Octopuses: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (Web Exclusive)

hi there internet i'm john oliver host of last week tonight we're on break at the moment but i still wanted to give you something because i worry that if people stop paying attention to me i'll die specifically i wanted to talk to you about octopuses not octopi because that's a latin plural suffix and the word octopus is derived from greek the greek plural would be octopies but that's still not technically correct because words adopted into english take an english plural suffix which is how we get two octopuses there now you know how to end a tinder date in 10 seconds and before we start i am fully aware that there are plenty of amazing animals in the ocean which is as we know a big wet trash bin full of god's weirdest typos there is the pistol shrimp a leggy little customer with one big claw that it can snap so powerfully that the shock wave stuns its prey yeah it has a gun arm then there is the wandering meatloaf a lumpy mollusk with rock-hard teeth and not as the name suggests the singer of paradise by the dashboard light entering a fugue state but i'm not going to talk about any of those because i want to talk about octopuses the subject of among other things a terrible beatles song and this year's oscar winner my octopus teacher a documentary about an octopus and nothing else of consequence and octopus by the way the filmmakers didn't even bother to thank in their acceptance speech which is not only a dick move it's also concrete proof that octopuses aren't getting nearly the credit they deserve it is genuinely confusing to me the octopuses aren't the most celebrated animals on the internet especially when every fact about them is a hit fact they have three hearts they have blue blood they have beaks they have massive brains that are essentially wrapped around their esophagus yeah that's right if an octopus swallows a five dollar foot long it gets a concussion also did you know they could change their shape color and texture because they can take this plant here for instance oh i'm just kidding it's a octopus here is an octopus looking like a rock then changing its mind and looking like another plant unbelievable and that's not all some of these stealth bagpipes can go on full on animorphs the mimic octopus makes itself look like a living moving animal so it pulls all of its arms around behind its body and swims along like a poisonous flat fish called abandoned soul in other cases if it's getting attacked it puts six arms down a hole and raises the other two arms to look like a poisonous sea snake that has bands along its body norman is not always sure exactly what the mimic is doing [Music] he observed this mimic scuttling along the sea bottom looking something like a furry turkey with human legs yes so left to its own devices the mimic octopus is hanging out on the bottom of the ocean inventing new pet ideas a furry turkey with human legs give it to me come on what other animal has camouflage close to that chameleons the out of here i can see it right there what are you gonna do chameleon slowly turn a different shade of green you're garbage unless hold on holy it was an octopus the whole time clever beautiful clever girl but some octopuses don't need to morph into other animals to be impressive some live an effortlessly majestic life like the wonderpus photogenicus seen here absolutely thriving no exaggeration there's an octopus called the wonderful photogenicus it's hands down the best sequence of words i have ever come across there are exactly two things that you are legally allowed to call that thing wonder photogenicus and queen both followed immediately by can i get you anything here is one fact about human beings i think about all the time none of us are remotely interesting to look at when we're just existing the most dynamic looking among us put a massive amount of work in just to be borderline presentable but for the most part we all look like nothing just nothing at our absolute best we're a bunch of tubes just lazily detailed tubes i hate looking at humans they're all bad but the wonderpus photogenicus strutting gracefully through a group of garden eels she's a parade now i know what you're thinking you're thinking keep talking about octopuses john you're doing great i am i will thank you because did i mention octopuses are also smart this octopus learned to take two coconut halves and turn itself into a rolling tank two use tool use and they're not just smart you also get the sense that some octopuses think we are idiots back in the 1950s researchers tried to train three octopuses to pull a lever in exchange for food two of them did so but one of them named charles spent his time in the study destroying the equipment and repeatedly squirting the experimenter with water charles was a very good octopus and we should be learning about him in school we should learn everything about octopuses because every single fact or video about them is great even the weird ones take this deeply disturbing video of a man who let a cute small octopus crawl in and out of his mouth and i should warn you the video you're about to see contains exactly what i just said it does now is that pleasant to watch no of course it isn't but you know who i'm not mad at there the octopus that octopus did nothing wrong in fact the only way that video could have been improved is if that man died that is how i feel i don't have anything against that indisputably stupid man i just think that it would be funny if he went swimming saw an octopus encourage the octopus to slide into his dumb mouth filmed it and then just died forever i think it would lead to some incredible conversations uh scuba trevor's funeral is today he choked on an octopus oh my god are you going to sue the restaurant where it happened it's actually more complicated than that based on the information i have so far i disagree please say more he was swimming and opened his mouth and got an octopus to crawl inside and then he couldn't get the octopus out of his mouth because octopuses are strong and also he was using one of his hands to film the whole thing okay then i thought i had lots of questions but it's really just two uh can i see that footage immediately and is that hero octopus okay now thankfully for our purposes that guy is fine probably partly because octopuses are curious and not remotely malevolent despite what you might gather from sensationalized news stories like geologists beaten up by angriest octopus on the beach do you want to see the footage in question there of course you do here it is oh gully yeah golly indeed now i know that some people could use videos like that as an argument that octopuses are jerks but honestly if there are two parties on a beach and one films the other party without permission who's being the real jerk there it is the point of view of this show and youtube and hbo and whatever massive mega company currently owns us that the guy filming that is the jerk and sends him in for a penny i hope that man's dead too i do look there is so much more to know about octopuses i didn't even get into the fact that the giant pacific octopus has as many as 2 240 suction cups that can grip objects and also taste you think thumbs are such a big deal thumbs call me when you can taste 2 000 slices of pizza without getting your mouth involved you're idiot but look look america and to some extent the world all i've been trying to say in this piece and in a way my entire life is that octopuses are cool cats have dominated the internet for far too long and it is past time the octopuses get their turn that's it that's my whole argument here octopuses are great i don't have some big call to action i'm not going to bring out a giant octopus mascot although that is a good idea i should get on that instead i just hope that this video helped you appreciate octopuses a little more than you did when it started thank you so much for watching we'll be back july 25th unless i get murdered by an octopus before then and god i hope so bye

