Rageaholic Cinema: MAGNUM FORCE

this is a 44 magnum the most powerful handgun in the world and it could blow your head clean off do you feel lucky with the film is immutable at its majesty is the original Dirty Harry Hollywood came down with a rage in case of sequel itís almost for the very outset the only extant query was as follows get to ask yourself one question do I feel like it well do you punk [ __ ] this is Magnum force I couldn't be any luckier in sasha Grey's bedroom with a shitty art film stuffed down my pants [ __ ] the Terminator because Magnum force is the greatest action movie sequel of all time of all time after saving San Francisco from the only wide-eyed homicidal zealot that wasn't elected by its citizenry he's repaid as only the city by the bay truly can by being suspended busted down and ranked and relegated to stakeout which is probably for the best because otherwise he might have stopped bitching as faceless motorcycle cop guy from turning a carload of Miami Vice extras into SpaghettiOs but if there's one thing Harry cannot abide it's a corpse that isn't riddled with his bullets as such he knows it's the [ __ ] around the crime scene before being intercepted by every hard-ass movie police chief that has ever existed in life you're on loan to stakeout yeah that's right lieutenant you saw to that I just work for the city Briggs so do i I never had to take my gun out of its holster once you're a good man lieutenant good man always knows his limitations oh snap whereupon were introduced to a walking skeleton Dirty Harry's new partner by the name of early hey early want to get in on this the hell's that about oh they're probably given odds and how long you'll stay alive me and my partner are you kidding nope yeah what's your last name demise they meander on down at the airport for a burger with a side of plot device we've got to Freddy hijackers on our New York flight hijackers want an overseas pilot before they take off may I make a suggestion yeah what's it to be hairy air marshal trained SWAT team open hostage negotiation [ __ ] this will be a massacre that's right lieutenant we were lucky enough to have one of your men here he's on board now an inspector Callahan Callahan please remain seated and bring your tray tables to the upright and locked position we're about to hit some turbulence without leaving the [ __ ] ground and oh hey you remember that time Dirty Harry murdered al Qaeda excuse me captain I know this may sound silly but can you fly nope never had less you sit down after dropping some greasy mustaches Harry heads on down to the police station where he encounters his old buddy foreshadowing a cop kills a hoodlum on the street he might as well just dump the body someplace a hood can kill a cop let a cop killer hood well I depends is Al Sharpton in a five-block radius Harry hits up the shooting range to put his worries at ease and his piping-hot mind Wiener into some jasmine-scented rookie ass tell me where'd you learn to shoot not around here no no sir no airborne Rangers Special Forces well I get back on homicide I hope you boys will come see me good thank you very much do you like thank you let's go if only there were a name to describe a force that uses magnums exclusively while the rash of [ __ ] slangs I'm certain are in no way related to any of the characters we just met rages on Dirty Harry heads on back to the homestead we're evidently his mailbox isn't the only slot in dire need of stuffing yeah the cop who lives upstairs that's right mind if I ask you a question go ahead what does a girl have to do to go to bed with you now Harry it hasn't been that long since your wife died in fact we'd yet to establish if you might possibly have kids for all we know and their [ __ ] ah Jesus Kinney Lincoln Christ Harry between the promiscuity in the San Francisco fog what are you a gas Hound of the Baskervilles back at exposition HQ Harry has finally reap remoted to homicide with one very large very middle-aged caveat unwittingly setting the table for the zing of the century book you work with Briggs on his Callahan but if you ever lean out of line so help me I'll flop you Lord and whaleship speaking of whale [ __ ] what have you turned up Briggs with Harry assigned to tail the cannoli cartel that leaves the surveillance of the number-one suspect two nondescript mid-level detective guy we'll never hear from again and one of two surviving Dirty Harry partners fat so fat their name not mine you body-positive [ __ ] but surveillance notwithstanding Jabba the hood is apparently too busy frolicking with Aryan preteens to notice the jackbooted [ __ ] motorcycle cop with a silenced pistol Goldeneye and the [ __ ] out of his rental ops well it could have been no not the titties I'm sure she'll kick out but as the leather bar bandit flees the scene he's interrupted by Officer comb-over how could you murder all those homicidal criminals the justice system would have executed long ago if it worked have [ __ ] properly you monster Dirty Harry possessing an IQ above for naturally pieces together than a Magnum toting collective of some kind are committing the mobster magic are in concert you know what I'm gonna lay on you seems so far-fetched I can't even believe it myself yeah what do you suspect Fair Play back at his murder pad Harry immediately recommences with a slot inspections and discovers a parcel only marginally more lethal than the post office it came from Sam plastic explosive a bomb oh my god JC a bomb a bomb hey at least it's not a copy of the watchtower suddenly Harry remembers he has a very black very mortal partner who has survived three-quarters of the way into a Dirty Harry film you know I should probably check could be my life insurance policy Harry rings up captain cranky pants to examine the explosive and they promptly peel off toward the police station and the climax of this [ __ ] film your guns out of its holster Gregg's first time from this single series every trope from loose can cop to suspension happy lieutenant jonesing for a promotion to walk in gravestone of a partner is present and accounted for but for all its groundbreaking badassery I still have the unshakable feeling we're missing something hey that's right [ __ ] you can thank Magnum force for the immortal chase scene and on the rageaholics proven scale from one to Death Race this is a solid night we got bullets flying cars errantly careening down Lombard Street and vigilante cops mowed the [ __ ] down like Turkish protesters kicking captain [ __ ] face to the kirby takes refuge in a mothballed murder fortress with a Village People in hot pursuit bought an 8 long before he stumbles in a Rob Halford and beats him like RuPaul and a Klan rally clamor in the [ __ ] on deck Harry stumbles on an unmanned hog and cling fast to your ever-lovin [ __ ] because we all know what the [ __ ] that means Dirty Harry on an aircraft carrier riding a [ __ ] motorcycle Ricks was right you guys don't have enough experience yeah I'm sure he missed jumping over aircraft carriers day at the Academy there sergeant snark with a leather Boy League playing hide the salami in Valhalla it appears it's time at last for Harry to stride on into the sunset roll credits why it's all sunshine and titties from here on it's only right there Callahan you just killed three police officers Harry and the only reason I'm not gonna kill you is because I'm gonna prosecute you with your own system Yuda surmount genuine oppression take [ __ ] notes no protests no riots no loot happy [ __ ] bags in front of a kwik-e-mart handout scratch or tickets Dirty Harry knows the only proper way to negotiate with actual fascists it's with a [ __ ] Ouija board and strap on the [ __ ] flux capacitor because it's time for Eastwood to pull some goddamn time-travel as a single handedly creates the very concept of the 80s action one-liner dig the [ __ ] in and savor this precious ephemeral moment rageaholics man's got to know his limitations I hereby repeat legend every time some shrieking ideologue pisses and whines but a Dirty Harry is a fascist Fillmore glorifies police brutality calmly extend the finger and treat them to a compulsory viewing of Magnum [ __ ] force far and away my favorite entry in the nickel-plated pantheon of this franchise and without question one of the finest action films of the 1970s aam razörfist know your limitations and [ __ ] watch it [ __ ]

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Views: 133,155

Rating: 4.9672537 out of 5

Keywords: Magnum Force (Film), Dirty Harry (Film), Dirty Harry (Film Series), Harry Callahan (Film Character), The Rageaholic, RazörFist, xRazorFistx, RAZ0RFIST, Action Film (Film Genre), Rageaholic Cinema, Dirty Harry Month

Id: ruOV5PYhs1o

Length: 11min 21sec (681 seconds)

Published: Fri May 08 2015