Our FIRST wedding night! What really happens?? | virginity, expectations, being scared, etc!

oh my god why are you guys talking about this this  is soldier all hi everyone hey guys welcome back   to another video if you are new here my name is  jasmine and this is my husband and we make videos   together here on YouTube before we get started  we'd love for you to subscribe to our Channel it   would mean so much to us and if you hit that Bell  notification button down there as well you'll be   the first to be notified whenever we post a video  anyways let's get started on today's advice video   we did an advice video not too long ago and all  of you guys loved it we left an email address   for you guys there just let you know that email  address is wrong there I corrected it in the   comments but I'll put the correct one over here  that way if you have any advice that you'd like   us to answer in our next video you can send it to  this address and hopefully we'll get to that so I   was reading through a lot of your emails and a  very common topic is about the first night of   marriage a lot of people have a lot of questions  about the experience what to expect how was it   all that kind of stuff and I totally understand  the curiosity and the lack of knowledge and that   type of yeah because we don't really talk about  it in our Muslim cultures and I know that a lot   of parents are uncomfortable talking about that  and it's just not really addressed much in our   in our community right so maybe our advice video  here will kind of help you kind of reassure you   and put you at ease because guys it's really not  as serious as you think it is you really don't   have to worry that much I totally understand why  you guys are worrying I was at that point at one   time in my life but it's not worth worrying  about you'll be fine I'm just gonna say that   at the beginning you'll be fine don't worry so  even though that we've got starts off by saying   hey Jasmine I'm engaged I've been engaged for 11  months my wedding is on the 12th of August and let   me tell you I'm really really scared about the  first like I cannot even imagine the situation   I don't know what to do at all and I can't get  myself to get used to this idea please give me   advice all right first of all you did not mention  my name email it's clearly states in the email   second of all we're talking about like personally  as in the thing the thing you think you think   yeah so this girl mentions that she's really  scared about her first night of marriage she's   getting married soon no idea what to expect and  I can totally relate to that like you guys don't   understand how nervous I was going into marriage  although Meenu like we're very close they're very   open about our relationship we just talk about  a lot of things and make sure that we were on   the same page but I was still very nervous cuz I  had no hope 'fl your partner totally understands   yeah going into it I was really really nervous  I had no idea what to expect and all I knew was   the basics and that's pretty much it now now  that I've passed that stage I can kind of share   with you guys my perspective and my advice from  someone who is newly married and someone who is   basically in your exact spot at one point so um  first off I want to say there is really no need   to be scared I know that the idea of it can be  scary but I think if you go about it in a caring   manner if your partner is caring and if you guys  do it at your own pace I think that is when it   becomes less scary and you get more comfortable  personally speaking I obviously shared my like   emotions my thoughts with the wood and I told  him that this is a pretty scary moment for me I   have no idea what to expect and blah blah blah so  he had an idea that I was uncomfortable a little   bit and he did everything this time for sure as  a guy we have our own rules where you make her   feel comfortable about the whole situation you  don't just go into it and I expect it's gonna   happen like this also keep in mind guys that like  virgin females actually feel pain yes like it's   painful for us versus like let's say a virgin  male like years old it doesn't hurt for us guys   whoever hurt her for you guys for all those  virgin dudes out there it doesn't hurt for us but like I think like having the expectation that  it's just gonna happen on the first night and   it's gonna be like this this that that's such  an unrealistic image of what your first night   okay you can't blame people who are thinking  that no I know it's it's taboo to talk about   it nobody really talks about at all it's not  like you can walk into the mosque and like all   of a sudden there's a lecture I like shareable  SDX but there's no lectures nobody teaches us   there's a calm question to Hoskins yeah I don't  blame people for not understanding worried yeah   yeah and that's that's definitely something  that I think community should be working on   and it should be something that is openly spoken  about in a respectful manner that's my personal   opinion and I know that inch although we have  kids that's that's a topic that I want my kids   to feel comfortable talking to me about and  asking me questions about because that's how   I was with my mom she helped me I was your mom  yeah she helped me a lot I definitely had the   friendship relationship with her and look who's  my friend yeah more than anything I can see some   people having that kind of yeah but most people  don't most people like I definitely I definitely   don't and I guess my parents probably didn't want  to teach me about sex until I was older and they   probably realized that he already knows about  your probably already so then I can talk this   on it's 14 years old here this is that ya know  they we just learned as a guy we just learned   through school yeah and a lot of people end up  learning through websites that they shouldn't be   on and guys that's not realistic Oh like don't  is that gets me don't even go into that because   it really sets you up for failure when it comes to  having a real relationship and having it's like a   school yeah first of all and yeah I just it just  