Phoebe Buffay's former life, according to Phoebe Buffay - Friends

he told me a lot of personal stuff about you right now maybe maybe it would help if you knew some personal stuff about her she was married to a gay ice dancer she gave birth to her brother's triplets her her twin sister used to do porn Joey we're trying to dial down the crazy [Music] break it's hard being on your own for the first time thank you you're welcome I remember when I first came to this city I was 14 my mom had just killed herself and my stepdad was back in prison and I ended up living with this albino guy who was like cleaning windshields outside Port Authority and then he killed himself and then I found aromatherapy so believe me I know exactly how you feel I mean well because when I was growing up you know my dad left and my mother died and my stepfather went to jail so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one oh my god where did you get this this is my father this is a picture of my dad not thieves that's the guy that comes in the frame see this is him my mother gave me this picture before she died same guy I guess you know I was born and then everyone started lying their asses off no no it wasn't like that I I remember how I told you how Lilian Frank and I we were we were close well we were we were very close how close well the three of us we were kind of a couple I don't even know how that would work well anyhow somehow I got pregnant and and I was scared you know it's even worse when you're twins you're a twin oh yeah we don't speak she's like this high-powered driven career type what does she do she's a waitress huh Pheebs so you you guys just don't get along it's mostly just dumb sister stuff you know I mean like everyone always thought of her as the pretty one you know oh she was the first one to start walking even though I did it later that same day to my parents but then it was like yeah right well what else is new look I mean I'm not saying she's like evil or anything she just you know she's always breaking my stuff when I was eight and I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos so she threw it under the bus oh and then there's Randy Brown who was like have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend no well but that's what he wets for me and she you know kind of stole him away and then broke his heart and then he wouldn't even talk to me anymore I need to write some depressing stuff to go with my dude bluesy voice but nothing that sad has ever really happened to be well um how about your mouth dying or having to live on the streets when you were 14 uh-huh oh yeah I could write about the time I hair did that whoohoo thing I mean I made up a song to sing you to sleep but that made you cry even more you make up songs well no just just that one but it was stupid uh let's see how did it go how did it go on yeah okay sleepy girl sleepy girl why sleepy girl you're you're keeping me uh yeah okay my mom used to put her head in the oven actually did it the one time pretty weird I love family traditions like that when when Ursula and I were kids on our birthday our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food you know we were best friends ever since we were little our moms worked on the barge together you two must have been so cute running around on a barge you never run on a barge when I was a kid I had a barrel Pheebs you had a barrel for a dollhouse no just a barrel now I run like I did when I was a kid because it's the only way it's fun you know I mean didn't you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off you know like when you were like running toward the swings or running away from Satan the neighbor's dog I never had a bike of my own what but we didn't have a lot of money but the girl across the street had the best bike babe's skull it's not my mom it belonged to my mom yeah do she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us that even though it's Christmas people still die and you can put candy in it and they will never let you ride it no but she gave me the box that it came in it had a picture of the bike on the front so I would sit on it and my stepdad would drag me around the backyard it was so unfair really I got to drag him around - why are you guys so upset it's Old Yeller it's a happy movie the themes what about the end when Yeller saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy that's not the end yuh-huh that's when my mother would shut off the TV and say the end yeah I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness you know before she killed herself well I mean maybe no one ever really goes you know ever since my mom died every now and then I get this feeling that she's like right here you know I had a hard life my mother was killed by a drug dealer mother killed herself she was a drug dealer oh let's go see the quarter uh easiest to keep me so warm look you want to hold on to your food you got to scare people off I learned that living on the street Oh Phoebe yes yes what's right with them why don't you like PBS Pheebs okay cause right after my mom killed herself I was just in this really bad place you know personally I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street because they were so nice when I was a little kid no one ever wrote back all I got was a lousy keychain and by that time I was living in a box I didn't have keys wait you know what I got a story when I was in junior high school I went through this period where I thought I was a witch now I also wanted to learn you know people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school you know what I'm back in the club I'm sorry I'm sorry but I never got to be in the club I didn't go to high school but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French Bonjour or you know I used to beg for money of course it helps if you've got you know a little of this going on reminds me of the time when I was um living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him I'm not gonna take any more crap okay no more mrs. nice bucket yeah good for you you know you're tough you lived on the street yeah I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe yeah oh but