Never Become Someone’s Option (You Deserve More) | MJ Harris

hey everybody come on in here come on in here let me tell you let me tell you this topic today you see it you see it it says you deserve to be more than someone's option let me tell you I'm gonna go in on this topic all right you know how they say you've been a you've been around the block before baby on this topic I have been around the block I have built the block I was the urban planner on it okay I know this topic all too well and Cynthia from Atlanta Georgia and I just love Atlanta I love Atlanta Georgia she wrote in about this and I'm gonna go ahead and I'm going to go over this topic for you cuz this is oh whoa this is a good one race day he said go in ray I'm gonna go in I really am because let me tell you this is something that I understand and I hear so many people writing about this I always say I choose topics base what's going to be most relevant for folks what's gonna really touch as many people as possible so if you're watching right now first of all click like second of all click share' make sure other people see this cuz they're people in your life who need to see this alright you make sure you click like and click share cuz there's someone who needs this alright so I'm gonna jump right on it alright y'all keep on coming in here while reading this it says this is from Cynthia in Atlanta Georgia she says I've been seeing a really nice guy for the past nine months we spend a lot of time together have a lot in common spend the night together almost regularly and I've even met some of his close friend family and friends and he's messing mine as well all seems to be going well but he still isn't ready to commit I am only seeing him but he says he is not ready to start a relationship with me also he is very vague when I ask if he is seeing other people to be honest I believe he is seeing other people because some nights he goes ghost with no explanation this man is everything I want he's handsome smart kind and loving so I've been willing to wait on him but it's hard MJ I don't want to miss out on a good thing but I also don't want to wait indefinitely for a man what should I do Cynthia in Atlanta Georgia all right let me tell you this Cynthia um I love how you start this out with saying he's a nice guy you start off by saying he's a nice guy I think sometimes we give nice guys and good women a little too much credit somebody can be really nice but that doesn't mean that they're nice for you all right I always say the same dog that can lick your hand can also bite it all right just because someone has good qualities does not mean that they don't have the capability to hurt you and sometimes that capability to hurt you is not based on intentionality or recklessness it's based on the fact that where they're at their life and how they choose to get their needs met it doesn't it doesn't coincide with what your personal needs are right so you're saying he's a nice guy means absolutely nothing to me Cynthia what I'm focused on in this moment in time is the fact that you've given nine months of your life to someone who frankly is proven that they are not ready for what you want need or desire right so here's my thing I'm not about rushing into things at all but I also do recognize that usually within the first two to three days the first two to three interactions with anybody rather is dating business whatever you know what your instincts are telling you you know if this person has the capability to potentially be something that could be great for you you can spot if they have some issues that could be a potential berry and how we know this and I want everyone who's watching us to think back on your last breakup the last time you got a relationship break down if you really think about the internet relationship be honest with yourself the issues that ended that relationship with those things that were new they just popped up at the end or were there signs of those issues are those potential issues at the beginning of the relationship right some of the stuff you thought was cute some of the stuff you thought you could get over some of the stuff you thought wasn't a big deal turned out to be a big deal right so what I'm saying is this if within nine months this gentleman is not clear about his desire to want to commit to you then baby doll you wasting your time with him let's talk about some of the signs and let me grab those things how much y'all to see I want to read off some of things let's just dissect this for me for a minute right here right she says she's been seeing him for nine months she said they spend a lot of time together have a lot of common spending together regularly and they even met one another's close friends and family that should start right here right so it's been nine months with him y'all are doing relationships stuff right you're spending a lot of time together you got a lot in common you spend the night together regularly we know what that means and y'all met family and friends right so you're doing all this relationship stuff right you're giving him access to you're putting him in the boyfriend zone right nothing wrong with that but here's the problem here's the problem he's not proving that he deserves to be within that zone so I want to skip ahead how we know that he's proven he doesn't deserve to be within that zone cuz he said he still isn't ready to commit and he's vague when you ask if he has seeing other people right so I live in Los Angeles California right and where I live beautiful beautiful area you know very fortunate to live in this in this particular area there's some homes over here that are very very very expensive I mean like Multi multi multi-million dollar homes if you want to go into some of those homes you can't just walk up and on an open house you can't just walk in there in order for you to even preview the home get this listen close right this is going to connect free it's gonna connect with you in order for you to preview the home here's what you got to do you got to show that you qualify so sometimes the Realtors will say can we get a letter from your accountant or from your attorney showing that you can afford this home they won't even let you preview the home until you've proven that you could afford it if the opportunity were available right here's the thing Cynthia you are giving him access to preview so you just spent in time with him you're spending the night with him and also he's meeting your close family and friends right but he's not shown that he's qualified for these things right so I'm not I'm out of the belief that you need to wait until you're in a full-blown relationship to do all the things that you've been doing not all means to do what you need to do but what I'm saying is is you should not be giving him boyfriend privileges until he's proven that he's qualified for them and if a man can't even tell you if he thought if he's only seeing you if he is people then can he be man enough to admit that to you if he isn't ready to commit can he tell you when he will be ready to commit or why he's not ready right now and what can happen in order to get him ready right so if he's not showing you that he's