pranks to pull on dracula

[Music] mark twain with his cult model 1903 pistol 1908 i can't stop thinking about this picture the stance the white suit the way the gun looks like he's just making a gun symbol with his fingers the way his eyebrows are more prominent than his moustache his freaking neck that man was a pez dispenser ayo i'm just realizing how rude all the darn power puff girls were i mean i was just watching the christmas episode and buttercup was writing her list to santa and all that ungrateful wench wrote at the top of her list as an opening was give me give me buttercup you little crap [Music] i think that french horn is out of tune it looks a little flat you probably just have to blow it up i lived without a computer and cell phone when i was your age yeah well your parents lived without a microwave and the polio vaccine but i don't see you giving that up breaking news parents have seen this post and in retaliation have begun to give up polio and other vaccines she speaks more languages than anyone in the family because she plays with all the children in the street this is my favorite humans of new york photo there is a man in kenya known as the hyena man he started feeding them to keep them away from livestock but he eventually gained their trust and has even been led back to their den to meet some of the cubs wholesome content can we give it up for the hyena man there is a similar story of man who drives a water truck for a game reserve on africa there is a man-made watering hole he fills up every day and it's like the freaking water truce scene in the jungle book every creature in the area politely lines up around the pond and waits for him a lot of the more social animals like baboons or hyenas will greet him nobody messes with him or his truck because he often is escorted by lions or elephants that know him like do not impede the water guy [Music] what are their names the hyena man's name is abbas yusuf and the water man's name is patrick colon's own wallower woke up this morning with a cup of water and a note next to my bed saying for hunger for me i took a sip and it was vodka drunk me is such a douche this is amazing i just had a 20-minute conversation explaining to a customer what chicken wings were did you say that they were wings from a chicken didn't work i can imagine the phrase but they don't fly how can they have wings being used at least twice it was worse can you please explain in detail how it was worse customer what kind of chicken do you use for your fried chicken wings me i'm unsure of the brand but i can check customer no what part of the chicken is it me i'm sorry customer like what is it made out of me they are chicken wings me and chemistry class are non-hexium unstable and not fully understood yet i'm in my element there is a lot of unintentional humor created by the fact that the characters in dracula do not know that they are characters in dracula the people in the village are warning me about a local legend called a vampire how quaint when i meet count dracula i shall have to ask him if he knows more about this peculiar superstition i never drink wine some guy in 1893 reading dracula for the first time huh what a strange fellow why doesn't he drink wine officer the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers detective dear god officer most likely yes finally a quality pun hannibal nbc 2013 boobs in my mouth please please please hello you're nothing newborn babies when they are hungry and their mom isn't in the room and they think she stopped existing because no object permanence alternate universe where bones are called something slightly different breaks leg argued my bowings i'm at the dark candy store buying sorrowful ranchers [Music] why is being alive so expensive i'm not even having a good time the inside of my skull nothing it's tv static baby occasionally a nice breeze blows through the lights are not on up there [Music] dear african useless idiots that's so funny because dear told me they feel exactly the same way about you bro wtf do spiders even do dude just sat in the same spot for two days and now he's moved to the ceiling a bit gonna be there for a while and then it'll just be gone like are you good can i help you that's funny the spider said the same thing about you you think kindness doesn't exist you freaking pathetic nihilist how about you look into the big beautiful eyes of a cow what do you think now oh i'm 100 not joking when i say that my gut reaction to this image is this is a being of incredible power i know that totally sounds like a joke i would make but i'm legitimately scared and impressed by and in or at this thing i have just been informed that this creature's name is sudden which sounds like the name of an ancient and long forgotten deity and sounds exactly like what this thing's name would be stun loosely translates to to wait he waits it's supposed to be a cute sculpture based on the idea of someone waiting for news at a hospital but i much prefer to think of it as a manifestation of the unfathomably powerful will of some kind of slumbering sonic entity a lot of people seem to be reblogging this post with zero commentary other than tagging it as hashtags done i just want to inform everyone that every time you repeat his name like that you bring us one step closer to the moment when he gets out of that chair and begins to systematically inhale the entire physical universe everyone has that one story that sounds fake but isn't friend at school hey me my body is rotting ah yes the three most historically important revolutions the russian french and dance dance would