Piss-Poor Ports 2 - Game Sack

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hello and welcome to game sack we're back talking about more piss-poor for that first episode was wildly popular we got a lot of good response on that so why not make part two and we love the closest piss for port yeah come out that P we're going to move out anyway let's get into some of these it's four fours [Music] shinobi is a great RK platformer from Sega I've only ever talked about the arcade version very briefly another episode so I guess now it's my time to show it off I'm using the actual arcade PCB to show you this footage anyway this ninja game is very fast-paced as you not only move but also fire off your throwing stars very quickly the enemies are pretty deft as well during each stage you're required to rescue these hostages one of them will even give you the gun power up which defeats enemies even faster than the throwing stars once you rescue all of the hostages you're finally allowed to exit the stage eventually you'll make it to the bottom these guys are always tons of fun to fight after the boss you get to play the iconic bonus stages where you need to shoot down all of the ninjas jumping towards you if you're successful you get an extra dude and you'll need it because in this game one hit means you die all in all this game is tons of fun to play with a wide variety of well-designed stages the graphics are great and the music is definitely fitting it's always worth popping a quarter or three into and you see it there were some home ports and I've recently talked about the Master System version in our game battle one episode and I just want to say really quick that they changed up how some of the things work like adding a life bar and more power-ups hostages are no longer required to be rescued but that's how you get your power-ups they also took out a ton of music even though they're actually on the cartridge most of the tunes never play during the game but the port that I really want to talk about in this episode is the NES version from tanken first of all just look at this horrid art on the title screen I mean come on I could draw better than that when I was in second grade anyway this version is based a lot on the Master System version you now have a life bar and you don't need to rescue the hostages if you don't want to they also totally screwed a lot of things up for one floors above or below you are no longer on separate planes and other versions when you jump to the new level you can't be hit until you land this version doesn't give a crap and you'll often get hit when trying to jump to a new level and usually there's no avoiding it next the control is kind of weird it's not too different than the Masters a subversion but there's something about it that feels slightly off especially when you drop down a level you just seem to drop so quickly this may be kind of nitpicky as it's really hard to describe there's also fewer power-ups completely gone are the close-range power-ups the only close-range attack you have here is the kick and you can only do that when crouching the enemy placement is very random at times and quite often for the worse it's hard to avoid colliding with many enemies as you make your way through certain stages also gone is the vertical scrolling all of it each and every stage now only Scrolls to the right that's it what used to be big stages screens and screens high or low are now just one short trot to the right this takes a lot of fun and exploration away from the game and besides it just feels wrong many of the levels have exit doorways but they don't work I mean how am I supposed to leave the stage that's right just walk off the screen I wonder why they even bother to draw the doorways between each level is the bonus stage these are fun and fast that look fairly poor compared to even the Master System version if you win you get a ninja magic and in order to use the ninja magic you need to kill 10 enemies inside the stage first be careful because once you do there might not be any enemies left to use your magic on this is incredibly dumb but to be fair it's also this way in the Master System port as you can see the game looks incredibly simplistic with only a sparse amount of color and we all know that the NES is much more capable than this shinobi himself is the only thing in the game that has more than two frames of animation oh and check out these green ninjas I like how their swords blink green for no reason Kangin is amazing as you progress the visuals do start to get a bit better and more faithful as well and you want in there the music is awful and you get the same tune droning on and on for each stage the Master System version has the same tune for each of its levels but the rendition of it here may drive you mad [Music] despite all this there are a couple of things that this game has at the master system one doesn't for one it has more music each stage is the same but the bonus rounds and other things have music that the Master System never plays [Music] and best of all it has an actual ending screen The Master System version just gives you a generic game over screen when you beat it so it's not all horrible here but in no way is it actually great [Music] ah Captain America and the Avengers is an arcade beat-em-up that was developed by data Heath and released in 1991 Joe and I played it on one of our plane with sax episodes it's pretty good but it isn't totally amazing or anything it has some solid action all throughout but I always felt that your character in most enemy sprites are way too small for an arcade game and should have been bigger I like the background graphics says they have a good amount of color to it I also like how they mix the normal beat-em-up stages with shooter stages here and there these are nice and help break up the monotony the music is fairly enjoyable