One Punch Murder | Jamie Denyer | TEDxHolyhead

we are free to make choices but we're not free from the consequences of those choices i'm going to take you very very brokenheartedly very reluctantly into the world of murder and its aftermath now there's a lot of emphasis put on knife and gun crime and do you know what rightly so but hazard against not one of you in this auditorium in this venue i've got a knife or a gun in a bag but every single one of us in this venue are carrying a weapon with us we are giving these weapons from the day we were born to the day we fall asleep i'm going to take you into the world of one punch murder now you might not even know that this exists you may not even know that it's possible and people have asked me how is it jane how is it that people are killed by a single punch the fact of the matter is the punch is administered from either behind or the side given its name the coward's punch or even from face on but a recipient doesn't see it come he's not ready for it so they fall like a tree the head is the last thing to make contact with the floor die severe brain damage blunt force trauma now when this comes to your door you truly know what is truly truly important and what truly matters you're stripped back of all the materialism you'll strip back of all what it is that you're told is important you're left exposed and you find out what truly truly matters i'd like to introduce you to somebody see the young man behind me my nephew connor conor charles edward saunders born 25th of march 1993 he was born at four minutes past three in the morning and he was nine pounds six ounces born on the 14th of april 2012 in between the time of 10 40 and 10 55 conor's life was taken by a single punch conor was 19 years 20 days old he was big strong athletic and fit the boy that took his life was two weeks past his 14th birthday that's how savage life can be that's how surreal life can be and that's how serious life can be like i say when this comes to your door you find out what's truly important i would like you to just focus on this picture behind me because you know what that's a very very iconic picture of connor that's the last picture that we have of connor as a family that was taken seven hours before his life was taken and the only reason we have this picture is because as you can see connor's in a football kit this was a pre-season friendly and the photographer was taking pictures for the upcoming season to put in the program for the squad pictures and we're very very blessed to have this picture but seven hours later that young man's life was taken at the hands of another person and you do you learn what's important and i see a common thread through the talks in which we've listened to and focused on today and it's this common thread there's nothing new to it there's nothing new it's all about going back to basics it's all about going back to basics of care compassion love looking after people giving sharing there's nothing new in it we wonder why our nans and our grandads are still together to their dying days because you know what in their day when things were broke they worked hard to fix it they didn't just think to themselves oh do you know what's like a toy it's broke we're going to throw it away and get a new one we can be so bogged down by new stuff that we forget about the basics we can be like a mouse concentrating and focusing on the cheese where we focus so much on the cheese we forget about the trap we can be so focused on the new stuff we forget about the basics and that's all we've got to do is go back to basics remember how stuff was done because that's how our culture and our society was built and that is the foundation and that is the strength of our culture and our society the things that used to be like say this whole situation takes you on a process now not a lot of people like going through a process they want the instant reward because we live in an instant generation they don't want to go through the process but you know what we learn more about ourselves in the process than what we do by reaching the actual destination and when this happened us as a family we had to go through a process my sister called me a half past one sunday the 15th of april she said you've got to get in your car and come down to brighton connor's been attacked he's in the hospital he's in a bad way i found myself right he's busted up pretty bad because he's in the hospital but he's in the best place i didn't know that i was going down to brighton a four-hour four-hour trip to say my final goodbye to my beloved nephew and let me tell you going into a hospital is one thing but going into an intensive care unit that's a game changer proper game changer your world has changed forever because you know what you're going in you're seeing a loved one not just laying on a bed they're hooked up to tubes they're hooked up to machines you see their chest going up and down but that's that's that's not them breathing that's the machine doing it for them and then all of a sudden you see your family your loving family these people that you've known for so many years and you know their character you know their personality and you know that their world has changed forever surrounding your loved one holding on to any body part that they can that's connor's older brother callum holding his hand at this particular time during this process during that time when he was actually there we still had hope because there was brain activity tests that were going to be conducted on conor and we still had hope at that particular time but now looking back in hindsight we know that at that particular time when callum held his brother's hand connor was forever asleep just imagine that imagine going through that process it does it teaches you things what's truly important so then you have to go on to the celebration of life it wasn't a funeral this was a celebration this is extraordinary young man's life do you know what connor's headmaster got up and said if we had a new pupil at school we'd put him with connor because he was a friend he would help him settle in if we had a disruptive or an aggressive pupil at school guess who they put him with yes conor because he was an encourager he was a role model he showed him the error of their ways and you know the most ironic thing is the kind of people the mould of the people that took connor's life exactly the same kind of people that connor would have taken his time out and actually helped and been an encourager and shown them how to better themselves but look at the pain look at the pain on the faces of this family it's no joke people might moan about a certain process they have to go through you want to wish this