Purgatony Compilation 01

hey it's me Tony before you watch this look they made they made shirts with my face on them you might want to wear one you might not I don't know the links in the description ok here comes a bunch of episodes okay here we go Tony Tony pircuit le hold that elevator buddy don't chef Bradley please whatever you do don't ask me about know about that know about the memo that's right okay that's the one do you think it was about you yeah I don't know champ Bradley it could have been about anyone you know it could have been about you no way my man CV is far too tight with the boss man to make him write a vaguely worded super threatening memo like that yeah I see what you mean chef Bradley huh yeah what do you think he meant by severe consequences if performance doesn't improve I don't know Jeff Bradley is pretty [ __ ] scared you would know since it seemed like he was about you yeah well he might not bit about me Jim Pratley it could have hey hey Tony yeah if you want to get serious about improving performance yeah you know what to do right follow sea-beast hello Stevie's top three rules that is number one always do your best number two your best isn't good enough do my best number three my best is a wholly unrealistic goal to set for yourself so just try and settle for your best and drink a ton of coffee to make up the difference okay okay chip really that's good that's enough from you okay I gotta go bye God it was about me the whole fake it was so specifically vague hey Joanie did you see that memo do you think it was about you oh I don't think it was that thing it was probably about you may no I don't think so because I've been following seabees top three Tony that memo better get that coffee Tony to the CB top three definitely yeah I'm pretty sure who else would it be okay all right here we go next client well what's going on where am I hello I'm Tony peugeot telly this is purgatory and you're dead yeah there's no stars this anyway there's no clock - fine much too much to grade for cynical decider alright that was the song here comes the show alright mr. Chester you know before we get started do you have any questions about the you know stuff yeah one question is this hell no like I said this is purgatory the place between heaven and hell and I'm your caseworker Tony I review your life and determine your afterlife right right because I'm dead right all right let's take a look at your file here mr. Chester it says you were born in 1976 right and then yada yada you had a life okay and you died in a car wreck right and your blood-alcohol level was raised near an over an old lady oh you see I think I've got enough to go on here I'll play that's another satisfied customer don't goddamn it what did I do now Oh going to see the big man here comes those severe consequences Tony oh come on everyone yeah I know I read it was about happy to hello death come in Tony Tony did you eat the memo yeah yeah I write the memo I read it a few times actually I uh I read it at my desk right I read it again at the coffeemaker then I read it on the John but it made it so I couldn't go too much information it's okay here let me just read it out loud to you Tony oh that's okay since we both already read it and there's no reason that no all right it has come to my attention that certain purgatory case workers have been shirking their responsibilities by skimming or altogether ignoring the details of the client files yeah I'd listen I just need to say it's lazy disrespectful it robs the souls we serve up the right to due process this behavior will not be tolerated and should it continue these case workers will receive severe consequence all kinds CEO purgatory LLC death and then you know my signature and blood not my blood I had a feeling that baby that bite is someone vaguely been about it was entirely about you yeah okay that's what everybody sees you read it yeah I read it I read most of it and your last client mr. Chester did you review his case file carefully yeah absolutely hey it was a drunk driver he killed an old lady was celebrating the opening of a new children's cancer ward that he paid for all that seems like a nice thing to do when a car bursts through the window and despite being slightly inebriated mr. Chester was able to leap into the car wrestle control the vehicle from a deranged PCP addict Oh give me that led the lady he ran over a wave was a Nazi Toni no she was really a Nazi I don't know Tony probably oh I've got so many questions that's the point Tony you've never asked the questions and now an innocent man a hero is burning for eternity I know I don't belong here this place this job it deciding who goes to heaven and who goes to hell how am I qualified to make that call nobody get just put me somewhere else kitchen put me somewhere that I can't screw up anybody's immortal soul hmm yes Tony I can that's exactly what I'm gonna do don't okay good where am I gonna go the mailroom the custodial Department Tony should I go see Linda and HR I can see my stuff Tony you're going in the sole shredder alright so can I just go to hell no no can I go to dog hell all dogs go to heaven Tony alright it's cats cats cats go to yes all cats go to hell and I can't go there cuz I'm are you a cat Tony no ok ok so let me just scoop you up Wow and toss you in the soldier what before you you shred my soul hmm is there any chance maybe you could go find that guide the Nazi murdering cancer hero guy maybe get him out of hell tell him I'm sorry I tell him myself but you know I'm about to go in the Seoul sausage press so what Tony do you know why I started this company yeah they told this at orientation just after I died so there's really no Tony I started this company because there was simply too many people dying every day for one