and of course there's some fantastic voice dialogue as well you can't escape you will be the one escaping like most beat-em-ups it's pretty repetitious but still worth playing [Music] one of the ports of this game found its way to the Super Nintendo sadly daddies didn't do the port themselves they let mindscape handle it who in turn gave it to real time associates to develop I hate when this happens because nine times out of 10 is going to get jacked up and that's exactly what happened here in my mind my escape has very few interesting games under their belt and none of them are beat'em ups I'm sure they gave it their best shot but it just didn't turn out well at all at first glance the game looks okay it looks like a straight-up part of the arcade game intro and all but the vast majority of the voices are gone and the only thing you're going to hear is the no when you take a hit and this happens a lot like I mentioned the arcade game has lots of talking but the Super NES version doesn't that's fine though and it's an acceptable cut the character sprites are small like the arcade and they actually look pretty good they're detailed but they've lost a lot of animation in the port which makes their movements look really choppy speaking of animation look at this large robot he barely animates at all compared to the arcade and it only gets worse from here folks the gameplay is very broken controlling your character is next to impossible every time when you want to line up with your enemy to attack you'll more often than not not line up with them once you do line up with them then good luck because the collision detection is horrible you'll land one hit for every ten times you push the punch button but of course your enemy has definitely no problem hitting you and you know how when you get knocked down you're invincible for a second well your enemies are - actually your enemies are invincible longer than you are which makes it a waiting game knock your enemy down and wait two or three seconds for them to stop being invincible before you can attack again this is a huge problem when you're surrounded by enemies and it's a no-win situation for you your best bet is the old stick and move routine punch your enemy and jump out of the way and go back in for another hit this is a lot more work to get the same result it's just standing your ground but you can't win that way the shooter levels are here too but again good luck in the arcade these missiles which are actually humans move at a normal pace in the Super Nintendo version they move way faster and are much harder to shoot down there's some other annoyances here as well like why are the life bars of the boss is so huge seriously and before you know you're going to be trying to fight right behind them or here where you can't see the enemies projectiles because the stupid by far is so large come on it's already hard enough to stay alive when you're fully visible and lastly I've got to mention the music the arcade game had a good soundtrack with lots of nice melodies but the Super Nintendo version has none of that and just sounds grating listen to this station judge for yourself [Music] why this port was handed off to somebody else is beyond my comprehension the Genesis port was actually published by de DS themselves they had Opera House in Isco develop it for them but they handled most of de DS games on the console this version is a lot more playable and also a lot more faithful to the arcade it even features some great music by hitoshi sakimoto who is also responsible for the likes of Dragon's crown radiant Silvergun and Final Fantasy Tactics [Music] the Super Nintendo port is barely playable and more frustrating than anything else it's got to be bad when a Nintendo fanboy tells you to steer very clear this version and go for the Genesis one instead but you know it's true Sonic the Hedgehog was originally released on the Genesis in the summer of 1991 I remember it well because it launched right before the Super Nintendo did and that was supposedly a Mario Killer Sega eventually included it as a packin with the system and for quite some time the Genesis outsold the Super Nintendo anyway just in case you didn't know you play a sonic and that's this little blue guy here and seriously if you didn't know that I really have no words sonic can not only run but he can jump roll push block smash blocks running a loop-de-loop get a shield become invincible and even breathes underwater Wow Sonic is sure amazing right he's pretty cool I guess he has to be he's got to look at that Oh calm down Sonic and so begins the era of tude this game also features glass rock dancing and just what the hell does blast proccesing do well blast proccesing helps sonic wait for slow moving platforms blast proccesing helps sonic run up hills blast proccesing helps sonic move around underwater look at this blast proccesing I got to say for a game that was advertised solely based on its speed Sonic is sure a slow game but the ad campaign worked amazingly well for Sega I like this game at the time but I never absolutely loved it I think the game's biggest drawback was that you had to play through three areas of the same zone before reaching the boss and moving on still the graphics are sharp and really colorful and the music is pretty good too all of this in a fairly small memory cartridge you've got to respect this game for what it accomplished and also what it did for Sega is a brand I pretty much got my fill of Sonic very quickly so it comes as no surprise that I'd overlooked Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis for the Gameboy Advance and what the hell listen to that the last time we did a piss-poor portes episode a lot of you mentioned this one so I just had to try it for myself I mean the Gameboy advanced is a 32-bit system with way more processing power than the Genesis so it