qualified to be in the boyfriend zone you should not be giving him previews to what it means to be your boyfriend you're giving him girlfriend previews and he's not proving that he's think he's even qualified to be in the boyfriend zone so that's my first thing right there right babydoll you're an option for him you're not sure for him I'm just gonna say it right there you're an option for him right I'm gonna tell you how I know it because he is been in town with other people your common sense and your instincts have told you that everybody listen this videos common sense and instinct to talk them that to let's be real alright he's spending time with other people no man just goes ghosted night you doing all these other things a responsible good man knows he's not gonna go goes why cuz he doesn't want you to be wondering about what he's out here doing everything like that but you're an option for him right now rather he is seeing a bunch of other people one other person or whatever it may be that's going on outside of you the bottom rung is that he's not made a decision that you're gonna be his focus and yet you keep on giving him time and giving him more time and giving him more time thinking some kind of that your time and devotion is gonna change his mind let me let you in on a little secret I went all they all listen very closely to this alright time does not change any person's heart alright you can wait on a man to get ready until you are blue in the face alright you can do all the things that you think you should be doing to make him want you you can wear the best clothes you can cook the best meals you can you can just you can just go crazy in the bedroom okay you can do all kinds of things that here's the bottom line time and all these other things all these other spectacles and and and antics are not going to make him ready he is where he's at and he decides to be ready and one thing I know to be true about men about everybody I can speak about men cuz I'm qualified to speak about men I am a man arrest I can I'm qualified to speak about the mindsets of men when a man knows what he wants he goes for it alright when a man knows what he wants he's gonna go for it so fast and so hard that you won't have to him down you gonna be pulling him pull the back side hold on baby let's go slow come on slow it down you know what I mean you're not gonna be pushing them up saying hello come on baby can we speed up can we speed up can we speed up you know sometimes we get word when a man seems to be rushing to pushing too hard but I think that's a good sign all right because here's the thing it's easier to slow a man down than it is to speed him up all right but the bottom line is that if he's not rushing towards you if he's not if he's not putting his full energy towards you if he's not telling you about his whereabouts in order to make sure that you're comfortable and confident in his character then baby doll you're an option for him right now you're not sure not what he's focused on right now I don't know who he's with I don't know what you do with other people it's really irrelevant you don't need to be worried or worried about an other what you need to be focused on is the fact that you deserve more than what he's able to give you like I said to get into this video being a nice guy is not enough being a nice guy is not enough honey there's plenty of nice guys out here who are breaking hearts there plenty of nice guys out here sending men and women into therapy every day there are plenty of nice guys out here give them plenty of folks baggage all right nice guys are in abundance cuz here's the thing you can't run over somebody you can't dog somebody you can't lead somebody on by being a jerk you gotta be a nice guy by default the people who can hurt you most him defeated nicest people because that's how they gonna attract you in the first place and that's how they're gonna keep you around so let go of oh he's nice he's this he's loving you that no it's not because it's not loving to lead you on he's not loving what he is is he's reckless what he is is that he's irresponsible what it is is that he's careless about your feelings because he feels truly a nice guy when he knew he wasn't ready he would have ended it with you all right that's what a nice guy does he says baby doll I know I can't give you what you want need and desire and I don't want to see you hurt and because I know you're not gonna let me go I'm gonna let you go because I know that's what's best for you a nice guy will hurt your feelings in order to preserve your heart all right simply coming around every day eating your cooking and spending time with these not being a nice guy that's simply a man who simply is enjoying your company that's a man who's got common sense enough to enjoy a good thing baby but you need a man who's gonna cherish you not just a nice guy all right that's what you need Cynthia you need so much more than that and I'm telling this to justyou Cynthia I'm telling us that every single person out there who's watching this video sit the relationship you just been into for nine months is there people relationships for nine years multiple years with folks who frankly cannot give them what they want all right you are an option to that person when I say you're an option that doesn't always mean that he's out here with other people what it means is that he's not committed to you mentally as that person that he wants to build a future with he still is keeping his mindset open to say well maybe something else will come up you know how we say we say you got one foot out the door all right you can have one foot out the door without being with somebody else it's about mentally mentally not being attached to the person that's in front of you here's the thing I'm gonna put it right out there I'm about monogamy I'm about commitment that's not to talk down about anything else but that's all I know that's all I know how to do all right and so I'm coming at it from that mindset right and what I believe to be true is that when you find a good thing right when you find a good man a good woman you put your energy into that person and you do everything in your power to let them know that you this is your value that you appreciate their value and that you want to do everything in your power to keep them there and subbies it and to be there all right let me tell you this I do know that there are seven billion people in the fence or I can tell you that that that's the kind of person who you can truly connect with and truly love and who truly loves you back those kinds of people are not just overflowing they're not just they're not just all over the place right so when you find somebody who's really a good thing as a man we're going to commit to that we're gonna do everything in our power we're not even done with us with the date we're on and we're playing the next day hey baby what are you doing next week all right you know we're thinking about you in the future I gotta say what a man really wants you you got to slow him down you got to slow him down you don't have to speed him up so if he truly was here for you it would not have taken nine months for him to commit all right