OP Refused to Give Her Son's Future Partner Their Traditional Wedding Jewelry Because It Was Desi...

first story my entitled ex-wife wants me to babysit her a fair child and basically wants me to act as a father figure I hate this child what should I do this post is about me M39 my ex-wife F39 our two sons M7 M9 and the affair my ex-wife had that resulted in the end of our marriage as well as a third child will call Maxim 5 I've been thinking about posting something like this for a few days I have to admit that reading the recent post by uak ed01 is the thing pushed me to sit down and try to type this out I think that what I want to talk about is parenting stuff but I'm going to start by talking about the affair and dissolution of our relationship my wife confessed to the affair about a week after telling me she was pregnant so you know a week I'd spent excited about what I thought was going to be my child it turns out no it was an emotionally traumatic time I might have been able to work through the infidelity but I made the ultimatum that she had to end the pregnancy she was philosophically opposed to abortion and I knew this she stuck to her morals in that particular instance and so I initiated a divorce she has since married her Affair partner regarding custody of our sons there was a period of more conflict and resistance I took the boys in the initial period of Max's infancy and in the initially highly emotionally injured State I was in I sought full permanent custody but I wasn't likely to be successful and I was eventually persuaded that despite the breakdown of my relationship with her it's in my sons best interest to have their mother in their lives today to the amazement of everyone else in my life my ex and I remain cooperating Partners in the Parenthood of our children for the last 2 years we've shared week to we custody of our two sons this upcoming school year Max is going to be old enough to attend the same school about a month ago I got sat down by my ex her partner and all three boys and they all want Max to travel back and forth with the boys each week and effectively live with me 50% of the time seriously there are some arguments for it admittedly the three boys are friends and brothers and as much as I resent it splitting them up regularly does seem like a weird sibling Dynamic that could have poor consequences I'm angry with my ex for broaching the topic with the boys before me but it's also an entirely reasonable thing for the boys to have an opinion on I agreed what was I supposed to say no why not I can't say because I hate that Max exists so I said okay I do hate him I know he doesn't deserve to be hated I know he's no more responsible for the circumstances of his conception than any of us but knowing that doesn't seem to matter he's a walking talking reminder of all the worst emotions that I've ever felt I'm coming to the end of his second week staying with us and the boys we have moved him into my home and made space for him I hate the sound of his voice if he needs help in the kitchen I am immediately annoyed with no good reason I'm constantly angered by his limitations limitations that are entirely in line with being a 5-year-old things I would never get angry with my sons over I'm short-tempered and just just energized with this useless visceral anger I feel like the last years of my life have been a carousel of humiliations and degradations the only way I've been able to keep everything together is by constantly repeating to myself that pragmatic argument that no matter how authentic my grievances are and no matter how Justified I am in my anger it doesn't help me or my sons for me to devolve into an embittered rage hermit just hold my tongue breathe deeply and force myself to do the thing that will actually help so I remain in regular contact with their mother and I talk to her politely on the topics that I have to since recognizing that I don't have the legal power to exclude him from my son's lives I have been cordial with Max's father the fact that I've been able to do these things has been the only thing about myself worth feeling good about but maybe it's not worth feeling good about maybe I regret being civil because in Max's presence that pragmatic argument is just not enough it's like all the anger I've set aside through sheer force of will returns at once and possesses me while I have to talk to him I thought I was doing the right thing but if I had remained combative and negative I never would have ended up in this position what do I do I'm constantly thinking I want to back out to say no I can't do this I'm sorry but how could I justify that no one else in the situation will be happy with that the boys certainly don't understand why there would be a reason for them to be treated differently based on their parentage my oldest has told me so explicitly in a moment that made me feel both proud of him and ashamed of my own anger their mother and her partner would be [Music] but Max is theirs and it's supremely effed up for them to do this to you they are both praying on your weakness to capitalize on free child care I can guarantee you that spending 50% of his time with a person who hates him will do worse for Max than having to stay home with his parents while his brothers stay with their father op yes the arrangement includes them regularly paying me a substantial and reasonable amount we've been sharing most child care expenses already youtil your ex is asking too much of you you need to find a way to end this Arrangement or at least take a break from it while you work through your emotions and figure out