should be a relatively simple task to port the game over well apparently not I can't even believe that this is a real game see this warning that comes up before the game starts it's serious your health and safety are both at risk I thought you guys were blowing out of proportion how bad this game is but in reality you guys were barely scratching the surface holy crap the first thing most people will notice is how scrunched the screen is the screen on the Gameboy Advance is much smaller than the Genesis's resolution so it's really zoomed in and this makes getting hit by unseen enemies a very common occurrence they didn't take any of this into consideration when porting it over just when you think you're safe you'll jump into a platform of spikes that you didn't see help sometimes I don't even see what hit me the collision detection is horrible just look at this I wasn't anywhere near touching that bat but I'm the one that gets penalized this happens way too often and oh my god is it frustrating so the cropped screen and the dodgy collision is bad enough but look at the scrolling it's hard to describe but it's certainly not consistent well it consistently Scrolls it an inconsistent orate anyway adding to this the parallax is messed up the backgrounds only scroll some of the time in relation to the foreground believe it or not this can really mess up your groove as the screen starts doing thing is that you can't anticipate and on top of all of that the game slows down and drops frames a lot and it's completely unpredictable actually it's always running slower than the Genesis version but the amount of that slowness is always in a state of flux look how free me it is when you lose your rings no even getting the speed shoes does next to nothing for you I'm running with them right now and it looks slower than normal speed to me because of all these things that I mentioned it's impossible to have any sense of timing while playing this game not only can you not see some platforms but you can't gauge their timing either the physics are all messed up at times I feel like the game is actually pushing me forward call me crazy but it's things like this that break us on a game playing the bonus round is now a lot tougher because of all of this sloppiness so good luck getting all of the Chaos Emeralds hell good luck even getting to the bonus at all it's almost impossible to keep enough rings all the way until the end of the stage where you have access to the bonus levels and then there's the sound it's very thin with absolutely no bass whatsoever and has that typical Game Boy Advance scratchiness to it some of the sound effects are almost comical like when you smash through a wall this might sound acceptable on the NES or Atari 2600 but the Game Boy Advance come on the music was already done for this version and be careful because listening to it may destroy you it took me forever to get past the marble zone stages and the music made me want to drill a hole in my head I should also mention that this game was released in 2006 that's 15 years after the original and it was made for its anniversary the Game Boy Advance was released in 2001 so it's not like this was a brand new platform that the programmers hadn't figured out yet I get the feeling that the developers just didn't want to celebrate sonic in all I believe that this is the most unplayable released game that I've ever attempted to play I feel sorry for my gamecube in its Gameboy player for having to run this game for this review some of you may think that game sack is all fun and games but it's not all fun it's not all fun [Music] alright here we go I'm having a great time so far aren't you Joe I'm just kidding these games are hard to play we love you guys and we're doing this for you because you know we're not enjoying this don't ask me to play the sonic game again oh my god yeah and Captain America and the Avengers on SNES let's just get this episode over with here is earthworm jim for the super nintendo developed by shiny entertainment and released in 1994 from the first time I saw her thorn Jim as the character I was drawn to him I love the corny story about his spacesuit falling to earth and landing on Jim giving him power over the suit he then evades the evil bounty hunters psycrow and he's ought to find princess what's-her-name at the time this was kind of a refreshing new superhero to play and besides having a plasma blaster Jim can take his whole body out of his suit and use it as a whip this kills enemies and can be even used to swing on certain points throughout most of the levels each level is loaded with corny humor and I can't help laughing things like ending a level just to break the fishbowl of Bob the killer goldfish or taking all of evil cats nine lines and of course Jim always looks so badass when he's firing his plasma gun I also love the in-between levels racing stage called Andy asteroids the music is great here and actually the soundtrack for the whole game is really enjoyable it's fun but difficult at times as some levels are hard to navigate until you learn where you're going this is just a great game and one of the best Western developed titles to ever be released on a home console in 2001 game Titan ported the title to the Gameboy Advance I don't know much about game Titan other than that they developed this Frogger to on the Gameboy Color and jazz jackrabbit on the Gameboy Advance and from what I played at this port is no wonder why they didn't last very long let's start off by saying that the Gameboy Advance is more than capable of running this game just like it was on the Super Nintendo and the Genesis I've seen ports of arcade games running just fine on this thing that would bring the 16-bit systems to a crawl but this port really sucks and here's why firstly the game doesn't run smoothly at all it looks like it's missing more than half of