Parents Blames Me For Corrupting My Younger Siblings By Moving Out To Avoid Babysitting... AITA

[Music] parenting stories am i the a-hole for moving to avoid babysitting for my parents which prompted my siblings to do the same i'm 22 mil the oldest brother of nine siblings i have five younger brothers and three sisters my sister is 20 and my brother is 19. youngest is four years old and my other siblings ages range from 16 years to 7 years my parents would have had way more kids but my mom suffered from several miscarriages pretty much since i was six i had to take care of all my siblings i could never go out because my parents were working and nobody to take care of my siblings i loved my siblings but i hated never having freedom it used to annoy me like crazy that they would just pop one kid after another our house wasn't that big so everyone shared rooms never had any private space parents made good money but because of so many kids they struggled financially years later i found out the reason why they had so many kids it's because they weren't using any protection at all my mom said they didn't believe in using protection and any kids they had were because of god's will if they didn't get pregnant that was fine if they did it was because that was god's plan i was so mad since i was the one also stuck taking care of all these kids because they're too stubborn to use protection since it's against their beliefs when my mom got pregnant again with my youngest sibling i waited till my 18th and moved out that day made sure i moved far too one hour away so i had that excuse when my sis turned 18 she begged me to let her live with me and i said sure my bro did too eventually my sister has already moved out but he's still there with me while we continue our college classes they saw that i limited contact with my parents to avoid getting stuck babysitting so they wanted out too now my younger bro who's 16 is spending more time at my place because he hates it at home my parents are mad at me for dipping out on them since that's made my other siblings not want to be responsible for the younger ones either my dad told me they're hurt i turned my back on my family and have made my siblings do the same because i'm the older one so i have the most influence on them and ever since i left they followed with the same attitude a part of me does feel bad that they're having a hard time but at the same time i feel they brought that on themselves just thinking they could have however many kids and expecting us all to just live with their actions just wondering if i'm the a-hole for how this all happened now for the top comments not the a-hole tell them it was god's plan not the a-hole it sounds like your parents used you to parent your siblings there is an actual term for this parentification there is obviously a spectrum to perification of how much responsibility the child is expected to have but it sounds like you know that what your parents expected from you was an unfair amount you didn't choose to have those kids they are not your kids but you are forced to look after them well done for being able to get out and start looking after your own needs in a way it sounds like you are still parenting your siblings by letting the older ones live with you but as long as you are happy to do so and that you don't feel you have to never heard of that word before to be honest but it's different now with my bro we both take care of our own things so we're more like roommates and brothers obviously than anything not the a-hole you didn't choose to have all those kids your parents did the younger children are their responsibility and not yours end of story not the a-hole you didn't turn your back on your family you are choosing to live your life and be a brother instead of a babysitter and after all that opie is still letting three of his siblings live with him that shows a very large capacity for kindness that i'm not sure i'd have in that situation op could be living completely independently but instead is sharing his living space with dependents in assuming they don't pay much towards costs because he loves his siblings [Music] now for the next story am i the a-hole for no longer saving money for my step-daughter's college saving after she took my deceased daughter's poems my 13 year old daughter passed away from septic shock after she was suffering from organ failure it was hell it has been and will always be a struggle for me i still have those same feelings of hopelessness loneliness and sadness even though it's been nearly four years i met my now wife who's a single mother of a 14 year old daughter she's quite smart however she treats me poorly and sometimes would yell at me when she's angry with someone else she made it clear that she had zero intentions of treating me like her dad and would always feel as if i was trying to be her dad even though all i ask from her is basic respect i have some poems from my deceased daughter that i keep with me she loved poetry and loved writing poems and songs even when she was at the hospital i knew she was fine whenever i saw her holding her book and pencil and writing poems i was always the first to look at what she wrote a few days before she passed away she wanted me to keep those poems and stopped writing new ones it's like she couldn't even put together any words to write down it was devastating seeing her like this and that's how i knew something was wrong i'd read those poems occasionally or whenever my heart feels heavy my wife and i are currently saving money for my stepdaughter's college and i've been contributing for over a year now but i don't talk about it so my stepdaughter wouldn't think i was trying to control her yesterday i found out that she took my daughter's poems even though i tell her not to touch them several times but yesterday she completely disrespected me and