"Only the Good Things" | 23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time (Fr. Mike's Homily) #sundayhomily

I think that I have been blessed in the sense that I know um I was raised by parents who love me um and I've talked about before uh how it's how uh one of the ways I know my parents love me my mom you know she'd make meals for us every every breakfast every lunch every dinner kind of thing that was one way but another way I remember I know my parents love me is that uh I don't know I don't know if I've ever actually shared this story I so maybe I haven't if I have this here to recap but but one time I must have been five years old and my mom took me with her grocery shopping up at Jake's price fighter foods and uh just south of south of my hometown and uh when we're walking through the aisles there was this this game it was a Spider-Man game kind of thing and I was like Mom I took it off the shelf mom can I have this and she said no put it back in like Mom please and I begged and she said nope put it back and uh that was all that was always your answer and so kept going put it back we kept going and what happened was though I doubled back later on and uh when she was looking took it off the shelf but underneath my shirt and uh stole it basically a little shoplifter at five years old and I made it all the way home which is crazy I made it all the way home and went into my sister's room as we're unpacking the groceries my sister's room and then I I started was starting to open this game and my mom with her spidey sense uh she must have known something was up she came into the room and she was like what is that is that what I told you you know not to take busted completely busted but what she did next was the thing that just was she's a good mom uh she said okay pick it up we're getting back in the car we're driving back to the grocery store look what are we gonna do you're gonna walk in and you're gonna you're gonna tell them what you did and I was like no I can't do that they're gonna throw me in jail like I don't know what's gonna happen now but she said no we're getting in the car that's what you're gonna do you're gonna so that's what happened she we got in the car back to the grocery store and she walked me to the door she stopped at the door so she could see what's going on I walked up to the cashier and to the checkout lady and and basically here I am and I was like well uh I hear I took this and you know I don't know how exactly what she did I don't know if the manager was called or anything but it was that sense of like okay you chose this thing you said that you I told you what to do you did the opposite now here's my mom I'm gonna let you experience the consequences of what you chose that just like my mom you know making the meals and just showing up all these time that also is love that it's true love that it's we call it tough love right I mean that's that's the phrase It's called tough love and and those two words they actually belong together because love really loving is is tough so what we're doing is today this Sunday we're starting a new series for the next four weeks we're going to look at this we're going to look at the reality that yes you're made were made for love we're made to love or made to receive love but that doesn't mean it's easy it is often difficult it's often tough love and so that's what we're doing for the next four weeks tough love um which is wonderful because the second reading today you know Saint Paul was he say in Romans chapter 13 He says owe nothing to anyone except what except love oh nothing to anyone except to love one another St Paul even he goes he continues to say he says the Second Great commandment right love one another as yourself he says the law is fulfilled in love and so part of us might can see this and think like oh well that's great I'm made for love I'm in redeemed for love I am commanded to love piece of cake and yet we realized when we try to love it is not a piece of cake it is difficult it is hard it's tough because we at some point realize that the word Saint Paul uses for love is not the word for emotional love it's the word for actionable love right it's not the word for having affection for someone it's an effective kind of love it's the word agape and Agape in so many ways has been defined by Christians at least and maybe by the whole world as as this it's not the affection it's not emotion it's to actually choose the good of the other it's actually will the good of the other so it's not having good feelings about someone because we're not commanded to have good feelings we're commanded to what to choose the good of the person that we claim to love and if you ever try that for even a moment we realize that that means that real love costs something that means that real love will always always involves sacrifice we'll talk about that more as the series goes on the real love will always involve sacrifice we realize really quickly that Real Love is difficult real love is hard Real Love is tough and again let's go back to the phrase Tough Love sometimes it means what I just said which is parents who allow their children to experience the consequences of what they've chosen sometimes sometimes tough love is giving someone the good thing they need rather than the Lesser thing that they'd rather have or the Lesser thing they'd rather that they that they think they want or they think they can't deal without or they're willing to settle for and sometimes actually tough love could be telling someone the hard but necessary truth right telling them what they the thing they need to hear that's where that's we're gonna talk about today this is this this first step in tough love is is being willing to tell the truth being willing to say what needs to be said being willing to say what someone needs to hear they in fact the first reading it's from the book of The Prophet Ezekiel to Ezekiel chapter 33 and and Ezekiel has a role right easy goes a prophet in fact the scripture says he says Ezekiel begs of God God is talking to Ezekiel saying you're the Watchman what's the job of Watchmen the job of a Watchman is to watch and if he sees