gives you a unrealistic image of what marriage   and intimacy is going to be like so do not go on  to those websites and do your research for that   don't just don't do that it's super unhealthy  it's addictive how does how do people find out   then so I guess like it depends on each person  is different I know that our community doesn't   do a great job at talking about it basically  videos like this kind of give you guys a little   bit more of a kind of like a casual perspective of  what to expect yeah our opinions not professional   yeah very unprofessional yeah our advice is just  our experience soul take everything with a grain   of salt but we could relate to most people so  I totally understand where she's coming from in   the email because I totally felt exactly what she  felt and a lot of the time we work ourselves up a   lot and then we find out later that I wasn't even  that bad and that's pretty much the situation how   it was for me I worked myself up so much and  I was like this is what I was doing so what   do people tell you and you're like what did you  think it was yeah yeah so I think before marriage   I heard people saying like I heard some people  saying it will hurt much like it would be the   most painful thing you've ever felt in your life  wouldn't suck you might enjoy it yeah you won't   even enjoy it like it will take so long for you  to even understand it like Oh like my stuff and   then I heard the other side of like oh it doesn't  hurt at all it's over if you're yeah if you're if   you're with the right person it won't hurt you  yeah like if you're comfortable with a person   and then like I also like I don't know I just  heard like a whole bunch of mixed opinions of   what it's like and I and that just shows you that  every person's experience is different there's no   right or wrong experience as long as you are happy  and healthy and comfortable there's no experience   that is the wrong experience to have if you ask  a bunch like maybe ten girls they'll all give you   like a slightly different version of how they  felt so going into it I had mixed opinions in   my head of what to expect and that was the most  confusing part it's I just I just knew so many   different versions of what could happen and I was  like I wonder which one is gonna be my experience   and this is like like you're constantly thinking  about a wallet like you off leading up to it like   I'm pretty sure leading up to peoples wedding day  there they're always thinking about it like I have   no even girls that were like dancing in their  wedding and all they could think about was like   shoot I'm gonna go home and do something that  I've never done before and it's like scary okay   but like then I don't think it happens there go on  the very first night no and it doesn't that's the   thing that I also want to say that having the  expectation that your night of marriage is the   night of all things like no it doesn't necessarily  have to happen in the first night it's definitely   a process for most people I mean it could it could  happen in a deficit each other naked for the first   time yeah you can't just see someone they can go  right into it some people do I I don't know but   like like we've said it's different experience for  everyone but don't feel like if your experience   not like the movies or not like those websites  that it's wrong great like realistically things   don't happen just like like that you would go  from you go from being to people like this to   to people like this oh it's a very different  guys you know for the guys that are gonna be   watching this and one day you'll get married $1  don't force anything to happen because it doesn't   happen the first night it will eventually happen  just be patient don't force anything on the girl   trust me it's very hard for them it's not easy  for them so you gotta take it easy on them and   make sure just be just yeah just find and caring  about it I think be understanding so having a   partner that is client understanding is really  really important it's definitely it definitely   makes the experience a lot easier on you but again  everyone's experience is going to be different and   I think the best way to prepare for it is to try  to maybe even like talk to your partner about it   right like I remember I spoke to double devoted to  Lynn like yeah I'm nervous for that to happen like   obviously I've never done that before and all  I know about it is from like different bits and   pieces that I've heard for people so he definitely  knew that I was super nervous about it and I guess   he took that into consideration when it was our  time and he made me feel very comfortable so I   think that's the most important part but I don't  blame you guys for feeling nervous it's just a   matter of like realizing that it's not as bad as  it can see him and trust me if our parents did   it don't forget after you've done after you're  married you know you're getting intimate for   the with the person that you've been talking to  for a while and you know there's kissing of all   that kissing for the first time all these things  whole doesn't really happen right away on the   first night there's a lot of things there's a lot  of things explored before it actually happens so   yeah it's it's not necessary going to happen all  of it on this on the first night and I think a lot   of people are trying to stress that essentially  you are experiencing a whole bunch of things yes   that point onwards right like everything  becomes hanna per se and everything yeah so like it's kind of like diving into a whole new  world and to expect for all of that to happen on   the first night that's just really unrealistic  I know a lot of my friends had their weddings   and like the first night they were like I'm so  dead tired we're just gonna no no and then they   head over to their honeymoon and then like it may  happen there and may not so like it's definitely   not required to do it on the first night or to  accomplish anything on the first night guys you   have the rest of your life together it's bound to  stop and you guys can take your time and do what   feels best for you but I