anyone like to idk treat me right barges out of coffin at funeral yelling psych i don't have a nervous system i'm a nervous system [Music] in all my years i have never finished a pencil when someone disagrees with you online and demands you prove your point to their satisfaction by writing a complete and logically sound defense including citations you can save a lot of time by not doing that bro i've known you for 12 seconds and enjoyed none of them i'm not taking homework assignments from you due to unfortunate circumstances i'm awake i'm gonna role players a functional person from now on oh to be a mouse with a sardine tin for a bed scientific research has recently indicated that i spend an average of 90 of my life on the verge of tears such majestic creatures r.i.p raises in pieces wipes tears with a beauty blender once i was at a plant store and i have this subconscious habit of pulling leaves a plant so i did that and stuck the leaf in my pocket and when i got home i found it and felt bad though i dropped it in a pot with a bromeliad and a few weeks later it had taken root and started growing and that's the story of how i pirated a plant you wouldn't download a plant who was i before i cared so much about my eyebrows yes you're allowed to have other friends you just have to love me more domino's pizza employees save man's life after sending police to check on the regular customer when he hadn't ordered pizza in 11 days domino's workers helped to save customers life i'm the customer me loves to lick the spoon after stirring brownie batter doesn't care about salmonella whoever that is insecure my mood is this guy googling the definition of insecure on the trolley today date a girl who you like [Music] me about to do my makeup why do blind people walk their dogs so much eggs this is my best post you ever eat a waffle or something too fast and then feel like your chest is imploding on itself red hot silly peppers man trying to enter conversation spends few minutes smiling and nodding at edge of circle me those sharpest material kitchen knife in the world videos i click on them i know what's gonna happen the youtuber is gonna process the material over and over again then refrigerate it then cut it into a knife shape and sharpen it with finer and finer sandpaper and the whole time they're gonna be using those cow shaped porcelain kitchen vessels but here i am for 15 minutes at a time every time and at the end when the knife is sharp my mind will still be blown you can't expose me i overshare my entire life salvador dali that wild son of a gun he loved bendy clocks i put the shine trashy pool party at my house bring your own pool the daddle dad's saddle for horsing around rides off into the sunset on your dad summer mood marilyn who broke only slash three tiers because if you slash all four then insurance will cover it but they won't cover three this is literally not true btw and could serve to establish in court that you were slashing their tires to cause maximum financial damage as opposed to an emotional rage woke slash all four tires because frick m bespoke slash two tires diagonally opposite from each other nobody has more than one spare it's impossible to get up on jacks and trying to drive it will destroy the undercarriage as it rocks back and forth and slams into the ground true ending don't freaking slash tyres because they are under insane amounts of pressure and putting a knife between yourself and an exploding tire is a bad idea just get a pair of clippers and cut the valve stem to cause an unfixable leak like a normal person september honey angel please be kind shrek see lady in a mobile war game help we are freaking under attack hell yeah okay walks away in a direction you can't see or imagine he peed he peed and he danced my parents are bread my parents are bread my parents are bread and your toast not the hero that got him deserved but the one that it needed the dark knight rises stop dark google show me locations of illegal farmers markets with secret fruits and vegetables i literally hate posts person camera zooming through the underground bowels of the pentagon eventually finding me in a bathroom stall [Music] dracula prank tick-tock girls would you still date me if i turned into a worm me an intellect would you still date me if one day i woke from uneasy dreams and found myself transformed in my bed into a gigantic insect my professor said my assignment was late because it was due on friday like phil my dude last time i checked the concept of time is dead and days don't exist anymore it's a pity they didn't cast ryan reynolds as jay gatsby since he's both the green lantern and deadpool what the frick kind of mutant pun bull crap is this the only positive to either of these shows not ending in a gay romance is that naruto and sherlock show a friendship can have a stronger bond than a romance or even a marriage are you straight hang on i wanna hear about the bond between sherlock and naruto when that disgusting season they call summer finally ends and you start feeling that sweet sweet autumn chill in the air the evil is defeated my favorite thing to do with my internet friends is pretend i don't know what crap like juice is because it's just not a thing here so like i love that kind of joke as much as the next girl but what the frick is a pep rally guys this wasn't a girl who cried wolf bit of humor i legit haven't the foggiest clue as to what a pep rally is if i saw my wife's dead body in her family too my wouldn't have drunk poison r.i.p to romeo but i'm different yeah i know if romeo had just cried on juliet's corpse for a couple