People Strategy Forum

how to elevate the overall Workforce we believe that people at the heart of successful organizations and their team members well-being rewards and career development it's all essential to a happy and healthy workplace and so this show discusses a practical and effective leadership strategies for top Executives senior professionals and talent managers overall so first of all you know I'd like to uh introduce you to our our expert distributor today and and we're going to be talking about cracking the code of human connection with a a truly inspirational leader uh one that has a a huge impact across the globe and and I'm very envious of all of her travels but she uh Jennifer K Hill she is the founder and CEO of optim match and Jennifer leverages her vast media experiences as such as appearing on the BBC News uh the NBC uh Network and she helps guide professionals towards having those meaningful connections and and helping them strive and and have Career Success so she's established her own uh Staffing Company in the past she's authored a guide uh a book called stop hopping start hunting at Job Seekers guide to finding the dream job and she's also had a lot of philanthropic type of of experiences you know helping build schools overseas and so forth so as you can tell Jennifer embodies a commitment to transforming lives overall so let's jump into this discussion and learn how to really have those impactful human connections with Jennifer K Hill welcome Jennifer thank you so much Sam it's a pleasure to be here with you and your audience and happy to share with the rest of your team I think we have one of your other team members on here too today oh great let me go ahead and uh bring them on in looks like we have Smit Singler joining us hi Smit great to have you here with us today hi Jennifer nice to meet you good morning Sam good morning so so Jennifer as we we get into the topic here first I want to to dive into some of your other accomplishments as you had so I know that you you created a you you authored a book and so forth can you tell us a little bit about that and and how you came about that and and what drove you to to Really writing that book and who you're trying help well over the years I had spent about 15 20 years of my career beginning in my early 20s in the legal recruiting space and I noticed that the same questions keep kept coming up over and over I used to host a popular show called get yourself the job and that show and the blog and the book everything aimed to support job Seekers I wish Sam and Sumit if I had it all my way I would gift everyone in the world their dream job you look under your chair and you get a dream job and you look under your chair and you get a dream job I like to think myself as the Oprah of dream jobs when I was in that industry and I started off with a Blog called get yourself the job and wrote over 200 articles and then people said well why don't you just it'd be much better if you put this in a book format so we could have like the resume section the interview section the you know consciousness of job hunting section and yeah it got published I did a book tour for it accidentally wound up on Conan O'Brien that's a story for another day one of my staff members is like oh Jen bring a copy or book to Conan I was going as an audience member and I was like um Scott I'm not going as a guest I was doing a media tour but I was certainly not being featured on Conan life goals and accidentally it's like a whole funny bit but you'd have to Google my name and Conan's name to see the whole story wow that's so fun yeah we'll had to hear about that at some other time uh but then I ALS you also have uh your podcast so tell us about your podcast yeah so after I completed so we sold J Hill staffing which was my first company in 2018 to a subsidiary of one of the largest accounting firms in the world and after selling that we ran get yourself the job which was the old podcast for a little bit longer and then I kind of did 180 degree pivot around that time so it was late 2019 I was offered a TV hosting gig with a group called awake TV and the opportunity to co-moderate a panel with deepo Chopra and one of my favorite professors in college Don Hoffman and that kind of throttled me for lack of a better word into the space of Consciousness which I had been dabbling in as a hobby and then next thing you know I was so honored and grateful to get to make friends like deepo and Bruce Lipton and Greg bradden and the folks at heartmath Dr Roland mccrady and out of the joy of it I love engaging in the Consciousness even right now if you're a job seeker and you're watching the show or if you're an employer everything has Consciousness in fact when I do a lot of talks around the world I was giving a keynote earlier this year in um Los Angeles to all of the people who run law firms in Southern California and I began the talk by sharing that a lot of people don't realize that our perception is everything in fact may I start and share a little story this is a story I open the talk with um about our perception and resilience and how it all ties together so in the late 1980s there was something called the biosphere that was created and the reason the biosphere was created was because they wanted to test could we sustain life on another planet could we grow plants and animals and trees and sustain life and they were wildly successful except for one minor glitch would you like to know what that was yeah what