the animation of the 16-bit releases the way Jim and the enemy sprites look while in motion is almost sickening and even with fewer frames of animation this game still runs slow at times I almost felt as if it was going to crash on me but unbelievably the game is still controllable I figured with the slowdown in all that I wouldn't be able to do much in the control department but that's seemingly fine next up is the sound and everything here is a total mess the Gameboy advanced audio has always been scratchy so I'm not going to fault the game for that but what I will fault it for is the missing sound effects here and there it seems completely random but things that are supposed to make sound sometimes do and they sometimes don't like this dog here that has always barked and growled when he attacks in other versions I'm surprised at Yelp that he makes when he killed him was audible there's many instances like this all throughout and what's with the sound that Jim's gun makes the Super Nintendo version has this great bassy sounding machine gun blast the Gameboy Advance version sounds like an old Daisy wheel printer or something else just as boring remember the ante yesterday's level that I mentioned about a minute ago that's between every other level in the game well sadly it has problems here too in the original game asteroids bubbles in speed boost skill at the screen from inside the wormhole as you're racing through it in the Gameboy Advance version all these items just fall from the top of the screen they try to scale in as they get closer to the bottom of the screen but it just hit in a believable effect one more thing to note is that the levels in this port feel very cramped a lot of the time I just can't see very far in front of my character which leads me to be apprehensive about going forward at a normal pace sure the Super Nintendo version felt a bit cramped as well but not as bad as this one makes you feel even though the game is playable is still just a piss-poor port of the original alien syndrome was an arcade game by Sega released in 1987 this two-player simultaneous game put you in the role of a Space Marine rescuing people that have been trapped by aliens you set the time bomb and you need to rescue a certain number of people before it explodes you wander around shooting aliens collecting power-ups from the wall and looking for trapped people obviously this game was heavily influenced by the Alien franchise especially the second movie some of the alien monsters here look a little too close and you know that's intentional you can even get a flamethrower so you actually feel like you're in aliens frying up some xenomorph but there are other weapons to collect as well there's also these little guys that you can get that will shoot behind you anyway once you rescue enough hostages the search for the exit is on once you get in there you fight the stage boss you don't actually need to rescue all of the hostages but you do have a quota to fill either way humanity wins because the ship is going to blow up regardless of if you're successful or not but might as well save a few dozen lives in the process I suppose the music is kind of sparse but it fits and it helps things feel really tense this was never a wildly popular game and I rarely saw an arcade cabinet in person but overall it's a good game so not outstanding alien syndrome was ported home to the Master System that very same year this version is a huge step down from the arcade first off now it's one player only the next thing you'll notice right off the bat besides the drastically different graphics is that the game now Scrolls one screen at a time like Zelda personally I feel that alien syndrome works much better as a free scrolling game than this screen by screen stuff this version also moves at a snail's pace and now you only have three weapons the normal shot the fireball and the laser they left out that sweet flamethrower so now instead of feeling like I'm in aliens I feel like I'm in a broke-ass Zelda the enemies themselves are slightly different and these guys here were never on the first level in the arcade they were in the second enemies randomly appear on the screen all the time and this can kill you if you're not careful there's now also these weird little faces on the floor that shoot bullets at you you can shoot at them to turn them off but they'll eventually turn themselves back on this version is also much much more difficult and not in a good way the main problem is that the control is pretty sloppy and the worst part is that you're forced to play with a Master System controller if you plug in a Genesis pad the game doesn't work right at all look I can't control my guy here and the Master System has one of the most awkward and squishy d pads ever and that makes moving your little dude around much more of a chore than it should be the Atari 2600 can use Genesis pads without freaking out what the hell is your problem alien syndrome the music is even more minimalistic than the arcade version check it out once you rescue enough hostages it changes while you hunt for the exit and the music while you fight the boss is pretty cool but there's really not much more to the music than that well unless you have the ability to play Master System games with FM sound as this is one that supports it it's not a huge improvement but the finding the exit scenes and especially the boss themes are pretty damn good now you may be saying oh come on Joe what do you expect of course it's going to be way worse the Master System Hardware just can't compete with the arcade uh-huh then explain the NES version by tengan here you think this one would be a mess like shinobi was but new this one is as close to the arcade version as you can get on an ApS system just about everything is here the only things that really seem to be missing are the little guys that you