Parents Paid For My Bridezilla Sister's Wedding - Entitled Bridezilla Wedding Stories - Askreddit

newlyweds did your parents help pay for your wedding or did you pay for it on your own let me preface with the fact that I have a wonderful relationship with both my parents and my sister which is part of why this is especially upsetting to me two years ago I moved from Florida away from my family to California in order to be with my now fiancé my family was very supportive and they adore him in August of last year we got engaged and my entire family was super excited for us I never expected that I would get married so it was especially surprising for everyone for several reasons my fiance and I decided on having an extremely small wedding this October we originally planned on eloping but after realizing the effect that may have on our family members we decided to include our parents siblings and their children after all is said and done it will be about 20 people we're paying for this wedding ourselves we decided that we would rather invest our money into a house rather than a wedding all the same we will be spending five thousand dollars plus at this point in our life that's still a significant amount of money I've never asked for help from my parents because first I know that they don't have it to offer me and second I have always been independent I like knowing that I can do things alone fast forward to April of this year when my sister and her boyfriend get engaged I'm incredibly excited for them I know that she was a little sore that I got engaged before her not that it's a competition because she had been with her boyfriend for longer so I was stoked I'm obviously not having a large wedding but I was looking forward to talking about wedding stuff with her now that it was in both of our futures but yesterday my mother sent me a text saying that she had gone with my sister her fiance and my father to look at a potential venue I said that was really exciting I'm looking forward to traveling home to see all of our family and to celebrate their wedding in 2017 but when I asked if she had put down a deposit to hold the date my mother said we don't have the money together just yet I asked her what she meant she said your dad and me I asked her if she was planning on financing my sister's wedding and she said we are helping her out she's not as independent as you are so she needs our help besides you're across the country and here comes the petty part this really hurt my feelings I don't know how to convey my feelings without sounding like I'm being materialistic but my parents haven't offered me that same help for my wedding for the sake of full disclosure my parents have contributed 305 few dollars towards my dress which was incredibly generous of them since I expected nothing but when I hear that they are planning on financing my sister's wedding I'm kind of broken hearted especially when my mother claims it is because my sister has all of her debt and because I'm out-of-state it makes me feel like they are rewarding her irresponsible financial decisions it makes me feel like my small wedding isn't as legitimate just because we can pay for it ourselves which is part of why we made the choice to make it small anyway so that we didn't need to ask anyone to help us it makes me feel like I'm less than my sister because I don't live down the street anymore growing up I always felt like my parents did a phenomenal job making sure everything was fair and I guess now that I'm an adult I shouldn't care about things being fair because let's be honest life isn't and I know it should be grateful that I am in a better position to help myself but how can I stop this from hurting my feelings I know someone may say well did you ask for their help and no I didn't because I'm not that kind of person but I would have appreciated them offering it to me especially if they plan on doing this for my sister I would have said no thanks but at least I would have known that they wanted to help my parents brought up marriage to my boyfriend and I about a year and a half ago and we confirmed we wanted to get married they were very insistent on how we absolutely needed to book a venue as soon as possible and start planning right away even though my boyfriend hadn't proposed yet over the course of a couple of months my mom and stepdad put down a deposit of $1,000 to hold our date at the venue and I put down a deposit for a DJ and a photographer which my fiance and I are paying for I don't have a problem with that I didn't really expect my parents to pay for everything but this is where my frustration comes in from the very beginning I have tried to communicate with my mother and stepdad about what the budget was where we were going to be getting the money from etc about six months after we signed the contract for the venue my mother told me she figured the budget would be $10,000 and that her and my stepdad would pay for half and my bio dad would pay for the other half but she never stated this to begin with and the venue already ate up half that cost my dad gave me four thousand dollars to put towards the venue I told my mother who asked if she could borrow $1,000 because her and my stepdad were having a rough month and weren't going to be able to pay the mortgage I agreed because it's my mom and she promised to pay me back as soon as she had the money this was probably over six months ago now and she still hasn't paid me back I ordered my dress about two months ago and my bio dad paid for half since my dress is coming in at the end of June I've been telling my mom and stepdad almost every week I saw my mother the other night I brought up the dress again and she told me that she wasn't paying for the other half I asked her why and she said they were having a tough time with money and why did I expect her to anyways which I then reminded her of her words of paying for half of everything she then told me that she never said that then brought up the fact that my dad never paid child support he was never legally obligated to and that he didn't help us out with money after they got divorced my parents had been divorced for 17 years now I told her that's not what the wedding was about she said well he's your dad which I responded with well yeah and you're my mom she also said if worse comes to worst she would ask my grandparents for money which is literally the last thing I want to happen it's known that my grandparents have money but they're not a bank I have never asked them for money and I never want to I feel like an idiot because my mother and I are super close my stepdad is one of my best friends and my bio dad and I relationship has gotten really well over the past couple of years this is thorny my fiance and I got engaged a few months ago and are now wedding