is it the trees Sam and so they mo faster and taller than ever before but before they hit maturity they fell over any guesses as to why why the one thing they had not considered in cultivating a perfect environment was wind you see in nature wind causes the trees to sway and to build what's called stress wood and to cause their roots to penetrate deeply and in humans there's an equivalent called UST stress so unfortunately what's happened as we've evolved as a society we've come to treat all stress as bad stress when in reality Ed stress is what allows us to be resilient and an analogy I use around this is it's like um it's like having an infinitely pitch black Warehouse where all you have in this pitch black Warehouse is a little pinl to kind of direct your attention well that's the equivalent of our perspective leading Neuroscience tells us that per second we are bombarded with 11 million bits of information at a subconscious level per second that means you just processed a 100 million bits and at a conscious level any guess as to how many of those bits we're paying attention to at a conscious level I can only imagine just a small fraction less than that 50 to 120 bits that's how many we're processing out of 11 million per second so our perspective is everything long before I got into the Consciousness space which I now realize really permeates everything I do this is not just some fun woo woo thing out there it's scientifically proven that if I I'm looking for being unlucky in fact there was a great research paper I just read about this where somebody went out and told their participants that if they did X Y and Z they would be luckier and six months later down the road they were still performing and had luckier things happening to them so life occurs to us as we perceive it if we see a thing as good it becomes good if we see a thing as bad it becomes bad and in fact one of my old team members I was so grateful for the business coach I brought on if any of you out there listening you're considering getting a coach or a mentor even if it's somebody for free and you're mentoring each other do it it makes all the difference in the world I have an accountability buddy I talk to every day Monday through Friday for 15 minutes and when we have somebody who helps us to see things differently my business coach came in had been terrible i' had been a horrible person to be coached a little secret about me I tell people I'm like hi I'm Jennifer K Hill and I'm a bit of a recovering jerk so this story illustrate that because back in the day I had a team member who was I was frustrated because she wasn't doing things the way I wanted her to and she wasn't returning calls and so I'm considering taking action on it and my business coach Julian at the time now the co-founder of our new company optim match he said to me Jen what if the reason that she is failing is because you are looking for her to be a disappointment excuse me go screw yourself Mr was like I'm going to fire you no that's not possible I was like I have a list here so he gave me an exercise that changed my life he said Jen for one week I want you to write down one good thing she does every day that's it I'm not asking for rocket science here you don't even have to tell her I just want you to do it for your own self I did it every day and at first I did it begrudgingly then all of a sudden it became easier and easier because all of a sudden I was focusing those 50 to 120 bits of conscious information on what she was doing well instead of where I was frustrated by the end of that week she was kicking but and taking names and I am proud to say that she is the EVP who took over the company for me after I sold it and she's doing even better than I did with running the company it's still profitable six years post acquisition wow so I mean you're talking about the importance of really um reflecting and understanding having a positive outlook on life of course but but really really thinking about appreciation thinking about how people are impacting in a positive way and not only focusing on the negative so you one thing I I just want to point out there I mean this is one of the biggest problems that I see in organizations I mean there's just for some reason there's something in the human equation where we we just have a hard time saying thank you you know and really we're always looking for the negative why is that I think that unfortunately part of it is societal it depends on different cultures I remember when I was building the first school I ever built in 2017 in Nepal the people were so happy they were just delighted and they had so little they had so little no running water no toilets no electricity I think that as we've evolved as a capitalistic culture we take a lot of things for granted and appreciation is something we don't cultivate a wonderful guest I would recommend having on the show is one of my favorite guest I interviewed two or three times for the old gety yourself the job show Dr Paul White who is the author of appreciation at work so Dr White when he first came on the show he taught me something very profound he collaborated with Dr Gary Chapman the author of The Five Love Languages and they did the same thing in the five love languages but for appreciating one another at work so fast forward I've been applying what I learned from Dr White and I'm building our new team now as we've gone through the acquisition and we're growing and we had a team member in our Bay Area