how best to move forward it sounds like you never fully recovered from what your ex did you should consider counseling or a psychologist for yourself Max has done nothing wrong he's a child however the circumstances of his arrival in this world ruined your life as you knew it having him around is a constant reminder of how your life has been impacted now your ex is making you accommodate the results of her actions so that she can have her ideal family situation no you should not be trying to accommodate her your concern should be for your sons only she needs to handle this herself Opie tell me about it man I just said in another comment that I wish I could go out of contact with her it's like despite all the anger and hurt I've not actually gotten over her and now I just have to regularly interact with her and watch her be happy and it just really stinks wishing gunas if you don't feel like you can adequately take in this child and not treat him any differently than your own children I don't think think you should do it yes it might be weird for your boys that they are separated from their other brother at times but ultimately that's not your fault the boy deserves to be in a home where he is treated as equal to his brothers based on your feelings for him I imagine that would be an incredibly difficult thing for you to do I understand 100% he is a manifestation of the pain and problems you have suffered you are clearly a very caring person for even being concerned about this but you ultimately know what you are capable of if you cannot have this boy in your home without resenting and hating him you should not have him that's not going to be healthy for anyone in the long run update hey everyone it's been a few weeks since you heard from me I guess I'm kind of in a spot to update now so my post got a lot of feedback and it was pretty much unanimous I heard from lots of people parents and Sons and Daughters in Blended families people who'd been cheated on themselves people who were Max in their own families and you all told me what I should have been able to admit myself that this was not normal that no one had ever heard of an arrangement like this I resolved to end the arrangement and met with my ex-wife and her partner to tell them a few days after I posted Midway through their custody week many people advised me to speak to my boys about it first like my ex did to me but I wanted to deliver the message before having to take Max again I was thinking that it might be better to instead call them out on that behavior and try to get them to agree not to include the boys in that level of discussion before me and then we could all sit down with the boys the meeting did not go well they were both pretty mad at me I had tried to prepare for it to be uncomfortable I told myself just to be polite and firm that I didn't owe them an explanation Beyond I'm sorry it's not working out I guess he had made some career moves based on this schedule that I was effing up in hindsight I do feel sort of responsible for that frustration in that I regret agreeing to this arrangement in the first place but in the moment I really was not giving a f about this man's work life balance then he said something about how I wasn't being fair and that they just wanted a fair custody Arrangement that made me very mad thinking about this all while typing it out has my heart hammering I have some different opinions on fairness I said some pretty htty regrettable things to both of them and then we were all screaming at each other for a while and then I stormed out and didn't talk to the boys I didn't get to talk to my boys for several days until they handed me off they immediately were asking about why Max wasn't with them and I prepared for it held a more serious talk with them than I had to this point I talked about how great it is that they enjoy spending time with Max but that I'm their father and that Max has his own father to spend time with I also talked about how this whole spectacle of Our Lives is difficult for me and that I don't like having to spend only every other week with them their mother's decision to start another family with Max's father and Max still makes me sad this is pretty awfully difficult stuff to talk about I've been pretty strict with myself about not venting about my son's mother up until now but effectively that's meant I haven't really talked about her or our breakup at all if you can't say anything nice as they say trying to maintain that respect for their mother and also talk frankly about my own feelings is a difficult tightrope balance I don't want to blame their mother but I also don't want to not blame their mother if you know what I mean this would be one of the situations I identify as unfair where the responsible thing is to never say anything disparaging or poisonous to my sons about their mother my ex but that means I have to describe the current state of affairs and what has happened to get here in a way that isn't disparaging to their mother and act like this is normal she decided I think I actually did a good job navigating the conversation my sons absorbed it easier than I expected a few weeks later things are basically normal I have had a few short conversations with my ex since our big embarrassing blowup I sort of feel like I want her to apologize for this whole thing but I also know that I'm not doing myself any favors by waiting for that to happen I think she remains upset with me more for the things I said than for the ection of this arrangement with Max or maybe that's just projection because that's what I feel guilty for I also regret