ONE Thing You Should NEVER Give Any Narcissist (It Gives Them Power)

so i want to level with you there is one behavior that i found that i had been guilty of that had enabled narcissists to exert power and control over me in my own life and it's actually a pretty common behavior so i want to share it with you today because there's a chance that you may have been doing it too so that's what we're talking about in today's video and i want to point out that there are a lot of layers to this so be sure to watch to the end let's get to it [Music] welcome to the common ego community my name is christina on this channel we talk about emotional abuse spirituality and self-development today we are talking about one behavior that i think a lot of us are guilty of or have been in the past and this behavior stems from a misuse or misunderstanding of some solid advice so the behavior is giving charity when we really should be collecting information now so many of us are wired to give other people the benefit of the doubt and there are lots of reasons why we do this and it is pretty solid advice we shouldn't jump to conclusions we shouldn't jump to judgment before we have all of the information so giving someone the benefit of the doubt means that something has gone wrong but you are going to reserve judgment until you have more information so this sounds logically good right but where does it go wrong so the problem is that when you want to believe someone's story there's a much greater chance that you're going to and so oftentimes before you even have that difficult conversation you've done these mental backflips to try to figure out how this thing could have happened without bad intentions how this person could have not meant you harm so instead of reserving judgment we are leaning in a certain direction and this happens even before the conversation takes place if you've been in this situation you may have even made up stories in your head about how this could have happened without this person having bad intentions or if you know how they could have not actually done the thing that you're sure they did so what's going on here especially if you're dealing with somebody who is narcissistic and manipulative is that you're already starting to do the work for them before they even open their mouths so they may come prepared with their own excuses with their own lie whatever it is and you have already mentally prepped yourself to believe it but that is not what giving the benefit of the doubt is about giving the benefit of the doubt is truly reserving judgment it's not trying to find a way that this person could not be guilty and it's not trying to find a way that they could be guilty it's absolutely just i'm going to put a pin in this until i have more information and that is good advice the problem is that especially when this is somebody who we are invested in in some way if this is somebody who is close to us we don't want to believe the bad thing we want to believe that this person has our best interests at heart because that is what's going to keep us safe and the ego is all about keeping us safe so it becomes easier and very appealing to believe whatever story this person gives you whether it's true or not and we do have a choice whenever we're in situations like this we have a choice we can believe the person or we could not believe that and in any given situation that is your choice to make however giving someone the benefit of the doubt is about collecting all the information and the problem here is that some people and especially those who find themselves in situations with narcissists and manipulative people some people are subconsciously programmed to avoid trusting themselves this is a natural result of gaslighting and if you have dealt with gaslighting for most of your life especially in early childhood you probably struggle with this too so like i said giving the benefit of the doubt is about collecting all the information and coming to a decision now all of the information is not just what that person says to you it's not even what that person says to you combined with whatever detective work you've done to dig up information what i'm talking about here is intuition and people often mistakenly think of intuition as you know some spiritual thing or some some woo-woo nonsense that is intangible and the truth is it can be spiritual it isn't tangible but it is no less a real thing this is something that scientists actually study because there is no doubt that we do have intuition so what is intuition intuition is the results of information that we have processed that we did not consciously realize we processed so our subconscious mind does so much work and it does a lot of work to keep us safe it sometimes also gets in the way but we'll get to that so when you're having a conversation with someone your conscious mind your thoughts you cannot think everything you can you cannot consciously process everything that's going on you can't process every eye movement along with the tone of voice body language facial expressions we don't consciously process that if it's obvious enough your conscious mind will process it but your subconscious mind processes everything and if something is off that's how you know you may not be able to put words to it but you know and this is your intuition if you've ever studied body language or if you've ever watched a video by a body language expert these people are trained to consciously process the things that most of us only process subconsciously now it doesn't mean that we're going to come to different conclusions than the other person if you're in it you're probably going to come to the same conclusion but you're just processing it subconsciously and you may hear them talk about micro expressions now micro expressions are expressions that are so small that we almost always miss them consciously you can't look back and say well i saw this micro expression on this person's face because it happens so quickly but just because you didn't consciously process it it doesn't mean that it didn't happen and it doesn't mean that it's not in there somewhere and what it leads to is that feeling that feeling that this person's lying to me or something is just off i can't put my finger on it but there is something off about this so again this is real and there is science behind it intuition is information that we should also process and consider when we're making a decision however some people almost always as a result of some form of gaslighting have grown to be suspicious of their own intuition and in situations like this where you're giving someone the benefit of the doubt or you think you're giving someone the benefit of the doubt what you're really doing is you're trusting what they are giving you the information that they're giving you and anything tangible anything that you can process consciously you're taking all of that and you're making your decision solely based on that and someone like myself i've actually always considered myself a person who could trust their gut and rely on their intuition but i also would allow people to override it you know if somebody