immortal 100-foot tall skeleton to handle yeah but since both of us know the story rehashing it seems needlessly Koppel's so I have people like you working for me to process all of the incoming Souls but this company only works if you work Tony you know given my limited time on this existence you could just probably skip to the Tony you can't just look at the Cliff's Notes of someone's life and say they're all good or all evil all white or all black you can't just send the whites to heaven and the blacks to hell Wow yeah I realized that while I was saying it okay plus there's lots of Chinese people yeah and we're lucky to have them Tony you have to look for the in-between areas the gray areas okay I'm still trying to process all the racial stuff you just said but I think I see what you're getting at I'll give you one more chance Tony your next 10 clients listen to them learn about them send them where they truly belong maybe yeah I might not toss you in the sole shredder Oh might I might might not possibly I don't know I like using it makes a cool noise okay okay I'll do my best oh I do try harder than that try maybe Chad Bradley's best okay all right okay look for the gray areas get to know my clients don't get shrimp atony coffee coffee calm and mo memo Tony why it's arias sole keep it together coffee memo - probably working Jodi or hardly memo yes all right Tony this is it this is your chance to rise to an average level of basic competence at your job and avoid having his soul unmade in an unholy Ray's Ahmad crucible of pain okay here goes nothing oh he's trying hard and doing a good job sure is a lot harder than being really shitty and apathetic all the time okay one more client to make it to ten please be an easy one please be it easy one please be an easy way George [ __ ] Washington pardon me all policies might my lord I mean my egg you got your kingship your majesty oh my god yeah I can't believe you you've probably been waiting a long time and waiting a very long time well listen I I'm Tony Parker telly and this is purgatory and of course you know you're dead yes yes I get the premise you don't know what a relief this is for me man I I was supposed to find the good and the bad people or the bad and good people the gray areas you the hope it but I've got you this is gonna be a breeze I gave my fullest effort and attention to the tasks with which I was charged I believe upon reviewing my life's deeds you will smile favorably on them see you were the best guy easy-peasy my country tis of easy-hold then all right so before we get you on your way I'm gonna make a couple of notes let's see I'm gonna send you to H E a V yes heaven so all my slaves already there and backspace backspace backspace backspace you what now I assume there are no tobacco fields to tend any ever after though if there is no tobacco can they really call it heaven oh my god you had slaves how could I have let America to revolution had I been tending my own fields or preparing my own meals so this is it huh the final test for Tony George Washington the guy that invented America is an [ __ ] and I have to be the [ __ ] that sends him to hell Tony I'm not perfect and I'm not entirely an ass as whole as you say I may have made many mistakes but I always tried to act in the service of the greater good okay all right then stand over there by the Soul shredder okay well III did what you said death die I looked for the garage areas touch it Tony put your hand on it feel that old American steel good against hotter no okay I found out some some what I thought was great you know so what I thought was the best of us it was sort of a turd oh it's so much louder and louder man said now go ahead sorry got you office 2010 all right and then despite all the dirty shitty unforgivable you know turd [ __ ] that he did yeah you said that was love uh-huh he was mostly good you know a good guy a guy who should should be in heaven so so that's why I sent him I I sent him to heaven and if that was the wrong call then Tony Tony yeah Tony uh-huh Tony yeah do you know why I started this company oh I just throw be the souls ready Tony Tony I'm not gonna throw you in the soul shredder who you're not so I I did the right thing I did a good job you did a job Tony you did your job and you did your best I mean I threatened you with horrific ly painful annihilation and you managed to squeeze out the absolute minimum effort required to keep that from happening but I don't think I learned that a thing I mean I still sit George Washington to the same place I would have regardless and and now I feel like [ __ ] and I know a bunch of stuff I wish I didn't know so you've learned the most important lesson of all why oh I did yes Tony you learned that everything is relative people are ambiguous life is at best chaotic random almost wholly without meaning why wait so nothing has meaning this job what we're doing here purgatory doesn't have any meaning you give it meaning Tony when you make a connection with these people you make it matter to them and to you just not to me yeah but I got less confidence in my abilities that when I came in here out what you want out of your purgatory Tory hahaha purgatory you hear that purgatory yeah look like your name with Ferg Ettore my territory here credits hey death what is it Tony are you selling shirts with my face on them of course I am is that even legal yes I own the company Tony I own you and your face so well do I get any of the money nope okay can I have a shirt no you can buy one like everyone else the links in the description Tony oh my god well I guess the check cleared because we did another one hi there my name is Tony Parker telly this is purgatory and you did your name is JJ Alan's guilty as charged sir - your occupations listed as bill