that the last time I spoke to Max I dropped him off before ending the arrangement I don't know I guess his mom has explained to him that she missed him too much to have him gone each week but I don't know how sturdy that story will be rereading my last post has me feeling pretty shameful about how I talked about Max I know he doesn't deserve my sustained ire and that he's not going anywhere so I'll have to be able to adjust to his presence I'm obviously holding on to a lot of anger that is really about my ex-wife but she isn't obligated to give a shd about that and I am obligated to interact with her politely so I guess that anger just got set aside and then vented onto Max just because he was there in my face but that was my own fault so I sort of expect things will pretty much return to normal from here contact with my ex is Kurt right now but that'll loosen up thanks to almost everyone who commented or reached out to me Second Story op refused to give her son future partner their traditional wedding jewelry because it was designed for female bodies and not for him now the son's partner is accusing the op of being homophobic we are Indian and in my culture it is tradition to give the bride a lot of gold sets of jewelry for her wedding when each of my children was born I bought a set for both my daughters and a set for my son's future wife I also have my own personal collection of wedding jewelry that I have divided for my daughters and future daughters-in-law when my son came out as gay I redistributed my collection to give them mainly to my daughters but I kept a few sets in case my son ever had a daughter now that my son is getting married his future husband is wondering about his gifts while it is tradition for parents to give their future son or daughter-in-law a gift since he is a man I got him a Cara which is a seek bracelet usually made of steel but I got him one made from solid gold and my son has a matching one he told my son that he didn't want a religious gift for his wedding and that he found it tacky that is fine if he doesn't like it but I was going through my collection the other day to pull out pieces I want to coordinate for my outfits so that I can order my outfits in advance and he saw me and wanted to see everything and give input I also showed him the sets I have saved if they have a daughter he is insisting that he gets these sets first and then he will give them to their daughter if they have one in particular there is a pair of emerald and diamond earrings I got from my own paternal grandmother that I would like to give my son's daughter if they have one I told him no because I set these aside for just a granddaughter and not a son if he chooses to wear jewelry to his wedding I really don't mind but I picked all these sets especially for a daughter or daughter-in-law and I don't want to waste them on a boy these sets are to be worn with series and lingas I don't want him to have them my future son-in-law is calling me homophobic for not sharing but I think it would be a waste to give them to a man to accessorize with a tuxedo and I did not originally buy these for him in the first place a also even though he jewelry he does not wear women's clothes so I know he would never wear it with a langa the way this jewelry should be worn edit just to clarify my son will be having a seek wedding and since he is religious my future son-in-law agreed beforehand that their household would be seek and any future children would be seek my son-in-law was raised Catholic but isn't very religious now but is spiritual but being seek means a lot to my son our religion or at least the way we practice it is very open-minded accepting and loving so my future son-in-law was on board I got him a gold Cara because that is the same gift I got from my other two sons-in-law also the Cara does not have any religious text on it if you aren't a seek you would assume it's just a gold bracelet but anyone who is seek would know it is second edit I have been reading the comments and need to clear things up future s is Catholic and Caucasian his family is not as well off financially so we will also be helping pay for the wedding just for the sake of equality because we also contributed x amount for each daughter's wedding so we will give x amount to his son's wedding if I had a lesbian daughter her wife would be getting gold sets of jewelry it also wasn't my idea for their wedding to be seek or for their children to be seek my son had a very difficult time after he finished his undergrad and he took that time to reconnect with God pray and meditate his connection to seism is what anchored him and that is why before getting married he had to know if his spouse would be okay with that also when we say children are raised seek that means if they are a girl their middle name would be core and if they are a boy their middle name would be Singh also my son is a doctor and my sister is a high school teacher so I don't think money is an issue third edit I've been reading all your comments and I really appreciate the discussion happening but a lot of comments are hung up on the words wasted on a boy I understand why some people are offended but I wanted to make sure you had the facts as well shatas Saga Link in the description if you go to this site there are a lot of photos of seek Brides most of these wedding jewelry sets come together headpiece earrings nose ring choker necklace the chokers and necklaces would not fit him he does not wear nose rings he would not be able to wear the headpiece and he could just wear the earrings also the gold bracelets I have from my