I'm just telling you that right now I'm telling you like it is all right even if y'all didn't have titles he still wouldn't be with other people all right you don't have to have a title to be committed and knowing that you are only focused on him and he knows that could you told him it right knowing that you are only focused on him for him to still be out there running the streets baby no you deserve so much more than this Cynthia all right so I hope you take this advice in and I hope you take it to heart and here's one more thing here's one more thing and I want you to listen very closely to everyone who's watching this Cynthia you especially I want you to listen very very closely to this it is absolutely critical that you let go of this man and that you allow yourself to grieve in this relationship and start healing because here's the problem he hid the risk that we're running up against all right the longer you hold on to him with him not giving you what you know you deserve the longer you do that the more pain is gonna be caused within you and that pain is gonna turn to baggage right and here's the problem baggage it's got to be unpacked but unfortunately those bags often don't get unpacked or dealt with until when our next relationship so what ends up happening is that you finally decide to let him go and then the universe God however you want to view it reward you with a new man but you're not ready to receive that good new man because you still got the baggage of mr. non-committal sitting right here right the longer you allow this man to stay in your life the longer you continue to let that man get in your bed the longer you allow that man to continue to saturate your heart the more bags you are allowing that man to put in your life there's a whole lot of broken women and men out here and they're not broken because they were in a relationship with the wrong man they're broken because they were in the relationship with the wrong man for too long you hear what I'm saying brokenness comes from holding on to something that you ain't got no business holding on to like I said before it's like holding on to a sharp knife and continue to hold on to the more you hold on to it and the tighter you hold on to the horse will cut into your hand baby you gotta let him go release some surface so you can start to heal and start to move on so that's what I'm telling you it's critical that you let him go because I will tell you this the pain of letting go of something that's not holding onto you it's much less than the pain of trying to make something work that will never work or right you will end up so damaged and so broken if you keep on holding on to this man trust God trust the universe trust in the abundance of all the good things that are out here waiting on you let this man go because when you heal let me tell what's gonna happen when you get when you heal right first of all you gonna let her go let's just walk through a process right before we wrap up this one you're gonna let him go and it's gonna be hard all right it's gonna be real hard right cuz he ain't gonna want to be let go up all right so when you let him go baby don't do it in person that's my Lodge right here some people say oh you need to use dude in person that's considered no you should not it would it would be considered for him not to lead you one continue to get in your bed in your heart knowing good and well that he's not ready to commit to you all right so consideration is not as not at play here you let him go with some distance alright because clearly he knows the power he has over you so don't do it in person all right cuz next you know you get the touching on you and all that kind of stuff it in your mind goes somewhere else and you wake up the next morning saying well what happened I thought it was Libra waking up I thought so is he breaking up with him last night now cooking breakfast this morning right so you do it over the phone right and you don't make it long you say honey I love you but I recognize that we're not in the same place you can't give me what I need right now and I recognize that so I'm going to make a decision to end this right then get off the phone you don't need to respond you don't even have response yet anything he said in that moment is a reaction there you only it alright cuz he's want to try to convince you otherwise say well why see here's what why is why is trying to get you to try to give him resources information so you can dissect it and figure out how he convinced you otherwise I'm telling you this all right so don't get into why just say you know let's talk about this little later I'll reach out to you when I'm ready and then we can talk about it but for right now I just need to go get off the phone all right then what's gonna happen is you won't feel real bad all right you I'm feeling powerful my [ __ ] but you won't feel real bad but I want you to in that moment in time is good voice recorder or get out a pad of paper and I want you to either record yourself talking about why you ended this and what you deserve in a man or write it down right because you need to get that out while those feelings are fresh because then your tough moments when you're tended to the late night text them when you tense it to send them a social media mean to say hey I thought of you I need you like this joke when you attempted to reach out to him and try to reconnect with him that voice recording here in your own voice reminds you of why you ended it with him or reading that thing in your and your journal to say why you ended up with him and what you deserve that's what's gonna anchor you back to reality so you can stay strong alright here's another suggestion because I don't remember nobody's phone number take the phone number out your phone right write it down someplace put it somewhere else but don't leave it in your phone right because here's the thing if it's in your phone you can easily access it and call them a protects them if you need to reach out to him you need to go through some work to find the phone here's another thing you can do give his phone number to your good judy to your good friend and say you hold on to this right because I don't need it in my president that way in order to call him or we shot them you got to go through that Judy or that friend so you say that's how you get that's how you get girded up that's how you gird your loins for what's ahead cuz you're up for a fight baby but I'm gonna tell you're gonna be a victor in this whole thing here's what you do after that you want to go through some anger you're gonna go through some pain right my recommendation write a letter to him write a letter to him express that every feeling you had by him cuz you cuz in that pain of a breakup you won't realize you know what hey hey let me oh you know what all those nights I set up worried and waiting for him to call me back and he was probably in somebody's bad you will get mad and then when you talk to your good friends who wanted to tell you the truth fine but they was holding it back saying here girl I knew he was like that I had a feeling was and once they cuz they don't open up and finally tell you what they thought about him whoa