musician hey I'm more of a performance artist uh-huh yeah okay and when I get tired of screaming hate-filled screeds at the crowd I pull down my pants Oh shove the microphone right on my own oh god okay all right I pull it out and I [ __ ] all over the stage oh no oh oh jeez well I mean if the audience was into it what was the music alone no it was terrible maybe there's like I don't know another side I don't know everything I've told you is a hundred percent me you sound like a real piece of [ __ ] JJ just just gonna type it in here the piece of [ __ ] I mean yeah I tried goddamnit you know why I'm Stern go ahead and type that point you take a piece of [ __ ] yeah okay maybe a third piece of [ __ ] [Applause] what's up there buddy boy this quiet comment card I got is one start he said I was rude it was abrasive lacking empathy God Jesus what [ __ ] prick Tony Tony Tony we asked some clients to rate their caseworkers so we can become better at our jobs better at serving men well so you can be better really I'm already better the better isten fact Oh I freaking hate you champ Bradley what was that Tony I said ah highly rates you champ Bradley oh speaking of high ratings check out my comment cards Tony five stars five stars five stars Tony well I remember that guy wasn't he a serial killer that's right and by the time I was done with him he was ready to go to hell my head Chad Bradley I think you really understand me maybe you're the first person to ever understand me and I love you Jim Bradley hey [ __ ] give me the evil oh god oh that's my coworker Tony he's uh you know kind of rude abrasive looking empathy but he's okay in my book any fringe of chant Bradley it's a friend of mine well no go I don't need any friends that's fine thanks my best friend you're my best friend now Jodi oh god no [ __ ] all right thanks a lot enjoy hell yeah that guy wasn't real scary buy the [ __ ] champ Bradley yeah Tony but I got to know him and I made that trademark Chad Bradley connection you've got to find that nugget of humanity in every soul do as the Chad man does you know yeah but that JJ Allen's guy the only nugget he had probably fell out of his ass on the stage Tony if you're happy they're happy that's what I always say look at this I'm gonna write a comment card just for you right now it's from your buddy Chad it says five-star friend all right this isn't actually a legitimate review though it's not an official document in fact you better give that back Tony just to say all right Tony good Chad Chad glad we had this time together what I know that short fat bald little knock Tony goddamn it what is it high def I got a problem with one of my co-workers well I've got a problem with one of my employees but I don't come down to you about it why do you bring all your problems to me so Chad brad.leah me right we do the same job and I really try it here trying to get to know my clients and they're still giving me one star reviews chant Bradley's clients are all Thank You Chad Bradley five stars Chad Bradley I can't wait till your rape fight demons and Bradley I can't take their reason you know complaints your actual superior Jeremy cool because Jeremy's [ __ ] terrified he's just a demon made of eyeballs hey he's right there - oh I'm sorry called Jeremy you gotta you can't sneak up on a guy like that okay so spit it out Tony what do you want me to do get your move champ Bradley to another department on a different floor and a different plane of existence Tony Chad Bradley has been here a lot longer than you technically he outranks you wait wait wait there's a ranks your ranking us it's not an official ranking it's more of a personal reckoning of who I like best but oh man let me tell you is chat above you Chad's not going anywhere Tony you might as well get on the Chad string with the what the chat's rain it goes Chad Lee Bradley chadley Bradley Chesney Bradley Bradley bottom line Tony is that the only way you're getting away from Chad Bradley is if he requests to transfer away from you and he won't because Chad Bradley likes everybody even you [ __ ] if I know why but hey boss man I remember that you liked red velvet just wanted to show my appreciation love you bus boy Tony love you too buddy what well well I love you guy anyway like I said yeah like you said if Chad Bradley requests a move then what you at Bradley what no you're twisting my words yeah yeah yeah and if I make chat Bradley dislike working near me even Brittani I can hear you I can hear you scheming right all I have to do is make Chad Bradley hate me it's Etios Chad Tony are you are you plotting look at the rising display Simoni if you read it my god by chance do any hi Jaques okay so how to piss off chair Bradley so much that he wants to transfer he's so freakin positive my horrible clients how can I pass off from my workload that is little absolutely destroy him social media celebrity oh [ __ ] Bradley just wait till you meet sugar Beave all right watch out blanket sugar bear here today I'm gonna show you an exciting new way to show your mouth off oh my god there's no way he'll be able to handle you yeah may you love it you want a bit of this pudding take a closer look you're filthy [ __ ] wanker sure Bradley's gonna hate you he's gonna hate me [ __ ] like fat little [ __ ] white [ __ ] like your epoxy [ __ ] like share it subscribe oh hey Tara champ Bradley I need your help with a client lay it on me Tony how can the chadster make your day a little less bad stir okay well I got this one client you see I just can't seem to uh relate to you know I can't figure her out and I'm just too bad at my job you know - not enough Chad Bradley I guess Tony the bid not enough like Chad Bradley was a crime I'd be the only free man in the universe send me the problem client oh you're fit