[jazz music] - Welcome back to Penn
and Teller's worst nightmare. Boys, I bet you didn't
see this coming. Take a look. - Hello, my name's
Piff the Magic Dragon. Did you know that it all
started for me ten years ago, when I was on the very
first season of "Penn & Teller: Fool Us"? That single appearance
lit my career on fire, got to America. I became BFFs
with Penn and Teller. But when the pages
of history are written, only one question
will remain--did I, Piff the Magic Dragon,
fool Penn and Teller? The answer, of course, is no. Otherwise, I'd be on my yacht,
like Shim Lin. Today, I'm here
to make that right. I want that trophy.
It haunts me. It's all I can think about.
I see it everywhere I go. No matter the fame
and the fortune, it means nothing
till that trophy is mine. But to get it, I'm gonna have
to perform my best trick yet, convincing Penn and Teller
we've never met. [cheers and applause] - Performing on "Fool Us"
for the first time, here's Claude
the Regular Dragon. [upbeat music] - Good evening, my name is
Claude the Regular Dragon. Penn, Teller, have you ever met
Claude the Regular Dragon? - No. - Consider yourself fooled because it's actually me,
Piff the Magic Dragon! Now I'm the champion!
Let's lower the trophy! Well, fine, plan B. Standing beside me is the Penn
and Teller Chamber of Sorrows, containing the one thing
guaranteed to fool Penn and Teller. I'll be right back. Where did I put it?
[cat meows] It's in here somewhere. Oh, is it behind this--oh,
there it is. I've got it.
I'm coming out. A card trick,
your Achilles heel. You might as well just lower
that trophy right now, boys. Let's just lower the trophy.
Fine. Before we go any further,
I have a plan. Last time,
I went home empty-handed, not tonight. Penn, do you have $20? - I do happen to, yes. - Whip it out, Penn.
Whip it out. Hey Penn,
do you have a pen, Penn? - I do.
- I got one, too. Let's use mine
because mine is magic. You're gonna write your name
on the money. In fact, I'd like you
to write something very specific,
"To Piff, love, Penn." That's me.
- L-U-V or L-O-V-E? - Just a heart.
- Okay. - I'm gonna take
the pen back, please. - Oh, certainly. - Vanish. I'm gonna take the money.
Vanish. Don't look at my pocket. Now, Penn, if I fool you,
you'll get your money back. But if I fail,
the money's mine to keep. Fair? Teller, I haven't
forgotten you. Should I fool you, you get
this sweet, sweet trophy. ♪ ♪ Look at that. Imagine that on your
mantelpiece there, Teller. ♪ ♪ The stage is set. Alyson, please join me
over here at the table. - Yes. - Alyson, I'm gonna deal
these cards before you. Anytime you like,
you're gonna call out "stop." Happy?
- Yeah. - Vanish. - Amazing.
- Here we go. - Stop.
- Just here? - Yeah. - Are you happy
just there, Alyson? - Yeah. - Or would you like me
to continue? - All right, one more.
- One more? - One more. - Alyson, you're gonna
take the three. That is your card.
I'm gonna slide it towards you. Do you have a pen?
- No. - This show is
getting expensive. Alyson, you're gonna
write your name on the front of the playing card
for me, please. - Like--on the face?
- That's a good idea, yeah. - That's okay?
- Yeah, you nailed it. It's almost like you've done
this show for however many seasons it's been. Once you've done that, Alyson, I'd like you to place the card
anywhere back in the deck. Could be literally
anywhere back in the deck. I'm gonna show the card
to the camera, so that everyone
gets to see it. Just there, the three of clubs,
with Alyson's name upon it. Now Alyson, roughly speaking,
how many cards down in the deck do you think that was? Just roughly.
- 20. - 20 cards, I'm gonna give
the cards another shuffle. Or did I? I'm gonna cut the cards. - Whoa. - Or did I? I'm gonna eat one of these
delicious nachos. Or did I? Now, Penn, Teller, if you're fooled,
this whole thing can end now 'cause what follows next is
a convoluted hot mess. - We'd like the hot mess.
- Oh, you want to continue. Fine, well, you've only got
yourselves to blame. Here's what's gonna
happen next, Alyson. You're gonna start
dealing the cards. As you deal the cards,
you're gonna count the cards. One, elephant,
elephant, elephant. Two, elephant,
elephant, elephant. Three, elephant, elephant,
elephant, etc. Three elephants per card. - Okay.
- That's very important. When you get to your card,
you're gonna stop. You're gonna remember
your total number of elephants. Pro tip: Multiply your number
by three elephants. Is that clear?
- Not at all. - Great.
This should be interesting. Alyson, start dealing. - Okay. One, elephant,
elephant, elephant. Two, elephant,
elephant, elephant. Three, elephant,
elephant, elephant. Four, elephant,
elephant, elephant. Five, elephant, elephant,
elephant. I forgot my card now. Six, elephant,
elephant, elephant. Seven, elephant, elephant--
- Chip? - Wait, hold on. one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, [phone beeps]
- What? Oh, hang on a second.
Hello? Yes, it is
Piff the Magic Dragon. Yes, I did order a pizza. Yes, Alyson is still
counting playing cards. Yes, that is you
walking on stage. Yep, keep going, Alyson. - Okay, 21.
- Off you go. - 22.
- All right, hello. Thank you very much. Hey, I got something
special for you, buddy. Oh, a crispy $20 bill. - There we go, you're welcome.
Thank you very much. - 27, elephant, elephant,
elephant. 28, elephant,
elephant, elephant. - Mmm.
- 29. - Just the way I like it,
extra bananas. - 30--ahh!
