Psychological effects of growing up without a father! Problems in your relationships

hi guys welcome back to my channel for those of you tuning in for the first time welcome I'm here to give you some advice and to hopefully help you throughout your life so today I wanted to talk about some of the psychological effects that can come from not having a father or not having a mother sometimes it doesn't affect you at all if you have good role models in your life and I hope that's the case with most of you all but sometimes it can affect you I want you to talk about one specific one that I see often with my adult patients so I see just teenagers and adults and that's the population that I work with and I have a lot of adults that come in and they grow up without a father or without a mother I have a few that grew up with just their grandparents and so what I often see in their lives is that it affects them and their relationships when they have an intimate relationship it just causes a lot of problems so I wanted to talk a little bit about that and I wanted to talk about things that I tell them and things that I have them do that eventually help them become better partners and better in in their relationships so that one thing that I see often in my adult patients is jealousy and anxiety when they are in a intimate relationship so anxiety is the fear of losing someone that you love the fear that they might not love you and so when you think about this what causes you to feel that is a lot of times not knowing if they love you and so that's kind of hard if you think about it do we know when someone loves us we can you know guess or we can tell by the way they treat us and the way what they do but there that is never a for-sure thing there it's not like having a cup of tea when you have a cup of tea you can see it and you see that I have my tea when you're in a relationship in any type of relationship you can't see love you can see by the way they treat you what they do for you and how you know they are and you're in the relationship but you can't really find a certain thing like this is the love of my husband I know that I have it and I'm for sure certain that I have it so that that lack of knowing sometimes we want that reassurance and so it's normal and it's normal to want that but a lot of times with people that grow up without a father we tend to have that need for reassurance and that need to make sure that people do love us and so what I always tell patients and what we we have found out throughout you know all these years of therapy that I've done with patients is a lot of times in the back of your head in the back of your mind first of all your mind is very very powerful sometimes it's thinking stuff that we don't even know we're thinking and so one example is let's say you've you went through a traumatic event and there was a cup exactly like this when you were in fifth grade you had a traumatic event and this cup was there and so let's say you walk into a room 10 years later 20 years later and that same exact cup is is on someone's desk you might not remember that that cup was was present when you have that traumatic event but your mind does and so you might walk in there and get some sort of anxiety or sad and you don't quite know why but our mind picks up little things like that so our mind is very powerful so having said that our mind is very powerful sometimes you don't realize that you're thinking my father left me or my father didn't want to be a part of me of course there's people that grow up without a father because their father passed away or you know X Y Z but a lot of times when you know your father is alive and didn't want to be a part of your life it's kind of hard to accept when other people love you because in the back of your head you're thinking if my own father left me and didn't love me why would I believe that this stranger that I met loves me and so it's kind of hard to accept that in your mind you think that nobody loves you so when we think like this we kind of need that reassurance from our partner a little bit more we start asking them do you love me do you love me or where are you why aren't you with me and we start becoming just more needy and more possessive and that could lead to jealousy and so what I want you to do is I want you to think of this for a bit and think of you know do I think that I don't deserve love because my father left me or my father didn't want to be a part of me so think of that and I want you to think of a six-year-old little boy whose father left him and he comes up to you and he asks you you know I don't think I deserve to be loved because my father didn't even love me and I think that no one's going to love me what would you tell that six-year-old would you agree with him of course you wouldn't right so just how you would reassure him and you would try to get him to not think that way that's what I want you to do with you I want you to reassure yourself and realize that what your dad did when he left you or your mother when she left you has nothing to do with you just like you would tell any any young little boy or little girl that's what I want you to tell yourself his lack of responsibility his lack of being a man all that bad you know I could say so many bad things about parents that don't that aren't in their children's lives all that is has nothing to do with you and so you need to realize that and once you start thinking that way and changing your mentality and trying to work through that then you become more understanding and then you love yourself a little bit more then you realize that you don't meet that reassurance from your partner anymore yes we still want them to treat us well and you know you want to be with someone that loves you but you're not gonna need that reassurance that that jealousy will go away that asking them where they're at or you know asking them to call you every five minutes that will eventually go away if you do feel that you need to work through this with a therapist please let me know and I will research therapists in your area and you know give you a few names but I will link down in the description Psychology Today which is a website that you can go to to find a therapist in your area so please work on this and you are loved and you deserve to be loved and you need to love yourself too so I hope this helps and this is just the beginning of trying to get those reassuring that the mind that needs to be reassured this is the beginning step if you want me to to talk about this in more detail let me know there's a lot of other things that you can do and it's just it's just important for you to work on this because you want to be happy in your life and you want to be successful and you want to be loved by others so let me know if you have any other topics that you want me to cover and we'll see you next time bye

Channel: Whisper to Wellness

Views: 57,651

Keywords: psychological effects of growing up without a father, dad how do i, fatherless child, relationship problems, jealousy, how to not be jealous, mom how do i, doc how do i, emotional effects of being without a father, my father left me, i grew up without a father

Id: VNNJotJwRV8

Length: 9min 2sec (542 seconds)

Published: Sun May 24 2020