you know what I can't go totally back because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys I remember the day I got my first paycheck there was a cave-in and one of the mines and eight people were killed wow you worked in a mine I worked in a Dairy Queen I've had a lot of jobs okay and there are some people who just always try to get out of pain it's either you know that massage wasn't long enough for I don't recognize any of those songs or you know these sombreros aren't big enough bad little white girl yeah I didn't have a graduation party and I didn't go to prom and and I spent my sweet 16 being chased around a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to kill me or whatever I told me about that guy your sweet 16 oh I'm sorry about that Wow it ended okay one of my friends shot all right lady no give me your purse no what do you mean no I knew you'd be my death Phoebe Buffay Lowell is that you baby this is my old friend lo from the streets because Phoebe used to mug people seriously well I'm not proud of it but you know sometimes when I was living on the street and I needed money for food and stuff I okay I think we have a problem here what well I'm back in my mugging days you know I am I worked st. Mark's comics yeah well a pipe was my weapon of choice and preteen comic book nerds wear my meat so well there was this one kid who had a sticker on his backpack that said geology rocks oh my god no I'm wrong okay well alright originally I'm from upstate but then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison so to the city I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while which was okay that was okay until I got hepatitis you know pimp spit in my mouth and I got over it and anyway now I'm a freelance massage therapist I was 18 years old I mean he remember what it was like to be 18 years old told you yeah let's see my mom had killed herself and my dad had run off and I was living in a gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand this time I stabbed the cop baby they're pretty good at this yeah well I had to learn I was staying at the Y and some of the young men weren't acting Christian enough hey you behind the glass who are you looking at I've always wanted to say that every time I was in one of these groups which was never fine fine you would not hold up well under torture and you would I did you're out of here oh my god never been crazy about it it's the one the mints didn't have my neighbors I may never see him again you could always visit him oh right like they're gonna let me have a passport a similar problem when I lived in Prague fraud so much you don't know friends of mine made good money in college doing a telemarketing yeah it probably better than the last telephone job I had you know I probably won't have to say spank as much I have a massage appointment I'm gonna stay here we'll keep doing this I'll pay no I've gotten in trouble for that before yeah I've just pressed a button triggering a silent alarm any minute now the police will be here the police here a reunion sorry that guy in the subway licked your neck oh no that's okay he's a friend oh guy in Van my first love but does he eat chalk when I went through with Carl oh my god you did it someone with a glass eye too if you get married in Vegas you're only married in Vegas what are you talking about if you get married in Vegas you're married everywhere really oh my god I'm so bad for you I broke my leg once too yeah how'd yours happen what's a long story it's kind of embarrassing let's just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual okay my weirdest place would have to be the women's room on the second floor of the New York City public library Pheebs what about you oh um Milwaukee this is unbelievable Pheebs how can you be married well I'm not married married you know he was just a friend and he's gay and he was from Canada and he just needed a green card all right I've never been engaged and I've never really been married and only tell you what my mother told me whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship do not communicate them to your husband your mother told you this yes the woman that got married a bunch of times and killed herself when you were 13 what if I taken that job at Merrill Lynch yeah I had a massage client who worked there and and he said I had a knack for stocks well why didn't you take the job because at that time you see I thought that everything that rhymed was true so I thought you know if I worked with stocks I'd have to live in a box and only eat losses and have a pet box scusi signora wall a Banach market cosa my integrity lazy Belinda do you speak Italian I guess so I'm gonna start writing another book because the last one was such a big seller well if you must know I have written 14 books and as I'm the only one who has read them I can tell you that they have all been very well received oh I gotta ask you that how did you know where to find me well your fingerprints are all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this is listed as your last known address so I just checked it out uh-oh impressive not as impressive as you I got to tell you I looked at your record and done some pretty weird stuff yeah we'll talk at dinner okay this is this the one about the soldiers who fight World War one oh yeah back then you know we called it the Great War it really was you were the king of bad Thanksgivings I don't know about that I've got one that's worse Oh in this life Phoebe oh this life oh okay no Chandler's is worse in a particular song baby I thought your tablets in prison no no that's my stepdad my real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born how have you never been on Oprah

Channel: dina4th

Views: 2,689,992

Rating: 4.8605461 out of 5

Keywords: Phoebe, Buffay, Phoebe Buffay, Friends, TV, TV show, sitcom, Monica, Monica Geller, Ross, Ross Geller, Rachel, Rachel Green, Joey, Joey Tribbiani, Chandler, Chandler Bing, smelly cat, streets, former life, past life, best of, funny, comedy, the one with, the one where, TOW, suicide, collection

Id: FhS-3WJ7K8Y

Length: 15min 55sec (955 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 05 2017