was adamant enough that they were telling the truth if they maybe spoke loudly enough or had a really strong personality i would think you know i i must be wrong especially if believing them benefited me in some way and kept me safe this is where the ego and subconscious programming can be very very strong so the behavior that could leave you vulnerable to narcissists and other manipulative people is misusing the advice to give people the benefit of the doubt because if you're misusing that advice you are not trusting your gut you're not trusting your intuition and you're not taking all of the information into account so what i find really interesting about all of this is that we could be subconsciously programmed to not trust our intuition and it's a subconscious programming that suppresses subconscious information but it is possible and you may have experienced this it is possible that the information that's in there is so strong that it breaks through and i have a theory that this is part of the reason why so many of us experience what we could refer to as a spiritual awakening or some sort of divine intervention when we're going through these experiences with narcissists and other manipulative people and to illustrate what i'm talking about i want to share a story from my own personal experience i'm going to leave out a lot of the details because they aren't really necessary and it's way too easy to go down the rabbit hole and and just go off track okay so we're going to rewind quite a few years and this is when i was in a relationship with a narcissist and something happened and i it devastated me i was crushed and you know when you're in a relationship with a narcissist you know this isn't unusual you know it's it hurts and it doesn't hurt any less but it's kind of like you know like a typical tuesday right so there was nothing really abnormal about the situation itself what was unusual and what did stand out was actually very internal and i later referred to this as divine intervention now was it or was it not i don't know but this is one of those breakthrough moments that i was talking about the best way i could explain it is that it felt like someone was screaming at me i didn't hear any noise i didn't i didn't hear a voice or anything like that but it was the best way i could explain it was like i felt the words and i know that's not very descriptive right how do you feel words but that that's that's what it felt like and that's really the only way i could explain it and the words were pay attention over and over and over again pay attention and at the time i just thought okay well this is odd but you know maybe this is my sign maybe this just means that you know i'm i'm really done with it it's over i'm i'm through with this which kind of makes sense right but fast forward a few months into the future and this person was coming back around again now i have a video on hoovering hoovering tactics and i think i have 10 of them in the video i think this person was probably using at least three of them i mean he was coming on strong and i almost believed it i almost bought into it and but there was just this moment where he said something and that that pay attention moment blew it out of the water what happened in that moment when when i felt those words that pay attention what happened in that moment completely negated everything he was saying and for the first time i actually saw it i actually saw that he was deceiving me all along i thought this person was just confused you know just just swayed with the wind and i didn't think that he was intentionally trying to hurt me i didn't think that he was intentionally toying with me but this pay attention moment that stuck in my mind for various reasons but mostly because it was very unusual this moment that stuck in my mind is what helped me get out now could that have been something breaking through from my subconscious that in all the information that i didn't consciously process coming through it could have been could it have been divine intervention it definitely could have been i don't know exactly what it was but i do know there are a lot of layers to it and it's possible it's a combination of both now i can't tell this story without telling the next part that is somewhat related but a little bit off track so please just bear with me when i had that realization that you know that pay attention moment blew everything out of the water just completely negated his his whole story his whole reason for coming back i actually told him about it i told him about that pay attention i told him how i felt it and i referred to it as divine intervention i said those words a few times the very next day i was sitting in a starbucks and there was somebody sitting next to me i'd never seen her before in my life she had dropped a penny and it fell kind of in between the cushion and the back of the sea and so it was kind of it wasn't heads or tails it was just kind of sitting straight out and so she looked at me and she said we hadn't had any conversation before this she said what do you think that means and she was asking about luck right and i said i don't know i guess it means you get to choose your own luck and she looked me in the face and she said yeah that's what my boyfriend would say but i like to believe there's such a thing as divine intervention and i have to tell you i wish that i had like a camera on me in that moment because i would love to have seen my face when she said those words what i do know is i was completely shook by this and i ended the conversation real quick because i just didn't know how to respond so do you need an experience like this to get you out of an abusive relationship or toxic relationship absolutely not but the bottom line is that it's about getting back to self it's about getting back to trusting yourself and your intuition and trusting any of those signs that you may see out there regardless of whether you know where they're coming from or not if you can identify why you are not trusting your intuition while you're not trusting your gut that is the first step to kind of unpacking and reprogramming that belief that you can't because you really can and you should and that's one of the big things that i do with clients through coaching is to identify those limiting beliefs and to start reprogramming them so we can take off those limits so we can live our best life so i hope you found this video helpful and if you did please go ahead and hit that like button and if you know somebody who might benefit from this information please feel free to share the video and if you haven't subscribed already now's the perfect time to do that and i will see you next week

Channel: Common Ego

Views: 46,658

Keywords: narcissist, narcissist power, gaslighting, divine intervention, spiritual awakening, narcissism, intuition, intuition and emotional abuse, intuition and gaslighting, limiting beliefs, subconscious mind power, subconscious mind reprogramming, how to change limiting beliefs, how to identify limiting beliefs

Id: fwD8kXoRxJM

Length: 16min 36sec (996 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 19 2021