>>> BEING A NEW CAST MEMBER AT "SNL," YOU GET A LOT OF ADVICE. >> ADVICE FROM FRIENDS, FAMILY, VETERAN CAST MEMBERS, EVEN LORNE. LORNE TOLD ME, "DON'T DO TOO MUCH IN THE FIRST COUPLE SHOWS." >> LET THE AUDIENCE DISCOVER YOU AND GET TO KNOW YOU. >> UNTIL WE FIND WRITERS WHO UNDERSTAND MY VOICE, MY ODD HAUNTING VOICE. >> HE TOLD ME TO JUST BE ME. TO TRUST MY INSTINCTS FROM STAND-UP. AND I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE AN AUDIENCE. HE WAS REALLY SWEET ABOUT IT. >> SEE? THIS IS ALL KIND OF CRAZY TO HEAR, BECAUSE ON DAY ONE, LORNE TOLD ME WHEN HE OFF, AND HE SAID, "MOLLY, THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON YOU ARE HERE. I NEED YOU TO KILL VLADIMIR PUTIN." HE ASKED YOU IF HE'S GONE. HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY, THE SERIAL NUMBERS HAVE BEEN SCRATCHED OFF. HE'LL NEVER TRACE IT BACK TO US." I'M LIKE, "US?" >> I, FOR ONE, HAD SAID, "DON'T EXPECT TO SEE IN A BUNCH OF SKETCHES RIGHT AWAY." >> LORNE SAID TO REALLY TAKE MY TIME. YOU KNOW, MAYBE, DON'T EVEN WRITE A SKETCH UNTIL CHRISTMAS. >> MY UNCLE SAID, "MAKE SURE TO GET AN ACCOUNTANT, AND WATCH HIM, BECAUSE SOMEBODY WILL TAKE MY MONEY." >> I TOLD LORNE, "PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS. I WOULD RATHER BE ON SKETCHES, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE TO DO." AND LORNE GOES, "EVERYBODY HAS DONE SKETCHES, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WILL FERRELL AND ADAM SANDLER NEVER DID? KILL VLADIMIR PUTIN." I TOLD HIM TO WAIT. I TOLD MY AGENT ABOUT THIS. >> DAVID SPADE CALLED AND SAID, "CONGRATS ON YOUR FIRST UPDATE FEATURE. WE'RE BOTH FROM ARIZONA, SO THAT WAS REALLY COOL." >> I GOT FLOWERS FROM KRISTIN WIIG. I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S INSANE." I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE SHE KNOWS WHO I AM. >> I GET A CALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. IT'S FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE, JOHN KERRY. AND HE SAID, "COME ON, LORNE. CAN YOU BE HERE IN 10 MINUTES WITH YOUR BAGS PACKED?" I'M THINKING, "PACKED WITH WHAT?" >> I FEEL LIKE HE WAS PART OF A LARGER FAMILY, ALL OF A SUDDEN. I SAW MY PHOTO ON THE SAME WALL WITH EDDIE MURPHY. I MEAN, "THAT'S CRAZY." >> YOU KNOW, I SAW MY PHOTO ON THAT I WAS RECOGNIZED AND THEY THOUGHT THAT I WAS KEENAN, BUT THAT IS OKAY. >> AND LORNE SAID, WE CAN GET YOU TO RUSSIA, BUT I CAN'T GUARANTEE THAT WE WILL GET YOU OUT. AND SO, I GET TO LORNE'S AT 4:00 A.M. IT'S JOHN KERRY, BILL GATES AND, WEIRDLY, KELLY RIPA. WE'RE INSIDE. WE CAN GET YOU TO RUSSIA, BUT WE CAN'T PROMISE WE CAN GET YOU OUT. AND I REALLY WANT TO BE ON "SNL," SO I'M JUST, LIKE, NODDING MY HEAD AND SAYING, "ANYTHING YOU SAY, SIR." AND KELLY RIPA IS REALLY SWEET. SHE