinner during
a dinner party at someone’s house, so now I’m not sure. Edit: A lot of you have asked what she made,
and it was some salad I’ve never heard of, the main course was smoked gouda mashed potatoes
with beef short ribs. A desert I forgot the name of (I think she said she bought this
from a bakery). She also made vegan mash potatoes and vegan “ribs” for one of our friends
who is vegan. She also made (bought?) chicken skewers as the appetizer. Even though she said not to bring anything,
I brought rum cake from my local bakery. And yes, everyone brought something small. We
also had charcuterie and cheese board that two of the girls brought. Some girls brought
wine and we even had one girl bring candles to set the mood. We are in the US and none of are European.
I spoke with some of the others and although they had paid for a dinner party before, it
was discussed first. No one has ever done what this friend did which was spring an unexpected
cost on us. All of us are in our early 30s. The group chat is going crazy right now because
everyone is p***** at her. My daughter Jane recently eloped with her partner of 5 years.
My wife and I were excited when they got engaged to plan a wedding but she said she didn't
want to rush setting a date or planning a wedding. This was understandable to us and
we didn't want to rush them either, but we let her know we would contribute a set amount
to her wedding when the time came. Then last week she tells me she has an announcement
and that they actually eloped together because they decided they didn't want the big event
with all the attention on them. This was a little disappointing but we understood, she's
never been the type to want to be the spotlight so while we weren't expecting it, it wasn't
the biggest shock in the world. What did feel like a shock is when she assumed
we'd just give her that amount of cash straight up. She said they wanted to use it to take
a month long traveling sabbatical/honeymoon. My wife and I told her the money we were prepared
to give her was for a family event, not just for her to do as she pleases. If she didn't
want a traditialy wedding, thats fine but we never told her we were just giving her
say 15k for the act of getting married. We just didn't want her to have to spend a ton
of her own funds on a wedding and since relatives and family friends would have presumably been
there, we were happy to pay for it so she wouldn't have to. 2 of my nieces have gotten
married in the last couple years and its a family event to us, not just about the two
people getting married. This has caused a whole thing with her saying we went back on
our word to her but in my mind we never told her otherwise. We did say if she wants a second
ceremony/family event to celebrate but wouldn't be an official wedding, we would sponsor that. If she had asked if she eloped or had a tiny
wedding if we would give her some of it for a honeymoon, we may have considered it but
its hard to know because we were never given the request, they just went and did their
own thing (Which again is fine). AITA for not just giving her the cash we would have paid? I 24f and my bf 23m were invited
to a football draft pool party at his parents house. They had just moved to florida so everyone
flew in to drafter there players. They just bought a new house in florida and now have
a pool. His parents invited my bf and I over since
my bf is in charge of the draft and because we live in an apartment and needed a bigger
place to host the party. His dad usually hosts the party and offered to do it this past year
which we greatly appreciated. Anyways, fast forward I helped put together
a board where the guys can write their players on every round and helped my bf’s mom set
up the food. The party started and I changed into my swimsuit. I was finishing up setting
up the food with his mother when my bf asked me to come outside. He wanted me to get in
the pool. I’d like to note I was wearing a one piece that was not revealing as I wanted
to respect everyone there plus I felt more comfortable in it anyways. I have body image
issues. When I was unbuttoning my shorts his dad called
me inside. My bf’s dad and mom pulled me into their room and proceeded to tell me that
“no women are allowed in the pool” the reason is because they don’t want to distract
the men or make them uncomfortable. I was in shock and didn’t know what to say
back. It was their home after all so I just said okay and didn’t press any further.
Fast forward and my bf is asking me where I am via text and I tell him I’m inside
helping his mom still but he insisted I come outside again to talk. He tells me to get
in again and I keep telling him I don’t want to, trying no to make a scene or play
victim. He noticed my odd behavior and when I finally told him the truth he was p*****.
He told his parents they were outta line and that the “rule” was unnecessary and stupid. They still said no to me getting in the pool.
Later the next day we are going home and I brought up how I felt. I felt small, disrespected
and frankly embarrassed. I further explained that his parents were extreme inconsiderate
for invited us over and never telling us this “rule” that they suddenly made. He told
me that they are old school and I told him that they were ignorant and inconsiderate
and that I didn’t feel comfortable going over again. He told me I was being over dramatic.