Personal Collection would not fit him so to give them to him symbolically would be a waste update High Reddit thank you so much for your responses good or bad but some of the things you replied to my post did upset me many of you applauded me for supporting my son but mostly because you are so deprived of support from your own families that you were impressed that I was doing anything at all I didn't like the way this sat with me I don't want to be doing the bare minimum since my son and future son are staying with us right now I decided to discuss some of the points you all made and work this out I showed him photos from my own wedding and we both agreed that the jewelry was made for female outfits and the female body I also talked to him about the cultural significance of the Cara and what it means to me for him to have it and he apologized and said he was out of line I think there was some tension because as many of you said the word homophobic should not be carelessly thrown around when my son first came out over 15 years ago he interpreted my shock as disapproval and it created a barrier in our relationship we put in a lot of time and effort into therapy as a family to make sure our son felt supported so when my future son-in-law called me homophobic it made everything feel very hostile to me but he explained that he was taking things personally mainly because his own family is outwardly accepting but there are still little things they do that make him feel unwelcome which causes him to feel hyp sensitive about these issues so we decided that a gayek wedding is not traditional so the jewelry given should also not be traditional we have decided to make a new tradition and when everything is back to normal we me my husband son and future son will be taking a trip to India so he can see my pinned Hometown and my husband's pinned and we will get a special set of gold bracelets that are more ornate than aara for him and my son and earrings made special just for him heirlooms all start out as new to someone right third story boyfriend ghosted op after she made a life-size puppet of her boyfriend and made fun of his insecurities the pictures are in the second update Linked In the description the title pretty much says it all but here are some more details my boyfriend of 6 months and I have had a pretty cut and dry relationship up to this point I've always been what some people would call quirky so pranks are sort of my bread and butter he John has expressed that he really likes this part of me and I'm just happy to be with someone who can handle all of my zest LOL sometimes I worry that he doesn't actually think I'm as funny as he says but he always reassures me that this is not the case one of the ways we really like to express our humor to each other is in the bedroom for example I love to do impressions of mostly Disney characters such as the paperwork lady from Monsters Inc haha he sometimes does them too but he's not that good at voices so here's where I think I may have taken it too far I recently bought a sewing machine to try and make cosplay costumes and stuff but something dawned on me as I was messing around with it this was the plan we are often times sxy with a habitual back rub massage sort of thing and we switch off and then we progress into French kissing and then full-blown you know what one very important fact to tell you is that Jon does in fact wear glasses so I will usually make a point to take them off and put them on the table for safety during this particular rump in the hay I got a really funny idea about how to take his glasses off next time and I couldn't stop laughing he asked me what I was laughing at because he has some insecurity about his appearance but I assured him that it was nothing like that we had our fun and John went home but all I could think about was this plan so the next day I went to the fabric store and bought a bunch of skin colored felt wire Framing and cotton and got to work creating a muppet Style version of my boyfriend to put his glasses on next time we started getting dirty style honestly the thing was looking pretty good good and I even found some clothes at Goodwill that were his style I dressed the puppet in the clothes hid them under my collection of squishmallows that's in my room and invited him over to spare you all the explicit details we did start kissing and taking clothes off and stuff but my hands were shaking as I reached up to grab his glasses instead of putting it on my nightstand I made a point to say something like I'm just going to put these right here as I stretched over to the squish malow that was covering the puppet boyfriend's head and put the glasses right over his felt eyes he got confused I think and looked back to where I put the glasses and sat up as a felt version of his face very easily identifiable by the way John has red hair and a mustache so the glasses on top left little question of who this could be he was silent for a second then said is that supposed to be me as I was laughing I said something like do you like it as I took it out of the squish meow pile and revealed the entirety of Muppet John oh did you make that he asked and I stood it up off the bed and asked him to stand next to it see it's just like you basically I said but he still wasn't laughing that much I think he saw that the puppet ended up being just a little bit taller than him he's 5'7 and probably insecure about that the puppet ended up accidentally being a little taller than him around 61 based on seeing them side by side I noticed his disappointment and made a tried and true Disney impression to