danger to say something if a Watchman sees danger and doesn't say anything that's a bad Watchman and God says to Ezekiel the prophet okay this is your role Therefore your role gives you the responsibility that if you see Rebellion if you see people rejecting me if you you see people wandering away from my law you have to say something Your Role gives you this responsibility it's and the stakes are super hot right and if you don't say something and they they wander away if you don't say something and they Rebel then it's not their fault it's your fault because that role gives the Watchman gives Ezekiel the responsibility no we can look at that and say like well I'm glad I'm not the prophet right I'm I'm glad it's not me I'm glad that I'm just like little I'm not the Watchman in Jesus in The Gospel though he's like okay yeah maybe you're not the prophet maybe your rule hasn't given you this responsibility but Jesus says I bet you have a brother a sister a friend someone in your life that you need to give the hard word to that you need to speak something they need to hear and so Jesus tells us okay what about when you have something that needs to be said you need to say it when there's something that you have that needs to be said between you and your brother you and your sister you and your friend whoever this person is this relationship gives you the responsibility right so the prophet the role gives them the responsibility they have to speak but Jesus highlights that and says okay sometimes your relationship gives you the responsibility and now you have to speak you have to be the person who's willing to say what needs to be said it's Ephesians chapter four when we have to say what needs to be said when we have to speak the words that need to be heard Saint Paul in Ephesians 4 he highlights this he says okay here's how you do it he says avoid all evil and malicious speech avoid all evil and malicious talk he says say only the good things people need to hear things that will really help them so the first thing we need to do is as he says is okay if I'm going to do this if we're going to do this if we're going to have our role give us the responsibility of saying what needs to be said or our relationships give us the responsibility to say what needs to be said the first thing I need to do is I need to avoid some things and that thing is he says avoid all evil and malicious talk and what is that well that's how about this I'll say it like this how about the the principle being avoid all unnecessary negatives what I mean by that is um okay evil military stock unnecessary negatives uh Gossip grumbling complaining being critical like the things that are super easy right the things that like they how we bond with each other is I think as human beings the way we bond is through complaining to each other like grumbling to each other that's how we make connections and because it's everywhere I mean I started doing this thing where I was looking at you know the 30-day challenge type things where people have like okay for the next 30 days no purchases that are unnecessary like just pay your bills but nothing else or the next 30 days you know 10 000 steps a day I saw this how about for the next 30 days no complaining and I thought great idea and like 10 seconds later I was complaining why because it's everywhere I find myself always constantly looking for the negative because that's I mean we know this negative emotion is more powerful than positive emotion over the past weekend we just someone asks you how your weekend was well it was good but this was the hard part or even to think about how again how much more powerful negative emotion is over positive emotion when it comes to connecting think about the weather uh well it's nice out yeah it sure is yeah it was nice it was agreeable but if you go like the last couple days in Duluth have been so hot like oh my gosh it is so hot here I know I can't stop sweating it's the worst in that again negative emotion more powerful than just nice day sure is like that's there's so it's so easy to fall into this trap of Gossip grumbling complaining being critical for the first step I think in saying what needs to be said the thing that will only help people is the first step is what we need to avoid and that thing I realized in myself okay I need to avoid all unnecessary negatives and that's one of the things I'm like okay for the next 30 days for myself during the whole whole course of this series what I want to do is that's the first step I want to avoid all unnecessary negatives that's a good kind of avoiding when it comes to having to say what needs to be said there's the bad kind of avoiding too I mean there's the the do you know when you have a conflict with someone or when you are really it's really clear okay I have to say something whether that's like Ezekiel the prophet okay I have to say something and call people back to the Lord or like Jesus talking about like I have to actually reach someone reach out to my brother I have to reach out to this person and I have to have the hard conversation man it is so much easier to avoid the tension right it's so much easier to avoid the conversation and this is this has ingrained in me so deeply like I remember panicking as a kid um having to call Domino's Pizza my mom hand me the phone okay order the pizza I'm like oh what Domino's what can I take your order I'm like blanking wrong number you hang up because sometimes that for me at the time that was the hard conversation but the problem is in avoiding the conversation we end up avoiding the person and I can't love the person if I'm avoiding them of course this this temptation to avoid it's one of the ways we protect our hearts it's one of the ways we protect ourselves it's just like I'm gonna remove myself from the situation I'm going to avoid making eye contact with the person I'm just gonna avoid being in their presence and it happens it happens in really sneaky and really subtle ways this this avoidance happens in really sneaky really subtle ways but also happens in really devastating ways there's a psychologist named Dr John gottman John gottman is an expert in relationships