you're [ __ ] bellend oh you flatter me my name's Chad Bradley and you are sugar bees sugar bear ought to use a vein instead of a table because that was taken but it's still sugar bear you [ __ ] wank why ha sugar bear I got your V right here why don't you get your chips in it your [ __ ] spin alright your pity chick wait say hello to your new pal Chad Bradley hey yo hey yo what to do it's your Boise Brad me sugar bear coming to you live from the other side go go what what's going on here look at this fat little [ __ ] well white knob you use the most colorful language and I find it charming is all heck alright that's it for now bye bastard well this has been a really fun experience sugar bear I've had a great time getting to know you but I think it's time we wrap this up cause you're fit you're a fit cut you are and you're a fat guy oh all right well lovely to meet you bye oh man she was the worst right I mean I bet she's got you rethinking your whole employment situation here Tony I want to thank you for bringing sugar bear to me she was a bit of a handful at the start but once I turned on a bit of that old Chad Bradley charm I cracked her wide open hell was the best fit for her and she agreed oh really glad for you champion Liam Claire Knoll worked out Tony don't think for a second I don't know what you're trying to do oh yeah well why are you you're challenging me to become a better caseworker I appreciate every opportunity for personal improvement love you buddy oh god that's right Chad Bradley's never gonna hate me he's too nice you know anybody Oh what if the whole office aided him hold on buddy I left something behind we're all out of coffee again oh yeah so it turns out that it was a chant Bradley that got rid of all the coffee huh huh sorry he poured it all in the toilet you can go in there and see it you know Chad Bradley's right I need to cut back on caffeine I'm switching to orange juice scoffs there's free coffee in the toilet who sent this disgusting memo oh yeah the memo I got one of those too looks like chair Bradley's seen everybody a picture of his butt it's so disgusting you can see the hole though it should just be a but actually Chad Bradley's oh what a hideous [ __ ] yeah okay I'll just take all these so that your eyes aren't the salted by a Chad Bradley's butthole anymore okay oh boy here it comes Riley's gonna get it so Chad Bradley been busy today busy as a beaver hmm Abbi I heard about the toilet coffee thing and I thought hey maybe Chad Bradley went to the office to switch to orange juice I'm a big fan of vitamin C H ad then I got the butthole memo that's when I knew I knew what that it was you Tony oh [ __ ] Tony you know I have all my employees butthole prints on file Tony oh I did not know it's clearly yours oh you haven't had the pleasure of seeing Chet's butthole no never not as if yeah it's immaculate Tony it has perfect radial symmetry it's like it was laser-cut and solid marble I squat down on one shot glass of Li today oh good this well yeah well it's mine it's my it's your butthole Tony yeah and it's gross it's the worst guys guys we all hate Tony's butthole let's form a single-file line and tell him to his face Tony your butthole was the worst thing I've ever experienced nothing gave me nightmares and I don't even sleep it made me hate my butthole I think it was probably not so bad if my eyes were closed you're in deep deep trouble Tony yeah I know I'm the worst I'm the one that tried to make champ Bradley hate his job so we'd ask for a transfer than what are you doing Tony if I was a big angry mob I'd probably shout stuff like I get Tony out of here and we want Tony in a different department we're Chad Bradley isn't any lot Tony in a different Julie doesn't hold on everyone wait just a second before we all start dogpiling on sweet little short bald sweaty Tony you see him as a frustrated little wad of misguided aggression but I see something else spunk moxie determination Tony saw something he wanted to change and he went for it goddamnit I think we can all learn a lot from Tony's get-up-and-go spirit I don't want to be farther away from you Tony I want to be closer to you I want us all to be closer to each other oh I didn't think I could drive but you proved me wrong Chad Bradley Chad Bradley still has his underwear from the company picnic signed by the whole staff gently really dude lovable I do I do I love you all look at my underwear and know that I do well you're the man Chad really hey there and chat Bradley look I just wanted to say though oh didn't you hear Tony Chad Bradley's gone oh [ __ ] Bradley it's God after all that what happened did he actually request a transfer no silly ha ha I was promoted to Angel Oh I have powers now check it out I can go big small big small told no good Jesus I can fly too and play harp but please just tell me you cleaning out your desk you know getting you stuff so you can be gone forever to heaven Oh Tony time is relevant here and has no meaning I've been in heaven for what gosh seems like eons well I'm back and better than ever you know I may have magic powers but nothing beats wonderful companions my little Tony friendship is magic this may be purgatory but with you guys this is my heaven talk a [ __ ] yourself Jim Pratley what was that Tony I said good luck on your shelves Chad Bradley Oh Tony I should put all my trophies on shelves what do to deserve this oh that's right you know it's just really nice to have somebody to talk to somebody to listen to me you know always it just sometimes I just boil over with hello hello hey hey yeah the phones down hey Tony just so you know the phones are down buddy got the computers too hey Tony just a heads up the computers are down too yeah just set that [ __ ] is going on looks like the lights are