Professors, What's the MOST INSANE paper that you had to Grade? - Reddit Podcast

teachers and professors what was the most insane paper that you ever had to grade this was my history class we just spent two weeks on World War II and the kids were supposed to write a summary essay on the major events this one kid genuinely believed that World War II lasted two days the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor and the next day America nuked Tokyo well duh why else would it be called World War II because it lasted 2 days wait so World War III will take up my entire weekend and then some the Secretary of War Mr President the Germans just bombed Pearl Harbor president Donald F Eisen Reagan nuke Tokyo but sir it was Germany exactly they'll never expect it I'm an English teacher but this was when I was a TA for Latin American studies class the final paper was to be a research project about any Central American South American or Caribbean country of the students choosing the topic was open just had to be about something in one of these countries one student turns in her first draft the whole thing is about the country of Madagascar when we told her it didn't fit the requirements of the assignment she accused us of being too scared of the part where she discusses graveyards in Madagascar in my high school Spanish class we had to do presentations on Spanish-speaking countries so we could learn about that culture also in my class was a guy who was super obsessed with soccer who after weeks of working on this project gets up and gives a full presentation on Brazil the second sentence out of his mouth was the national language isor Portuguese and he just gave a presentation on famous players as he goes to sit down another guy in my class just goes nice presentation on a Spanish speaking country man this was in my science class year eight so ages 12 through 13 fairly simple General Science end of term test the kid had clearly decided to heed the advice to attempt all questions as we didn't use negative marking so for every answer he didn't know he just wrote tubes the best thing was that this included a question near the end of the paper that asked for a description of how blood was pumped around the body I gave him half a mark well maybe he vaguely remembered someone mentioning tubes and figured it must be relevant to at least one of the questions it's sort of the equivalent of picking C for multiple choice it's bound to be right some of the time if that's an equivalent it's a very loose one taking the same formula that might n you a 33% correct answer rate and instead using one component of God knows how many answers available in the field of science is truly a leap of faith my parents graded GCSE papers every summer one year my mom got an English essay exam on which the kid had written I don't understand the question so I'm going to write you a poem followed by said poem and an elaborate drawing of a tropical island he got a D I teach chemistry and my kids write one big paper as a write up after a long lab anyway I had this one student let's call him Joe who was a pain in my butt constantly late disrespectful to his classmates and me often just ditch so he was way behind anytime I'd call on him during his class his answer would be hydrogen we could be talking about molecular structure I'd call on Joe to tell me how a transition metal like iron was structurally different from a hallogen and still that's what he'd shout fast forward to the end of the year and the long lab write up all the kids including Joe have done the lab I give rubrics clear guidelines on what to expect them to discuss and a deadline deadline comes and they're all submitted through Google Classroom I start reading i' made it through about 10 of them they're okay the kids give it a decent shot then I get to Joe's essay he' literally type the sentence the answer is always hydrogen hundreds of times enough to reach the page length requirement and he had done it with the correct headers for each section to I was impressed with the amount of effort that had been put into screwing his grade away most of the kids in that class were sophomores in high school if I remember correctly he earned the five points for correct formatting and that was it so he scored five out of 100 definitely didn't pass that paper I also allow kids to redo work and he never took me up on that this truly is my time I was a teacher in high school I taught some lower achieving kids in an English class they were around 14 to 16 years old one kid Paul was particularly bad not through a lack of intelligence but effort Paul is also a native English speaker this is important to remember Paul did not submit his persuasive essay when it was due and continued to fail to submit it for another month and a half I kept finding him phoning home emailing other staff Etc Paul who was the only pupil who didn't submit an essay believed I was picking on him and singling him out finally in what I can only imagine in a fit of sudden inspiration linked to his belief I received the following unceremoniously submitted 400w Masterpiece is teacher bias perhap yes he wrote perhap it was all typed in a funky bold Jagged font here is a brief summary and extract is teacher bias perhap in my exper experience teacher is very biased towards me for no reason it went on about what he understood to be the faults in the teaching profession for most of it however another particular highlight was where he stated teachers can be racist as reports have found he proceeded to never reference this or go into detail about racism or reports ever again Paul was also white just putting that out there I still freaking have that essay I once was in an English class with several papers that had to be peer-reviewed one of my classmates wrote a 50 page paper that was for the most part barely comprehensible but the real kicker was that she directly quoted Santa Claus 2 in a final paper for a college level senior Capstone a real person quoted the 2002 Tim Allen Christmas comedy Santa Claus 2 we also had to discuss each other's papers in class afterwards awkward I genuinely laughed aloud at this I have to know what was the quote seeing isn't believing believing is seeing well it's weird they picked the second one because I'm pretty sure they say that in the first movie too I had a student who wrote about the right to quote bear spelled b a r e arms for some of the paper he was talking about concealed carry laws and he