think where things get  a little troublesome is when one partner expects   something and the other partner accept something  different yeah that could be fun so let's say   like let's say I was like oh yeah we're having  it on the first thing that my partner's like oh   I'm kind of tired like that's not you know like I  think when there's a disconnect like that that's   hard that's actually so hardly imagine how many  expectations and it just doesn't happen the way   you want which is why we're trying to say that  don't have these unrealistic expectations like   just go with the flow go with what makes you  feel comfortable try not to think about it too   much and just live through it I think that's the  best advice that I can give and once you're in   that situation you will totally understand that  it does not just happen on the first night yeah   not for everybody per say yeah some of the night  some might not it just depends every experience is   different and believe me guys it's like nature  takes its course you end up knowing what to do   it's not like rocket science really it's it's  nothing it's nothing to be super worried about   in terms of logistics like technic technicalities  like there's nothing really to be worried about in   that sense as long as you're having a good time  you're enjoying yourself you're in a healthy   relationship that's all that matters and again  every person's experience is different there's   no you know what's awesome about doing this video  I really didn't I didn't really have to say much   because it's all about the girls perspective I  mean the girls perspective is very different than   a guy yeah sure as a guy you know you just have to  respect the woman and like actually some guys go   into the having sex not knowing anything either  soul and like I also read another email saying   that like she feels naive that she doesn't know  anything about like the intimacy after marriage   whereas all her friends do and all her like  Western friends do and honestly guys don't feel   naive eventually you learn yeah I don't don't feel  embarrassed about yeah there's there's nothing to   be embarrassed about it's obviously super common  not to be knowledgeable in that field because you   basically have no experience in that field and  it's not really discussed in our community so   I don't expect people to know and you guys should  feel embarrassed by that either anyone that makes   you feel embarrassed or naive or whatever what  is it that makes people feel embarrassed and   naive illogical I think it's because in a Western  society everyone knows the ins and outs of this   type of topic well when it comes to like a Muslim  girl for example that doesn't discuss it openly   like there has a watched porn or has it been  exposed to things like that yeah she's obviously   gonna be like well I'm I'm twenty-something and  that person's 19 and she knows everything yeah   yeah for sure but like look at your parents time  for example back in the day yeah there was no in   Thai I feel like I feel like they're just like  when we got married and they just did it right   away and I said done and over with yeah think  about it there was no way there was like what   do they learn seriously I guess it's honestly I'm  gonna dance human nature it's human nature takes   its course you'll eventually understand what to  do and there just happens and slowly but surely   you're not gonna be your understanding of each  other the first night you guys and I actually   think it's a lot better to go in blindly than to  go in with unrealistic access because I'd rather   be in our parents time where they went into things  blindly and not having the Internet than being in   our time where we're exposed to pornography and  all these like movies and whatever and thinking   that it's like a certain way and I'm going to and  be like yes sure and you know what the first time   you actually do it it's not what you expect either  definitely not it's like it's totally different   than it was then and now because you start  learning the person's to understanding the person   more you start understand what you both it's a  journey it's a journey and like you will always   learn and always continue to learn throughout the  journey yeah so it definitely was not like first   maypole like feel like now so yeah don't don't  don't also this is a good point yeah don't think   that your first night is gonna be like a fairy  tale like moments where everything falls in place   the shoe fits and Celer Allah has her moment is  not ha does not really happen like that's such a   good point like I can't believe we almost forgot  to say this way that is not true it's not a fairy   tale the first time you I mean maybe it will be  maybe all I know is from our experience it was like you were Prince Charming yeah so don't expect  it to be like movie type of scene guys that's all   be ashes yeah it's not it's not real real life  you'll notice you'll eventually realize is very   very different if anything think it's better  movies it's a lot more real it's genuine and   nothing like you'll definitely learn to get some  chemistry with your partner to get to that point   and you'll understand where the movies yeah point  chemistry something you built yeah relationship   nope you think you know the personnel but when you  start living with the person it's very different   so marriage life is so different than your like  little romance or for marriage is so different   than your romance within marriage because you  like you're learning each other fully when you're   married versus like your engagement period or  your dating period or whatever it's very like   superficial almost so when you are actually  married to the person your relationship like   changes in so many different ways and there's  a lot of things they need to learn and absorb   older person in another email that I got there  was also a really like interesting question she   mentions when and how when and how would you  ask your partner what their likes / dislikes   are so you can have the same expectations when  in your relationship should you discuss like   what you like versus what you