People Reveal Weird Things While Eavesdropping! (r/AskReddit)

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our /oscar innit what is the most duct up thing you have eavesdropped I woke up around midnight on Easter when I was about six to hopefully get a glimpse of the Iza bunny only to hear my mom crying to my dad on the phone divorced to come get my brother and I because she has no money to get us any chocolate she was hysterical I went back to bed and pretended to be surprised when my dad was there is the morning to come get us he told us that the Easter Bunny got mixed up about what house we were going to be at I feel so bad for your mom that's horrible nice of him to D do that though and not be a runt overheard my wife saying you look really handsome babe she was on a FaceTime call with the guy she was cheating on me with and didn't hear me come in early from work still the hardest thing I've ever heard I listened in the hallway for a few minutes then packed a bag and left ten years of marriage and we have a two-year-old it's pretty insane edit thanks for all the love I moved out divorces final in October she moved in with him life's rough sometimes it'll get better caught my now ex-wife at dinner with another man holding hands my children in the booth beside them I'd been at work and got off early saw her car on the way home at Logan's that you nearly hit his pants when I walked up he got up and tried to stammer something I turned and looked at her and then our kids and told her she should be ducking ashamed ten years of marriage into kids it tears your guts out Jesus Christ it's one thing to cheat on your partner or spouse but to openly have your kids around a person you're cheating with is all sorts of doc job I'm assuming your kids weren't old enough to realize what was happening but if they were then that's just awful overhearing a girl I had a huge crush on in high school sophomore year talked to her friends about her boyfriend fisting her so hard she hit a little on his arm the level of my crush on her deflated a bit after that edit spelling edit - dammit I did this on my throwaway and not my main I had a co-worker female who liked to give graphic detail of her ex life - another co-worker gay man he would then in turn come tell the rest of us who didn't overhear most of them were in cubicles that were sectioned off so she told him a story about how she was just ducking her daddy and in the course of now his condom came off she only told the story because that morning when she took a hit out came the condom that had been in her colon for a couple of days edit types her condom instead of his condom fixed not all Jews are bad but I can't really say I enjoy being around them I was listening to two of my kindergarten students talk about Christmas the day before break one ask do you believe in Santa the other replied yes but he doesn't come to my house because I'm in foster care when I was first put in foster care there was a house in Sheboygan all the foster kids could go to on Christmas the owners who I think were foster parents when they were younger had all the room stuffed with stuffed animals teddy bears and such and the husband would dress up a Santa will beard and all the foster children were allowed to roam the house and pick out three stuffed animals for them to keep I got my very first stuffed animal when I was six and named him Christmas I'm 30 now and my eight-year-old son now has Christmas in his bed I know it isn't much but that little act really helped me feel like I was wanted holy hit actual real-life heroes an old Jewish couple was arguing at the grocery store about whether or not they should buy X brand of cookies even though Y brand was $0.50 cheaper the man said if he had married that if instead of his wife Edith would have let him get the nicer brand of cookies his wife replied she could have married Xavier and actually been wealthy and not living in a rat-infested apartment WTF I like to think I did thumbs a via r ended up together after the assumed respective breakups with the other couple they live in a nice rat free apartment and get the good cookies because they are wealthy hashtag Edith with the good cookies sitting behind two teenagers on the train guy you let him come inside of you go well not all the way I finally understand teen pregnancy I had a friend say to me when we were 18 well how much is X like 2-3 inches how deep does he have to be for it to be 8 now actual X pretty sure I had a dumbfounded look for five minutes while she talked about it mfw I can never have X according to her unrealistic standards not the most duct ups thing but it gave me a chuckle while sitting in a mall bathroom brief summary of what I ever had two kids late teens saying in the men's room Oh trans like men being women and stuff I thought you was talking about translucent people invisible man hid nor did men becoming women so like dressing like them no actually becoming a man or woman chicks becoming dudes too how does that happen not just wearing different clothes the second kid then explains in the Volga / innocent way only a kid can the process what they can do that hit but they still can't hack the iPhone I gotta agree with kid number one on that gotta appreciate youth figuring it out I was at Disney in high school and I heard a guy say to someone you're tickity but ain't good enough to eat so put your shoes back on I'm 35 and still have no idea what that meant your is tight but it's not good enough to eat so get going stewardess I speak jive when the police showed up at my daughter tell me that my upstairs neighbor was dead I overheard the EMTs say we are going to have to double back