and he has studied over the course of his career he and his wife have studied thousands and thousands of couples they've they've observed them they've studied them they they've watched so many couples and studied so many couples that gottman himself claims that he could watch a couple have a conversation for 15 minutes and he claims this with 90 accuracy predict whether they would get divorced within the next three to five years because he just he says it's really obvious he's just he looks for what he called The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because when those things are present the present the end is near kind of the situation and one of these four horses the apocalypse that he says is this is do really really negative sign that this relationship is is not one of love is something he calls stonewalling and for a long time I was like okay snowballing I get the the uh other other contempt and defensiveness and some of those other horsemen but this one is still mulling I was like I don't know exactly what this is until I realize okay this is what stonewalling is still Walling is um say Here's the the person uh one one of the person a is sitting at the kitchen table person B walks in this person is just you know they're on their iPad they're reading the newspaper whatever person B walks in and says oh my gosh I had the most incredible day it was amazing I got a promotion person a has a couple options person they could look up and they could say really you got a promotion that means more work for you that means more work for me now that means all these kind of things so rather than kind of like rejoicing with them being critical or person B comes in and says um I've got a group promotion and person B person a sitting at the table could look over and say well you know I sure hope you can handle this kind of thing or even worse person looks up and just kind of goes huh and the same thing happens with negative stuff too that you know that person walks in and says I had the whole most horrible day and the other person responds with you had a horrible day well my day was even worse or the most horrible day on the way to work and I got a flat on the way to work it was caught in the rain it didn't work they got yelled at me and the other person just simply responds by looking over and going huh and going back to their thing now what is stonewalling stonewalling is the one person says something and the other doesn't react and it's fairly simple this is the reason why it's so sneaky my stonewalling is so sneaky is because you can always deny it because the one person is like what what's going on why why are you like this like what I didn't do anything they're right they didn't do anything and so you could say like well I want you to be happy for me or be sad for me and the other person could just say what I'm sorry I didn't do backflips I'm sorry my response wasn't the response you wanted but here's the problem is there wasn't any response you were simply avoiding giving that person their attention they were going avoiding giving that person that what they were looking for basically the person came in and here's that gottman's phrase they're making a bid and the other person's just like hey I just want to say this I'm just sliding this across the table come meet me here whether it be a really high place or meet me down here at this really low place or even just kind of like acknowledge the fact that I walked into the room but so often and we're trying to protect our hearts we avoid we avoid the other person we avoid meeting them here we avoid meeting them here or we avoid even just you know they say hey look at that red bird out there what do you care about red birds instead of saying oh really where oh no it just flew away no big deal but see the in that last example look at that red bird oh really where no nowhere to just flew away the person made a bid the other person just responded to the bid and this is one of the one of the things gottman says when couples make bids and the other doesn't respond then they just stop making bids and they stopped talking I start being defensive he started holding on to contempt with one another when they start avoiding each other then they stop loving each other because I can't love someone if I'm avoiding them and the reality is of course we can be tempted to do this in so many ways attempted to avoid that hard conversation in so many ways and I I'm guilty of this this is one of the reasons why I'm like reflecting on this because I'm so guilty of this you know um over the last year I was talking uh with one of our team our team director for Focus his name's Noah you might have recognized Noah from from this but uh at one point there was a big decision that we had to make like with the focus team with the staff here at Newman and and it was a situation involving a lot of people and so Noah and I talked about this and he said okay I said well let's get everyone together and just you know kind of clear the air let's make sure we can all be on the same page but this big decision where we have a lot of disagreements and a great we'll do this on Wednesday or something like this and in the meantime I like called everyone I contacted everyone individually and just so I just went I thought you know what getting everyone in the room will be kind of dangerous yeah everyone in the room we could step on each other's toes we could make the wrong decision so I'm just going to talk to everyone individually make sure everyone's on the same page so later on I contacted Noah and said Hey listen no I talk to everyone it's all sold and I was like hey I fixed it like I fixed the pro I solved the problem and it was kind of quote unquote solved but a bit after this Noah asked if we could have a conversation and it was so good because he was he was just really direct but also really kind and he said here here's my issue he said yeah you've fixed the problem but how you did it is you sideload those conversations in order to avoid the tension and as you said those words those were his words I thought oh my gosh that's exactly what I did I was avoiding the tension I was avoiding that