took them when i told her to give them back and we were arguing she only gave me some of them and casually said she lost the rest i lost it and blew up on her for what she did saying she just wanted to look at them but the papers were filled with markers and it was clear she ruined them i was so angry especially when she tried to say it was nothing and had an attitude as well i told my wife i will no longer be saving money for my stepdaughter's college fund after this and my wife was upset saying i made a huge decision over a mistake from her daughter and that i would mess with her future out of spy but i refused to discuss it because i was so angry she didn't even apologize and my wife says that my reaction was huge but those poems are very very important to me i feel terrible and i'm sick of hearing she's a kid now for the top comments not the a-hole if your wife doesn't understand how horrible what her daughter did and punish her appropriately i would call this a deal-breaker not the a-hole it is not the responsibility of step parents to save for college of the step kid while i would suggest maybe stopping for a year then re-evaluating it is completely op's discretion nta nta ntea your stepdaughter did a maliciously cruel thing and she isn't even sorry about it your response is warranted i would get you all in family therapy asap because she's only going to escalate and it will ruin your marriage eventually and the wife is calling it a mistake there was no mistake your stepdaughter willfully and maliciously ruined one of the things you truly treasure from your daughter your wife can't understand it because she's not in your position her daughter needs therapy i'd say this is a deal breaker not the a-hole but it's time for a serious discussion with wife and nurse han your wife is disregarding her spawn's behavior but most importantly your feelings that is not okay she should be on your side what her spawn did was so hugely invasive and disgusting best of luck next story is titled i lashed out and called my mom a failure of a mother which i think is true but i still regret saying it my 16 female mom and dad met when my mom was 19 and my dad was 22 dated for three months break up six months later mom finds out she's pregnant dad says he wants proof it's his paternity test and that was that they were supposed to have split 50 50 custody until i was about seven and my mom decided she didn't want to be a parent anymore she left and i lived with my dad full-time since everyone else had their moms i was confused and hurt i constantly asked my dad if i did anything wrong and was honestly distraught for the first six months my dad and his mom tried to put me in therapy but since my mom's mom was still in the picture it didn't quite work every time we found someone they would say something mom's mom didn't like and they got the boot eventually we dropped therapy and my mom came back when i was around nine or ten she wants a perfect back to normal relationship i was confused and i said something that pissed her off that i can't even remember to be honest and she hit me dad walked in screaming match she leaves six months later they make up i stopped caring and honestly forgot it happened and then there was visitation i saw her every sunday eventually she showed up less and less and for the last year i've seen her once a month she's 35 and honestly acts like a teenager even after losing a child she didn't mature she's constantly talking crap about family members i've never met and gets upset when i don't play along today she was complaining about her mother her mom got hit by a car a few years ago and from what i understand she wasn't the best my mom was on a tirade and at one point she said i understand i'm not the best mother but at least i never snorted lines of coke in front of my kids i told her that didn't set the bar very high most people can make that claim she asked what that meant and i told her most people can say they've never snorted coke in front of children it escalated really quickly her calling me a [ __ ] fg i'm pansexual and me saying i wish she died in labor rather than what was supposed to be my brother looking back i wouldn't have gone that far but it's too late now eventually i snapped and told her she was a failure of a mother and that i didn't consider her a parent apparently that struck a nerve i'm not sure why because that's definitely not the worst thing i said but she started crying and told me to drive myself home since i hated her so much i did end up driving myself home i didn't feel bad at the time but now i feel kinda guilty she's confided in me before about her worst insecurity being failing as a parent now for the top comments me saying i wish she died in labor rather than what was supposed to be my brother eventually i snapped and told her she was a failure of a mother and that i didn't consider her a parent jesus we pulling out the big guns most people already seem to help you but i just want to point something out she's confided in me before about her worst insecurity being failing as a parent i don't think she cares about failing as a parent i think she cares about people thinking she is a failure as a parent ding ding ding you can apologize for peace of mind on your end if you'd like let's be clear she was a failure of a mother and you have every right to feel the way you do she got upset because you told the truth she sounds toxic and i personally wouldn't keep her in my life especially since she keeps walking out of yours but that's your decision i do suggest therapy because how she treated you sounds traumatic the woman doesn't deserve an apology period however some people like to keep things as cordial as possible so opaque and if she wants to however she needs to cut off her mother she's never one to be honest being a mom isn't just popping kids out it's about being with