office and I will always remember asking him I always asked every employee this as soon as Dr White TD it to me day one when somebody starts working with me I say how do you prefer to be appreciated would you like public acknowledgement in front of the team do you want you know more one-on-one time do you like Starbucks gift cards what makes you happy and feel appreciated and seen and heard and this gentleman up in our Bay Area office said to me Jennifer please don't ever acknowledge me publicly that would mortify me I would be so offended by that and I would probably quit but he said if you sent me a little private note to tell me what a great job I did that would mean the world to me but imagine how many bosses might mistakenly say hey great job blah blah blah and then he's mortified and quits a week later or quietly quits right how many of us have seen that happen yeah I mean it's really important to know your people and what drives them what do you have you seen about that submit I know that U you dealing with a lot of different cultures and and uh organizations I mean do we see your clients that are they actually learning about their people um so yes and no and um Jennifer when you were talking about appreciation I was thinking of that in the Indian context where um although we're supposed to be a relatively polite Society um simple things like just doing your own job you're unlikely to hear a thank you for that and uh a lot of people would question you I mean it would be something as simple as um somebody who's a doorman holding the door open and you saying thank you and the person might just turn back uh to you and say I'm just doing my job what's there to thank me for it um so we're uh we're kind of evolving there learning from um a lot of us multinationals are here but um on the recognition side I mean I can relate to that story because I had a team member who was absolutely terrified of being called onto the stage and appreciated so when I tell her you're doing a fantastic job she would actually threaten me and say don't you dare nominate me for anything that involves going up on a stage and receiving something I cannot stand up and uh say how I feel so if if that's what it's going to I mean if that's what's going to happen I'd rather uh be absolutely crap at whatever I'm doing than than do a good job so that was really funny yeah I think we don't or appreciate it enough yeah it's something that happens for all of us and I think I'm going to add in a little extra one here there's something I talk about I know today we're going to be talking about cracking the code of human connection and I really share this people ask me all the time how did you create optim match om. apppp our company how did you do all of this and it was really out of survival I used to struggle with depression and anxiety and a whole Myriad of other things because I just could not figure out people to me when I was a little girl it was like you got a book on how to be a human being and you got a book on how to be a human being and when I opened mine it was blank inside so people were like this logic puzzle for me to solve so I studied them and I was like what makes them tick and it caused me then to be able to better understand how to connect with others so now years decades later would you guys like to know the number one secret to human connection what is that connection to self connection to self is the key it's the Cornerstone in what I call the Golden Triangle of connection our connection for ourselves and with ourselves allows us then to connect to our purpose and our connection to others but if that piece of the puzzle is broken if I'm just trying to connect to others or I'm just going after materialistic goals or purpose whatever meaning in my life if I don't first have that important connection to myself it's all going to fall and crumble like a house of cards and I only speak about that from a place of experience of having seen that I spent the first half of my life more than that probably two-thirds trying to people please and then my best friend one of my best friends from 20 plus years when I was going through a divorce it was quite a year for me when I turned 38 sold my first company got diagnosed as being on the Spectrum and went through a divorce all in the same year it's like thank you for that little gift universe and one of my best friends says to me that year she said Jen you deserve to find someone who will cherish you yeah first you need to cherish yourself and it was the most profound wisdom I ever got and I spent the last six years since that divorce and going through a process internally externally just learning how to fall in love with myself and accept myself so that way I could be in meaningful authentic relationships with others and teach others have to do the same well let's dive in there a little bit because I know that any any meaningful relationship with another starts with that strong foundation in in making sure that you you know yourself you love yourself and so forth and so how does one go about strengthening that Foundation what have you found quiet the noise the reason that the loneliness epidemic is at 24% according to a recent Gallup poll study across 142 different countries I'm not talking about like just America or just Europe 142 countries surveyed Express feeling very or fairly lonely and it's because there's so much noise we're so disconnected yes we I'm so grateful to be able to be on a call like this