hours instead of drinking poison right then they would have been fine the moral of the story is always take time to cry for a few hours before making important decisions hey man i just crapped my pants can i get into yours nice pickup line slide into my dms so in my 3d class there's another kid named roy which is my name also in 3d class we aren't allowed to listen to music so i was talking to our professor android walked by with earbuds and the professor said roy take those things out of your ears and i took my hearing aids out of my ears and said sorry that is the greatest joke i have ever told and no one laughed and i honestly feel so underappreciated rn honestly that joke made being deaf completely worth it and i'm an unappreciated comedic genius of my time i'm beginning to wonder if people laughed but i just couldn't hear them one time an old lady told me unprompted you have long fingers perfect for pickpocketing or playing the piano and i'm pretty sure she was an oblivion npc she was offering to teach you how to pickpocket you missed out on master level pickpocket training op why are there so many posts about aschreck schulz being immune to sirens people sirens don't lure you in with shreks necessarily they sing about whatever it is that you want most they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what their nearest rectil pirate is freaking dead this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash the only kind ever again good job do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety oh my god we can finally just sing about pastor thank the freaking gods my eldest sister had a boyfriend when she was in fifth grade but we moved away so they obviously couldn't see each other well when she was in college her friend introduced her to some guy and it was her old boyfriend from fifth grade after two days of catching up she told him she wanted to marry him they've been married for 10 years and have two kids together what dude sell that crap to disney there are almost no dangerous animals in england because we murdered all of them i thought there were like 56 million english people i said almost if self-driving cars ever become the norm future generations are gonna be horrified at our stories of driving our own cars so grandpa you're telling me that the only thing separating you from crashing into the next car was little lines on the road that everyone agreed not to cross oh yeah what if it rained or it was foggy it got pretty hard to see the lines you kinda just had to be careful careful my history book says that car accidents were the highest non-medical cause of death in the world in 2016. why didn't people demand a safer way i guess it was just kind or a fact of life a fact of life yeah you might get struck by lightning you might get cancer out of nowhere you might get t-boned by some sob who decided to drive drunk the cars didn't even have alcohol detection lock why am i so smart at word and so bad at number word is liquidy soft number is hard like concrete [Music] namitkam tajikistan i'd never seen a bread-eating cat before but this cat loved bread he would practically sit down at the table and wait to be served the owners would throw him a few pieces and then throw him out of the house but he would soon sneak back in and continue looking longingly at the loaves no freaking idea what this even is but he is chuffing back a fat dot and that's all that matters rock stations be like we only do three things here drink beer watch sports and play the hardest rock in the whole world and if you don't like it you can pull that tampon out of your you girl plays thunder by imagine dragons alt stations be like tired of that tired pop station welcome to your new alternative where we only play the most left of the dial underground artists we can find plays thunder by imagine dragons throwback stations be like we are here to bring you all your favorite classics of decades past doesn't matter when 70s 80s 90s whatever takes you back to the days of old plays thunder by imagine dragons harvard you mean from legally blonde you know that's not a real school right when i die i want my heart donated to nasa so they can finally see what a black hole looks like up close go tried to find the gender neutral term for prince slash princess and somehow got pringle so idk it's so cute when a really fat bumbler bee comes and bops against the window and immediately bumbles away like od remy i am terribly sorry that wasn't where i should have been going oh what a silly sausage i am i love your take on the inner commentary of a bee because we all see these things differently i always imagined that if bees had a conscious inner commentary it was of a really really faint angry screaming the bees just going frick frick frick i hit a freaking window crap frick i'm gonna freak up this flower instead crap i hit another window freak except it's really really faint because it's small because it's a b this is the kind of quality content i want to see on my dashboard according to my math 6 is higher than 2 me and the gang playing dnd me trying to sound intelligent when asked about math let me guess this is this is eugeo [Music] you

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Keywords: tumblr, tumblr memes, dank memes, dank, memes, meme, funny, lol, comedy, humor, r/tumblr, best of tumblr, top tumblr posts, funny tumblr posts, hot tumblr posts, funniest tumblr posts, cowbelly, comment awards, tumblr reads, tumblr trophies, tumblr awards, text posts, tumblr posts

Id: JmiwrS9KXoI

Length: 19min 43sec (1183 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020