upon your worst enemy it's my brother-in-law and my sister at the front of that picture do you know what been together since they were 12 and 13 respectively married back in 1984. all of a sudden their relationship comes under strain relationships come on the strength marriages are on the verge of breaking up and it's only their strength it's only their love it's only their character it's only their foundation it's only the basics of what they know to be true that kept their relationship alive to kept their marriage going but people might not necessarily know that that is a cause that is a consequence of their actions how about livelihood going how about your livelihood how about a business in which you've worked so hard to build all of a sudden going because you can't function as a human being because of the murder of your son 30 other people out of work it's no joke so from the celebration of life you then have to go into a court of law now i know people that have got the jitters just by going in and doing jewelry service for the stuff that they hear the stuff that they experience imagine if it's a personal connection just imagine that because it intensifies a million fold you go in there it's cold it's callous and it's creepy because you know what you as law abiding people law abiding citizens you've never had any need to go into that place but then when you're going in there and you're hearing the story of what happened you're hearing evidence being twisted you're hearing liars being told you're actually looking the murderer eye to eye the person that took your young family member's life if your parents like i am imagine that imagine that's your kid if that happened what would be important to you all that materialism it's gone you truly know what's important as you can see from these photos like i said conor was nine pounds six ounces born beautiful baby boy handsome young man caring uncle loving family boy but you know what the thing i want you to focus on the most bottom right look at that look at that symbol when conor was 16 years old he was still thinking about other people that's his character that's who he was and he went on and and he's now left a legacy the age of 16 he signed a gift of life organ donation register went on and saved five people's lives in two in in the second day after his taking seven months later he saved the he saved the life of a 10 month old baby girl with one of his heart valves life number six six weeks ago we then get the news that connor saved life number seven five-year-old boy he saved the life of a 40 year old woman with his pancreas a 20 year old girl with with his with his liver 28 year old man with both his lungs 24 year old man with his kidneys any one of them could have been your mum any one of them could be you any one of them could have been your child anyone could have been your sister any one of them could have been your brother now that is the sign and the characteristic of someone that knew the true core values of life and what truly truly matters giving giving of yourself talk about taking it literally that's someone who's left a legacy that's someone who was important that someone it's got their head screwed on they truly knew how to live life and as you can see dressed up while he's acting the fall we're always making other people laugh connor loved life kind of lived life and he laughed at life and those are just some of the uh uh examples that i've got to take on and try and live my life the same but you do you learn about stuff you learn what truly truly matters time it's our most precious resource unlike money once it's spent you can never ever get it back and the fact of the matter is is we become so desensitized to time in our speech how we think how we we always talk in years how old are you 38 years old i might be going on holiday next year i'm going on holiday later this year what school year are you in i'm in year seven i'm in year eight i mean you're not year year year year but in the book of psalms psalm 90 verse 12 it says lord teach me to number my days because you know what you're not guaranteed tomorrow we're only given 86 400 seconds every single day and how are you spending that time how are you spending that time and who are you spending it with and there's nothing new in this i want you to do something very very basic because who you're spending it on is very very apt family family because we act like it's such a chore to be around family we act like it's it's it it it's like we're doing them a favor we're doing them a favor and we put it off and put it off and put it off and we act like they're always going to be there do you know what there's nothing new to this go outside when this is finished pick up the phone just pick up the phone and tell someone that you love them simple nothing new in it just tell them for no reason do you know what i love you i love you it may not be in your character to do so but you know what put that to the side step up step up and tell him that you love him because tomorrow it might be too late comfort zones you get outside your comfort zone do you know what we're so ruled by fear that we go outside these comfort zones and we don't want to go outside the comfort zones but you know what once we go outside that's when we truly truly progress and that's when we truly grow but we're governed by fear fear false evidence appearing real do you know what when we first go outside the comfort zone yes it might be like hell but winston churchill said if you're going through hell carry on going it's when you truly progress now i've got a bit of a beef with this uh quote pain is inevitable suffering is optional no it's not go and speak to a family member go and speak to a parent 20 years down the line after their son or their daughter's taken ask them if they're still suffering yes they are but you know what suffering is also inevitable but you've just got to learn to adapt and overcome improvise adapt and overcome every single day because you're in this war you understand what i'm saying you're in this war and you've just got to learn to survive every single day you've just become battle hard and you've just become resilient so suffering is always there character who you are is as important as what you know and what you can do will open up doors of opportunity for you that a finest education cannot because we've bogged down we're so bombarded in our culture and society and it moulds our character what we think is truly truly important and you will speak to these youngsters and society tells us that we'll only be successful by the car in which we drive the house in which we live in the clothes in which we wear and how much money we've got in the bank you know what