and to be able to speak to whomever wherever whenever you're watching and yet if this is our only interface then we're going to feel disconnected we're going to feel lonely their entire organizations's trying to combat the loneliness epidemic somebody was just sharing with me about one today and my personal experience has been when we quiet that noise you can do that in many ways I'm a hug fan of heart focused Breathing by heart math I'm a heart heart math certified trainer I do it every day with myself and I teach the CEOs I work with how to do it so heart focused breathing quiets that amydala I should probably explain a little bit more about this of why this is this way so there's something I like to call the three brain system and that is the three parts of the brain that operate day-to-day for us so the part of the brain down here is called our amydala or Reptilian Brain that is the f or flight sort of side of our brain then we have the mamia brain the brain that says am I safe are you like me can I trust you and then you have the neocortex the higher functioning the executive functioning the ability that allows us to have deep meaningful conversations create new ideas and engage with one another what most people don't know is if the lower brains don't feel safe the higher brain can't function so for me that is really the essence of why we're seeing this loneliness epidemic and so much disconnection world is if we can first self-regulate our nervous system use heartmath all the time I was doing it right before this call you know people say to me all the time busy business people like Jennifer I don't have time to meditate who has time for this I'm in backtack Zoom calls 16 hours a day you know what you have one minute when you go to pee do heart Focus breathing while you pee while you go to walk your dog do heart Focus breathing while you walk your dog while you go to cook dinner or prepare breakfast for the kids whatever it is we can live our lives at the effect of the excuses we make for ourselves and others or we can be accountable for our own greatness how extraordinary we are and our happiness though we don't get access to those higher levels until we first quiet and be sure that that lower brain feels safe that's a whole premise that we built our new company optim match around are you guys familiar with uh Google's Aristotle project no well I think maybe let's see it's have to say about it I'll share it with you guys it it blew my mind when I studied this so basically in 2012 Google set out to find what has teams be successful what is that secret sck they studied 38,000 people 170 different teams and they had theories they thought oh it's the people who go out for drinks oh it's the people who are the same age or live in the same area wrong the number one factor of successful teams psychological safety MH that's really what we measure is we find like in fact I'll give you a funny story about this that happened just the other day we have a lot of service providers that we work with at our company optim match and there was a service provider that I was finding myself to be a little bit irked by I was like oh gosh I was getting a little annoyed by something and how it was done so in optim match what we've discovered after studying this for three years is that we have four main motivators now you could argue that this is our Theory one motivator is fun so some people are motivated by Fun Some people are motivated by facts some people are motivated by accomplishing and getting done or being a type and some people are motivated by other people's needs so if my motivators and your motivators Miss align with one another if we're say zero to Five Points above or below mine is an optim match it's ideal there's very little friction most of the time in more cases though if you get to 10 or 20 points variability I might feel frustrated by you or angry with you and not even know why I've seen this with teams that we've consulted with and applied this algorithm with and just the other day I had a team uh this person we were working with and I was feeling so triggered and activated and the person happened to answer answer the matching questions and the moment I saw their numbers that they were a significantly High fa person or what we call Apple in that moment I dropped into deep compassion because I realized oh my gosh they're not being obstinate or misbehaving they're just motivated differently and that is the gift I wish I could give to the world I wish that I could give it to romantic partner to friends to colleagues to bosses and those they supervise I wish that we could all learn that what if we're not misbehaving just like I was treating that employe of mine a couple like decade or so ago what if we're all just motivated differently and what if we could cultivate compassion empathy and sympathy for the differences in our motivations rather than making one another wrong yes you know and and that just brings us back to knowing thyself right again so you you has mentioned you know one of the key aspects that you think that is is important is to quiet the noise uh now does that really um is there's the purpose around that really to to just think about certain things that that are important to you I mean I think that we are bombarded with so much information nowadays that we we we don't have time to think through issues or what if scenarios what if this happened how would I react what if my girlfriend break breaks up with me how will I