make him feel better in my best goofy impression I said well it looks like we should call him Big John Hayak J just took the glasses off of big JN and let fall to the floor he put the glasses on the nightstand and sat on the bed for a while but we eventually went to Sin City but it was a lot quieter than usual he left after that even though we were planning on having a sleepover he said he wasn't feeling well I texted him good night and went to bed so here's the ish this morning I haven't gotten any good morning text or any text at all from him even though he always sends me a good morning text I'm worried that big JN was a step too far and that normal Jon didn't think the joke was as funny as I did I feel like he's just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel even though I thought it was pretty funny is this salvageable or am I F I created a life-sized puppet of my boyfriend to put his glasses on but I think it made him insecure and now he won't text me relevant comments iow is mellow the fact that he still decided to have SX with you after this is what I keep getting hung up on I'm sorry old footer you don't the quiet SX you had last night was goodby SX you made fun of his insecurities by making a puppet taller than him by several inches you doubled down and further tried humiliating him by laughing and calling him little JN why would he want to talk to someone who shows such blatant disrespect for him a new update was posted on March 30th on the op profile page update I'm not sure why moderators deleted my last post but so many people were asking for updates that I'll leave the original in the comments it's really funny to read back LOL but here's what's happened in the last week so it's been a wild couple of days or so and I've been honestly a little depressed at the negative reaction from everyone after my boyfriend JN left after we did the No Pants dance in front of the puppet Big John he didn't text me for like a day and a half I was really starting to get worried and believe some of the comments that I was a serial killer I was so sad that I didn't even want to look at the sewing machine to make my custom Disney ears because it just reminded me of Big John speaking of Big John I hung him in the closet so I didn't have to look at him I was so ashamed I was drawing when my phone bust and I saw it was finally John all it said was hey can we talk I was super nervous and he came over to my place it was awkward at first because it has been so long since we saw or talked to each other and I honestly thought things were going to end especially after reading all the comments however he apologized for his behavior and told me something that cleared things up so apparently his mom has been cheating on his dad with multiple younger men for years and he and his dad just found this out the other day the day I made Big John he wasn't upset about Big John at all I could tell he was still upset and my instincts were saying I should do a Disney voice but I considered the comments from the last post and decided just to say I'm sorry that happened to you I hope your family is okay then in the most surprising part he said I'm sorry to and then in his adorably not very good singing voice saying Big John never bothered me anyway I have something for him actually and brought out one of his favorite slap bracelets that his mom got him as a kid he pulled me into a hug and we danced like we were Cinderella and Prince Charming's boyfriend he tried to dip me but he's not very strong so it created a funny moment where we kissed and then he led me to my royal suite and well you can probably guess the rest we got on the bed and normal JN had some smears on his glasses after kissing he asked if there was anywhere or anyone that he could put these on I brought out Big John and his hand hand fell off but it was like a fairy tale Romance when normal Jon placed the glasses on Big J's cute nose so for now it seems like a happy ending I'm sorry I didn't post any pictures with the original post but after seeing Jon's reaction I was so embarrassed and some of the comments were so mean that I wanted to just destroy big JN and never think of him again but there were some very kind people who sent me private messages that made me feel a lot better and proud of my quirkiness which could very well be autism as some commenters have stated getting a test and a couple weeks also stop thinking I would use big JN for the devil's Tango he is strictly an awesome way for normal John to have somewhere to put his glasses so after all this time I've gained the courage to share Big John with you all like you've asked I was happy with how it turned out and even happier that my beloved loved him as well tldr I made a puppet version of my boyfriend a week ago and when he saw it he wouldn't text me it turns out his parents were just going through cheating and our relationship is okay thank you for watching ing the video if you are interested in listening to these kinds of stories we've got more in store for you simply subscribe to our Channel hit the like button and share it with your friends

Channel: SecretVoices

Views: 7,082

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, reddit confessions, entitles parents, reddit storytime, r/confession, r/entitledparents, r/entitledpeople, entitled people, r/IDOWorkHereLady, IDOWorkHereLady, Idontworkherelady, personalfinance, AmITheA**hole, AITA, Karen, Karen strories, Karen getting owned, letsnotmeet, Disturbing stories, real stories

Id: xIMZ9LcNXos

Length: 26min 9sec (1569 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 31 2024