when the bomb drops when the bomb drops and the problem comes to the door and doesn't just knock on your door but it smashes through the door and takes it clean off of its hinges when life comes around and does that and trust me if it hasn't come around you know what it's coming and if it has already come around you know it's coming again because that's what life does when that happens you can't pay the problem off when it happens you can't put it in your bugatti veyron and tell it to keep on driving and never ever come back do you know what you can't put it in your bedroom lock it up and never ever go in that bedroom again what you're left with is who you are what you're left with is your character what you're left with is your heart that is what you're left with when the bomb drops it's all about who you are and how resilient you are so if you've got a work on your character every single one of us needs to work on a character we need to change in some aspect you need to change i need to change we need to change my character then changing allowed me to declare forgiveness and very quickly i just want to ask you what's keeping you prisoner what's keeping you prisoner what situation what circumstance what person is keeping you prisoner because if you go out here and make that phone call and tell them that i love that that i love you and then all of a sudden you declare forgiveness to the situation you declare forgiveness to the person or the circumstance you're not free in them you're free in yourself and i know connor wasn't my son but you know what he was my nephew he would he he was he was me my usher at my wedding he was my head usher and he was my friend and you know what bitterness and hatred were properly eating me up and i had to declare forgiveness because i made connor a promise when he was declared forever asleep i held his head i kissed his forehead and whispered into his ear conor i am going to look after your family as best i can i won't let them fall people will know your name people in holy head now know his name and i'm keeping a promise people with good intentions make a promise people with good character keep it down a thin character again so what can you forgive what can you let go that won't free that person that situation or that circumstance but will actually free you to become more powerful than you can ever imagine because there are times right where we feel like we've been buried absolutely buried when in fact we've just been planted to grow into something quite extraordinary and it's in the most extreme circumstances in which our true self is revealed the human heart is the most amazing thing because it can get smashed into a thousand pieces and you know what it still works it can get broken time and time and time and time again and it comes back and it works it's different but it comes back stronger it's different but it's stronger it's different but it's stronger the most amazing thing but you have to work on it you have to become resilient you have to learn to improvise adapt and overcome the situations that come your way because life is the storm you're either going towards a storm you're in a storm or you're coming out the other side of a storm that's what life is and i'm sorry that i can't bring you better news than this because i don't want to come in here with with with with sugar coating i want to give you the foundation in which to build your dreams and ambitions on i don't want to give you the materials to build this house i want to give you the concrete to build a foundation because you know what when life comes and it pushes against you it won't take you over if you've got a strong foundation and in the most extreme circumstances in the unbelievable loss and the unbelievable grief and anguish and tests and challenges it's built a foundation around because i don't want to speak self-righteously right and there's a hashtag which i use in my social media and it's called in this together hashtag in this together because you know what i know what it's like i know what it's like to go through depression i know what it's like to have anxiety and worry i know what it's like to be on medication i know what it's like to walk the streets at two o'clock in the morning three o'clock in the morning to try and tire myself out before my little curly head princess tilly gets up at half past six in the morning because that alarm clock doesn't come with a snooze button you see you have to get up you have to soldier on because that's what it is all of a sudden becomes a war and this is a war that you can't get deployed from this is a war that you can't go awol from you understand what i'm saying that you're in it you're in it for life but we are in this together and that's what it needs more compassion more care that we have to go outside our comfort zones to care for other people to forgive to be grateful of our time work on our character was conor's final gift to me final physical gift he's given many gifts while he's been asleep but this is his last physical gift when he was taken down to donate his organs five imprints of his hands were taken each one of them different and unique with how much ink was put on his hand and how much pressure applied i've got one his mum and dad's got one his nan's got one brother's got one sister's got one that's very symbolic there's a picture of connor's hand it was a hand that took connor's life but it's also a helping hand to you guys to say listen be grateful of your time spend it wisely go outside your comfort zones don't fear work on your character forgive but when a helping hand is given you've still got a choice whether you take it or not i urge you to take it because conor paid the ultimate sacrifice to give this helping hand to me every single one of us in this auditorium possesses a photo that we wish that we could go back and live again and again and again we live that moment this is mine not just because of the memories in which i i had from that night i know how tightly i squeezed him when this picture was taken and i strive and i work and i grind and i graft to live my life as best i can hopefully in the pursuit of doing that again someday wait for me connor i won't be long that's connor saunders my nephew my inspiration my motivation my determination my reason and my friend thank you all for listening you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 129,056

Rating: 4.821629 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United Kingdom, Life, Compassion, Crime, Family, Love, Violence

Id: tiH7T6HsaxM

Length: 21min 38sec (1298 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 15 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/Alexdoh]

One punch murder? Goku?