was for it then he started arguing against the Second Amendment then he started talking about women wearing short sleeve shirts this was a college level class I still have photos of this paper though I've lost the original copy it's glorious I read it to all new friends geography teacher here I teach 18-year-olds I had a sign a scientific paper for about five pages long topic was chosen from among the chapter on Space had a student write it on the subject of the Moon went off on the Good Start different theories of how the moon came into existence then suddenly she switched into astrology it was so smooth I didn't notice until a full paragraph in I had to explain to her why she failed one of my classmates once wrote and presented on this wacky jumble of conspiracy theories about the Illuminati the paper was bad but the presentation was awkward as Frick he was doing numerology on the chalkboard to demonstrate that the pope was actually the Antichrist and that George Bush was one of his minions it would have been funny but I'm pretty sure he was schizophrenic everyone just got really really quiet including the professor there was this girl who wrote about how the English language was only partially accessible to women not like that men had dominated the English language in terms of publishing or less censorship but as in there are words and phrases that are 100% incomprehensible to women because of genetic differences between men and women did she have any explanations for why she thought this uh she couldn't because she's a woman there's actually a communication Theory called muted group theory that basically proposes this premise it suggests that because language was created by men they have the upper hand in expressing themselves and women are limited not only in their language but their view of the world due to the language at their disposal it also suggests that there are some experiences that are uniquely female that they are unable to express due to having a lack of vocabulary since language was designed by men I'm not a huge fan of this Theory and I'm not a critical scholar in the least but it does exist and some people find Merit in it I was a creative writing English major and for the most part we had to peerreview our classmates work we had to provide positive criticisms early on it became apparent that some people were majoring in creative writing because it was an easy a I remember critiquing some papers and the only positive thing that I could come up with was I like your punctuation that made my teacher laugh out loud in class these quotation marks how beautiful yet simplistic they speak of your past your future how you live your life your entire being clearly went into these exceptional quotation marks a friend of mine took a creative writing class and according to him he had to peer review stories someone wrote about their Persona and also a sword art online fanfic I don't know if the same student wrote both o I'm hit by Secondhand embarrassment of that I'd be way too shy or sensible to write about first sonas in college ah it's good to see that my classmates remember me this far along in life the narrator is joking by the way I'd also like to inform you for the next story that I'm going to be saying the word congenital I need you to mentally remove the con part of the words so that you can both understand the next parts and get this past to YouTube sensors I had a student in freshman comp who was in her final research report based off the novel Frankenstein using the thesis congenital manipulation of human beings and Laboratories is wrong because God says so no that's not a typo congenital manipulation apparently sh used find and replace because that was the way it was through the whole eight-page paper she clearly meant genetic manipulation but every single instance of the phrase genetic manipulation had been replaced with congenital manipulation after I hauled myself out from under the desk of my office where I'd slid because I was crying with laughter I really did read the paper apart from the crappy thesis the paper had not had a single decent Source no real argument ments and the organization was chaotic at best worst part I'd had multiple individual conferences throughout the semester with the students to work on thesis statement and developing arguments she had never bothered to come to a single one and was teed off when I failed her this one's Priceless I keep a whole file of such Beauties from my student papers and yes I'm an English Professor here's a couple so you want to be president is a copulation of little thought about facts concerning the 41 American Presidents weing Heights is a novel written in the Victorian ER but that excretes many of the symptoms of a romantic piece of literature children are at such a venerable young age you can submit your own stories to be featured here on the channel the story submission link is in the description below and if you want to listen to some viby music in the background check out easy mode also linked below and subscribe I was in a master's program for the last 2 years and I had to peer-review a classmate's paper holy crap we were supposed to write a persuasive research iay on an effective way to make College more affordable I was lucky enough to peer-review a classmate and cooworker who already possessed not one but two master's degrees and he was somehow on his way to a doctorate I'm honestly still perplexed trying to figure out how he got those other two degrees anyways the paper was littered with grammatical errors my favorite of those was when he started making up words and talked about the problem of student ineptness he probably meant indebtedness but he used it incorrectly multiple times so what you will of that he also referred to the student debt problem as an extra layer on students frustration cake Yep this person was a veteran and at one point in the paper he talked about the terror events of 91111 I understand that's a single number typo but also if you're going to state that as your reason for joining the military at least proof read it like you care about what happened that day the good part however was his actual argument for some reason he was arguing that college should be more affordable but only for veterans you know like what the GI Bill does he said that we could make this happen by simply cutting the salaries of professors and giving that money back to the students we're going to save colleges and universities