can collect that shoot behind you and the voices it even has the correct bosses the music is more like the arcade as well and the site from being slower it's a really really good conversion oh and guess what it's two players the colors aren't the best in the world but it really is an extremely faithful port and come on it's not like this version had more memory or anything so yeah the NES version being what it is only makes the Master System version that much more disappointing all right just for fun let's take a quick look at some bad Atari ports first up is pac-man of course we all know about the 1980 arcade game that swept the world your pac-man and you're going to see all of the dots in each maze while four ghosts are out to touch you the big dots turn the tight and now you can eat the ghosts but they instantly survive the digestion and rise back out of the sewer in the middle of the screen for another attempt at touching you the Torre 2600 version came out in 1982 obviously it's not going to look anywhere near as good as the Arcadian has to be expected thanks to the hardware limitations of the console only one ghost and pac-man would appear on the screen at any time so each ghost is on four one frame and then off for the next three as the other ghosts are drawn this results in a ton of flicker pac-man no longer rotates as he moves up or down the maze and for some reason the warp tunnels are now at the top and bottom of the screen instead of on the sides a lot of this had to do with how small the memory was for this game only four kilobytes that's 32 times smaller than a mega power and of course it was programmed all by one person in a short amount of time still it ended up being the best-selling Atari 2600 game ever yep even beating easy though is far from the best plain one or how about Double Dragon from 1987 this arcade game really made beat-em-ups popular it was fun to beat up all of the different thugs over the for various stages although it kind of aged poorly with its massive amounts of slow down especially in two-player modes is still very enjoyable to play through with a friend or even a casual acquaintance [Music] for some reason Activision decided to port this to the Atari 2600 in 1989 after the console saw limited re-released not long before now for the 2600 this game is pretty impressive there's a bit of graphic detail here in there and it even has music during gameplay man is it tough to play it's hard to hit your opponent without getting hit twice or more yourself it's all about the timing and your distance you've got to be further away from your enemy than you think in order to make contact it's not very fun at all but it is interesting to see the 2600 of all things try to recreate this game then there's the Atari 7800 version it fares a lot Federer graphically but I think it might even play worse there's actual scrolling in this version but man it feels like I'm fighting in molasses or something not because the game itself is slow but instead because the control seems slow and the music may drive you insane and sadly it's not much different from the 2600 music except in pitch I couldn't get very far in either of the Atari versions even after multiple attempts they just don't have well-designed gameplay at all last up is choplifter the Sega arcade version was based on the broad urban computer game and improved on it greatly your goal is to fly out from your base locate the hostages load them into your helicopter and fly them back to your base your base is only a few hundred feet away not sure why the enemy doesn't just bomb it anyway rescue enough hostages and you're on to the next stage and just like Captain America shinobi and Double Dragon in this episode we're using the real arcade PCB to show you the footage here well the atari 7800 got a port of choplifter in 1987 it's based on the arcade version and not the computer version because as you can see it takes place during the daytime whereas the original versions all took place at night at least that's what I take it is controlling your copter isn't too tough but it's really hard to keep your hostages alive sometimes a plane will swoop in from nowhere and destroy you and there's no time to avoid this a good strategy is to slightly hop up and down as hostages board your helicopter and this usually keeps the enemies away but ends up killing the hostages in the process no matter how lightly you handle the controls oh and there's the leanest one stage to play that's it I recommend going with the mattress is important instead which was actually released a year earlier it's far better all right there are some more piss-poor ports for you and you know as a big choplifter fan I'm glad I didn't have to cover that because I would have been raging a lot harder than that oh it was on and Joe really don't worry about oh thank you from yeah oh yeah thanks for covering atari-kun oh yeah so hopefully you know you guys did love Atari you know we covered at least one of the mega selling games ever for the system in pac-man it's probably not the one you'd want to cover but well maybe in the future we might get system more Atari games we'll see we'll see so and in the meantime what are some games that you feel are piss-poor ports and why let us know and thank you for watching game set you [Music] so somebody's into the package kind of heavy you might be some cool inside [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Game Sack

Views: 369,746

Keywords: sega, nintendo, turbografx, pc, engine, gameplay, video, games, retro, genesis, snes, nes, master, system, pee, poo, poop, turd, avgn, sonic the hedgehog, sonic, gba, gameboy advance, gameboy, advance, shinobi, eathworm jim, atari, 2600, 7800, pac man, double dragon, choplifter, captain america, the avengers, alien syndrome

Id: w125JkWQoMo

Length: 32min 13sec (1933 seconds)

Published: Sun May 14 2017