planning his family is very wealthy much more so than mine after hearing the news they offered us $60,000 to help pay for the wedding which is an insane amount to me anyways my fiance was overjoyed because we were planning on paying for it out of pocket approximately ten thousand dollars and now we don't have to spend anything however I don't want to take their money for one thing I don't feel comfortable having them pay for a wedding when my parents can't contribute in any way it would feel like my parents are lower status guests at the wedding in my opinion since only one side would be splashing cash around my parents are a lot less well-off than his and it's something that's given me pause in the past before I just don't want our wedding of all things highlighting this fact but the issue now is that I have zero savings due to recently graduating school so the entire ten to twenty thousand for the wedding would come out of my fiance's personal savings he can't understand why I'd rather spend our own or his money than his parents free money but I feel like he's being intentionally selfish cold-hearted by not considering my parents feelings I really need some help here I'm very torn and I've been ruminating on this for weeks basically my no mom was telling me she feels for drifting apart she's insinuating I'm abandoning her for no reason and was falling apart emotionally over the phone I made the mistake of telling her I'm considering moving six hours away from her and she got all weird like don't I want the family to be together don't you want to be close to me I thought our plan was to all live close to each other when you grew up then she started telling me how depressed she is and how every day my evil dad has to ask her how she's doing she pretends not to know why I'm pushing her away or excluding her from my life lots of emotional blackmail she trained me as a little kid to be her therapist and hold her up emotionally and when I failed she withdrew her love and ignores me I think she's trying to trigger that in me again to rescue her but I'm getting off the crazy train now no more my sister told me this all started when she told our know mom I sent her a list of links to engagement rings I'm considering important note s oh and I are getting engaged in the next year but were not engaged yet this triggered her abandonment fears so this horrible phone call goes down where I called to wish her a happy Mother's Day now my know mom is offering $15,000 to pay for our wedding reception and has started looking at reception venues without me in her town I'm an hour away we're not even engaged yet and she's emailing me wedding reception information packages from venues I feel so suffocated and like she's trying too enmeshed me again it was assumed I'm accepting the money even though I have a non-committal answer now the demands started she wants my cousin's in my wedding party even though I barely know them she wants me to do this because her brother's cousin's father opinion is very important to her I booked and she got mad she even insulted my friend who I said I'd rather have as a bridesmaid instead saying we're not even that close and she's weird the next time we spoke she says she just wants me to be happy and have the wedding party I want the gas lighting has started and I'm not even engaged yet so my eldest sister 28 years old got married to her longtime boyfriend 30 years old in January my sister's always been anti-marriage marriages patriarchal waste of money type person and always claimed she'd never get married she's held this belief for the past 10 years while she's been dating roofie on say so I'm sure he knows she thought this despite this she proposed to him and he said yes my family isn't religious and is white it's not important to us all to get married my other sister 26 years old has also made up her mind a hundred percent she is never ever getting married mainly because she just not interested and thinks it's pointless I also female and the youngest 21 years old don't care either way it's whatever we're Australians so it's not a thing to save money for your children's wedding and with all of us being disinterested also really my parents not making that much money my parents never saved they have however been saving to travel Europe a long time dream especially for my dad the most they have ever traveled with to New Zealand before they had children the point of this is that mum offered to pay for part of the wedding that wasn't actually going to really be a wedding until mom offered to pay my eldest sister accepted and told me it's so great that mom's helping this really annoyed me my parents have been saving to travel not pay for her wedding in my opinion they are getting old and with that comes lower health and more limitations I want them to travel not pay for this wedding that didn't exist until suddenly she wasn't paying for it and yeah I have a big mouth and told my mom that she shouldn't be giving her money meant for her and dad to travel with my other sister agreed with me wholeheartedly during the argument find out mum hasn't told Dad about her plan to use their money dad also agreed that my sister should be paying for it herself she didn't want one before so I'm not paying now I want to retire soon kind of thing now mom got upset saying how we are acting like she wouldn't offer us money and why do you have to be so negative etc and that we are just jealous she's still upset and feels the family is all against her my boyfriend and I have been living together five years now and our families have been not so subtly hinting at us getting married and having kids for the past for both sets of our parents got married around 20 and our grandparents were married around 18 one of his grandmother's pulled us aside last Christmas and offered to buy the ring so he could propose the pushing was very annoying but we think it's something we're ready to consider now however we both make little money and have student loans that are both now do we couldn't possibly afford a wedding of even $1000 but his family is large and would get all their feelings hurt if we did anything small like a courthouse wedding family is important to both of us and we want everyone to have the opportunity to celebrate since they are so eager to do so now normally for birthdays and anniversaries we all meet at a restaurant and have dinners together to celebrate these events everyone usually pays for their own meals birthday guest is usually treated so we were thinking about doing a non-traditional family only reception type party at a local amusement park that does weddings and private events the ceremony the rides and a buffet with snacks and drinks are included and it roughly comes out to 25 dollars per person my question is would it be rude