down people don't worry just stay close to my heavenly life give me that [ __ ] Bradley hey thanks that's fine too just give it back all right it's my only halo you know can't get back into heaven without it oh and Tony don't try to wear it okay you'll stretch it out because of your big head don't you champ really I'll stretch you out what is it now Tony hey there boss everything is down wow you're so observant gumption like that needs to be rewarded see that mug on my desk duh vaguely take it you deserve it it says number one most observance don't really know you [ __ ] [ __ ] I know the power is down I'm checking the goddamn wires to our connection Tony now get back to work so how are we supposed to work without computers how did anyone do anything before computers dummy people were dying long before the 1980s Tony make it work but I know those big metal cabinets filled with files you know what they're called you're called files filing cabinets Tony yeah now go get those files open them up look at them with your eyes hey speaking of eyes Jeremy oh god don't jaribg Jesus Christ here - Tony back to his desk please I'm going back go back oh hey lights are back on nope how we're still down but as luck would have it a nuclear power plant just went full meltdown on earth we've got some backup lights for the time being hey Shh labs don't talk your lap now buddy Oh get out of here champ Randy before I have a nuclear meltdown on you I like your office yeah yeah sure shut up lamp all right finally cans and here we go hoping they pull out a file look at it with your eyes oh wow files are easy no different than having a computer ok next client so your name is gif that's me or is it pronounced jiff that's me oh there's two of you and I'm yeah those three of you that's right we are once clones huh oh okay all right that's right let's sing the official clone anthem that we all know very well I wanna in the - okay stop stop right so so okay let's just get to it it says here in your file that oh one of you committed a murder in the the rest of you were executed on their future law that's right Tony we're from the future no died in the year 2050 six a year of our Lord our DNA is the same thus two of us were sentenced to death even though only one of us committed the murder no say is future law alright screw this this is stupid I'm gonna be right back where are you going shut up lamp hey hey wait actually you come with me Hey okay and death there's these three twins or triplets wins or whatever they're there pretending to be from the future why plugs it anyone no no it's not on no there's no lights hey I've got the hero lights the telling me to close the darkness okay dead lifted they say they're from the future what do you want Tony I'm on the phone with IT okay well whatever you get a moment I've got these three guys they're pretending to close from the future what makes you think they're pretending well how could they be dead here in the present if they died in two if they haven't lived yet Tony what do we say about time here that it has no meaning it's irrelevant what time is lunch always never and forget about it that's how time works serious idiot look at the posters people from the future show up in purgatory pretty much all the time who are number one most observant you'd notice that wait are you saying that people are dying in the future but still come in here that's literally what I just said okay so what do I do now your job Tony send the sinners to hell the innocents to heaven Jeremy I'm going I'm going okay okay I could do this so it says here you were all executed for the same crime that's right Tony oh that's stupid the futures dumb you're dumb the future is awesome well except for the insects rebellion I shut up I don't want to hear anything about the future so they executed all of you even though only one of you yes that's the rules so say a future long oh god it's kind of weird that people say safe in the future it's all timey you know but okay anyway I'm not gonna go by the future law here I'm gonna go by it's okay Tony we know you can't understand the complexities of future law but with your tiny past brain hey this is the role of my brain I bet his tiny Pez brain couldn't even imagine someone giving birth to his own twin brother like we did that's how clones are made no it's not that I can't it's that I refuse to don't judge us with your bigoted pester brain future law says it's totally okay Mitchell all also says it's okay to do this No oh god they're kissing why they kissing Tony clones always kiss kissing is the Aloha of clown language I don't care about clothes and I don't care about future law we're gonna go by purgatory law I'm gonna sin to kill of hell and the other two of you straight to heaven look at this path brain such a prude can't even watch three identical men make up with themselves okay I'm gonna figure this out I'll tell you what I'll ask you a series of questions let's see first question why are you all wearing jumpsuits we're a trio of contortionists for the future circus nor do you really call it the future circus I feel like you just call it the circuit nope we call it a future circus ah look at this past brain trying to understand so cute speaking of circus I want to get this one over with so here's question two which one of you did a kill huh the crime who did the crime thing we're not telling no come on help me out a little bit here Tony we're clones we can't turn each other in that would be like your left leg betraying your right leg look what I can do with my legs okay did instead of turning each other in how about whoever did the murder just you know tell me they did it just confess it was me oh okay well great that was a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be not so fast Tony