Channel: LastWeekTonight

Views: 3,967,553

Keywords:

Id: aSZ-hogD8mg

Length: 9min 5sec (545 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 11 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/VarenDerpsAround]

Let's get Kraken.

[u/SoVerySleepy81]

Petition to change the sub icon to an octopus. I think John would approve.

[u/XipingVonHozzendorf]

So, it is confirmed now that John Oliver is in fact just an octopus using a reverse diving suit made out of a giant lego man, right?

[u/wjbc]

Share this with r/octopus.

[u/Ecuadorable]

Octopuses are amazing! I'm just going to copy/paste a comment I wrote about a month ago about how absolutely cool they are:

Marine biologist here! Octopuses are amazing creatures. Did you know that despite being amazing camouflage artists, octopus eyes are actually colorblind, and instead they see color with their skin? They mimic their environment based on the brightness and contrast of their surroundings, and can "see" colors due to sensory neurons in their skin cells. Their skin is amazing; they can change color through use of two types of cells (chromatophores and iridophores), which are essentially stretchy sacs of color that expand and contract based on what kind of camouflage the octopus wants to have. Octopuses also have three hearts, and are so intelligent that aquariums have to give octopuses puzzles to keep them sane.

Fascinating studies have shown that octopuses can learn from observation; one octopus watching another work it's way through a maze can then race through the maze on its own turn! They're also pretty badass - check out this video of an octopus taking down a shark (though maybe keep it on mute).

Don't even get me started on crazy octopus sex facts. Octopuses really are something else.

[u/I_A_M_N_0_1]

That's not even getting into how octopuses are born. Look it up, it's one of the saddest things imaginable.

[u/justaREDshrit]

Thanks John, yeah they are cool and would say there smarter then some of the people I meet on the street daily.

[u/locks_are_paranoid]

How dare John criticize Octopuses Garden, that's one of my favorite Beatles songs.

[u/shiveringjemmy]

My only complaint is the lack of other cephalopods. Flamboyant cuttlefish.