react with that you know it's like is is that part of it is is that just not thinking about things like that for me I would say it's less of that for me I think that the I don't want to call it a problem I try to be very thoughtful of the words I use the opportunity we have is even that is a slippery slope oh what if my girlfriend breaks up with me what if you could just sit quietly regulating your nervous system breathing then you're not going to come from a reactive place you're going to be able to come from a proactive place so even if your girlfriend breaks up with you even if you get fired even if your kid comes screaming or the dog's barking that you can still be in your higher brain function and present and consciously aware as my friend Arthur would call it you know when we do that we quiet the noise even if you did it for one minute a day start with one minute a day set an alarm for one minute a day to be in silence we have so much we have podcast we have news we have media we have all these things people cell phones texting what if we could just sit in silence I spend two hours a day in prayer and meditation and people say why do you do that I'm like so I don't destroy the world I'm just kidding you know because that's what allows me to connect to the deeper knowing we all have the answers within us it's that old adage like hahaa we all have the answers within us I remember I was uh in the back of an Uber on my way to a place a sacred site in Ireland I was just going as a tourist and listening to a meditation I recommend this if you're on a subway if you're on a bus listen to meditation maybe sometimes just sit down quiet the mind and I'm listening to this meditation and they're going through some chakras and some simple stuff and all of a sudden Boom the formula for Consciousness got downloaded I was like what and like I called my friend Don Hoffman who he and deepo Cher and I do shows together and I was like Don I just got this formula for Consciousness I know you're actually writing this scientifically does this sound accurate and he's like well of course Jennifer and all mathematical formulas I've been studying you have to have a probability space Square filled with nothing to multiply it to get to Consciousness and I was like but you can't get that without the silence I mean that's a very esoteric example but even knowing if you should take a job or not I mean I could go down a whole rabbit hole with you of something called human design as well where I coach CEOs and one of the first things I do when I coach them is I ask them for if they're willing and I did this with all anybody I work with if they're willing it's not required to get their human design which requires a birthday and where you were born at a time and when you get that 70% of the world are what's called generators or manifesting generators who feel clear yeses and NOS in their body so imagine what if you had this like radar that you could feel yes it's a good idea to take this job or no it's not a good idea I just had one of my coaching clients who got an offer on Shark Tank and decided to turn it down using this exact methodology and we have the capacity internally to know whether to go right or left straight or backwards to accept the job offer or to quit and yet it's so muddied by all the noise so the more we drop into that silence and learn to listen to ourselves in our in our knowing rather than all of the noise whether the noise is from friends loved ones colleagues or the news or the media none of it is good or bad or right or wrong but the power really does lie within us so so basically in in quieting the noise and and spending time in meditation thinking about ourselves develops that intuition that we can learn to listen to that helps guide us through making those critical decisions in life yeah you could look up a dear friend of mine Dr Rolan mccr who's the lead scientist at heartmath this is not some woo woo out there thing I'm telling you about this has been studied for 40 years I didn't know this before I met Roland four years ago did you know the heart has its own brain and that the heart sends more information to the brain than vice versa and that they've actually done studies where one of my favorite studies Hart math did if you want to know more about the heart's intuition is they scientifically studied it where they had a group of people and they randomly flashed images and some of the images were very jarring images like death and War and horrible things or snakes and some of the images were plased lakes and a few I think it's seconds or milliseconds before the image was even put on the screen the participants heart would respond and would know whether it was going to be an activating or a calming image wow that's a that's incredible you know the just I mean I think that there's just so many things that we we don't know and and and we have to be open to these these connections I mean I'm just seeing more and more especially as we're we're dipping our toe into uh quantum physics nowadays and looking at Quantum Compu computers and and dealing that with with reality that we see on a regular basis we're we're finding that you know there's there's a little bit of uh an overlap between you know the the metaphysical things in in life and that are hard to explain in in pure science so I think that's is something that we need to keep our mind open to yeah it's all just something to play with is just not to get too stuck or entrenched to be