you won't get mad as fire but let me tell you what you gotta do take those fields and channel them into channel one until like I'm and two and two I'm a letter to him and you put that in a letter to him and you've been here then you write out all you feels I mean you just get as ugly as you want to get in that letter but here's the key don't send it to him I'm gonna repeat this and listen very closely do not send that letter to him that letter is what we call cathartic alright the process of writing the letter is healthy for you cuz it's getting your feelings out of you it's not to get them over to him you take that letter and you burn that thing up if you got a fireplace and you can do it safely or you rip that thing up all right one way the other you dispose of it after you write it it's a release it's a release it's getting out of you all right and then what you do is you focus on what is one thing a week that you can do to improve your life and to make you into the type of woman that you truly desire to be to make you into the type of woman that can attract them to your life the kind of man that you know you do deserve maybe it's going ahead and get your fitness together right because although you're a beautiful woman at the end of the day you know that you walk with a certain walk and you deal with men in a certain kind of way when you look a certain way maybe you go do that maybe you go out and you don't go to spin up a ton of money but maybe I'll get yourself a nice outfit let me take this when I got the right pair of jeans on and the right shirt on y'all can tell me nothing all right y'all can't tell me nothing I'm telling you it's something about a nice outfit that boost you up so let me tell you this when I've had my heart broken that's what you will see me looking them best all right I'm gonna have this lineup done I mean winning just the right jeans that fit just right I'm gonna be wearing my nice shirts everything they're wearing my good jewelry never gonna be y'all not going catching these flippin with my heart is broken why because it's boosted up my self-esteem I'm not hunting for a new man I'm just making myself feel good that's not the day to walk around in my sweatpants you when you see mine in my sweatpants that's when everything's going well all right so that's what you do after that all right so you make sure that you that you nurture yourself and you pour into yourself so that you can walk with the level of confidence that's gonna attract the kind of man that you want to you're like here's the final separate right I want you to listen very closely to this one all right when you come across a man who's nice and just seems like I'd be interested in going on maybe he's just attractive mean you're just interested go out with them go out with him don't deprive yourself saying what no I need some time to heal and to and to be with myself and I feel like that that's a mistake I think a lot of times people make nothing I'm not saying there aren't times we need to be alone or right but here's the thing what you want is a committed relationship what you want is a potential marriage what you want is someone who can father your children with you right what she that's what you want he didn't fit the profile for that he he addition and didn't get the role but that doesn't mean that you stop casting for the role my dear so you need to keep on going out with people depriving yourself from access to potential suitors it is not going to is not going to heal you all right depravity is not a path to healing so you go out on dates because if not even if the date isn't the right fit for you it's gonna boost your confidence it's a knife that gives you some nice confidence when a man is taken out to dinner giving you some confidence giving you some compliments and things like that so you go out with them and who knows you may cry with somebody you may say you know what we're better off as friends you know being his friend well guess what he may have friends he can introduce you to or something like that I have little then this happened me where I've gone on a date with somebody said you know what we wouldn't be a good fit but I ended up introducing him to one of my exes and they were together for years you know and what am i I said what am i one of my friends I just introduced them there and they were together for years and so long story short long story short I just feel like don't deprive yourself put yourself out there make sure that you open yourself up to what's more will you be hurt yeah but well you can get to know somebody while you still got a little broken heart let me tell you this there's nothing nice and to distract you from a broken heart there's somebody who's who is seemingly gonna mend that heart and offer you something nice and new alright sometimes broken hearts just need time they just need time all right I love it I should say she said by Jerome by Jerome so that's my feeling about this so anyway if you all love love love this message all right and I think you did I think he thinks I've seen these comments come up here I want you to sign up for my ready for love boot camp all right it actually starts tomorrow and my successor who you can sign up with at wwm Jay Harris success circle that's M Jay Harris success circle com some of y'all do me a favor right that ain't exactly saying things I think maybe it's my accent some people are understand sometimes when I'm trying to spell things out so right in here w WM J Harris success circles so other people can see it and click on alright y'all help me I'll do that so go ahead and click like click Share make sure other people see this message if you are not a follower of Malcolm J Harris what baby you got a preview the kind of things I do I'd let you have it alright I give you honesty I give you transparency ID lessons from my own life all right I've no holds barred you know why because I believe that my purpose here on this earth is to help people help people to live limitless lives and I use my own life and my own lessons as a platform for that so I want you go ahead and go to my facebook page and go ahead and click like on that page click file on that page that way you can see all the updates let me tell you I got so many things coming up got so many videos hundreds of videos all right you go through them all right why you driving to work while you're sitting at home you go through my videos I guarantee there's a message in there for you and when you see a message that's applicable for one of your friends you go ahead and you share to them you tagged them on it you know what I mean and let them see it alright we have just built a beautiful community of people out here all of them all that folks who are team MJ let me tell you y'all like helped us so many people when you share my videos and I appreciate it so much so thank you thank you thank you - Cynthia and Atlanta baby I love you to death stop being that man's option know that you are worth so much more than what he's willing to offer you and like I said before he can be a nice guy but every nice guy is not good for you all right baby so you have a good one and Thanks for writing in Cynthia all right folks bye-bye