to ask our family to pay fifteen to twenty dollars to join us we'd also note on the invitations that gifts are not necessary about two years ago my mother inquired about paying for the wedding because it was taking us so long to get married I declined in my mind I was planning on figuring out saving and paying for my dream wedding she wouldn't drop it and somehow made me feel guilty for rejecting such a heartfelt offer she also made sure to remind me my grandpa died while I was engaged and my grandma wanted to see us get so we made a deal that we would both put money into a wedding account to help pay for it my mom puts it in from her end and I'll send her money to put into the account here's where the bitterness has slowly been growing and it gets a bit convoluted since the time we made the agreement I've spent $3,000 plus from my own account because she takes a while to transfer they've only put $300 into the account total my parents started a new business within six months of the agreement to help pay for the wedding my parents have been collecting at least half my paychecks since I was 14 edit started at 14 and continued until I moved out but my mother regularly drops money into my little brother's bank account so he can buy clothes and go out he's not made to keep a job like I was see I'm a resentful idiot I would be fine with the situation if I could work but I can't currently I was laid off while on FMLA and I'm trying to get diagnosed so I can go back to work and be healthy but I can't deny that I'm holding a lot of resentment for my parents currently I'm their only daughter why would you offer to even help if you can't I was fine before the offer but now I'm feeling stressed about my health and the wedding I'll never in a million years tell my parents I feel this way but it doesn't change that I do and I feel like a total sack of slimy runny baby poo for feeling this way at all my amazing fiancee proposed to me a few weeks ago and I am the happiest woman ever after so many conversations we agreed to have a small intimate courthouse wedding and a couple of years later once we settle down a big religious wedding for all friends and family knowing that both families are religious the day we decided to share our thoughts everyone felt so disappointed they were happy we were engaged but they expressed their disappointment for not taking them in consideration for the wedding plans they didn't like the idea of waiting many years and after negotiating we all agreed to do it as soon as possible big and all knowing that all the family will pitch in I am personally very grateful but I don't feel very comfortable knowing that everyone will spend so much on our wedding even when they are genuinely happy I know I sound like a brat by now but far apart from feeling uncomfortable I feel so much pressure that everyone is asking for details and not liking my ideas for the wedding changing them to something they all like or prefer I don't have the heart to say no and when I do I feel like they look at me like I'm unreasonable and ungrateful or selfish I even got into a heated conversation with one of my parents because I asked them not to force me into making rush decisions I love his family and mine to pieces but I am so confused and I don't want to be an awful brat my parents are paying for the majority of our wedding future husband and I are paying open bar future husbands parents are paying for flowers my parents want the wedding invitations worded in the traditional way mr. and miss requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter etc etc maybe I'm being difficult but it is just so wordy and doesn't seem to fit with many of the contemporary invitation templates I would like to use together with their families instead since we are all celebrating together but my parents think future husband's parents should be contributing more to be included not to mention it makes me feel like a child being given away when I am in fact a 30 year old woman but I guess that's what I get for accepting their money right this has been on my chest for too long and I'm too scared to tell anyone or bring it up without starting a confrontation for a brief background my dad and mom were divorced before my birth shortly after my mom found someone else and they've been together for years even had two kids together not long ago he proposed and she accepted and for a short time I was happy for them but now it's hard for me to really even look at the two or even my dad without feeling some kind of guilt recently mom asked dad to loan money for a house now my dad is a generous person and feeling bad for my mom he logged her around $3,000 or more and for that time we trusted that she would have bought a house but instead she had put the money aside to pay for the wedding when she told me this I found it unbelievable and even more so when she asked me not to tell my dad I find it unfair how she's using him and more so how she's asking me to lie I'm torn if I tell my dad I know there will be heat but he deserves to know but part of me wants to stay silent and not say a thing because I'm scared of confrontation so I'm getting married have my cake ordered everything all set my sister her husband and their daughter are all completely vegan no animal products whatsoever will only eat from completely vegan restaurants stores all that jazz and that's perfectly fine and acceptable I myself am a vegetarian however my wedding cake and pastries are not vegan friendly so I asked her to send me what she wanted at my wedding where she wants it from blah blah blah she sends me a link to a vegan bakery like an hour away from me when I get there and get the total of everything she wants it comes out to over 400 dollars which is as much as my wedding cake was in general I called her and asked if we could split the price she flips the crap out and tells me no she should have planned on accommodating her family's needs and she won't split the bill she's threatening to not come to my wedding and not letting her daughter be my flower girl I had budgeted $200 for her special accommodations but it being over $200 more I am more stressed out than I already was because I'm getting married now it feels like everything is falling apart [Music]

Channel: undefined

Views: 30,187

Rating: 4.8686132 out of 5

Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, askreddit girls, reddit women, reddit girls, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit wedding, reddit marriage, reddit spoiled, reddit sister, reddit evil sister, reddit worst sister, reddit bridezilla, reddit bride, reddit entitled bride, spoiled bride, bridezilla wedding, expensive wedding, wedding stories

Id: A3HFsTkIg3s

Length: 17min 20sec (1040 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 16 2020