don't like so that  you have see that you're on the same page when it   comes to here it goes back to what we were saying  before like you build chemistry this person you   don't build chemistry with no communication you  build chemistry through talking so and you tell   each other like what you like and what you dislike  right away like I think when during our engagement   period we were like very open with each other  and obviously I didn't fully know what I liked   and disliked because I had to experience much so  you also can talk about this after marriage when   you start experiencing things together you can  kind of sit down be like I like that I don't like   that I wish she did then more of this I wish she  didn't do that so he's definitely ya know on the   go it's not something like you have to like jump  into marriage in you guys have to be able to not   like that it's definitely a journey and you go  to school work together q point out of all this   is the first night a marriage is not what you  expect 100% maybe to some people who got lucky   but in most unless you like and realistically  guys in real life things usually aren't perfect   well I didn't in a day we still feel like it  was perfect it was perfect the way it happened   wasn't it was the way was supposed to happen  we enjoyed it and it was enjoyed it and then   from there just grew and grew and grew and grew  and we're still learning from each other we've   been together we've been married for yeah we're  still learning you know I mean not it's not even   just the boss se exes or everything we're still  learning each other yeah it's definitely like   it's marriage is more than just sex that's 100  percent and don't base your whole marriage success   on that part it's definitely an important part  way but it's definitely something that you can   gradually learn to work gradually learn to kind  of make it a better experience for the both of   you and sure as long as you have an understanding  yeah communication having a good partner a caring   partner both of you guys should be caring towards  its each other you should hear each other out   that's the best part about being in a relationship  with someone you love because then that you're   comfortable talking to them about anything great  I actually enjoyed the discussion and at first I   was very uncomfortable talking about this but I  hope this helps a lot of people and I'm so okay   with people being open about it and commenting  in the comments below about not their experience   per se but like hopefully to help other people  that are about to get married and that have no   idea what to do on that note if anyone has any  like Islamic resources any type of lectures or   any type of articles or anything from Islamic  standpoint about this topic that can help anyone   that's getting newly married or is worried about  this kind of situation leave it in the comments   down below so that people can like check it out  these sources because I don't know personally of   any like reliable Islamic sources about these  type of topics because they're very taboo and   not many people talk about it and obviously you  don't want just expected to youtubers you want   oh sure a more well-rounded understanding of what  to expect so definitely leave those in the comment   I hope we started something people will learn  from this specific video and look down at the   comment section learn for their future ultimately  I don't think this is something that people should   be ashamed to talk about definitely a personal  thing but we're talking about it in more of an   educational / our experience and we're trying our  best to do this in a way that's like respectful   and hopefully that comes across to you guys as  well and yeah hopefully some people don't take   it the wrong way but oh my god why are you guys  talking about this this is so harm one it's not   Haram two is human nature and three like it's part  of life so you guys can go away don't even bother   yeah hopefully this message comes across the right  way again if you guys have any questions for us   you can send it to this email address over here  I check it daily and I'm always like scheduling   our videos and we're so so adopted do more advices  yeah any questions yeah yeah hopefully we'll get a   chance to answer them especially if there are  more common questions like this one I kind of   compiled a bunch of emails and hopefully this  helps some of you guys I'm sure that just puts   you guys at ease a little bit and this makes it  easier this video made this video put me on easy   right now hopefully this video is preparing us to  talk to our future children at all level this is something I want to work on because our parents  like my mom did a good job I think like parents   in general don't really like discussing this so  hopefully this kind of sets us up yeah you know   what it will maybe I could help my kid yeah  cuz I'd rather them learn through us through   them through friends my sub sources and all that  kind I want them to have a realistic education   and realistic understanding yeah that's it  for us leave any comments down below of how   you feel about this topic any type of insights  that you have you can leave it down below and   we'll definitely be reading it don't forget to  subscribe and like the video and turn on that   notification like we said and we'll see you in  the next video so if I were to like pull up your   search history from when you were sixteen  years old what would I find like whatever   you searched while you were 16 and curious  oh hell no we're not getting into that oh   whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa hello whoa hello  whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa well well well well

Channel: Jasmine & Dawoud

Views: 1,892,386

Keywords: wedding night, virginity, the first night, muslim couple, muslim relationship, jasmine and dawoud, jasmine, the first time, islamic marriage, marriage, wedding expectations, marriage vlog, funny, awkward, lebanese, toronto, muslim wedding night

Id: EAjGbu4-m6A

Length: 26min 25sec (1585 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 22 2020