Oh what you may not have known this about clothes but one of us always lied and one of us always tells the truth and one of us wasn't listening can you repeat the question okay so was the one who said I did it lying yes unless he's telling the truth he's right listen to him one of us always agrees with the others okay here's question number three what the [ __ ] cut it out stay still oh okay here's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna number you that's okay one two three there we go okay now that I've got your old number and I'm gonna ask you some more questions and then chart out the answers so I know who says what I'll riddle like okay hey why don't my pin stop working what the hell's going on hey Tony just so you know the Pens of paper are down what how could paper be down goddamn it lamp here with me where are we going don't talk I got a real problem here that the paper is down yeah no [ __ ] Tony the paper is down everyone's got a problem okay but I've got this really confusing set of clients I don't think I could solve it without writing it all down without pen and paper right a burger was invented by the Chinese 4,000 years ago Tony people have been dying for a long time before that you don't need paper don't but what the hell did you guys use before paper chicken bones no can I just wear the bones you're inside it's like a filing cabinet with feathers Tony figure it out what do I do use this all right you uh let's get back to it hey numbers we went to the bathroom you went to the bathroom Tony clones always watch their foreheads when they go to the bathroom so our future brains don't overheat from smartness overheating brains is the number two cause of clone deaths number one is clone murder oh all right all right I won't put numbers on your forehead here yeah you can't wash this off one two three there we go what did you do we switched shirts Tony phones always switch shirts mine wasn't comfortable mine was too comfortable and I prefer to be nude oh yes me too let's all be nude it is new time come on join phones always get nude at this time but the time is irrelevant meaningless here new time is always meaningful Tony no Stan this [ __ ] Chad Bradley I'm tall right everyone shut up I gotta figure this out not with computers not with paper and not with chicken bones just with my whips headlock Tony one of you always lies yes and one of you always tells the truth yes unless I'm lying and one of you always agrees with the other one yes I might also be lying or agreeing with the one of us who is lying all right all right are there any clone rules that you haven't told me yet well there is one clones always tell the truth to other clones actually I knew that you did yes I learned that from my clone you have a clone yeah I do his name is Cloney holy burger telly Wow let me go get him what's going on oh well Cloney we've got some clothes in here who want to meet you does he know it's new time oh really he's new time already okay all right time to get nude yay new time Hey sorry fellas it's me Cloney I was just in the bathroom you know washing my forehead like clones do so hey clone to clone I gotta ask you guys which one of you was the murderer it was Tony yeah totally did it and he said he's gonna kill us too it's me Tony it's Tony come on Cooney why do us seize the club that lies okay Tony you can figure this out one of them lies one of them tell us the truth one of them agrees there's a fourth rule and then they trade shirts in the mistaken time okay okay how am I gonna I got it all right each one of you clones take one of these now if you'd like to trade mugs you may do so at this time okay now all clones turn your mugs around haha got you oh well I suppose you did fair and square alrighty it's hell for you and may I say good riddance oh I'll never forget him he was the murder clown Oh finally we can wrap this whole thing up and you guys can get out of here and go to heaven I suppose we should go but it won't be the same without Jeff where do I go Tony go [ __ ] yourself Oh Tony before we go there's one other clone rule you should know about one clone always loves you [Music] get some clothes on champ Bradley during new times Oh wins new time over always never and forget about it I just wanted to give you a chicken pack you know I was able to solve the thing on my own you did your job without using chicken bones but being forced to work without my tools my computer my paper I had to rely on myself then you passed my test my test I did you relied too much on systems Tony instead of thinking for yourself so I turned off all the power to see how you do without your tools oh really that was for me oh you idiot why would I shut down my entire company just for you some dumb ass out there kept calling the computer answering system from inside the building and overloaded it oh okay not everything is about you Tony my half a store is in the goddamn pet door now get out Jeremy get him hey it's me again it's Tony oh yeah listen I don't think we're gonna be able to talk anymore few words tell me how I can help I just gotta do things on my own figure it out for myself you know one day at a time sorry I couldn't understand that I didn't think that you would it I'm sorry goodbye sorry pull yourself together Tony oh okay here we go next client you got this Tony you got hey yeah I'm Garth I was murdered by all three of my clones Oh you know if you made it this far you might as well watch the rest of my okay my name is Tony this is purgatory and you're dead your name's uh and Edward friendly please call me ed friend okay here we list your occupation as arts and crafts officially yes unofficially serial murderer okay well we should probably make a note of that and easy decision on this one did I kill enough to get