like the tree that I gave the example of to be able to sway with the winds and to be able to be resilient develop that you stress so that when the Hurricanes of Life come hurling at us literally or metaphorically that we're able to Bend with the Winds of Challenge and the tests that we're faced with and that requires a certain level of mental emotional flexibility I remember my husband told me years ago was a brilliant piece of business advice he said before any important meeting stretch your body flexible body flexible mind so I always try to do that before any important business meeting good advice so as you we revisit the concept of you say that you know we need to kind of like the tree for instance needs needs to have the wind needs to have that stress that pressure test and build resilience and what about our our connections with others do we need to pressure test those from time to time as well it's a really great question Sam let me tap into that for a second I think that give me an example let's pause for a moment give me an example of how you would stress test it and then well so I often see that in society in and when when pure strangers go through a common experience of a a Calamity or something like that I mean you often see sometimes people get get back get together and work closely with one another to solve the issue in that emergency mode so that's I think that's that's a way that you we can see some stress that brings people together and and forms bonds that weren't there originally great question so I would say would I int go out and cause people stress no would I encourage people to do things that are outside their comfort zone to be able to cause them to create healthy you stress and pressure yeah absolutely when I went I built two schools one in Nepal in 2017 and one in senagal in 2019 not comfortable not easy no running water no toilets digging you know like working with rebar if you had asked me in my 20s will you be working with rebar in Africa with your dad probably not would have been my bet but in that way I like to challenge myself in fact one of the things I like to talk about is um there's a concept that says if you want to create a miracle you first have to have a miracle in your own character to do something that's hard so if we're sitting all bundled up in our cozy little comfort zone to your point we might not experience that greater growth yet when we push ourselves to do something that's challenging now I want to distinguish this I'm not saying to go out and poke the bear and challenge your husband or your child or whatever there's a difference like I challenge my husband all the time in a loving way we have a commitment of how we speak to each other that we never say an unkind word to each other and if one of us says an unkind word to either each other or if we hear another person that we're being unkind to somebody on a phone call then we challenge each other I'll say my love may I offer some feedback I ask if I can give them feedback and I'll say yeah honey go ahead I'll be like is that really how you were committed to speaking to that person not from a place of judgment truly from Curiosity he's like probably not I said okay cool how might you have talked to that person differently he said you know I probably could have been a more considerate of where they're coming from so in that way yes always challenging ourselves and one another to be the best version of ourselves in that way absolutely but would I intentionally cause somebody harm no I wouldn't want to do that but I I think that we all have opportunities throughout every day in our lives to evolve and I actually have practiced every night it's a cabalistic practice I learned where I write down every night how could I have lived today better how today better was I a jerk I have had some moments of I'm being totally transparent with you and with Sumit and your audience where I have not been my best self in the last 24 hours I've had probably three or four moments that if I had like a eraser I could go back and do it again didn't handle it well like I I had a dog run up and attack me on the street yesterday while I was out walking and I had a few words I did not yell or scream I said I was like in tears because I had been attacked by dog as a little kid and I said ma'am you're being selfish like I probably wasn't as bad as I could have been but I also probably could have been more thoughtful and had it land better than being somebody who was upset emotionally sure so I reflect every day how could I have lived today better what am I proud of myself for going back to that appreciation what if nobody else acknowledges you what if nobody else acknowledges you for that extra hour you put in that nobody else knows about or that extra slice of cake you didn't eat or the fact that you had water instead of soda with lunch whatever it is acknowledge yourself for it every night that's where it goes back to that self when you provide yourself with everything you need you become the sexiest person in alive one of my favorite techniques to teach clients job Seekers CEOs Etc in our child work I there was a talk a popular talk I used to give a couple years ago called how to deal with an Office Jerk and one of the things I taught people is that when somebody's being a jerk or acting out you are not dealing with an upset 40e old or 70y old or 35 or 20 year old you were dealing with an upset three-year-old just like me yesterday on the street when the dog