Channel: undefined

Views: 161,565

Rating: 4.9754415 out of 5

Keywords: MJ Harris, Malcolm MJ Harris, derrick jaxn, Matthew Hussey, financial advice, dating advice, career advice, Malcolm Harris, financial services, don't be second best, don't be an option, mj harris relationships, relationship advice, get the girl, get the guy, commitment, self worth, how to move on, mj harris speaks, mj harris inspiration, mj harris empowerment, powerful motivational video, motivational speaker, life coach, personal life coaching, building confidence

Id: lZKUiNYZGdg

Length: 24min 38sec (1478 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 08 2017

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[u/Kristeninmyskin]

I know FDS is reluctant to endorse any male dating guru because they still tend to be male-serving, but this guy is gay and very ‘take no shit’ from men, and encouraging women to do the same. I have an assertive (masculine energy?) personality and find his tips on how to soften and bring more feminine energy to the table helpful. I want to politely set my boundaries and put my foot down without coming off as abrasive.

[u/Littlebunny080]

”Hi ladies, first time posting on reddit. I've been watching MJ's videos for days now and I thought about you my queens. We truly need to hear what he's saying. Follow him on YouTube or Insta he's really inspiring”

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[u/SunflowerinVirgo0903]

I actually adore MJ. He understands and loves women- he is a gift!

[u/achelois_healer]

I could listen to him talk all day! 🙏🏼