in America by failing to pay our professors everyone just the way he wrote indebtness tells me how he's already had two masters I worked with a nurse once who was horribly lazy and an allround bad nurse and a miserable person we looked her up online to see how she possibly managed to get through nursing school we found her resume where she repeatedly referred to herself as a register a nurse then we asked another nurse we knew how she made it through school they went to the same University that nurse told us they tried to kick her out over and over but she had threatened to sue them like she did everybody at work so yeah a college education doesn't necessarily mean anything math teacher in our school graded an IB SL math examination and out of 90 marks on the test she was able to award one mark it wasn't for lack of trying either whoever wrote the exam tried a solid amount of the exam except they literally didn't get anything but one question right current English Professor I can't think of a single worst but here are some crazy ones in my hall of fame number one when I taught 8th grade I had to insist that a photo of a koala bear off Google Images would not serve as a proper paper title two just a sad one one student really slacked off on a paper with a fully MLA formatted first page two sentences and an I'm sorry Mrs Lancer three the paper wasn't bad but despite going over APA title Pages at length in class I had a student who turned in their APA paper with a teal and turquoise book like msword cover template that was gy and had very little of the required info for I can think of many whether writing was just poor or didn't have proper grammar but one goof from a recent semester sticks out in terms of errors in writing the student did a good poetic analysis of the poem because I could not stop for death cited it correctly as by Emily Dickson yet all throughout the paper referred to the poet as Elizabeth Dickerson also in one that doesn't at all count amongst my worst but maybe one of my most memorable I assigned a paper with the goal of arguing successfully for both sides then mediating it as an advancement of lessons in argumentation most students chose from a list of very serious and difficult to solve problems but one student requested to do a paper on the our hot dogs sandwiches debate it was an impeccable paper that did reach a nice mediation but was also incredibly memorable among papers on substance epidemics and immigration questions I was a chemistry ta and a lot of the students would include silly details like how much they liked a lab partner in their first report of the year one student took this to the next level by writing out a log of his whole day before doing the experiment what he had for breakfast the bus he took to class how he was 3 minutes early everything this was at the University level I once had a student turn in a paper that was a little shy of the length requirement at a first glance then I started reading it it was the same several paragraph original passage repeated over and over sometimes with slight variations for the whole length of the paper not a teacher but I peer reviewed the essay or short story of a classmate of mine in my junior year of high school we were supposed to write about a historical event from the perspective of someone who was there for example I wrote about the perspective of a court stenographer in one of the McCarthy trials this girl decided to write about the first Olympic Games but seems to have a basic lack of understanding of History her story which again was about the first Olympic Games from the perspective of an athlete involves texting cars and was absolutely Laden with pop culture references in addition to this every I was lowercase and the whole essay was Center Justified because of course it was I'm not sure if I'm remembering that part correctly but I swear it was in comic Sands or something like that I didn't want to tell her that the entire story was terrible because I'm weak so I just told her to check her capitals and punctuation and things like that God peer-reviewing someone's awful work is the worst I don't know if it's necessary but I always feel the need to tiptoe on Direct issues like oh I don't think they actually had all that stuff back in 1896 I just want to tell them I'm not trying to make any enemies but your paper makes me want to commit sidoku I don't know if that last word was a typo or an intentional joke but thank you dear Riser thank you very much now take the a minus and get out of my sight I'm studying to be an English teacher and had to do group peer reviews with classmates one girl didn't have a thesis didn't have any clear arguments and had a three-page paper that was two paragraphs long the paper was supposed to be a proposal of how to fix an issue in higher education and I couldn't even figure out what her problem was and she had no proposal the best part after her and her friend went for the peer review they left leaving me and another girl to finish alone when we got to the part to list feedback from our group we both left clear comments about how our group left us not a Professor but I had to peerreview a bit from my scientific writing course in my first year of college it was a level 200 class so there were a few sophomores and juniors the way how it worked was that at the beginning of the semester our professor had assigned us to do groups of six during the peerreview sessions she would staple the papers together according to group number and give it to different groups so we wouldn't grade our own groups papers around midterms we had to write a mock proposal for a scientific field of our choice had to be at least six pages long with headings abstracts materials hypothesis Etc the one who wrote the best proposal got a Dunkin Donuts gift card I found one of the Junior's proposals and oh my God she only wrote two pages had no discernible format used a typewriter font had no headings and it was just her blabbering on about how herbal medicine helped her mental illness there wasn't any real conclusion because from what I could tell she didn't even have a hypothesis there was so much wrong with the paper that I just moved on without Rising anything the real kicker is that she always promoted her self-published book on our class discussion board I won the gift card though I'm not a teacher but I've read a ton of people's essays trying to help them edit holy crap have I read some stupid papers here's a few