came barreling down the street at us I turned into that upset 10-year-old who was being attacked by a dog and I was not my 43-year-old Jennifer kahill Self so you know when we can cultivate that compassion and do the work to see hey how are we feeling I sometimes will sit and do my inner child work in the morning and I'll be like sweetheart how are you feeling and she'll say sad or angry and I'll be like I didn't know that I didn't know I was angry upset yes yes so go ahead and Smit Oh I thought you were gonna speak subit in fact I had a I had a question around what you were saying earlier about um quieting the um so in the age of social media I think that's easier said than done when there's there a strong tendency to measure our worth in the number of likes comments or reactions we attract on various platforms where we are at and I think that also brings to for the the toddler in us where we react negatively to a lot of situations so so how does one uh coach oneself to to quiet this noise when others around us and we ourselves are are just saying H what I said on LinkedIn just got three likes nobody cares nobody loves me it's a great question Smit so you're looking for external validation when I go on a show before I'm about to step on a stage I only want to receive energy from myself or from whatever you consider Source one of my dear friends and vocal coaches who trained Tony Robbins and others how to speak taught me this the minute we look out there for validation you will 1,000% be let down and if that is your experience if your happiness and this is you any one of us or me and if any one of us if our happiness is tied to how many likes are LinkedIn post god or whatever that might be then I would invite you to get off social media for 30 days I do it often I get off social media for 30 days I have days where I turn off my cell phone Deo inspired me to do that I still haven't done what he does he spends two weeks every year in complet Silence with no cell phone most I've been able to manage is 48 hours but I do do it because we're addicted some of it we're addicted to attention we're addicted to talking we're addicted to likes we're addicted to validation and when we start providing that validation sumon it all starts with the self that's why I put my right hand on my heart my left hand on my abdomen and I cultivate a relationship with myself the same way you're going to date your significant other right whether it's he she they them it doesn't matter you're going to date them get to know them how many of us date ourselves how many of us spend quiet time to ourselves hey how are you feeling what do you need how many of us in the last week have asked ourselves what do I need in this moment probably not a lot of us and then we get angry at our loved ones for not providing it or we get angry at our boss for not providing it and it comes down number one to connection to self and number two Summit to become resilient so that when you do get it sometimes you might feel that little o that little oh yuck I didn't get the three likes but then if you use one of these tools to put yourself back into a state where you're quieting that amydala because you know who's saying that oh crap I didn't get more than three likes it's that amydala it's that animalistic part of your brain that's still worried that you're going to be eaten by a tiger if you don't get 300 likes news flash you will survive it if you don't get more than three likes on a post great news is you will survive it there is no tiger that will eat you yeah so Smith brings up a good point in in the modern era of of U longdistance relationships I guess in in connecting with others so I I I often think about a story my my son was telling me or he is actually experiencing he's playing video games and and uh you know and he has his headset on and he's talking to friends and he's talking to his his other family members that are uh that are playing the same game from afar and uh and he's spending a lot of time but when he gets off of that game he somewhat feels empty you know there's um you know some there's a difference between connecting online in a digital realm and then having that physical human connection with someone so what do you think about that Jennifer it's a very good point I went through that firsthand during covid so I'd sold my company 2018 2019 end of 2019 before covid hit I was planning to travel the world I had like a month planned and Bal month planned in South Africa thanks for that little gift universe that was not on my plan list so I found myself in covid in March 15th or whatever it was 14th of 2020 by myself deathly ill in London for two months where I knew one person who I couldn't even really see there and didn't touch another human being for two months and it was challenging and one of my spiritual teachers said you're addicted to touch so work on that could you soothe without touch let alone having that human connection another teacher of mine at that time said could you connect with a human being just like I'm connecting with you right now do you feel heard and seen and connected to In This Moment Sam with the way I'm connecting with you absolutely so that's it it said you can create intimacy anytime anywhere when you have intimacy with yourself I can have intimacy with a brick wall I don't mean that as sexually I mean like literally you know be that present with somebody but I think most of us to the point of your son and what his friends and others are