into heaven Tony oh I don't die God told me to kill people and to make suits out of their skin hang on oh god I'm not gay though I wasn't even gonna ask that that doesn't matter I mean I would just pretend it's a homosexual homeless man from behind until I force them entirely out of their own skin no let me just send you to hell now please surely you mean heaven aplly so that guy was just a too many guys he's like a turducken of guys a guy inside a guy inside a guy a guy gherkin okay who's next yeah yeah I hear what you sayin he was trying to dominate you're in herself and rob you of your goddess beauty energy that's what I'm saying Tony exactly you know you don't need a guy like Philip that doesn't appreciate you plus there's gonna be a lot of great dead guys that want to bang you in heaven Plus it'd be Tony [Music] oh really what that's annoy his skin actually I got a pretty good idea man seems like we've been talking for days Kenny I feel like I know you like a brother and you my brother oh one of the coolest smartest all-around greatest guys I've ever interviewed I know exactly what is send you and Kenny you deserve it oh my god I am on fire what you do buddy did you do as good as me did you pull a Chad bradleyt all chant Bradley I have really come into my own I'm riding without training wheels here this lady heaven that guy help that guy also help but this guy oh that's a heaven all right Wow Tony nice to see you with a little self confidence now you can work towards gaining Chad Bradford it's a [ __ ] oh [ __ ] a Bradley listen I've got this I'm in the zone mm-hmm just don't get overconfident Tony Oh what do you mean blasting through a ton of clients is fine but we still have to take our time and make sure we're doing everything correctly could you imagine if we made a mistake with somebody's a turtle's soul Tony tell you know cheer Bradley I did great work today and I get to ring the bell oh hey every time the bell rings hi Tony a second set of wings look how fast I can fly I'll fly away chip Bradley I'm not gonna let you get me down today I did a lot of good work and I got to ring the bell and I'm finally starting to get my groove nothing is gonna bring me down oh [ __ ] hey Tony am I here because it's a great job I've been doing with my clients no but go on I made a really good connection with them you know a whole man towards this one guy it was great did you do like I told you did you use your best judgment yeah sure did that well get this Tony your judgment sucks you send someone to the wrong afterlife idiot wait are you talking about the guy in this skin suit there's no way I got that one rolls the name Kenney sound familiar ooh kitty kitty was the guy was talk I got to know him we really bonded he's an awesome guy he absolutely deserve to go to heaven Tony you're a worst judge of character than I ever thought and I can't let this one slide I'm gonna have to discipline you oh no not this old shredder myself good at speed I'm not shredding your soul don't a Christ at least not today oh I'm sending you up to heaven Evan like you did with Chad Bradley did I get promoted am I gonna get wings and fly around like a bug no I'm sending you to heaven on a business trip with Chad Bradley oh no so that you can get Kenny and send him to hell where he belongs I'll just bring back this kid man did I hear someone say business trade yes business trip business trip this is going to be so sweet Tony we gonna protium we get hotel privileges full privileges Tony can we just you know like not speak to each other just do this in total silence possibly looking in different directions I know my way around Tony I know the best spots and I know the coolest people and honestly it's everyone because it's heaven I just can't get over how wrong I was about kitty happy what am I gonna say to him what does this say about me cheer up Jeff you'll love it here heaven is full of cool peeps like your pal CB o reason for visit my friend made a whoopsie doodle oh he looks like the type ID hmm you here on business or pleasure no definitely not pleasure okay you got any fruit what no where were you between 1939 to 1945 I wasn't born yet all right you get to go you'll need a one day hey Lopez take this don't eat it why would I eat it some people feel a compulsion to put it in their mouth like a bird don't do it well I don't appreciate your assumptions hmm okay Tony this is a map of heaven we're here at pearly Gabey 7:00 we're going to go all the way past attorney Park through dog heaven Oh dog heaven hey maybe we could just you know go there for a while maybe I can go get kitty later or never uh uh uh you're a kidder Tony now keep up we've got a long way to go this is the most exclusive part of heaven Tony it's got the best people oh speaking of which Tony quick turn your halo backwards all the cool guys wear their halos backwards oh okay who's your friend Chad aren't you gonna introduce us it's a day pass he's a tourist hey Jed Bradley Jim Brimley you're too early this is my friend mm coworker this is Tony your co-worker in purgatory oh yeah these guys for purgatory for sure it's so smells like stale coffee and Fire Chad Bradley we simply have to get you out to the country club oh well I'm pretty new I mean I've only been in heaven for like half an eternity oh I didn't mean to play I meant to caddy for me and the boy oh you at the country club you know who plays there right Stephen Baumgarten you know as in God's lawyers Stephen Baumgarten your friend tiny I better go put him in my mouth anyway work beckons we've got a run it was great seeing you guys again that's a caddy [ __ ] hey there champ Bradley your uh your friend seemed like we call him a [ __ ] [ __ ] Tony they're good guys they like to joke but deep down they're awesome when you get to know