conversation and therefore I was avoiding this opportunity to actually let these people love each other but he didn't do that he he actually cared enough about me he cared enough about the relationship that he refused to avoid me he refused to avoid that hard conversation and he chose to do the difficult thing he chose to say the hard thing that I needed to hear in that in that moment here is Noah's just like what Jesus said to do he's just like what Paul said to do in the letter to the Ephesians avoid all evil or malicious speech but say only the good things that people need to hear things that will actually really help them so say what you need to say you know I think the the first step in saying what you need to say is to listen yeah I have to ask the question do I love someone enough not just to speak to them do I love them enough to listen to them because I think often the first step in saying what people need to hear is hearing what they have to say because I can look at someone's uh behaviors and say oh I know what's going on in their life I can listen to them over over and overhear them talking about something that I know what's going on in their lives but actually won't necessarily know what is going on in the person's inner world or I won't even know what will really help them until I am willing to listen to them so again if if it's going to be if I'm going to love someone if I'm going to have this tough love the tough part maybe for me is going to be I'm gonna have to listen to them and now just listen I'm going to have to assume the best I think that's one of the things Jesus is saying in this gospel today he says if your brother sins against you just just go talk to him about this rather than bringing everyone in right away just assume the best talk with him directly and you know that this is such good wisdom do I love them enough to listen to them uh Saint Ignatius of Loyola he's the founder of the Jesuits talk about someone who he lived in community basically his whole adult life and they're trying to help other men become become Saints essentially but you know when you get a group of people together and they're not yet Saints it can be really really messy and saying Ignatius knew all about the messiness and so he had some advice he had some advice about what happens when you have those those tensions what happens when you look at someone and say their behavior is way off off base he basically says the first thing you need to do is you need to love them enough to listen you need to love them enough to assume the best in fact here's his quote he said every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another's statement than to condemn it we should be quicker to say they must they probably mean the best possible thing then rather than say well I can pick up pick that word apart and then twist it to what I think they should they mean he goes on to say he says and if you can't do so if you can't give a favorable interpretation to what they said or to what they did let him ask how the other person understands it okay you said this is that what you meant it basically do I love you enough to listen to your perspective to your side of the story can I assume the best he goes on to say and if the other understands it badly well then let him be corrected with love so the first step is let me listen to you enough let me actually assume the best so I'm going to give a favorable interpretation a positive interpretation rather than condemning what you're saying and then the next thing is I'm going to ask you how do you understand it if you don't understand it well or wisely then I'm going to try to correct you with love and goes on to say and if that doesn't suffice if that's not enough let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct understanding so that he may be saved because that's the goal right the goal of saying what you need to say is not to vent because I'm annoyed and it's not to complain because things aren't the way I prefer but because words need to be said that will actually help the other person again we don't say what needs to be said because I need to vent or I don't complain because I things aren't the way I want we don't say things to hurt someone we say them to help them remember what love is love is willing the good of the other so if I need to say that thing if my role gives me the responsibility of saying this or my relationships give me the responsibility of saying this the whole point is for they're good that's one of the reasons I have to ask the questions okay am I avoiding the hard thing am I avoiding the person I'm avoiding loving them and then do I love them enough to listen to them and do I love them enough to speak then I get to ask the question because does this need to be said will this really help them remember what Saint Paul said say only the good things people need to hear things that will really help them does this need to be said and and also does this need to be said by me and you might come to the conclusion that actually it does because if I actually love this person then I need to say this this last summer I shared the story about a man named Penn Gillette Penn is uh he's a he's a comedian a magician he's a pretty outspoken atheist I I share this story once again because I shared this after our students already left so this weekend they'll be there I want to share the story uh with about with them of a pendulate at one point again he's a outspoken atheist at one point he was he made a just kind of a quick video they posted online he recorded it on his computer from his hotel room because he had just had this experience after one of his shows and briefly put after one of the shows he said this guy this man came up to him and the man was really polite really kind he's really encouraging and really complimentary about the show and everything and then he said and also Mr Gillette I just want to let you know I'm a Christian and uh and God is really important to me and I believe in Jesus I believe he loves every one of us and I believe that uh that you would be blessed if you had this and he gave him a little bible he said I want to you know I'm