going through and I don't want to minimize this this is something that causes that's why suicide rates have gone up that's why depression and anxiety and loneliness has gone up it's because people are afraid and they're lonely and they don't know how to connect but and I reiterate this it goes back to the connection to self when we connect ourselves then being on the conversation on the video game is a cherry on top yeah it's cool we get to have it but I don't need it my husband knows this my friends know this they all kind of tease me that I won't miss them but I don't need people I love people I cherish people I have hundreds of deep meaningful relationships that I would not trade the world I have my dream soulmate I talk to my mom every day I talk to my sister and yet I don't need people in the sense that when my dad died two or three months ago my dad died February 25th people are a little surprised but I'm a pieace I love my dad I it wasn't like he was there and he's not there and I still love him and there's no love loss but it's not that I'm incomplete because he's gone does that make sense it does it does I can I can relate for sure well um oh and S did you have another question I'm sorry I didn't want to cut you off no I'm good thank you okay well Jennifer um I mean I've learned so much just in this conversation with you in such a short period of time I really thank you for for sharing it all with us but uh before we go here what do you want our listeners to walk away from in this conversation what do you want them to remember be kind and compassionate to yourself and that will lead to your ability to be and compassionate to others as somebody who's a bit of a recovering jerk who used to be incredibly unkind like my God if you talk to the people I worked with when I was first building my first company or when I was a teenager I did so many things that were unkind to other people and that was really reflection of how unkind I mean if you had lived a day in my head you wouldn't have made it that's how painful it was and the more we can cultivate that internal kindness that internal compassion even if everybody around you as being a jerk you can still provide that to yourself and that's the gift I wish I could give to every one of you you don't need to look externally you can provide yourself for everything and with everything that you need and all the love you've ever desired it's right there you have it and when you do that you become the sexiest most enticing best job Seeker best boss alive because then you're not trying to take then you just get to be with other people and you get to choose how you get to be every day so that would be my wish for everyone out there great well Jennifer a lot of our listeners right now are are thinking you know Jesus this is just transformational and and would like to learn more I know that you have a variety of resources there's things that you do on a regular basis talks and so forth can you what what is a the next step of person can take to learn more about you and your practices and and your programs yeah great question so it's pretty easy I mean if you Google Jennifer KES and kite Hill you'll find all of my information that's why it's when I wrote the first book I realized there's another Jennifer Hill out there I wanted to give her that name so I added the K to my name to make it easy so if you Google Jennifer kill you'll find all my information you can find me on the regarding Consciousness podcast it's been out for about two years now we have new episodes go live every Thursday and if you go to .a you'll be able to find the media page with a lot of other recent podcasts this podcast will go up there along with others and you can also if you want to learn more about yourself go to om. apps survey try our matching survey you know you can know we can definitely give you information about like hey how you're motivated and then you can inform other people hey guys I'm very motivated by facts so I might need a little bit more time than the next person or if you're like me a lei I that's what we call people who are like drivers I might be a little bit impatient so I try to tell people who I'm working with hey when I'm at my best I'm really great I'm take quick action when I'm not you know at my best I might be a little impatient so you can understand that more about yourself great well thank you so much for for being with us today and sharing your knowledge thank you thank you Sam thank you simmit and thank you to everybody out there wherever and whenever you're watching this anytime I do a show like this or step on a stage my intention is that maybe one person it made a difference for so if this made a difference for one of you out there then it was worth doing in my books I it's it's definitely made an impact on me so thank you so much Jennifer for for being with us I really enjoyed the discussion thank you both and yeah just wishing continued conversations get curious guys life is like an unopen present we get to keep opening it over and over every day and discovering new things I've been on this journey for 20 years and I still learn new things every day and we're always evolving so be kind to yourself wise words thank you all right well thanks thank you everyone for joining in on the the people strategy Forum this week and we'll see you next week

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Length: 44min 32sec (2672 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 20 2024