AITA for not wanting to go over to my in-laws anymore? My (F45) husband (M44) has a group
of friends he occasionally has over for a day of board games- like an 8-10 hour stretch.
He goes to their houses to do the same. In the past, I was invited lots of the time,
along with other wives/girl friends. As we got older and kids came along, or for whatever
reason, I'm not invited to participate. No other partners do, either. It's probably been
about 5 or 6 years. I've known these people for more than 20 years, and I like them. I
like games, too. But whatever, it's his friend group not mine. To be clear- I am explicitly
not invited to join in. Now, when he hosts, I try to be out of the
house doing other things. When I am home, I go to a different floor of the house and
just hang out by myself. I say hi briefly when I see his friends, but I do not stick
around or have longer conversations. He asked why I am like this, with annoyance,
after the last one. He says one guy's wife is in the kitchen with them and cooks for
them most of the day (she likes doing that- it's not a weird gender role thing). Another
sits with them and chats. He says it's awkward that I don't do that and very clearly avoid
the house entirely if I can, and then that floor if I can't. From my perspective, informed by a lonely
childhood- I have absolutely no interest in hanging out around the edges of a social thing
I am not invited to. That seems so sad/pitiful/desperate. I kind of had enough of doing that sort of
thing more than 30 years ago. I am not invited. How could I possibly tell if I am an annoyance
or too much or affecting the dynamic from what they intended the dynamic to be by not
having partners there? Further, it does hurt that I had been included and now I'm not.
I really liked them and playing games. I guess that wasn't so much mutual. I am also kind
of sad that I'm not in a marriage where 'couple friends' are a thing. We're friendly to each
other's friends, but he- while entirely welcome- also isn't interested in hanging out with
my friends. Maybe that's a rare situation for people? It's not what he wants, and he
has a right to that. But I can be sad about it. He seems to think I am therefore pouting
and taking it out on him. I think if I'm not included, it's crazy that there would be a
problem with me absolutely not being there. So tell me, am I being and awkward and rude
a******? Edit: to clarify a few questions. Yes, this
has been communicated. Read the last two paragraphs like a conversation, with these words and
details exchanged, because it was. Secondly, why I'm not included is irrelevant.
It's completely acceptable to want to hang out with your friends by yourself, even in
a marriage. The change happened mainly due to ease of playing with a smaller crowd. It
sucks for me, but no one is being explicitly mean to me by not including me. Third, I have stuff I'm happy to do on my
own. I have my own friends. And while I get the nice intentions, I have no interest in
making a friend group with the sole shared commonality of "our husbands are friends!"
Or "excluded spouse spite game day". That seems extra soul-killing and sad to me for
some reason. I (40f) had jaw surgery in November, and have had my jaw wired shut ever since.
I'm mostly surviving on Ensure, blenderized soups, smoothies, and baby food. It's been
tough. During this time, I have continued to make my child's breakfast every morning,
make his lunch for school, do the grocery shopping, and make dinner most nights. Honestly,
it's torture. My husband (40) works full time, and doesn't
really feel like cooking when he gets home. I get it, but at the same time, making dinner
every night, and having to watch and smell it cook when I know I can't eat it is awful.
(And I know there are lots of ways to blend proper meals, but by the time I add enough
broth, juice, etc. to make it drinkable, it's disgusting.) The other night, I asked if he could make
dinner at least a few nights a week, and he got pretty offended. He said that since I'm
not working (I'm on medical leave), it's nice to come home to dinner being ready and not
having to rush to start it. Last night, I thought I could compromise and get all of
the ingredients prepared and ready so he could just do the actual cooking, and he was pretty
ticked off all night. Am I being unreasonable? AITA for not wanting
to cook every night? Pretty much what the title says so I'm going to keep it quick, We've chosen our first dance song. My step
sister is not at all happy because she and her ex husband also had this at their wedding,
and she said she has a lot of memories with this particular song. She asked if I could
change it, I told her I get it but this is what we want, and I don't want to change it.
She said she understood but she's been acting different around me and I could tell she was
mad/upset. Most people who know about this don't think
I'm doing anything wrong, but I had my sister and one of my friends tell me I'm being selfish
and not understanding here. AITA?