not trying to impose anything on you but I just I really admire and respect your work and I would like you to have this and and Juliet again he's as he's recording himself he's describing like this is a great interaction he was very kind it wasn't like off-putting it wasn't rude or anything like this and he you've reflected on this more and he said you know some people might think that oh who's that guy that Christian trying to make you a Christian aren't you offended by this and Gillette was like I'm not offended in fact he goes this is what he said he said I've always said that I don't respect people who don't proselytize right he said I don't respect people who won't evangelize he said I don't respect that at all this is his quote he said if you believe there is a heaven and a hell and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life and you think it's not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward then he says how much do you have to hate someone not to share the gospel he said how much you have to hate someone to believe in everlasting life is possible and not tell them that his last words where he said I mean if you believe beyond a shadow of doubt that if I believe Beyond a shot of doubt if a truck was coming at you and you didn't believe the truck was bearing down on you there's a certain point where I'm going to tackle you and he said and this whole issue this is more important than that this whole not notion of eternal life is more important than that am I willing to love someone not avoid them I'm willing to love someone enough to listen am I willing to love someone enough to speak when something needs to be said and sometimes we can't avoid it no you might think like I I would never I could never do that I'm not going to go up to a celebrity and say Here's a Bible kind of situation okay fine that's that's okay maybe that's not your role so maybe that's not your responsibility but here's the last thing what if what if someone asked you to like what what if you got a friend and they actually asked you hey what do you think will you and I have would we love them enough not to avoid answering the question well we love them enough to listen well we love them enough to speak if someone asked you you know years ago I have a friend's name is Joe Joe's from Tennessee um and uh at the time Joe was down in Tennessee he was I don't know he's late teens early 20s maybe maybe even mid-20s uh he's working at UPS he's just working on the you know the Sorting boxes and everything so got to stand around a lot with a bunch of guys and they he said he had a fun time there he came by his work buddies and he he loved he laughed with these guys they're super fun he said but you know it was kind of difficult because after every weekend you know the first things they're talking about was the stories of the conquest they had the stories the hijinks I got up to or you know any kind of holiday was you know how many girls they were with over the course of the weekend he said he said he always got quiet during that time like I'm just not going to participate in that kind of conversation at one point one of these guys named Richard Richard was going on and on about you know these women he hooked up with previous weekend and all the other things he did and and he noticed that uh Joe was quiet about this and he knows Joe he's normally really talkative really bubbly guy um he said Joey hey you're not saying anything about about this what do you think about my weekend what do you think about what I'm doing he's gonna put him on the spot and JoJo was like he said I don't you don't you don't need me to you don't need me to say anything kind of put it off you're like no Joe I really want to know what what do you what do you think instant Joe in that moment in deep Tennessee he had this accent he was like in that moment he said I prayed the prayer that every Prophet has ever Joe's the kind of guy was at garsh right so he's like he said I I prayed the prayer every prophet's ever prayed he's like Lord just help me now and at one point he'd say he prayed and he looked up and he said Richard I know that you're saying that you're just having fun and you think you're just having fun but the choices you're making and how you're living you're living you're leaving a trail of sadness in your wake and not just for these women but for your family and for your real friends and for yourself and if you keep living like this your choices will catch up with you and you will have to answer to someone for all the Brokenness that you're leaving behind you he said one day God will show you the effects of your decisions and then Richard then you will that day you will know real sadness I got quiet and all of a sudden all the guys around Joe are like Joe you're a preacher and and they're like wow Richard and all the guys were like that's it Richard Joe's right you can't be doing this and it was one of those moments of conviction because he was asked will you love me enough to actually tell me the truth that's the question we get to be asked oh nothing to anyone except to love one another and even to love one another when it's tough and it's gonna cost something it's gonna mean I love enough not to avoid another person it means I'm gonna love them enough to listen it means I'm going to love them enough to speak and that's difficult and that's hard and that is tough love but if you don't say those words that need to be said if you don't love in the way they need to be loved then who is going to say those words and who are going to love who is going to love those people in your life [Music]

Channel: Sundays with Ascension

Views: 81,306

Keywords: ascension presents, fr. mike live mass, ascension, fr. mike schmitz, father mike, sunday mass, Catholic Mass, short homily, short catholic homily, sunday homily fr mike, Holy Mass with Fr. Mike, catholic mass, Year A, Sundays with Ascension, sunday mass 2023, Short Homily, Catholic homily, mass for Sept 3, Sunday Mass for September 3rd, homily today, 22nd sunday in ordinary time homily

Id: hQZtncjiw8c

Length: 29min 12sec (1752 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 10 2023