them always she wasn't she's a horrible person and don't bother about getting hurt you spelled out what she did and you lived it while you're a child that's way worse woman's poison now for the last story am i the a-hole for telling my mom i don't give a crap her sister went missing when she wouldn't let me go to a job interview my mom's sister went missing when she was 12 and my mom was 14. because of that she never gave me freedom and never lets me leave the house i was home schooled and i'm forced to do online college against my will i'm only allowed to leave the house to go grocery shopping with her go to the library with her and to go to a park near our house if i want fresh air her excuse whenever i say i've been in the house too long i'm writing this on my cousin's old iphone 6s since i'm not allowed to have a phone or any social media and i'm using her xfinity hotspot to do so i'm 20. she's never let me work before i so desperately want a job so i can move out and never speak to her again i literally plan to move to a different state and change my name i applied to a job on the library computer as a tutor for kids because i'm really good in school and i'm an education major so it would be nice practice i got a job interview and it's walking distance from my house but the interview was in the corporate office which is 20 minutes away my cousin agreed to drive me there she only lets me leave the house with my cousin and only maybe twice a year she found out that the movie my cousin told her we were going to watch our cover story wasn't playing that day and she told me i couldn't leave the house with her ever again because we were lying about where we were going i was so pissed because my interview was in an hour i told her the truth that i'm going to a job interview and she blew up she told me i know i'm not allowed to work until i graduate and after that she wants me to be an online school teacher and never move out and that i can't go i started crying screaming why i can't have a job and she said that i know because of her sister that she's traumatized of letting me out of her sight and working isn't needed because she gives me a 20 allowance a month i told her i don't give a crap that her sister went missing and she stopped talking and ran into a room bowling my aunt called me off the home phone to say that she's disgusted with me and that my mom's shielding me from potentially getting hurt even though she lets my cousin have a normal life and i shouldn't have said that about my missing aunt and that puts me in the wrong now for the top comments not the a-hole but she can't stop you if she tries call the police she's holding you against your will exactly i don't know what country you live in but in most i'd hope all but i truly don't know it is illegal to hold you against your own will in your home if you are an adult her trauma does not excuse her behavior in any way and is frankly downright abusive at this point you're not being protected from the world you're being held from it when you leave maybe make sure there is evidence that you are choosing to leave of your own free will if you can not the a-hole what your mother is doing constitutes abuse she has interfered with your normal social development and apparently has no plans to set you free to have your life can you call adult protective services and child protective services in your community and talk with them about your circumstances they might have helpful information for you you might well need the assistance of an outside adult or agency to help free yourself from this abuse also op could look into things like working on a cruise ship or camp or dude ranch etc they usually provide housing and a paycheck most places i've been always need wait staff slash cleaners not sure where op is located but if it's in the states coolworks is a good place to check out there are also things i've done like work away where a place houses feeds you and you work a portion of your time helping them which can also be good for resume building and leave time for an outside job you just need to find a way to get there edit some of these may be slowed by covid but many are still operating and need people just to keep things in order and there are probably a lot of jobs for people looking for a nanny tutor right now as well especially if opi explains some of what she's been through i just wanted to throw out there that there are some options for people who need a place to work and live not the a-hole your mom is mentally ill and you are a prisoner this needs to be higher because at this point op's mother is criminally insane she is literally holding her daughter hostage and abusing her on multiple levels op you need to get out asap your mother is not just insane she is dangerous and i'm frightened to think of what she could do to you if she thinks she's losing control over you parents like your mother have killed their children in their own bat crap thinking of keeping them safe and that's it for this video guys if you have thoughts to share leave a comment below don't forget to hit like and subscribe if you like this content i'll catch you in the next one good day [Music] everyone

Channel: RedditOutLoud Relationships

Views: 54,960

Rating: 4.9258752 out of 5

Keywords: bf, aita, r/aita, relationship advice, reddit stories, update, bridezilla, entitled people, cheating, girlfriend, wife, husband, divorce, parenting, relationship, advice, mother in law, relationship stories, dna results, not the father, parental, reddit update, reddit relationship advice, reddit relationship, reddit cheating, aita update, family drama, open marriage, Curious Redd, open relationship, x bf, caught, stories, cheat, x gf, reddit, askreddit, RedditOutLoud, surviving, infidelity

Id: PCwW_u54VbU

Length: 16min 33sec (993 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 16 2020