Pence Ordered to Testify | School Bans Dolly Parton’s “Rainbowland” | Gwyneth’s Rectal Ozone Therapy

[Applause] welcome welcome one and all to The Late Show I'm your host Stephen Colbert well here we all are another day has gone by and the ex-president still has not been indicted for making illegal hush money payments to a porn star I yeah I really thought I really uh really thought it was going to happen today after all Wednesday is cover up your hump day but we did get some some movement in another one of the ex-presidents Myriad criminal investigations because a federal judge has ordered former vice president Mike Pence to appear in front of the January 6 special counsel's grand jury and yeah I highly agree and the reason we know this is good for the country is because neither Pence nor the former president want it to happen the ex-president argued that his conversations with pants fell under executive privilege while Pence claimed that his role as the president of the Senate granted him legislative immunity so he was part of the executive branch and the legislative branch you can see it all in the new movie every job everywhere all Mike Pence what prosecutors really really want to know is what the former president said to Pence prior to January 6 in order to pressure Pence to go along with the plot to overturn the results of a free and fair election we know some of the things the ex-president said depends already about that plot like if it gives you the power why would you oppose it and you can either go down in history as a patriot or you can go down in history as a [ __ ] to which Pence replied what's that is that the lady area covered in caution tape of course one reason this case may never come to court is that America might cease to exist because the gops refusing to raise something called the debt ceiling and according to the treasury Department June 5th is the deadline to avoid catastrophic default now I'm sure that's not good but at this point aren't we all little catastropheed out if you want to grab our attention at this point you're gonna have to do more catastrophic if you're going to need something scarier than catastrophic default like gonorrhea gedden or please welcome Kanye West now I don't know I don't know uh what Congress should be paying for or what Congress should be cutting but I do know that three weeks ago the president proposed his detailed budget and so far it's been crickets from a guy he's supposed to be negotiating with Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy seen here saying that guy he's Spartacus after weeks of refusing to release any Republican plan yesterday McCarthy sent the president a blame letter writing with each passing day I am incredibly concerned that you are putting an already fragile economy in Jeopardy no you're not you know how I know you're not concerned because you expressed your concern in the form of the slowest possible form of communication a letter that's like saying oh no the house is on fire quick someone hire a barbershop quartet To Tell the fire department guess what's happening way down the street 2034 Maple that Smoky smell is not fire barbershop quartet never deserves Applause the dumb letter is not an isolated incident at a recent lunch the capital McCarthy asked Biden when the two could sit down again and start negotiating and Biden replied where's the Republican budget yeah where is it you can't start negotiating if you won't say what you want to negotiate there's a reason Ransom notes don't say we have your wife send a list of what you think we should demand or she uh okay also tell us what you think we should do to her oh uh this is interesting there's there's some news out of Florida don't worry they were able to safely extract the baby alligator from the margarita machine but also a Florida school banned a Disney movie after a parent complaint the movie was Ruby Bridges a historical drama about six-year-old Bridges integrating in New Orleans Elementary School in 1960s the film has been part of the school district's curriculum for decades but this year a parent refused to let her child see the movie and made a formal complaint stating and these are the parents Words the film quote teaching them racial slur kids shouldn't learn racial slur from school movie they should learn from YouTube comment Ruby Bridges story is important for kids to learn especially because it wasn't that long ago in fact Bridges is still a civil rights activist she's only 68 years old you can't act like this is ancient history 68 years old she's the same age as Seinfeld you wouldn't say gather around children I'll tell you the legend of Jerry and his puffy shirt [Applause] somebody hit the base thank you this complaint is especially stupid Dom because the movie is an hour and a half long but the parent only watched the first 50 minutes I'm going to say that seeing the whole story is kind of important here filing this complaint is like reviewing the Wizard of Oz with this 25 minute black and white tornado film is a total snooze Fest Kansas sucks Florida I got another one I got another one Florida's not the only state Banning wonderful things because recently in a Wisconsin school first graders were not allowed to sing a controversial Dolly Parton song about acceptance controversial about Dolly Parton she is a being of eternal light and rhinestones the only controversy about Dolly Parton is is she the best person now or is she always going to be the best person forever and ever amen and here's here's here's what happened a first grade teacher wanted her students to sing a lovely little song uh Rainbow Land by Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus which school officials deemed uh inappropriate so let's hear these Dangerous lyrics [Music] they're afraid of rainbows and being free to be exactly who we are these are people who are not hugged enough as children but you know who would hug them Dolly Parton in addition in addition to Rainbow lab the district also initially blocked the Muppet song Rainbow Connection although they later went back on that ruling once they learned that Kermit Miss Piggy are in a traditional frog pig sexual relationship as God intended now unsurprisingly some parents out there speculated the ban on both rainbow songs was part of a greater Crackdown within the school district on lgbtq issues yes because all Rainbows are gay that's why the school vending machine only serves gray Skittles with the slogan taste the hetero now I'm sorry I'm being told that we have a breaking news alert we can now confirm multiple Outlets are reporting do not copy Gwyneth Paltrow and blow Ozone gas up your butt Now ladies and gentlemen there's a volatile and ongoing situation so if you have children in the room let them stay because they're going to love these butt jokes here's what's happening from this actual news story earlier this month Gwyneth went on a podcast and made the following confession what's the weirdest Wellness thing that you've done I have used ozone therapy uh rectally it's pretty weird it's pretty weird yeah but very it's been very helpful yeah no I'm sure it is helpful sometimes you need a little Spritz of air to knock out that Jade egg turns out look it up turns out it's the thing turns out this is this is also this ozone thing is the thing according to the Cleveland Clinic medical grade Ozone gas administered through an ozone generating device can be inserted in your body in many ways especially after the ozone generating devices had a couple glasses of wine but I don't know why you would do it ozone is a toxic gas that is most famous for blocking solar radiation so why would you stick it where the sun don't shine but doesn't make sense not a long length walk but rectal ozone has already had one benefit it has inspired gwyneth's hottest goop product this candle smells like the ozone that's been in my butts we got a great show for you tonight my guests are our friend Edgerton and comedian Jay but when we come back my wife Evie and I have some first drafts of Easter cards stick around 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Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Views: 1,545,442

Keywords: The Late Show, Late Show, Stephen Colbert, Steven Colbert, Colbert, celebrity, celeb, celebrities, late night, talk show, comedian, comedy, CBS, joke, jokes, funny, funny video, funny videos, humor, hollywood, famous

Id: UybTM3WJovs

Length: 10min 33sec (633 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 30 2023