him then I heard my neighbor's double-bagged body being tracked down the narrow staircase because as fecha wouldn't fit thump thump thump for what it's worth the EMTs and police were all so upset about having to do that honestly based on my EMT friends they are pretty desensitized to that hit police officers yeah they were probably a little ducked after that shift EMT slash paramedic they crack jokes about that hit and it never really affects them they are first responders to the most duct up hit just the other day my friend was joking about this guy who got in a car accident and was scalped they thought he was dead so my friend walks up and goes holy hit the victim still alive and coherent looks up and says is it that bad my friend just kind of chuckles and says we all you ever see those old westerns where the Indians scalp the Cowboys you look like one of the Cowboys right now or something along those lines they both had a good laugh and he assured him he'd recover and they'd get him out of there but those guys see some hit law edit seems a lot of people are focusing on the fact that I said they are desensitized to it I understand that gallows humor is a coping mechanism and people are still affected by seeing blood gore and dead bodies but honestly if it is your job to be in those situations you absolutely become desensitized to it compared to the general population just go find your local mortician or coroner I was a waitress and I just took an order from a table of students that were all eighteen plus one of them seemed pretty dim with the questions she was asking me nothing too stupid one of her friends ordered duck Jo sir as I walked away I heard her ask her friends what a duck was and them start to explain how the hell do you get to be over 18 and not know what a ducking duck is this is my Gaza's his story about 50 cent not knowing what a jia fruit was yo why isn't this purple I was upstairs in the church organ loft looking through music on a quiet weekday downstairs I heard a conversation going on so I peered over the loft railing and saw the pastor sitting in a Pew talking with a young female she was telling him that she was strongly attracted to the church's deacon a single guy early thirties and wanted to know if he would introduce them I could tell that the pastor got flustered because he had eyes on that he can to become a priest not to date women for her part the girl told the priest that she wanted to save the deacon from a boring life of celibacy pastor I want to duck his brains out let him try this and if he still wants to be a priest you've got a really devoted man pastor was like sorry but I'm cock-blocking for the Lord I only had her so I didn't have to go to work my mother about my younger sister turns out that as I got old enough to need less supervision my mother realized that she'd suddenly be expected to actually make financial contributions like a normal person that clearly wasn't for her so accidentally got pregnant again took me a long time to realize what I'd actually heard edit thank you all for the point 2 / r / r a said buiness assists i will spend some time in there equally thank you for the support i'm aware she is a scumbag and this is just one example of how we no longer speak and a decade after making that decision i'm still glad of it but is your mama bird mom sadly no she was physically and mentally abusive to both my younger sister and i and generally not a good example of a human being honestly details for which are not a story for this sub the above was the moment I realized she wasn't in it for the but for herself my husband and I were at McDonald's we took our son to the play place to try to let him burn off energy so we could finish grocery shopping a mother was in there with her three kids one by one she would make each one of them sit down and was interrogating them where did your dad sit at the spring concert who did he sit by did he sit by Mason's mom did he talk to any of the other moms was he laughing and smiling when he talked to Carter's mom did you guys come right home afterwards she was writing it all down each child was not allowed to go play unless they answered her questions WTF a guy hated when parents used the kids in a messy divorce not to mention that kids are not at all reliable witnesses duck in adults aren't reliable witnesses as a young child maybe eight I overheard an older woman talking to a friend about uterine prolapse I was terrified by the image I was sitting on the toilet and it just fell out I had to push it all back inside edit even worse no one actually said the word uterus or anything about it and I didn't stick around to hear details all I knew for years was that something fell out of her body and she pushed it back in it haunted me edit okay so it could have been an L prolapse - that's equally bad either way I learned that day that's something inside of you that shouldn't fall out can do that and you need to push it back inside don't worry I 220 M I'm terrified
Channel: Real Time Reddit
Views: 144,549
Rating: 4.7513399 out of 5
Keywords: askreddit funny, askreddit scary, reddit top posts, askreddit comedy, comment awards, askreddit stupid, askreddit, top posts, dankify reddit, brainydude reddit, tz reddit, r/, top posts of all time, reddit and chill, reddit watchers, Real Time Reddit, askreddit money, askreddit save money, askreddit school, best of reddit, What Is the most Messed up thing you have eavesdropped ?, People Reveal Weird Things While Eavesdropping
Id: WTs2ao0wVks
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Length: 12min 8sec (728 seconds)
Published: Mon Jun 17 2019
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