excerpts from an essay I tried to edit but had to give up on the essay was supposed to be about how people can be greedy I don't quite know title the greedy money sharks and fair Fishers what's the meaning of greed is a selfish desire for something for power good and wealth question mark I told him to Define greed defining your terms is important and he'd get marked off if he didn't one points me and the guys had a guys night which we have a great time just being guys unfortunately on that night there was the guy who was our friend but now he's acquaintance because he activates his middle finger move this one's just hilarious every time I try to read this aloud to my friends I burst out laughing and can't finish the sentence for example my rich friend went on a date with a Canadian girl what did my rich friend had a good time with his date then unlucky event happened he went to the bathroom because of the reason that doesn't involve with ditching my friend accidentally drops his wallet and he went to the bathroom she grabs his wallet and left the restaurant my friend came back surprised and realized he lost his wallet in other words he's broke as heck and washes the dishes instead of sending him to jail ever since that date he never dates a Canadian person or travels to Canada because in his point that Canadians are thieves maybe his friend is just stupid so group tells the guy to pay the full share the man disagrees then he ran out of chills and never seen again only until tomorrow never seen again but then they saw him the next day although the tactic of avoiding paying the bill full stop another way is to enhance their beauty within their appearance for example my cosplayer friend redacted a cosplayer is a person who dresses up as the character related to anime cartoon or video games she always looks elegant and beautiful outfit of a character she cosplays as when she wears her normal clothes she still looks cute and natural one night we get our boba drinks from a shop called redacted so I and redacted ordered our drinks I looked at her she looks happy in a pretty way then glance at me my cheeks started to get red so I told her that I would pay for our drinks I asked her why she has to look cute she replied it's to make guys pay for my stuff and someone who like I kind of felt angry that she used me but I was curious about the person who she liked on the way to redacted house I asked her so who do you like when we arrived at her house she turns around and went to me then push her smooth lips to my lips redacted stepped back and replied I love you Baka Baka means in Japanese is a fool for example people always take advantage of their men related to money the woman's point of view of men are personal money Spenders and some men's point of view towards people is some kind of powerful God or someone in royalty my thought on this subject are slavery and women being cheap that be another way to avoid paying is taking advantage of your date and act like you're a spoiled Royal brat a woman who would do that which is my mother because she doesn't work but take care of my sister but her husband does all the work the worst part of my mother that she begs for money from me because I'm her child he doesn't have a job and all of his money comes from his parents this was written by freshman in college for a lesson one time we were supposed to grade some AP tests to get an idea of what the test would be like the prompt was like tell about an achievement you made or something I received a paper that went something like this growing up I loved basketball I would play it all the time I really enjoyed the game and I still play it now I play basketball during the day sometimes I play basketball during the night too basketball is fun to play just on and on on about a 100 different ways to say they play basketball anyways I gave it a two one being the lowest and five being the highest only due to the fact that it had no grammatical errors turns out the person received a freaking four taught at Community College last paper for English 102 was an argument paper I stated on the directions no stupid arguments like the Holocaust or the latest school shooting didn't happen student turns in a paper denying the school shooting that Alex Jones was recently in court for also denying gave her a 55% which was an F which put her final grade at an F because of a whole bunch of other crap than nut did and didn't do in class one of the sentences was something along the lines of who can blame the crisis actors for doing what they did every person just tries to help themselves my time has come I teach 10th grade English one girl wrote the world's worst paper it was incoherent five pages long had no claim and was mostly plot summary it was unreadable I hated every second of it I didn't know how to grade it so I handed it to my co-teacher and was like you deal with this mess he gave her a 55 which was generous so this is a failing paper right we handed it back I thought it was over a different student turned into paper like a week late I started grading the paper I reached the second page and I had this horrible Epiphany it was the same horrible paper I couldn't compare the two papers because I didn't have the original but it was the same unreadable garbage I stopped reading gave the second version of 45 and moved on then an entirely different student who is not friends with either of the original students turned in a paper it was like 2 weeks late but I agreed to grade it I got halfway through the first sentence before I realized it was the same gosh darn horrible paper I almost died these were all handwritten so each student rewrote by hand all five pages of garbage I know they were all copied because they had the same weird spelling errors I have no idea why any of them thought Distributing and copying a paper that had already failed would work so I had to reread the exact same piece of garbage paper three times and it was so unpleasant when you subscribe make sure to hit the Bell to turn on notifications put the playlist on in the background to finish listening to all the stories or if you want some viby music to put on in the background check out easy mode if you like am I the genius give am I the jerk a shot everything Linked In the description

Channel: Am I the Genius?

Views: 36,749

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Id: 8MVMHu3kuzo

Length: 24min 26sec (1466 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 17 2023