LIKE, "WHATEVER HAPPENS, JUST KNOW YOUR FAMILY WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF." BUT LIKE, IS KELLY RIPA GOING TO PAY FOR MY FUNERAL? >> I'M WORKING ON A SKETCH THIS WEEK AND LORNE SAID, "DON'T RUSH INTO IT." HE SAID, "EVEN IF I'M NOT IN ANY SKETCHES FOR THE FIRST YEAR OR TWO, THAT'S FINE." >> I TOLD LORNE I WAS WORKING ON A SKETCH FOR ME AND MOLLY, AND HE JUST, KIND OF, STARED OFF INTO THE DISTANCE AND SAID, "IF WE EVER SEE MOLLY AGAIN." I KNEW THAT AIN'T FEEL RIGHT. >> I'M THROWN IN BACK OF A VAN. I HEAR A MILITARY GUY SCREAM, "IF SHE GETS CAPTURED OVER THERE, SHE IS ON HER OWN." AND I WANT HER TO BE LIKE -- IT'S ACTUALLY LIKE -- IT'S ACTUALLY "THEY," NOT "SHE." BUT IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE THE RIGHT MOMENT FOR THE PRONOUN TALK. THEN WE DRIVED STRAIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT AT, LIKE, 150 MILES AN HOUR AND I'M LIKE, "WHOA!" THE HOURS AT "SNL" IS REALLY ARE CRAZY. >> WE WERE TEXTING EACH OTHER THE FIRST WEEK LIKE, "GOOD LUCK," "BREAK A LEG," AND THEN MOLLY TEXTED, "I HAVE TO KILL." IT'S LIKE, "DON'T PUT THAT KIND OF PRESSURE ON YOURSELF." >> YOU REALIZE THERE'S THIS WHOLE COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE WHO WORK AT "SNL," AND WE'RE ALL JUST HERE TO DO COMEDY. EXCEPT, APPARENTLY, MOLLY. >> THE VAN SCREECHES TO A HALT. THEY THROW ME ON TO A DOCK, RIP OFF THE HOOD. AND I'M LIKE, "IS THIS THE PANAMA CANAL?" THEN A GUY WALKS UP IN A SAFARI HAT AND A WHITE MUSTACHE. I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS LORNE'S TWIN BROTHER, AND HE SAYS -- [ SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE ] THEN THEY DRIVE AWAY, AND I GO TO CALL AN UBER, BUT I CAN'T USE MY PHONE BECAUSE THEY BURNT MY BETTER BREAD PHONE. >> AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU'LL HAVE TO REALIZE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE GOOD SHOWS AND BAD SHOWS. LAST WEEK, I GOT ON WEEKEND UPDATE. THIS WEEK, I GET TO PLAY KANYE WEST. YOU JUST HAVE TO ENJOY THE RIDE. >> EXACTLY. DON'T TRY TO WRITE OR PITCH IDEAS. DON'T EXPECT ANYONE TO PUT YOU IN SKETCHES OR GIVE YOU A COMPUTER OR AN OFFICE OR AN I.D. SO YOU GET INSIDE THE BUILDING. YOU JUST GOT TO CHILL AT HOME. >> AND BE MORE EXCITING THAT THERE ARE FOUR NEW CAST MEMBERS SO WE CAN EXPERIENCE IT TOGETHER. >> LONG STORY SHORT, MOST OF MY FIRST WEEK AT "SNL" IS ABOUT CONNECTING BUSES THROUGH CENTRAL AMERICA. BUT I MADE IT RIGHT BEFORE THE SHOW OPEN, AND JUST BEFORE THE COLD OPEN STARTED, LORNE CAME UP TO ME AND SAID, "MOLLY, I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU." AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE NEVER MAKE CAST MEMBERS KILL PEOPLE. I THOUGHT THAT WAS REALLY COOL. KILL OSAMA BIN LADEN? NOW I GOT A TASTE FOR IT.