them you're pretty [ __ ] deluded Jim Bradley and that's even Estate's Tony sort of a middle upper class middle heaven it's pretty nice what's so special about it well Tony it's the Garden of Eden it's sort of like heaven on earth except in heaven they moved it up here after the unpleasantness oh my god hey Chad Bradley hi Melissa that's Melissa she parties hey yeah not to be creepy but I don't do Melissa had any nipples ha ha ha ha of course not Tony no one has genitals or nipples in heaven you lose your naughty bits as soon as you cross the gates see for yourself Oh God they're checked at the gate you get them back when you leave oh don't worry you'll pick them up on your way out everyone retrieves their genitals once they leave you kept your ticket right [Music] there you little scamp are you here to take my mind off Kenny to make me forget that I have to damn a good man to hell for eternity sorry Tony we don't have time for this I need this hey this dog has all of his dogs get to keep their parts in dog heaven Tony Oh people get turned into Ken dolls in heaven dogs get back their lost balls and God heaven what happens in hell in Hell everyone gets two dicks Tony every single day one of them is eaten by vultures and the other one I think it's fire ants on odd days and hot spikes on even days then they grow back Oh God giddyup oh sorry come on Tony we're almost there Oh Tony we're here those angels is snow high get it nobody wants to live here Tony but you really have to if you want to work in the industry I already said I get it reference cotton chef Bradley okay let's go through the thing okay Tony so we're in the right place tell me what does this guy look like who are we sending to hell though you know it's nothing special about him really he didn't have any super defining characteristics I mean I guess I'd say he's good-looking I don't know tall skinny nice hair high cheekbones real smart looking definitely not gross or ball they're fast what are you getting at Tony Jodi is that you hey hey kitty hey Joanie oh okay you're in heaven yeah I got a halo just like mine where are you living nowhere I'm just here on business oh don't worry toady you'll make it here eventually you're gonna have to tell them why we're here Tony oh right okay Kenny you see the thing is I'm Chad Bradley's got something to tell you Tony okay okay okay I got something to tell you Kenny well what is it Tony Kimmy I am well I misjudged you I they reviewed your file you're supposed to go to hell you can't stay in heaven kitty you can't stay oh yeah I kind of wondered how long it would take for you guys to figure it out well what are you talking about Kenny I am NOT a good guy I I'm just not you you you don't know what I'm really like you never found out though I know you can t we talked about everything we talked about your hobbies your jobs that time you ate a really big pickle but you never talked to me about my family Tony I I cheated on my wife I was a bastard to my kids I never gave them a red cent I never gave them any of my attention I I was a deadbeat Oh Kenny I had no idea every friend I ever had I stole from them Tony I was a real piece of [ __ ] honestly I know I don't belong in heaven I knew as soon as I got here that this wasn't going to last oh okay well alright Kenny hi I guess we're done here if you just want to give me here uh oh yeah like thing okay bye okay bye Tony you okay yeah yeah I'm okay Jeff really you sure you didn't see a little bit of yourself in Kenny and now you're worried that if he is meant for hell you are too well yeah that was the deal you know but now now what well I thought Kenny was a great guy but it turns out he was an [ __ ] to his family and friends I on the other hand never had a family honestly I didn't have any friends oh there was no one in my life for me to be a bastard too so I think I'm in the clear who knows Tony you just might belong in heaven someday but for now purgatory is the place for you let's go back just let me finish I got a few more things to set here having to impress everyone all the time climbing ladders it's exhausting in purgatory you get to be a big fish people look up to you do I even still talking about me you should stop trying to pretend you're something you're not and try to embrace it okay so we're talking about you now and when those Angels make you feel bad Tony when they make fun of you and tell you your wings suck and call you names like bad sadly crap Shelly Chad you projected real hard on me right now those are pretty similar to the other ones your old job so you can feel cool again cool they're you know Chad Jim Bradley yeah hey champ ranley yeah shut the [ __ ] up okay let's go back to purgatory that's before you become a big crybaby and embarrass me in front of my friends right Tony right shut the [ __ ] up Chad Bradley okay and which candles were yours oh it's uh those right there Tony no okay it's those right there mm-hmm thanks a [ __ ] lot champ breath hahaha and then we met three of my best angel friends they're such great guys one of them plays golf with God they were so impressed with my wings Tony nearly crapped his pants I [ __ ] hate you chip really everything's back to normal haha [Music] [Music]

Channel: undefined

Views: 1,211,974

Rating: 4.8835063 out of 5

Keywords: satire, shorts, c&hshorts, c&h shorts, c and h shorts, cyanide and happiness shorts, cartoon, funny, cyanide, happiness, C&H, cy&h, cyanide and happiness, explosm, exlposm, cyanide & happiness, explosm.net, explosm animated, explosm comics, cartoon movies, animated, humor, comedy, explosmentertainment, purgatony, purgatory, tony, tony purgatelli, chad bradley, office, work, overtime

Id: uJDS4my4XDY

Length: 52min 26sec (3146 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 14 2019