- No pizza. - Penn, Teller,
how about a snack? It feels like we're gonna
be here quite a long time. - 32, elephant, elephant,
elephant. 33, elephant,
elephant, elephant. 34, elephant,
elephant, elephant. - Cheers.
- Eight--is that 38? 39, elephant,
elephant, elephant. 40, elephant,
elephant, elephant. 42, elephant,
elephant, elephant. 43, elephant... - We're into the final stretch. - Elephant. 44, elephant,
elephant, elephant. 45--wait, 45. - We'll do these
next ones together. - 46, elephant, elephant. - 46, elephant,
elephant, elephant. - 47. both: Elephant,
elephant, elephant. - 48. both: Elephant,
elephant, elephant. - 49. both: Elephant,
elephant, elephant. - I must have miscounted, but-- - What?
- 51. I don't know,
but it's not in there. - Where's your card?
- It's not in there. - You probably just missed it.
- No. - Let's start again. Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Penn and Teller, Alyson endlessly counting cards while I slowly poison myself
with potassium. Well, not on my watch because the cards were smoke
and mirrors. It's nothing to do
with the cards. It's all about the elephants. Alyson, what number
did you end up with? What number of elephants? - Uh, 153. - 153 elephants?
- Possibly. - Inside the Penn and Teller
Chamber of Sorrows, Jade, let's take a look. ♪ ♪ Oh, ladies and gentlemen! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13,
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21,
22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 149, 150, 153 elephants! Lower the trophy! Lower the trophy!
Is there a problem? You understand
what's happening, right? You're holding
153 elephants, right? And Alyson stopped
at 153 elephants. So you understand?
Yeah? Well, guess what,
it's 152 elephants, so it's a technical fool,
but I'll take it. Ladies and gentlemen,
let's lower the trophy! Lower the trophy! Okay. You know what, I thought
it might come to this. Sure, you're holding
152 elephants. But there is still
one elephant in the room. Alyson, would you
please join me over here with the playing cards? Bring the playing cards
over here, Alyson. - All right. - That's right,
one elephant in the room. Oh, Elfie?
Oh, look who it is! it's Elfie the Magic
Performing Elephant! That's right, I've got my own
magic performing elephant, and it's not some
pigmy spotted [bleep]. No, it's
a genuine baby elephant who does magic tricks. I traded in the dog
for an upgrade. All right, Alyson,
give me those playing cards. Now just focus on your card.
You ready? On the count of three.
One, two, three. Oh, would you look at that? It's the three of clubs! Give it up for Alyson,
ladies and gentlemen, Alyson! How about a round of applause
for Miss Jade Simone! - Whoo!
- Yeah! - But of course, the true star
of the evening... It's Elfie, the baby elephant! - Whoa. - Lower the trophy. Lower--you understand this is
a genuine baby elephant here. Okay.
Is this what it's come down to? Is it just gonna take
just a bribe? Is that what it's gonna be? I've been after this trophy
for ten years. So if it's about money,
then I think I can help. Jade. Alyson, that is
no regular playing card. That is in fact
a gift card, Alyson. Examine the card, Alyson.
- Yeah. - The card you're holding,
does it appear to have a lump, a bump, a lovely little hump? - It is a lovely hump.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- But look at it. Does it look like
a standard regulation card with something growing, living,
breathing inside the card? Would you do me a favor? Would you tear the corner
of the card? Just tear the corner
of the card. Just tear the corner,
just the corner. - Okay, I hear
what you're saying. - That's it, yep,
Keep going all the way down. All the way down, keep tearing,
all the way down. - Okay, all the way.
- All the way down. - Inside Alyson's card, I believe we should find a $20 bill signed by Penn from the beginning of the show. - Wow! [laughs] Piff the Magic Dragon! Oh! That was fabulous. - Thanks, Alyson.
Thanks for your help. - Yeah, I'm so glad
I got to be a part of it. - You nailed it with the math,
didn't you? - That was the hardest part. So are you disappointed
your disguise didn't fool them? - It did fool them, clearly.
It's just-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It would have been
the quickest fool in history. - Definitely, I mean,
for my count--and you know, the counting was the rough part
for me, but I feel like you got, like,
five or six trophies tonight. - I think so. And I could just have them
pre-packaged in one sort of, like, champagne crate,
that would be great. - Okay. What do you think
they're talking about? - Maybe how not to
break my heart. - That would be nice. Okay, Piff,
let's go to Penn and Teller and see if you get that trophy
you so desperately deserve. - Piff! - Yes.
- How are you? - I'm very good.
How are you, Penn? - Good to see you.
It's been ten years, Piff. We first met you over
in England. And since then, since your
first appearance on "Fool Us," you've gone on
"America's Got Talent" and did fabulously,
although you didn't win. You've gotten your own theater
in Las Vegas. You've been filling it up
all the time. You play all over the country,
all over the world. You've done shows everywhere. You've accomplished so much! And the one thing
you haven't accomplished, the big drag in your life--and
I use the word "drag" very carefully--the big drag
in your life is you have not won
a "Fool Us" trophy. The first time on "Fool Us,"
you killed us. We loved you.
You did not win a trophy. During those ten years
we've been on stage together, you and I have worked here
in Vegas together, we have become really,
really close true friends, and we love you, Piff. But you did not win
a [bleep] trophy! See you in ten years! - Oh.
- You bitch. [laughter] - Piff the Magic Dragon! [cheers and applause] - Ten years, baby.
- See you in ten years, Piff. - I'll see you
in another ten, boys. - We'll also have dinner
tomorrow night, okay? - Yep, great.
I'm free. [laughter] - Penn and Teller
were surprised to see their old friend Piff. But they weren't fooled by him. More surprises to come,
so don't go anywhere. [jazz music]
